17. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Azizia

“Come on, darling. Eat your food.”

I stare down at my plate, unable to stomach even the smell. I’ve been in this mansion a couple hours now, and Xadrian has been nothing but nice and sweet. He acts like he missed me. It’s just him playing head games. I’m not so stupid to think he actually missed me. He was angry I was gone, that’s for sure. But missing me? He doesn’t have the sort of feelings you need to miss someone.

Felix on the other hand? I think he misses me. I think he’s looking for me right now.

At least, I hope he is.

Unless he thinks I abandoned him…

I blink a few times, my food coming back into focus. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s poisoned. Xadrian would make me so sick I’d want to die just to punish me. It’s only the start of what’s to come. Or maybe it has some kind of sleeping agent so his men can get a turn with me without me complaining about it.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

I only ever found out about it because I caught them bragging. I was sick for weeks after, knowing what was being done to me without my knowledge.

Warlords, higher demons—like those in charge of keeping others in line—and of course the devil himself are the only creatures down here who have access to food and water. They’re the only ones who don’t have to suffer for eternity but instead get to make everyone else suffer while they live the good life.

Lucky them.

How is it I was born to not want to maim people like most other demons?

“Azizia,” Xadrian warns in that tone of his that tells me he’s losing his patience.

I pick up my fork and stab a red thing that looks like the beans topside, but are much bigger.

The food up there is so much better than what’s down here.

I put it in my mouth and chew, holding back the gag. But it only works for so long. I spit the food into the napkin and cough, reaching for the glass of water.

“You’ve been gone too long, my sweet darling. You’ll have to get used to the food all over again,” Xadrian says as he gets to his feet.

He moves to my side, pulling my chair out and kneeling in front of me, but making sure to not kneel so low he is beneath me. No, Xadrian has to be above me at all times, making me feel small. Which he does all the time anyway. It’s in his nature to look down at people and make them feel worthless. He’s great at it. Excels at it. He should win an award for it.

“You’ve been gone a long time, Azizia. Too long. You made me worried.”

You weren’t worried .

“I had a lot of men looking for you. Men who could have been doing other things. They went out of their way to find my missing wife. ” He brushes his fingers along my cheek and I try not to flinch away from him. Doing that will only make him more angry. “And when it was reported back to me that you were found, do you know what I was told?” He raises a brow and I have to force myself to shake my head.

He smiles, though it isn’t a happy smile.

If Xadrian weren’t such an evil being, he’d be handsome. He has strong features. A square jaw, sharp cheekbones, and a head full of thick black hair. But the man is awful. Disgusting. Not even his good looks could make me like him.

“I was told that my wife was consorting with a blood sucker.”

His tone is gentle and calm, and if I didn’t know him as well as I do, I’d think he was actually worried. But when it comes to Xadrian, the more calm he is, the angrier he is. The worse it’ll be for me.

“N-no. I wasn’t. I didn’t… I had no idea that—”

“Shh,” he says, pulling me to his chest again and rubbing my back. “It’s okay, darling. You’ll have plenty of time to make it up to me. There’s no point in lying. I know the truth. I’ve accepted the truth.” He pulls back, keeping his hands on my shoulders. “But I have some truth for you, Azizia. Truth that is going to hurt, but I am only telling you because I care for you. Because you are my wife and I love you. This truth will be punishment enough for your wrongdoings.”

I frown, and he lets out a small laugh.

“I know, it doesn’t quite make sense. But it will. I’ve thought long and hard how I will punish you for what you did, but I am so grateful to have you back. The physical punishment didn’t stop you from leaving before, so I had to do something new. And when I saw who it was that you were with, well, let’s just say I thanked the devil himself for doing such a good deed.”

I don’t have a single idea of what he’s talking about, what he could possibly have to tell me.

A throat clears, and we both look toward the doors. Ziggy stands there, looking exactly as he did the last time I saw him. His body is stiff, straight like a soldier, his chin held high. I open my mouth, wanting to speak with him, but I snap it shut, knowing showing him any kindness in front of my husband won’t go over well.

“What is it?” Xadrian asks in an annoyed tone.

“Your wife’s bath is ready, sir.”

Xadrian flicks his hand at Ziggy, who turns on his heel and walks out of the grand dining hall. It hurts that I cannot hug him, that he has to act like he doesn’t know me, but I understand why. Xadrian is dangerous, he is scary, and people fear him. They do not get on his bad side because they know better. I’m the only idiot who attempts something like that.

“Come, my darling. Your stomach clearly isn’t ready for food, so let’s wash that blood sucker off you so we can share a bed tonight.”

My stomach rolls as I get up, following him like a zombie to his bedroom, where he leads me to the bath. There is a woman there, one I don’t recognize. She must be a new maiden for me. One that I bet has choked on my husband’s cock a time or two, since he likes to fuck everyone, even in front of me as if I care. I mean, I did at one point. The first few times. But after a while, I became numb to that just like everything else. She can have him if she wants him. I’m not interested.

“Mizga, you may take your leave. I will bathe my wife this evening.”

I suck in a sharp breath and hope like hell he didn’t hear me. It would only give him the satisfaction he is looking for. I would rather a strange woman I don’t know who has touched my husband’s genitals to bathe me than him.

Bathing won’t be just bathing…

But I knew this would happen. I knew if I was caught, he would get me back and things would go back to how they were. No, that’s not true. They would even be worse.

My heart races, nausea building in my stomach again. I take a few slow breaths as I try to calm myself.

My thoughts keep going back to dinner and what Xadrian was going to tell me. It’s almost like he was going to warn me what he has in store for me, but what’s the point in that? Knowing him, if I ask, he won’t tell me for the sole fact that I want to know. So instead, I’m just going to live with these questions that will never be answered but will continue to plague me.

Mizga nods, then walks out of the room. Her footsteps are quiet and when the bedroom door is closed, Xadrian turns to me.

“Let’s get you clean.”

I stand there, going somewhere else in my mind as Xadrian undresses me. I feel like a mannequin, only moving my limbs when he has me do so to get my shirt off or my pants off. When I’m standing there, completely naked, him looking at me like I belong to him, I swear I want to die.

How did I deal with this for so long?

I should have killed him in his sleep. Or at least attempted to, because I mean, how do you kill a demon? They just come back. And if I were to kill him and he came back to find me? I think he’d be even more angry than he is right now. That would be the ultimate disrespect, making him look weak. If word got out that a woman, especially his wife, killed him? No doubt many other people would try to kill him too and take over his territory. You know, the same thing he tried doing to my father. Only my father is also the lowest of the low demons and decided to give me to Xadrian instead, considering he feels his life is more important than mine. And this was after Xadrian killed my younger brother.

Fucking male demons…

Xadrian takes my hand and leads me to the large bath that is built into the floor the way an in-ground pool would be. It’s large, able to fit many people in it. Why it’s needed, I don’t know. Bathtub orgies, I suppose. I step over the lip that is slightly raised and settle into the water. It’s the perfect temperature and I sigh as I lean back, feeling just a moment of comfort. It won’t last for long, I know that, and enjoying it while it’s here is dangerous. It only makes me want it more. But comfort isn’t something I will get from my husband or in this castle. Comfort is something I’m sure I will never see again.

I wait to feel his hands on me, knowing there is no way he will allow me to wash myself. It’s a control thing, a way to shame me. But that isn’t what comes. Instead, the water sloshes and I open my eyes, shocked when I see him naked and getting into the bath.

“What are you doing?” I ask, regretting the words the second they leave my lips.

“Bathing with my wife,” he answers as if what I said didn’t anger him. I know it did. How dare I question him?

I knew he would wash me, but I hadn’t anticipated this… this is so much worse.

Xadrian sits beside me and pulls me onto his lap without warning and without asking. I gasp as I go, then cringe when I feel his body beneath mine. Thank the gods he isn’t hard.

At least, not yet. He will be by the end of this. The only thing that gets him off is torture and pain.

So unlike Felix who was so responsive to me, so into me… He touched me because he wanted to, because he couldn’t help it. His touch wasn’t to hurt me or to cause pain. It was to give me pleasure, which isn’t something I’ve ever experienced before. Yes, I’ve had orgasms. A lot. But I’ve never enjoyed them outside of my body’s natural response to do so. They were never for me, but instead for the men who caused them. As if they should be proud of themselves for making it happen, when, if you do it right, isn’t all that difficult. After those times, all I felt was shame, embarrassment, and disgust. Until eventually, like everything else, it all turned numb.

Xadrian’s hands come out of the water, running up my arms and over my shoulder.

“You are tense,” he says softly. “Let’s see if we can get you to relax.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing what comes next. The man thinks he has the right to touch me because I belong to him. Because I’m his wife. Apparently it’s my duty to allow him full access to my body at all times—especially when I don’t want it.

The number of nights I woke up to him inside me, the many occasions I was trying to read or relax and he demanded I get on my knees… there are too many to count.

And this will just be another to add to the pile of things that makes me hate him.

Xadrian grabs the soap from the soap dish beside us, dunks it in the water, then scrubs his hands together forming bubbles. He runs his hands—the soap in his left one so he can use the right to grab and squeeze whatever part of me he wants—along my chest. He moves to my shoulders, back down and over my breasts. I hiss when he pinches my nipple, accidentally jerking in the water and brushing against him.

He groans and his dick twitches. I bite my tongue and beg my body not to betray me.

Do not whimper. Do not cry. Do not show any signs of how much you hate this because it will only make it worse.

“I am going to wash you until you’re clean, darling. Until every inch of that blood sucker is off you. And trust me, I know where he’s been, meaning we will be at this for a while.” He kisses the side of my neck. “Every single inch.”

Xadrian takes his time washing me, using the soap as an excuse to touch me everywhere he can. He washes every inch of me twice, and then returns the soap. He cups water in his hands, pouring it over my shoulders and my chest to rinse me. He’s rock hard by the time he’s finished cleaning me, but he isn’t done with me yet.

“Let’s see how clean I’ve gotten you, shall we?” he whispers in my ear.

Rough fingers trail down the center of my chest, between my breasts, down my stomach, right between my legs. Everything in me tells me to close my legs, snap them shut, get out of here, run away. Not only because I hate the way this feels because I hate him, but all I can think about is Felix and how much this will hurt him. I feel as if I am betraying him and that makes me sicker than anything else ever has.

Xadrian slides a finger inside me. My breath hitches and I grit my teeth. Nothing about this feels good. It feels awful. His finger feels wrong, his body feels wrong, everything about this is wrong! I don’t want it. I don’t want him. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from crying out, and it isn’t long before the taste of blood assaults my tongue.

“This vampire of yours must have a big cock, Azizia, because your pussy isn’t as tight as it once was. That disappoints me.”

I force a shaky breath in, then force it out. If I don’t breathe, I’ll pass out. Maybe it’ll be better if I do. He likely won’t stop what he’s doing, which is sick, but at least I won’t be here for it.

“What are we going to do about this, darling? You know I need a tight pussy to come in.”

So go find one. Leave me alone.

He groans, grinding his dick against my lower back and shoving his finger in deeper. It hurts.

“Maybe it’s just because this is my finger. Let’s see how you feel around my cock, yeah?”

Xadrian pulls his finger out and lifts me by the hips to angle himself inside me. Before he gets that far, I force myself to go deep into my mind where it’s safe.

Where I don’t feel anything. Where I don’t hear anything. Where there is nothing but happiness. Human food. Soft blankets. Felix’s voice. His smile. The alien is even here, sitting in the corner in a green sweater, licking his paw. I guess he isn't so bad. He’s sort of cute if you give him a chance.

I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.