7. Noelle

noelle

. . .

"I can't stay until Christmas," I answered as gently as I could, considering this guy had just given me the best sex of my entire life. "That's not... it wouldn't work for me."

"Besides, you're lying, Cody. To her and yourself. If she changed her mind about staying with us, I doubt you'd be able to wait until Christmas to feast between her legs," Ash pointed out, his tone wry.

I turned my head to find Ash now seated cross-legged in front of the makeshift nest.

If not for his fully erect penis resting against his hard stomach, he might have looked serene, like someone meditating.

But his cock glistened in the bright daylight streaming in through the cave’s window. I couldn’t tell if that was because he’d come while watching us or because he’d leaked so much pre-cum.

“The second one,” Cody answered beside me, shrugging as if Ash’s state wasn’t noteworthy. “But don’t worry about him.”

Cody winked at me. “He kind of likes the pain of being this hard for you, and he knows you’re worth the wait.”

Was I? Worth the wait? My throat went dry, and old doubts rose inside me. Truth be told, Cody had done most of the work when we'd had sex—and it was his first time. He had no one to compare me to. I hadn’t been able to satisfy Bradford’s needs. Would I be able to?—

“You know what, cocoa bean?” Cody hauled me into his arms, cutting off my spiraling thoughts as he peppered my face with kisses. “While you worry about stuff that’s not even a consideration, I’m going to get you some water for that parched throat. Then Ash can show you exactly why you shouldn’t have any doubts when it comes to us.”

His beard tickled as he kissed my face, and despite myself, I giggled. But I had to ask, “Could you stop reading my thoughts? It’s kind of freaking me out. Especially since I can’t read yours.”

“I can try.” He dropped a few kisses on my neck. “But if I feel you doubting yourself through my bite, my bear kind of wants to dive in there and make it right.”

Make it right. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so right in my life. Sex with Cody had been nothing short of spectacular. I couldn’t believe that was his first time.

There was a sudden swelling against my stomach, followed by Cody’s loud groan. “I’m not going to say I read your thoughts and liked all the compliments. I’m just going to climb out of this mini-den before I mess up and accidentally take Ash’s turn.”

He rose to his feet, his partially erect cock swinging as he stretched. “I’m going to make you something to eat, too. And a cup of hot chocolate. Ash, you want some hot chocolate before you fuck her brains out?”

“Coffee,” Ash suggested, his calm voice steady despite his obvious arousal. He didn’t look away from me.

“Good idea.” Cody grinned down at me. “Got enough sugar to give a bear a cavity right here.”

My face heated. I wasn’t used to so many compliments.

“I’m just kidding, cocoa bean,” Cody said, maybe sensing my embarrassment—or reading my thoughts again. But then he winked and added, “Bears don’t get cavities.”

With that, he headed naked toward an open-plan kitchen carved seamlessly into the rock walls of the den. The space looked both rugged and surprisingly functional, clearly built for creatures much larger than me. High shelves lined the walls, far too tall for me to reach even on tiptoes. My newly sharpened senses of smell and sight helped me make out jars of honey, nuts, dried berries, pasta, and various cereal grains. I also spotted oversized bowls and custom-made pans and utensils hanging from hooks—perfectly sized for bear hands.

Cody beelined toward a massive refrigerator humming softly in the corner. Its double doors were so big, it could probably fit an entire bear inside—if not for the shelves packed with enough food to feed an army.

“These are our winter stores,” Cody explained, glancing over his shoulder. “I don’t know about an army, but it’ll be enough to get us through the first part of denning season, which started today. After Christmas, we’ll make a few more runs down the mountain to get enough food to stuff ourselves silly for the New Year’s Hibernation Feast—hold off with all the questions, cocoa bean!”

Kicking the fridge door closed, he carried armfuls of goods over to a heavy-duty oven nestled into the rock. “I’ll explain what that and denning season mean after I finish making us something to eat.”

Okay, I didn’t think I’d ever get used to him reading my thoughts.

But curiosity about the one-of-a-kind kitchen tugged at me. “Here, I’ll help you…” I offered, starting to get up.

Only to reel back when both Ash and Cody shouted, “No!”

Ash sprang into a low crouch, as if he were ready to tackle me if I tried to get past him. And Cody spun back around from the stove, his hands splayed wide like a quarterback going on the defensive.

I froze, feeling like a soldier who’d just stepped on a live mine. “What?” I asked.

“Female bears don’t do that in estrus,” Cody answered.

“Cook?” I glanced between him and Ash.

“ Anything ,” Cody shot back in a tone usually reserved for life-or-death situations.

“Anything you need, you only have to ask us.” Ash straightened from his crouch, his tone calm but firm. “Your only job during estrus is lying in your nest and letting your bears attend to you. That’s the maul way.”

I stared at them for several long beats. Then I asked, “What if I want to take a shower?”

“Tell us if you wish to be cleaned, and we’ll do that for you,” Ash said, his expression utterly serious.

“With, like, a washcloth and a basin?” I asked. Hopefully.

Neither of them answered. Both their faces went carefully neutral.

Which made me realize out loud, “It’s with your tongues, isn’t it? Please don’t tell me you lick me clean.”

Another double-blank look. Apparently, their way of not telling me the unsettling truth I’d specifically asked them not to.

That was when another darker, way-too-boundary-pushing idea occurred to me.

“What if I need to pee?” I whispered, like a porn star who’d wandered into a horror film.

“Then we take turns drinking from your kitty kat,” Cody answered, his expression grave. “And if you poop?—”

“Third, do not put that image in her head before my turn,” Ash cut in sharply.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself!” Cody admitted, cracking up with a wide grin.

As he laughed, Ash calmly explained, “Bears are incredibly well-designed in comparison to humans—and even wolf shifters. Your Bear Spirit puts most biological functions on hold while you’re in estrus. You’ll appreciate food but won’t hunger for it. And you won’t need to worry about organic waste management until your cycle is complete.”

“Wow,” I said, plopping back down into the nest I was apparently forbidden to leave. Then it occurred to me to ask, “What about my period?”

And that was how Ash and I ended up talking about how female bears—like most non-primate mammals—don’t have to deal with periods while Cody made us something to eat.

“I think I’m going to like being a bear,” I admitted as Cody set down delicious plates of thick pancakes and sizzling sausage links that he’d whipped up in less than ten minutes. He placed the dishes on a blanket Ash had spread out in front of my nest, so I wouldn’t have to leave.

I noticed Cody carried the plates like a pro, two balanced on one arm while he set the first down in front of me. I'd guessed soldier earlier, but this made me suspect he worked in the food industry—just like I could always sense another nurse by their resting state of calm efficiency. It made me wonder what Cody officially did for a living.

And that, in turn, made me think of the shifter who’d slammed out of the den earlier. The delicious food turned to ash in my mouth.

“Is this really going to hurt your maul—you all not agreeing on whether to help me?”

Cody and Ash exchanged a look that made my stomach tighten. It felt a lot like they were talking about me behind my back?—

“She can tell we’re talking about her, and she doesn’t like it,” Cody announced to Ash. “We should probably have this conversation out loud.”

He threw me an apologetic glance. “Sorry about that, cocoa bean.”

“No need to apologize.” His sorry made me feel churlish for feeling annoyed. “You guys have been mates for how long?”

“A maul,” Ash corrected. “We’ve been in a maul for three years. I’m Cody’s and Mak’s Second Maul, and Mak is our First Maul, while Cody is our Third. Some mauls have mates who love each other romantically, along with their wife. Others forego a wife entirely and center on a male bear. We call those adoptive mauls, as they’re often the first to take in cubs who lose their parents. But Cody, Mak, and I are a simple Four-Direction Spirit maul.”

I fretted my lip. This was a lot to keep straight. In my formerly all-human world, a Four-Direction Spirit maul sounded anything but simple.

“He’s trying to say we only want to have sex with our female mate, not with each other,” Cody translated with a sympathetic dip of his chin. “So we’re always called mauls when referring to each other—not mates. That way, everyone’s on the same page, and there’s no confusion about what we’re looking for in a mate.”

I blinked at him, trying to absorb this. “Okay. That’s… practical.” I shook off the thought and reset to my original point. “Well, you guys have been mauling for three years, and you knew me for less than three minutes before I went into estrus. You don’t have to apologize for talking to each other over your bond, and it shouldn’t irritate me. I don’t want you to change for someone who’s going to be gone in a few days.”

Silence. Another exchanged look that felt like talking.

“Cody and I were trying to figure out how to address your insecurity around what happened with Mak,” Ash eventually said, his tone careful. “You think Mak’s departure is about you—that he’s not attracted to you the way we obviously are. We were debating how to tell you that wasn’t the case without admitting Cody had violated your request not to read your thoughts.”

“Sorry,” Cody mumbled. “I’m trying to be respectful. But your head’s loud, cocoa bean, and like I said, my bear doesn’t like when you’re upset.”

My face heated. I was twenty-seven years old, but... “I feel like a silly kid,” I said, pressing my hands into my burning cheeks. “Like, so unable to deal. See, this is another good reason to only keep this going until this estrus business is done. I’m way too insecure to handle this dynamic for longer than that.”

“If you stayed through Christmas, I bet you’d get used to it by then.” Cody reached out, taking my free hand and rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

I instantly felt a little more at ease under his touch. But I had to point out, “I doubt Mak would be happy about me staying any longer than necessary.”

“No, cocoa bean. That’s not true at all.” Cody leaned closer, his voice soft but insistent. “He’d be over the shifter moon if you stayed. He and Ash were beginning to lose hope that we’d find someone our noses all agreed on before they walked into the den to find you lying there.”

I shook my head. “Mak didn’t look all that happy about the prospect of having sex with me. Even before he slammed out of here.”

Ash winced. “That’s because he knows he’s not strong enough to get through a mating without biting you. Mak’s a polar bear. Almost ten feet to my seven and Cody’s eight in standing form. If he tried to bite you, there wouldn’t be anything I could do to hold him back. And he doesn’t want to hurt you again like your ex did.”

Horror clawed through me like ice down my spine.

“How?” I choked. I yanked my hand out of Cody’s grasp and barely managed to ask Ash, “How do you know what happened with my ex?”

I began to suspect the answer when Cody looked away, guilt written all over his face.

And Ash confirmed it when he said, “Bear biology is extremely efficient. You’re bonded to Cody. And he’s bonded to us.”

“Translation: What I know, they know. In an instant,” Cody added, his voice low, his eyes downcast. “That’s why Mak left—ran away, really. He had to put distance between us, or else he would have felt every incredible thing we felt when I was with you.”

That explained a lot, actually, but not everything. I shook my head. “But I didn’t tell you about that part of my relationship. I didn’t even think it.”

“Actually, you kind of did,” Cody said, his expression miserable. “Just now, you were thinking about how your ex said he couldn’t get it up because you’d stopped taking care of yourself and gained weight when, in actuality, he was cheating on you. And earlier you were thinking about how he never went down on you. And when you said you’d just gotten out of a bad relationship, the whole thing flashed through your mind like a montage. Him yelling at you, insulting you, and hitting you when you tried to leave after finding out about the cheating—no, Noelle, don’t! C’mon, cocoa bean!”

I sprang to my feet and sprinted away before Cody or Ash could grab me.

Oh, god, They knew! They all knew about my deepest shame—the story I hadn’t even been strong enough to tell my sister.

“Stay here and talk to us! We told you…”

Yes, they’d told me. I wasn’t allowed to leave the nest. But it was already too late.

I blindly ran toward the closest escape, a set of double doors, swiping at my tears of anger and humiliation.