45. Larkin

“Thanks for sendingthose school supplies for Emily,” I told my sister on a voice call over my lunch break. It was a cooler day, and I wasn’t very hungry, so I decided to walk around the neighborhood and give her a call.

It was noon here, and nearly seven o’clock there. I could hear the sounds of a streetside café in the background along with the hum of vehicles. “Of course,” Taylee said over the noise. “I can’t believe she’s going to kindergarten next week.”

“Me neither. It’s like I blinked and my little six-pound, two-ounce baby isn’t a baby anymore.”

She smiled, and I could hear her take a drink—probably of her favorite red wine. “Good thing you have a hot cop to distract you.”

I paused, my heart aching as I walked along the sidewalk. “About that...”

“What’s going on?” she asked.

I filled her in on everything that had happened with our date, saying I love you, and then the things that I had found on his phone.

“What a bunch of pieces of shit,” she spat, and then she let out a string of curse words in French. “Please tell me Knox was not texting them back and talking about you that way.”

My leg brushed against a dandelion tuft as I walked, and I picked it, thinking that my children would really love it. I hoped they were having a good day at Liv’s place with summer coming to a close. “He wasn”t texting them back, and he told me that he confronted them about it earlier in person. I just get worried with the way that Seth was. You know he could twist things to make himself the hero or the victim, never the villain.”

“I mean, I agree you need to pay attention to the red flags up front, especially since this is the best that it gets in a relationship, right? The early part, when you”re still being extra nice and extra sweet and he hasn”t seen you poop with the door open yet?”

“Seth never saw me poop with the door open. I”m half convinced he didn”t know I pooped at all,” I replied.

She giggled on the phone, and then she waited while a loud engine passed by. “So what did you tell Knox about the texts?”

“I told him he needed to think about what it meant to be with a single mom and that we couldn’t move forward unless he knew what he really wanted.”

“How did he take it?”

The haunted look in his blue eyes sent pain straight to my stomach. “He told me he would think about it.”

She hesitated for a moment.

“Say it,” I told her. Taylee always had an opinion and, more often than not, advice to go along with it.

“Are you sure you’re not pushing him away because you’re afraid?”

“Something snapped in me, seeing his friends talk about my kids like that.”

“And what if he says his friends are right, that he doesn”t want to be with a single mom?”

Just the thought of it made me want to disintegrate into the sidewalk, but I spun the dandelion stem around in my fingers, wishing love was just as simple as “he loves me, he loves me not.” But Tay was right. I had been the one to push him away; I knew that. “If he already knew, he won’t be upset by me asking him to think it over. And if he didn’t know before... now I”ll know he really wants to be here.”

“And if he doesn”t?”

The words hung in my mind, impossible to ignore. “I’ll find a way,” I said. There was no other option.

After a beat, my sister said, “Have I told you how brave you are?”

That stopped me in my tracks on the sidewalk. I was in a residential part of town, standing in front of a house with pretty landscaping out front. A woman came rushing by, walking quickly with pink weights on her wrists and ankles.

She gave me a quick wave and a wink before continuing on her way.

“What do you mean?” I finally said to my sister. Me? Brave? I felt like the biggest coward on the planet, running away from a man who just the night before said he loved me.

Her tone was pure as she said, “A lot of women wouldn”t have had the courage to leave Seth like you did. They would have stayed with a man who was sleeping around on them because they were afraid of starting from scratch. But you left with those two babies, and you made a life on your own, even if it wasn”t as nice of a house as the first one you had, even if it wasn”t what felt comfortable. You moved to a whole new town and made friends and fell in love and stood your ground when Seth’s parents were trying to force you down a path you didn’t want. I think it”s amazing, and I really, truly am proud of you.”

My eyes were stinging, and despite my best efforts, a spot darkened on the cement as a tear dripped down my chin. “Thank you,” I managed, continuing down the sidewalk before someone came outside and told me to move along.

“Of course.” She paused for a moment. “If Knox comes back to you, we”ll know he”s a man worth his salt. And if he doesn”t, I know that you”ll be just fine. You have me, you have your friends, and you have your kids. And most importantly, you have yourself. You”ve got everything you need to build an incredible life wherever you go.”

I sniffed, wiping at tears. Rumors would probably be all over town with people speculating about why I was walking around sobbing in the middle of the day. Through sniffles, I said, “One of these days, I’m going to be the strong one and it won”t always be me crying on the phone when you call.”

“We can take turns,” she said.

I smiled. “I”m so grateful I have you as a sister.”

“Same here.”

We hung up, and I continued walking around town before getting back to work. I was in the midst of the afternoon pill rounds when Bernice found me in the hallway. “Great news, Larkin!” she said.

I looked at her curiously. “What’s going on?”

“Our activities director is excited about your yoga idea! I’m going to have her set a meeting with you so you can plan out the pilot program.” She leaned in closer, whispering, “This will look great on your application in a couple years when I retire and the board is looking for a new director.”

My mouth fell open. “You mean it?”

She nodded and gave me a quick hug. “So glad to have you on the team.”

As she walked away, I reminded myself that my sister was right. Regardless of what happened with Knox, I had what it took to make a really good life. I just couldn’t help wishing that he would be in it as more than a neighbor.