Chapter Eleven

"Hey. Thought we weren't going to call tonight. Thought you were going to the football game with your friend."

"I changed my mind. Are you busy or something?"

"Me and the guys are going to grab dinner and shoot some pool or go to a club or something."

"Oh. I thought we could finally catch up."

"Sorry. I already made other plans."

"I don't have anything going on tomorrow. I can stay up and you can call me when you get in."

"I mean, it will be late."

"How late?"

"I don't know. It's not like we're on a set schedule."

"I get that. Who all is going?" I press, wondering if that girl will be there.

"There's not a list. People from our floor and building. What's with all the questions? If you want to ask me something, spit it out." His tone comes out exasperated and I try not to take it personally.

"Okay." I inhale, then exhale. "Who is the girl in the picture?"

"What picture?"

"The one you were tagged in from last night," I snap, hating myself for acting this way, yet unable to stop.

He murmurs something to someone that I can't quite hear. "I haven't looked. I'm sure lots of pictures were snapped. What's the big deal?"

"You had your arm around her, and I don't know…it seemed very friendly."

"Ah, I see what this is. You're missing me and a teensy bit jealous."

More like guilty. I keep that confession to myself.

"Maybe. A little. You know I want you to go out and have fun."

"I want the same for you. It's hard but going out helps take my mind off missing you."

"Seeing you with her…the way she was smiling at you. I didn't like it."

"I don't even remember putting my arm around her. It wasn't anything serious. I can untag myself or ask her to remove it."

"No. No. Then she'll be weird about it and realize that I said something. You're allowed to have friends. I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend who acts like guys can't have friends who are girls."

"Hey," I overhear a female voice in the background. "You guys coming or not?"

"Oh, I definitely plan to come," his roommate says, and bile shoots up the back of my throat.

There's some weird shuffling noise. "Sorry about that," Matt tells me with a chuckle that doesn't sound like he's sorry at all.

"Who was that?"

Matt sighs, heavily. "Come on, babe. This isn't you. There's no reason to be jealous. I'm not flirting with anyone. All I want is you. I'd much rather be spending the night watching a movie with you. You know that."

I sniffle, trying not to cry. "I do. I just hate not being able to see you."

"Me too. Maybe we can meet each other halfway or something. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Sure. I think I'll text Lauren and see if she wants to hang out after all."

"Good. You should." There's a loud thump, and he laughs. "Okay, I'm getting my shoes on. Damn. I've gotta go."

The call ends without an I love you.

Two seconds later, he's calling me back. I swipe to accept the call as tears stream down my cheeks. "Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hang up on you."

I don't respond, not wanting him to hear me cry and feel guilty for living his life. When my own guilt for kissing Kyson and secretly wanting to do it again claws at my chest.

"Are you there?"

"Ahem." I clear my throat. "Yeah," I say, my voice low enough to hide my sadness.

"I love you."

"Love you."

"I'll try to text you in a bit."

"Sounds good," I say, but once again, the call is already over.

Ugh. I shoot Lauren a text about the party.

You up for a party?

I'm on my way to the game. Want me to pick you up?

Please.

See you in fifteen.

I toss my phone onto the bed and move to my closet in search of something casual to wear that also makes a statement. What that statement is, I'm not sure. With limited time and options, I sweep my hair into a ponytail and grab a pair of flare legged jeans. I don't have school shirts, but there's someone else who does.

Kyson isn't home to ask permission. No one else is home to ask either. I haven't entered his room since we were younger. I doubt he'd really mind. It's not like I'm going to rifle through his things. I'm borrowing a shirt. It's not that serious. So why does it feel so deep as I set foot in his space? As soon as I open his door, the scent of him assaults my senses, wrapping around me like my favorite sweater. Feeling more like home than I've felt since my father died.

The first thing I notice is the poster hanging on the wall by his bed that shows a map of the town of Hawkins. I wouldn't have pegged him as a Stranger Things fan. Though when it comes to him, anything is possible. I don't know him anymore. Not in the way I used to, that is.

Five years ago, I could tell you that he hated all gummy candy but loved anything with caramel inside it. That he slept with a night light and collected Five Night's at Freddy's action figures. While he'd tell you I wanted to grow up to be a Disney Princess. He's clearly no longer that boy and I no longer believe in happy endings. No one is coming to save me. This beauty will have to be her own beast.

Only not today.

Tonight, I'm simply a girl going to a football game like many other high school students on a Friday night. I spot a white tee with our school's pirate emblem on the front. Quickly, I snatch the shirt off the hanger and return to my room, resisting the urge to snoop. Mainly because I don't have the time and the fact I wouldn't appreciate it if he did the same to me.

Lauren shows up right as I'm getting my shoes on. By the time we arrive at the game it's nearly half time, so we are only charged half price for our tickets.

"Sweet of you to support Kyson tonight," Lauren tells me as we navigate our way to the pep section of the bleachers, directly behind the band.

"What do you mean?"

"Your shirt. His name and number are on the back."

"Crap. I had no idea."

Lauren gloats. "Britney will lose her shit. Her and her friends had those made to wear to the homecoming pep rally last year."

Great. "I should change," I grumble, heat flaming across the apples of my cheeks. Britney already hates me.

"By the time we went back and forth, the game would be over. She probably won't notice."

Somehow, I doubt that, but I'm not going to argue. If I didn't have a target on my back, I do now in the form of a number twenty-five and the letters A L L E N in bold. Standing in the sea of students wearing Kyson's shirt, I feel like an outsider. At my old school, everyone knew everyone. My classmates had been with me since sixth grade. Here I'm hardly acquainted with a handful of people and I'm lost. Unsure of what the future holds for me and Matt.

How will I survive the next ten months?

How will I survive Kyson Allen?

The crowd goes wild as he scores a touchdown. Someone taps me on the shoulder, mistaking me for his girlfriend. "Your man is a fucking legend." He holds a palm up, expecting a high five.

I give him one as Lauren laughs. I try to pay attention to the game, but all I'm thinking about is Matt out at some bar with some girl who isn't me. Is he buying her drinks or holding her hand? When he looks at her, does he think about me?

I wonder because when Kyson kisses me, I turn into a fool with only eyes for him. My thoughts clouded and led by lust. A need so great and deep I could drown under his attention.

I watch him play and have to admit he's better than good. He's great. I get why people are so charmed and enamored by him. He's one of those people that have a magnetic pulse that draws you and everyone around them in.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight the pull.

I glance at my phone and see Matt has been tagged in more pictures with that girl. Jealousy seeps through my pores as a clammy sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.

Did he lie to me about how well he knows her?

I shove my phone in my back pocket and vow I'm not looking at it anymore tonight or I'll drive myself crazier than I am already going.

By the fourth quarter I can tell word of my shirt has reached Britney. I have knowledge of this because of the pinched expression on her face as she marches up the bleachers toward me with a posse of cheerleaders at her back.

I nudge Lauren in the ribs. "I think I'm about to get my ass kicked."

"Oh shit. She's all talk. Don't worry."

I try to keep that in mind and not pee my pants as she shoves her way toward me like a raging bull.

"Take it off," she demands.

"What?" I play dumb.

"That shirt is mine. I made it. Did Kyson put you up to this?"

"No. I wasn't informed it was yours when I borrowed it. I'll give it back to you on Monday."

"You know he's only using you. It's gross. He's your cousin."

Everyone around us has gone quiet to hear the show.

"Take it off." She grabs at me, but I push her off.

"Not that it is any of your business, but no, we are not related. And there is nothing going on between us. Not that I need to explain that to you, but I have a boyfriend."

"Does he know what a whore you are?"

"There's only one whore standing here, and I think we both can easily identify who that is. Didn't you fuck his best friend?" I taunt with a sickly sweet smile on my face as all the color drains from hers. I don't like being a mean girl, but I will be when warranted.

The band director starts making their way up the steps to where we are arguing. Britney glances back at him and lowers her voice. "You're lucky we're in public right now, but if I catch you anywhere else, I'm going to rip every hair from your head," she screeches and stomps back down the bleachers.

"Oh my God. I've never seen her so pissed. She must really hate you."

I shrug, pretending that the scene that just occurred isn't getting to me. "So, about this party…"

"Girl, you are crazy. You do know she's going to be there."

"We only live once, right?"

"Fair enough. Though maybe we should swing back by your house so you can change."

"Nope. It's the principle of it now." I smirk and hope that Britney really is all talk and no action. "My dad always taught me the only way to stop a bully is to beat them at their own game. They don't expect their target to fight back. People like Britney rule by fear and I'm not afraid of her. I refuse to let her win."

"I knew I was right about you," Lauren says.

"What do you mean?"

"When I met you, I simply knew that things around here were about to change. No one, and I mean no one, ever challenges Britney or her posse. She's been the queen around here since grade school."

"Change can be a good thing."