Chapter Ten

"Hey, you." I flop down onto my bed as Matt answers my call.

"You're alive," he mutters with a tone that tells me he's more than annoyed with me.

"It's been a crazy couple of days. I'm sorry I haven't been more responsive. It's just so much at once." Kyson is too much to handle.

"I get that. I was only worried. I don't mean to be a dick. It's killing me not to be able to hop into my car and drive over to your house whenever I want."

"I wish you could." I pick at a piece of thread on the edge of my pillowcase as I hug it to my chest. "I haven't even unpacked."

"Everyone treating you okay?"

"Yup. I mean, I've barely seen John and Helen. They're busy with work and stuff."

"And what's his name? Kyle. Is he being nice to you?"

My stomach does a flip at the thought of Kyson and how nice he is. "Kyson and he's fine. He's got his friends and football."

"No girlfriend?"

My mind flashes to Kyson kissing me. "Not sure. We haven't talked all that much." He's mostly had his tongue down my throat. "I made a new friend. Her name is Lauren. She's kind of taken me under her wing and been showing me the ropes around school and town."

"Good."

"Hey, man. You coming or what," some dude in the background asks.

"Do you need to go?"

"Yeah, I kind of agreed to check out this fraternity with my roommate."

"Oh. I thought you weren't interested in joining one."

"It's just a mixer, and he thought I could get out of the room and stop pissing and moaning about missing you."

"You should go."

"You sure?"

"Of course. You have to make friends and I guess it's part of the experience, right?"

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I'm going to the game with Lauren."

"Football?"

"Yup."

"Call me after."

"You bet."

"Love you."

"Love you, too." The call ends and I stare at the boxes that contain what's left of my former life. Unpacking feels like defeat. Like letting that part of me go. Letting go of my dad.

Should I be letting go of Matt, too?

I'm selfish. I'm aware I should tell him the truth. That I kissed someone. But how do I hurt the one person who has always been in my corner?

With a groan, I roll off the bed and collect my earbuds. I connect them to my phone and queue up my Spotify. Lorde plays, providing the soundtrack while I open the first box. The first thing I unwrap from the bubble wrap is one of my favorite pictures of my dad and me. It used to sit on the mantle in the living room. I was three, and he was teaching me to ride my bike.

If only I could go back and hug him one more time. Have him buy me an ice cream cone from the truck that came through our street every Saturday evening. Back when life was less complicated. But I'm here. With Kyson Allen and his knowing and tortuous eyes and wicked kisses that make me dizzy. Why can't I get him out of my head and ignore him? Why do I care if he screws up his life?

After I arrange some of my books and put away my clothes, I grab my pajamas and knock lightly on the bathroom door, praying Kyson won't be lurking on the other side. There's no reply, so I enter to find him shirtless at the double sink in black silky drawstring shorts. With a toothbrush jammed in his mouth and earbuds stuck in his ears, he looks cute and embarrassed at being caught unaware. I'm not going to yell at him for not answering when he obviously didn't hear me knock. My gaze lands on the dark trail of hair that leads from his navel and disappears beneath his shorts.

He grins big, having caught me ogling him.

"Guess we need to work out a system," I tell him as I awkwardly shuffle back to my room.

A few minutes later, there's a light knock on my door to the bathroom. "All yours, dolly."

I roll my eyes, though he can't see me. It's not like I haven't heard that before.

As usual, I experienced another fitful night of sleep. Strange, distorted images of my father haunted me for half the night. Visions of his accident at work. Hearing my own self scream when the news of his passing was broken to me. Then more dreams of a faceless man morphing into a dark entity with glowing red eyes are the last thing I remember before Kyson came into my room and wrapped his arms around me. Only then did I get some sleep and still I don't know if he was really there or if I dreamed him up too.

"Move over," Lauren tells some freshmen as we navigate to the bleachers in the gym for the pep rally. We squeeze in next to Casey and her boyfriend. I have no idea what his name is, but he's in my third period. The noise level is ludicrous.

"Is it always like this before a game?"

"Oh, yeah. You'll see why," she says with a cryptic smirk playing at her lips.

"Okay."

"Now that I found you a decent seat, I've got to leave you. Duty calls." She fishes her camera out of her bag. Lauren is over the photography club, which means she captures most of the photos that are featured on the school's website and the yearbook. "Casey will keep you company."

I scoot over into the seat Lauren just vacated as the cheerleaders run across the center of the court. Britney has a number painted on her left cheek, but I can't make it out from this distance as she shakes her pompoms in the air. Behind them the football team lines up, the seniors in the front. Kyson is hard not to notice. His gaze meets mine and I have no doubt he's looking directly at me when he does a little salute by tapping two fingers against his brow.

I shake my head and look around the gymnasium for my uncle. I spot him chatting with one of the teachers, oblivious to the chaos occurring around him.

"Okay." Casey angles toward me. "I've been dying to ask since last night. Do I sense a little spark between you and Kyson? Like how long have you guys known each other? Have you guys been talking for years?" She fires off her questions in rapid succession, not giving me a chance to answer any before asking the next.

"Um. I have a boyfriend. Kyson is…" I trail off, not sure how to answer.

How do I explain that this bad boy is nothing and everything at the same time? Everyone around us stomps their feet on the bleachers, the deafening sound saving me from responding further. The school band starts up as the cheerleaders shout at the crowd. All I want to do is run away to a quiet corner. My temples pulse with the beginning of a migraine.

The Coach grabs a microphone and moves to the half-court line. "Okay. Okay," he admonishes. "Settle down. I know we're all excited about tonight's big game."

"Woo, we're gonna crush those rodents," someone calls out from the crowd.

"Hell yeah," Remy says, thumping his chest and all the girls seem to squeal at his antics as he lifts the hem of his jersey, exposing his abs.

"Don't look," Casey's boyfriend grumbles and I smile. His jealousy is kind of adorkable. Watching them being all cute together has me missing Matt. I don't know if I can do the long-distance relationship. We can't see each other outside of a video call. I can't touch him or kiss him. Not having him close by is miserable. We've never been apart like this outside of school trips or family vacations.

I didn't even make it two weeks without kissing someone else. Granted that someone is Kyson, and he probably goes around kissing anyone who is willing.

"Are you going to the party after the game?" Casey asks, interrupting my overthinking.

"I'm not sure if that's really my scene. Jocks doing keg stands, right?" I glance back at Kyson and the other team members. Half of them have their shirts off, running around the gym, hyping the school up.

"What else are you going to do?"

"Good question," I murmur. I pull out my phone to see if Matt has texted me.

Nothing. Checking his socials, I see he's been tagged in a new picture from that party he attended last night. My stomach drops to my feet at the sight of him with a red solo cup in one hand and his arm around a girl.

It's only a picture, but a photo can say a million words. I zoom in, analyzing his facial expression, her hand placement. She's smiling up at him with a hand pressed to his lower abdomen. Intimate and familiar.

I swallow hard, trying to bite back the tears threatening to break free. The last thing I want to do is cry at the pep rally. Jealousy claws at my throat as it burns through me, scorching me from the inside out. Considering how I've behaved with Kyson most would say karma came for me fast.

Did Matt spend the night with this chick? Is that why he hasn't texted?

Ugh.

I click on her profile, but of course it's private.

Scrolling back through Matt's photos, I notice the same chick in the background. Unease clutches in my gut. What if I'm not the only one with secrets?