Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

A s she approached Worcester House, Judith noticed that the light was on at the dower house. She alighted from the carriage and headed that way. She hadn't visited the dower house in some while, not since she'd helped her stepmother move into it weeks ago, but tonight she could not stop herself from walking the few paces to the small structure and knocking on the door.

She'd expected the butler or a maid to answer, but to her surprise, it was Matilda herself who answered, looking surprised but pleased to see her.Her auburn hair was down, cascading over her shoulders, as she had clearly settled in for the night.

Judith was struck by how young and pretty her stepmother looked in this relaxed state. It occurred to her just how remarkable it was that Matilda, at such a young age, had already endured the loss of two husbands.A tragedy, really at any age, but Matilda was not yet forty. In addition, she never had a child of her own, and at this stage, she never might.

"Judith, my dear!" Matilda exclaimed, stepping aside to let her in. "What a surprise! Come in, come in."

"I beg your pardon. I did not keep you from anything, did I? I saw the light was on."

"No, not at all. I often do not sleep until the early morning hours. I just got up to make a cup of tea. Would you like one? I've made it myself, so I cannot speak for the quality. I do not like to keep the staff up in case I need something, so I dismissed them hours ago," Matilda said.

Judith blinked, she hadn't been aware her stepmother was so self-sufficient. Somehow, she'd always looked at her as someone who needed servants for everything.

She entered the cozy sitting room, where the fire crackled warmly in the hearth. As Judith sat, her stepmother poked the fire, adding another log—another activity she'd never seen her undertake.

"How are you, dear? And how was the ball?" Matilda asked, her eyes filled with genuine concern.

Judith spotted a steaming cup on one of the small tables and a book. Was this how her stepmother spent her nights? Reading by the fire? It was peaceful and quiet, and yet the silence in the house invoked loneliness.

Judith took a moment to collect her thoughts. "It was nice," she replied, her voice soft. "I danced a lot."

Matilda smiled warmly. "I'm glad to hear that. You deserve some enjoyment. I remember those nights at Almack's. My feet would hurt so much that I needed to soak them the next day."

The evening had stirred something within Judith—emotions and reflections on her own desires for freedom and choice. Hearing about Lady Lundgren's arranged marriage and Aaron's longing for freedom had made her think of her stepmother.

"I… I'm not sure why I'm here," Judith admitted. "But somehow, I felt like I should come."

Matilda's smile softened at her words. "I'm always here for you, Judith. You know that. Did something happen at the ball?"

Judith nodded, taking a deep breath. "The ball was nice, but there was an incident with a gentleman who tried to ruin me."

Instantly, Matilda's expression turned furious. She stood up, her posture rigid with anger. "Who was it?" she demanded. "I will have a word with him."

Judith felt a surge of warmth at Matilda's protective reaction. She had never thought of her as a replacement for her mother, but it was clear from her fierce reaction that Matilda saw herself as just that.Judith's heart filled with warmth for the woman, though at the same time a fierce longing for her mother.

"Please, do not worry yourself. Aaron—the Duke handled it. But in any case, it was a man named Thomas Cornell," she said quietly. "He tried to warn me about Aaron. You see, his sister and Aaron were once engaged, and he took the end of the engagement rather hard. I told him that I was following my brother's lead. He was rather upset when he understood I had no intention of listening to him, and thus he tried to ruin me."

Matilda's eyes blazed with fury. "How dare he! I will not let this go unaddressed. What would cause such venom from a young man? It is unconscionable."

"He was upset with His Grace, and I suppose his anger drove him to seek revenge on me… But I… I'd rather not talk about it anymore. It is behind me." Judith wetted her lips, her thoughts swirling around the events of the evening when she raised her head and faced Matilda. "May I ask you something you might find too personal?"

Matilda's curiosity was piqued. "Of course, my dear. We are family, you can ask me anything. What is it?" She sat down again, her anger dissipated now that Judith had changed the topic.

Judith hesitated, then asked, "Can you tell me about your first marriage?"

Matilda's eyebrows shot up, taken aback, but she settled back into her seat. "Of course. What has brought this on?"

Judith took a deep breath. It was time to tell her stepmother what she had learned. Indeed, she would have been wise to open up to her long ago.

"Oliver wants me to get married, and that's why Aaron—the Duke of Nottingham—has been helping me to make that happen. Oliver tasked him with this before he left because he is eager to see me wed. He told me that my father wrote him a letter in which he conveyed that if he were to die, he'd want Oliver to find me a husband as soon as possible, should I remain unwed. He left us all letters, as you know."

Matilda's eyes softened, and her features contorted as the grief she'd suppressed resurfaced. "Judith, you must know this—your father was very worried about your unwed status. He would have protected you always, even if you'd chosen to remain unmarried, but deep down he wished you'd marry someone. Someone you love."

"That's what I want too," Judith confessed, her voice catching. "But it hasn't happened yet, and I know now that Oliver will force me. He said that's what Father wrote in his letter."

Matilda shook her head, her auburn hair catching the light from the fireplace. "Oh, Oliver… No. That's not what your father wanted, Judith. I know what he wrote in the letter—he showed it to me. I also saw the letter he wrote to you and John. Oliver has misinterpreted the letter's intention. Your father wanted him to reassure you and help you find a husband, but not by force."

Judith felt a surge of relief. She'd been so worried that her father thought her a failure that it had weighed on her heavily. "I thought he was disappointed in me."

"Never. Judith, your father was proud of you. He wanted nothing but happiness for all three of you. He did not believe in arranged marriages after the unfortunate events with your friend, Joanna," Matilda said, referencing the brief, unfortunate period when the late Marquess had been so desperate that he'd almost agreed to an arrangement with the much, much younger Joanna Blackmore—now the Duchess of Wells. "I hope you did not go around these last few days thinking anything else."

Judith pressed her lips together, not wanting to look her in the eyes because that was exactly what she'd worried about. Not that she felt bad for doubting her father's intentions. He'd been a kind, loving man—of course, he would not have wanted to force her into an arranged marriage.

"It may not have been what he wanted, but that's how Oliver took it, and now I'm stuck. I've even been considering a gentleman just to appease him. I met Lord Pembroke tonight, someone I thought was charming, and I'm considering courting him, though it's not what I want."

Matilda's expression grew thoughtful. "I'm familiar with Lord Pembroke. He is nice enough to talk to, but he has a roving eye. Be cautious with him."

Judith felt a knot of frustration tightening in her chest. Of course, there was something the matter with the man. Although the odd thing was that her thoughts instantly drifted to Aaron. Hadn't he said Lord Pembroke was a good choice? Did he know about this roving eye? Or had he not been around Lord Pembroke long enough or often enough to notice this?

"Thank you for telling me, but, Matilda, what if I can't find anyone? What if I'm forced into a marriage I don't want?"

Matilda reached out, taking Judith's hands in her own. "If that happens, I will speak to Oliver myself and make sure he does not force you into marriage. And if he persists, you can move out and stay with me here at the dower house."

Judith chuckled softly, the tension easing slightly. "That's not a very far escape. I can see the dower house from my chamber."

Matilda smiled, her eyes twinkling. "That makes it more convenient. But on a serious note, by law, the dower house is mine, and your father provided for me handsomely by way of jointure. As you know, jointure is a financial arrangement made for a widow, ensuring she is well looked after. I have enough to support us both. You will be looked after one way or the other."

Judith felt a wave of relief wash over her. "Thank you, Matilda. I needed to hear that. Although I do hope I won't have to make use of your kindness."

She knew she was truly blessed by the women in her life. Her stepmother's kind offer followed on the heels of Joanna and Rosy's offer to have their husbands speak to Oliver on her behalf. She had people on her side, that she knew. And yet it wasn't over. Not by far.

Matilda squeezed her hands reassuringly. "You are not alone, Judith. Your father wanted you to find happiness, not to be forced into something that doesn't bring you joy. You see, you asked about my first marriage. I was forced into it. I was miserable. Every. Single. Day. It is not the Christian thing to say, but it was a relief when he departed this world so young. It allowed me to breathe."

Judith looked at her with curiosity, for such talk was rare among their peers.

"Your father knew this, and combined with his own experience with the Duchess of Wells, he became determined not to make you do anything against your will. A marriage based on love is the only kind that can truly endure, I am certain of it. Though I did not get the chance to truly test this, as my poor Marcus…" Matilda's voice broke, and she looked away to compose herself. "Anyhow, those are my thoughts on the matter."

Judith sat there for a little while, taking in her stepmother's words, when she thought back to Aaron's assessment of marriages earlier at the ball.

"Matilda," she began hesitantly. "Do you think marriages, even happy ones, become boring after a while? That is what Aaron told me."

Matilda's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Oh, His Grace has never been in love, that is quite clear. No, dear, marriage can be many things, and boring doesn't have to be one of them. It depends on the people involved. If there's genuine affection and shared interests, it can be quite the adventure. I wonder what made him say this?"

Judith pondered this, her thoughts drifting back to Aaron and the conversation they had earlier. "Aaron said that his parents had a boring marriage. He is quite adamant about not getting married. It is why he ended his engagement to Lady Lundgren, among other things."

Matilda nodded slowly. "I see. It makes sense. Seeing a loveless marriage can leave a lasting impression. But it doesn't mean he won't change his mind if he finds the right person. I did not want to get married again until I met your father, and the same goes for you. You might be averse to marriage unless you find love, but when you find it, you will see marriage can be a true blessing. You see it in your friends, the Blackmore sisters."

Judith felt a flutter in her chest, quickly quashed by a surge of practicality. "I just want to make the right choice, not only to please Oliver but for my own happiness."

Matilda smiled warmly. "And you will, Judith. Trust your heart and don't rush into anything. Your father wanted you to be happy, and I believe you will find your way."

Judith felt comforted by Matilda's words. With her stepmother's support, she felt she could face the challenges ahead. The evening had brought unexpected revelations, but also a renewed sense of purpose. She wasn't alone in this journey, and that made all the difference.