Chapter 39

39

I lay in bed far longer than I should, my hangover riding me viciously after guzzling that bottle of liquor. I know I should get up. Go feed my dragon. Hit the training ring. Check on my mourning friends.

Be anything but a hungover slug.

My door clicks open, and Jace slips through, not even bothering to knock.

"Sure, come on in," I say sardonically as I prop myself up on my elbows.

"Ilsa's dead." He slides onto the bed.

"I know." I sigh. "Zadyn told me last night. It's terrible."

I still haven't had time to really process it. I've just been trying to unravel this knot and figure out how to prevent it from happening again. "Did you find anything?"

"No."

"How did they even get in here to…to plant her body?"

He shakes his head, rising to his feet. "I don't know. I don't know how they were able to breach the wards again."

"Zadyn said Ilsa's blood was drained like the others. "

"It was. They hung her up like swine to send a message. It was a threat, and now everyone knows the wards have been compromised. It makes our security look unstable. Weak." He paces, hands on his hips.

"But now we know those creatures are behind the border attacks. And since they started after the portal was breached, they could be responsible for that, too."

He nods in agreement.

"You said that they just appeared in the maze?" I ask.

"Yes, but the question is how? The wards around the castle should have kept them out." He runs a hand through his dark hair, clearly perturbed.

I knit my brows together as I think.

"Who's to say they aren't an exception to the wards? If those are the same creatures that came through the portal, then maybe the wards can't recognize them. Maybe it's a different kind of magic—magic not of this world."

Jace glances at me.

"It would make sense. If they aren't from Solterre, then our magic wouldn't protect against them. It wouldn't know how. Which doesn't bode well for us," he adds darkly.

"That and the fact that they don't stay dead," I mutter, staring out the window at the gloomy day. Jace pauses his anxious pacing.

"Your scream worked on them. You worked."

"You were about to die," I whisper, holding his gaze. "I just snapped."

He inches closer to the bed.

"If you hadn't screamed, then I wouldn't be standing here right now. You saved my life. All of our lives."

A long silence falls.

"You shouldn't be here," I say quietly, dropping my eyes to the comforter .

"You're the Dragon Rider—you're high priority. And aside from that, as my trainee, you are my responsibility."

"That's such bullshit." I toss the covers back and plant my feet on the ground. "The princess is the highest priority, not to mention your fiancé, and yet here you are. Bothering me."

"Would you rather I go to her then?" he challenges.

"Don't do that." I point at him sharply. "Don't ask questions you already know the answers to."

He leans against the bedpost and says, "I wanted to finish our conversation from last night."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. "What more is there to say?"

"Plenty, little witch." A sigh empties from his chest. "I wasn't expecting things to happen like this, but the attack in the maze scared the king. If Sorscha had been hurt or killed, his line would have died with her. He said he couldn't allow that to happen—that she needed to marry immediately to come into her power and start producing heirs. That was what we discussed in our meeting. He moved me up to Hand so that I would be of a worthy enough station to marry her. We worked out the details, drew up the contract, and it was settled."

"You drew up the contract, and it was settled." I laugh humorlessly. "How romantic."

He eyes me keenly. I know it's no one's fault and that my anger is misplaced on him. These are just our circumstances. Still, I can't help the acid that leaks into my voice.

"What was Kylian doing there?" I try for a more agreeable tone.

"Discussing Sorscha's betrothal with Derek. Kylian and his mother had initially vetted Kai as a match, but something changed his mind, and he went to the king to withdraw him as an option. Then he put his support behind me. "

"That's suspicious. Why wouldn't he want Kai on the throne after the attack?"

"I don't know," he admits.

I hop off the bed. "I'll find out."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I am going to charm him and get to the bottom of it. Something is not right here, and my gut is telling me he has something to do with it." I head toward the wardrobe, but he blocks me with his rock-hard body.

"What are you doing?" he demands.

"Getting dressed, obviously. The service for Ilsa is starting soon."

"I mean, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to start stripping in five seconds, so unless you want an eyeful, then please leave."

I step around him, continuing to the wardrobe.

"I was referring to Kylian." Frustration seeps into his words as he comes up behind me. His breath tickles my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. I turn to face him. An electric charge passes between us as we stare each other down. He walks forward slowly, forcing me to step back until I'm met with the front of the wardrobe. He leans in, pressing his lips against my ear.

"Jace," I warn, my eyes closing involuntarily.

"I didn't like you talking to him," he growls softly. I feel it in my knees.

"What a coincidence. That makes two of us."

"And I really don't like how he looks at you." His arms cage me in.

"That shouldn't matter to you."

"And yet it does, little witch," he whispers fervently, pulling back so that his golden eyes burn into mine.

I scoff .

"You don't get to be possessive. You are engaged , Jace. It's official. I am trying my best to let you go, to put my feelings aside, and here you are—doing whatever it is you're doing. I won't share you with someone else." I close my eyes and swallow painfully. "You coming here, doing this—it's cruel. It's cruel to try to make me forget that you aren't mine, only for reality to come crashing back in the moment we're not alone. Do you know how cheap this makes me feel? When I know you have feelings for both of us?"

"My feelings for her are nothing like what I feel for you. I care about her, but not like that. I don't love her, I love—" I press my fingers against his lips, silencing him.

"Do not finish that sentence. Please. I know you care about her. And it may not be love now, but that will easily change because you're you, and she's Sorscha. So, I can't do this. I won't."

My hands gently push him back, and I turn to face the wardrobe, pressing my palms and forehead against it as I breathe.

He waits a long moment before striding to the door and leaving me alone.

I knock lightly on Sorscha's door before the service.

"Yes?" her soft voice calls.

I crack it open to find a slightly dimmed version of the dazzling princess seated at her vanity, head resting in her hands. She wears no makeup. Her eyes are slightly swollen and red, her lips less rosy than usual. It's not exactly the state I would expect to find a recently engaged princess in, but then again, her best friend was just killed.

"Oh, cousin," she breathes, turning in her seat. "Come in. "

She tightens the tie of her silk robe as I take a seat across from her. Her disorientation is evident. Vacant amber eyes peer out from her heavy lashes, looking through me instead of at me. She must be in shock.

"I guess we aren't really cousins after all," she muses quietly. "It's too bad. I so enjoyed having a cousin. I never had a sister..." She trails off, her voice light and airy.

Remorse tightens my throat as I swallow. She's been more of a sister to me in the past few months than my actual sister ever was.

I repaid her with deceit.

"I'm sorry I had to keep it from you," I say with sincerity. "It was for everyone's protection. But you have to know that I care for you. For all of you."

She nods, barely managing a slight smile.

"How are you holding up?" I ask gingerly. She shakes her head.

"I don't quite believe it, even though I saw her with my own eyes," she recalls, her voice fully devoid of emotion.

Definite shock.

"Jace and I had just gotten to the dance floor when it happened. She just fell from the ceiling. Dropped like a little ragdoll. At first, I thought it was one of the silk dancers—just an acrobatic trick. Then I saw her. It was so loud. For someone so slight, when she fell, it was so loud."

Oh, god.

I scoot my seat closer.

"We are going to find whatever did this to her, and we are going to put an end to it so it can never hurt anyone again," I vow.

"I don't understand how it happened. Any of it. One minute, she was right behind us, and the next... If Cece and I had noticed sooner?— "

"You can't blame yourself, Sorscha." I take her hands. "It's no one's fault."

That's when I notice the massive rock on her finger. I can't tear my eyes away. She notices my distraction and quickly retracts her hands, twisting the ring around her finger.

"It's a bit tacky for my taste, but I'm told it belonged to my mother." She glances down at it.

"No, no, it's beautiful. It suits you." I sit back. "I never got a chance to congratulate you."

The words taste like ash in my mouth.

I feel like a deceitful, lying piece of trash.

"It's not exactly how I pictured getting engaged. It was horribly unromantic. Father called me into his chambers, I signed a few papers, and it was done. I thought maybe Jace would take me somewhere private after—somewhere lovely—and get down on one knee. Propose. But I realize now that's a little girl's dream." She fiddles with the ring around her manicured finger.

"There's nothing childish about wanting a romantic proposal," I protest gently.

"There was no proposal of any kind," she clarifies. "It was all just agreed upon, like a business contract. The attack pushed Father to speed things along. He wants me to make heirs as soon as possible."

"Is that—is that what you want?"

"I love being a princess—" She turns to face the mirror and begins to untangle the plaits of her loose braid. "But I've never wanted to be queen. I love my freedom. I love throwing parties and kicking up trouble. I love to have fun. I fear that will all come to an end when I am married with children. That kind of behavior isn't fit for a wife and mother, let alone a queen."

"Oh, Sorscha. I'm so sorry this wasn't what you hoped for."

She shrugs lightly. "I always knew this was what I was meant for. My worth lies in my ability to create heirs, to continue my line."

Shaking my head, I say, "You are worth so much more than that. You are not just some machine meant to reproduce."

I watch as she mindlessly begins applying cream to her smooth arms.

"I know I'm a disappointment to him," she says with a heartbreaking smile. "He wished for a son. Or a daughter like you. Someone strong, smart, capable. The way you destroyed those creatures in the maze, the way you swing a sword—I'll never be able to do that. I'll never be able to run a kingdom, and everyone knows it. That's why he wanted me married off to Jace or Kai—although Kai's really no better than I am. The only difference is he's a male. I suppose that's why he decided on Jace in the end."

"Don't say that, Sorscha," I whisper. "Never discount yourself like that. You are just as good as any male. And I know that the king loves you."

She is quiet for a moment, contemplating something.

"It could be a lot worse. Jace is everything I could have hoped for in a match. We care for each other. He was my guard for so long. We never even noticed each other, not like that, until my father posed the idea to us. He's not my typical type, but maybe that's why I like him. He's not a spoiled, privileged prince. He's not?—"

"Kai?" I supply with a knowing smile. She shakes her head, giving a small laugh in return.

"No, Jace is nothing like Kai. He's a challenge to me. He's brooding and serious. He doesn't show affection—he doesn't show any strong emotion one way or another."

She lifts her eyes to mine in the mirror.

"Except when you're around."

My chest locks as I struggle to hold her gaze .

"Sorscha—"

"It's obvious he cares for you, cousin." She resumes applying her cream, working her way up her slender neck and onto her face in small circles. "You anger him. You push him. And the fact that he lets you, that you elicit such strong reactions from him, well, it says quite a lot." She pauses, her eyes flickering up to mine with an intensity I've never seen before. "I don't want to know what's happened between you up to now. I just want to make one thing clear. I'm going to marry him. Because if this is all I can do right in my father's eyes, then I will not fail. So whatever is going on, it needs to stop."

She redirects her gaze to her reflection and begins to apply foundation to her face.

"I understand." I won't insult her by denying it.

I move toward the door and pause, turning back to her. "We never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't. Nothing can hurt me now." Her words hang gravely in the air as she continues with her face, and I quietly exit the room.