Chapter 23

23

T he next morning, when Jace knocks on my door for training, I don't answer. I don't stir from bed to dress in fighting leathers or braid my hair back. Instead, I pull the covers tighter over my head like a defiant child.

More knocks rattle my door, followed by furious footsteps. Jace yanks the covers down roughly and glowers down at me.

"Rise and shine, little witch."

"I'm not training today. Please leave."

"Are you breathing?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, if you can talk, you can breathe, which means: training. Now."

"I'm taking a personal day." I shrug and steal the covers back from him, hauling them over my head.

"When I say you can take a personal day, you'll get a personal day."

Before I can protest, he rips the covers back, reaches down, and tosses me over his shoulder. I shriek and pound my fists against his back .

"If you can get me to stand down, you can have your personal day."

"Put me down now!" I hiss.

"If you can't make me, then you haven't earned a day off."

Fine. ? *

I pull my calf back and bring it down hard between his legs. A loud groan bursts from him as he drops me, and I stumble back, colliding with the beautiful antique vanity. It knocks back into the wall, shattering the mirror and sending glass bottles of perfumes and oils crashing to the ground. Sharp pain spikes through me as I land in a pile of tiny glass shards.

Jace stalks toward me. I grab the longest shard I can find and fling it at him the way he taught me to with a dagger. It sticks in his upper arm. He slowly lowers his gaze and pulls it out like it's no more than a splinter, discarding it on the ground.

"Your aim isn't total shit. Still missed, though." He taps his chest and lunges forward. In a maneuver he taught me, I twist out of his grasp, reaching for the sword sheathed at his side. I whirl around and raise it above my head. For a moment, Jace seems impressed. Then he catches my wrists midair and drives his knee up into my stomach so hard that I double over, gasping. The sword clatters to the ground as my knees dig into the jagged crystals. Jace's boots crunch over the glass as he crouches before me, cold and cruel.

"Giving up so easily, witch?" he taunts.

Traitorous tears blur my vision, and not just from the physical pain. Then his hand shoots out to grip me by the throat.

"You're vulnerable. Exposed," he growls, giving me a rough shake. "What are you going to do?"

I claw at his face and hands, tearing his skin with my nails. The scrapes heal as fast as they appear.

"Have I taught you nothing?" he spits. Losing my temper, I reach out and dig my thumbs into his eyes. He staggers back, and I scramble to my feet again, lunging to gather the sword in my bloodied fists. I hold it out in front of me defensively, panting hard. My form is total shit right now, but I can barely stand upright without swaying.

Jace approaches, eyes wild with fire. I take a swipe at him, which he casually sidesteps as he pulls a dagger from his belt.

"Better. What's your next move, witch?"

I rush toward him like a bull, but he evades me easily, and I go flying into Zadyn's door so hard that I fall through it, landing in a heap of splintered wood. A shrill female shriek rings out, but I don't have time to search for the source. My head swims as I slowly attempt to get to my feet.

" What the fuck is going on ?" Zadyn shouts, rushing toward me, wearing nothing but a bedsheet.

Jace kicks in what's left of the busted door and steps through.

"Training," he says wickedly, his golden eyes red and swollen from my assault.

"This is over. Now," Zadyn snaps, gripping me by the arms to help me kneel.

"Touch her, and I will drive this clean through your chest," Jace threatens, his voice even.

"She's hurt! What the hell is wrong with you? This isn't training—this is abuse!" Zadyn growls in Jace's face, more furious than I've ever seen him. Jace bellies up to him, welcoming the challenge of male dominance.

"She's tough. She'll survive. Step back, or you'll be the one that gets hurt."

" Don't you touch him ," I spit from the ground, venom coating my voice .

"Are you going to stop me?" Something terrifying gleams in his eyes. A cruel challenge.

In a flash, Zadyn has him pinned against the wall. They grapple with each other before Jace lands a thick punch to his jaw. I shout and rush him, clawing at his arms, his leathers. But he's a mountain.

"Get off of him!" I pound Jace's back pathetically. He throws Zadyn to the ground and draws a second dagger.

"Pick it up," he spits, tossing the blade to the floor. Zadyn glares at him, but obeys.

"Stop it. Right now," I demand, eyeing the dagger Jace twirls idly in his lethal hand.

"Make me, little witch." He rushes Zadyn, and they roll, taking out the nearby desk with a loud crash.

I scan frantically for Jace's sword, but my muscles lock when I see him lift the dagger over Zadyn's heart and bring it down.

My answering scream is earth-rending. It feels like a tether snapping inside of me. The last straw of my sanity rupturing in a flood of rage, pain, and fire. Every inch of me feels like a flame as I unleash my anguish into the world. It shoots out of me from a well so deep it actually frightens me.

Because uncapped, I don't know that I can ever rein it in again.

Everything around me fades. I see and hear nothing.

Then I am being gripped around the waist and thrown from the room.

Someone shouts my name, shaking me. But I can't open my eyes. I can't move. I am stuck in total darkness.

A splash of cold washes over my head, my face, and I suck in a breath, trying to make sense of the whispered shouts overhead.

"Wake up," someone says, their voice edged with panic .

Slowly, my eyelids peel back. So many eyes, so many heads, peering down at me.

"Get Warryn. Now !" Jace's command is tight and muffled to my ringing ears. He looks down at me wide-eyed. I shift my gaze to Zadyn, whose expression is that of concern.

"She's still burning up."

"Get her in the bath," Jace says. "Ice cold."

I'm lifted into the air and then gently submerged in cool water. Its icy temperature increases with every difficult breath I take until the cold reaches the point of pain. I try to lift myself up. Strong hands slide beneath my arms and haul me out of the freezing bath. Someone wraps me in a towel and sets my feet over the edge of the tub. I shiver in my soaked, bloodstained night dress and open my eyes to Zadyn holding me upright on the ledge of the tub.

"Are you alright? Can you speak?" he asks, smoothing the wet strands of hair back from my face. I nod in confusion, glancing between him and Jace. Their handsome faces are covered in ash. Jace's clothes are tattered and singed as he stands before me, arms crossed.

"What just happened? Did I blackout?" I croak and launch into a coughing fit. Zadyn stabilizes me, keeping me from falling back into the frigid water. Jace shakes his head in disbelief, kneeling before me on the floor. I hear loud, hurried voices outside the bathroom door.

"You set the room on fire," Jace says. "When I turned my knife on Zadyn, you erupted into flames."

"What do you mean?" I glance between them. "How—how did?—"

"Your magic," Jace says, some distant cousin of pride twinkling in his golden eyes. I bolt from the room, broken glass cutting into my bare feet with every careless step until I stand before the busted door frame leading to Zadyn's room .

It is completely unrecognizable. Every surface is covered in black ash and glowing embers. Young Sir Warryn stands among the rabble, hands outstretched as a frosty chill spreads throughout the singed space, taming what's left of my destruction. The auburn-haired twins, Mal and Max, supervise from the side. Mal notices my presence and slides a curious glance my way. I can tell it's him by the cold, unflinching stare and hard-set mouth.

"Oh my god," I gasp, clutching my towel. "I—I did that?"

"Congratulations, witch," Jace says from behind me. "You earned that personal day."

I turn slowly and fix my gaze on him, fighting the impulse to throw my arms around him. To kiss him stupid.

Instead, I walk toward him, each step determined, as I bring my fist across his face with all the strength I can manage. To my shock, it takes him to the ground.

My punch actually knocked him off his feet.

He laughs, the sound light and amused. He stares up at me, golden eyes perplexed but dancing.

"Amazing," he whispers. "Your strength."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I screech. "First you attack me, then you try to kill Zadyn?!"

"Oh, calm down. I wouldn't have actually hurt him. It was for show. I was pushing you."

"You don't use people as bait! It's barbaric," I hiss.

"It worked, didn't it?" He gets to his feet, unfazed by my assault. "You should be thanking me. You needed a shove to access your magic. And look, you burnt that room to a crisp."

"You are a manipulator," I spit. "Not to mention, your brilliant plan could have easily backfired. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was completely out of control. I could have burned you both alive." I glance at Zadyn .

"But you didn't," Jace amends. "And now we know your magic is triggered by strong emotion. What did you feel?"

"I wanted to kill you," I admit, recalling the overpowering emotions. "I felt rage. Pain. Fear…fear of loss." My eyes land on Zadyn's, and his answering look is filled with grim understanding.

"Now we have something to work with." Jace looks between us. He turns to a wide-eyed servant by the door. "Send for Gnorr. Tell no one what you saw." The young fae female nods and disappears into the hall.

"You should sit down," Zadyn says. "There's glass everywhere."

"My feet are already destroyed." The initial shock has worn off, and I wince with every step I take toward the bed. The glass shards embedded in my arms, legs, and back make themselves known with blossoming pain.

"Is someone going to explain to me what in the seventh hell just happened?" A low-tenored female voice makes me turn my head. Standing behind us, her beautiful face looking baffled, is Clemence. Wrapped in nothing but a bed sheet. Ash decorates her tangled golden hair.

I knit my eyebrows together. When did she sneak in? Oh, god. If she saw what I did, my cover is blown.

"What are you doing here?" My voice lashes out more harshly than I intend.

"We were asleep when you two burst through the door like a pair of wildcats. Seconds later, the room was on fire." Her green eyes narrow as her gaze skips between the three of us.

"Cece," Zadyn starts, "I'll explain everything, but you have to promise to keep what you saw a secret."

"Half the castle staff heard the noises and came running. The entire wing reeks of smoke." She gestures to the hall, then fixes her suspicious eyes on me .

"Please," Zadyn beseeches her. She rolls her eyes but gives a relenting nod. I glance slowly from her to Zadyn as the realization sinks in. He stares back at me, searching for my reaction.

"Get out," I say quietly, turning my gaze away from him. "Everyone."

"Serena—" Zadyn starts. I hold up a hand, cutting him off.

"Zadyn, I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want to find out what happens if I get frustrated again. Take her and get out." My voice is cold. I don't know why I feel deceived, but the stirring of my magic is there, and I won't risk endangering him again.

"Alright." He stands. "I'll come back to check on you in a bit."

He guides Cece from the room with a hand on her lower back. I face forward, staring at the wall adjacent to my bed. The door closes, and I think I'm alone until Jace plops down beside me.

"We should move you. It's not good to breathe in all this smoke."

"I'm not moving. Please go."

"You should be thrilled right now. Instead, you're jealous that your Zadyn slept with Cece?"

"That's what you have to say to me right now?" I level a glare at him. He raises his eyebrows expectantly. "I'm not jealous."

"Liar. You want him to only have eyes for you," he muses, and before I can protest, he presses on. "He is even dumber than he is pretty. Bringing her to his bed, with you just on the other side of the door. That was a foolish mistake. And a dangerous one."

"I'm around her every day."

"That's completely different. This was too close to home. It leaves you exposed. It makes him vulnerable, making you vulnerable. But Cece's right. There were plenty of witnesses to what happened. We can talk to her—feed her some story—but the servants heard and saw too much. We'll need to meet with the king, gather all the witnesses, and do something about it."

"Like what? Bribe the staff to keep my little display a secret? What's the point? People are going to find out, eventually. I just want to stop pretending." I shift, putting weight on my glass-spiked palm. I wince as a wave of sharp pain splices through my hand. Jace takes it in his own and begins to tenderly pick out the shards. I watch him, feeling defeated.

"It will be the king's decision," he says mildly. "You should be elated right now. This was a major breakthrough."

"I—"

"What."

"I don't feel anything. I feel numb. I wasn't even trying to do that."

My memory flashes back to several months ago, standing on the second floor of Tatler's books, staring at my hands after they burned holes through the table of their own accord. It was the feeling of being completely out of control.

"That was only the surface of your power," he says gently. "We're going to find out what else you can do so we understand how to control it."

My throat thickens as I glance at him. I want to lean into his shoulder. I want him to hold me and tell me I'm alright. That I'm not damaged beyond repair, and that this power is not something to fear but to master. I want someone to just tell me it will be okay. The pain of him being so close and so far away is worse than a million glass shards embedded in my skin.

"You…"

" What? " he whispers, his voice fervent.

"You look so much like someone I know." Swallowing becomes difficult with his golden eyes searing into me .

"You said that to me once before. You were close?" His gaze flutters back to my bloody hand.

I nod. "It's just…hard sometimes. To look at you," I admit with a sigh. "But other than that, you're nothing alike."

He watches my face for a long time, then murmurs, "I would say I'm sorry about this"—he extracts another splinter—"but I'm not sorry that you finally harnessed your power. You understand why I did it, don't you?"

"Not really." I huff a laugh.

"I want you to be strong so that you can endure whatever comes your way. I want you to be steady and calm in the face of threat. It's for your own good." I stare at his fingers as they move over mine.

"Can I trust you?" The question falls out of me before I can filter it.

"Probably not."

I laugh grimly. "At least you're honest."

"I'm a realist." His golden eyes flicker up to mine. "I have no qualms about admitting that my interests lie in serving the king. I won't fail in my duty. If it's a Dragon Rider he wants, then I intend to make you a Dragon Rider. That is my sole mission right now."

And what about this? You and me? I almost ask. We had a moment last night before he went from Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll and practically ripped my head off for flirting.

But to even open up that topic would be more pain than it's worth. It would require both of us forgetting about Sorscha. Me forgetting about Jack. Replacing him in my heart for a different male with the same face. And worst of all, it would mean admitting that I have real feelings for this person, this hard-crusted warrior, that I have been trying desperately to stomp out.

Gnorr bustles through the door, cutting my reverie short. She pushes a cart of medical supplies over to the foot of the bed.

"Heard you had quite the episode." She winks at me, her robes billowing as she stops before me. "Off you go, Captain." She tosses him a look, but he doesn't move.

"I'm staying. She is my responsibility," he says nobly. Gnorr looks to me for confirmation.

"He can stay," I say reflexively.

"Very well. At least give me some room to work, Captain."

He releases my hand and goes to sit in the chair across from the bedside, watching Gnorr go to work. She lays me back on the pillow and makes fast work of healing my minor cuts, lifting up two soft, crinkled hands and floating them an inch above me. The splinters extricate themselves from my skin and hover just beneath her fingertips as if her hands were magnets drawing them out. I watch in amazement as she lowers a bowl beneath them, and they gently fall into its waiting depths. She places them aside and douses a linen with a pungent clear liquid. I hiss at the sting as she dabs at my scrapes.

Gnorr asks us to give her a recap of my "episode." Jace does most of the talking because I have no freaking idea what happened when I blacked out.

"I would recommend, Captain, that you not provoke her in future. There are other ways, safer ways, to extract magic."

She finishes up with me, then insists on checking Jace for any injuries. Aside from a couple of already healing cuts, he's fine. As Gnorr is leaving, a steward passes a note to Jace. He opens it and looks at me.

"What is it?"

"The king," he says, holding up the folded paper, "heard of your episode this morning and wants to sit in on training this week. "

"You're kidding." I try to stand but get dizzy and fall back onto the bed.

"Easy, little witch. Don't go blacking out again." He helps ease me back. "This isn't a massive deal. He just wants to observe."

"And if he doesn't like what he sees?"

"Just behave and do as I tell you."

I bite my lip. I'm probably going to dream about those words coming out of his mouth tonight, only in a very different set of circumstances.

Speaking of which…

"I need to find Zadyn."

"He's probably?—"

"Do not say he's probably with Cece."

"I was going to say he's probably settling into his new rooms since you turned his old ones into a pile of ash." Jace looks down at me.

"Well." I slowly get to my feet. "Here goes nothing."

"This I have to see."

"Don't you have something better to do?"

"Better than watching you lay into your little guard dog? Absolutely not." He pauses. "But you should probably change out of that rag first."

I glance down at myself. The still-damp nightgown clings to me, leaving very little to the imagination. I open the armoire, throw on a pair of dark brown trousers and a thin knit sweater, and join Jace in the hall.

We track Zadyn down in his new rooms, which oddly enough happen to be closer in proximity to the princess's ladies. Wonder if that's mere coincidence.

"Knock, knock." I barge in, expecting him to have company. Instead, we find him alone, looking distraught. He is seated at the rich wooden desk by the window, hands buried in his caramel hair.

"Hi." He stands abruptly. "Are you feeling better?"

"I'm peachy," I say with a bite. Jace enters the room behind me, and Zadyn's eyes darken as they shift over my shoulder to him.

"I was just about to check on you. There are some things I need to say." He walks around the desk, stopping before me. "In private."

"If she asks me to go, I'll go," Jace says with an edge to his voice. He stands proudly, chin lifted, chest back.

"What do you want to say, Zadyn?" I press, ignoring his request.

"Well, first of all, I'm sorry about Cece. I wasn't thinking clearly. I should have known bringing her back to my room would risk exposing you. Although I never saw that coming." He shoots Jace a sharp look. "I didn't mean for you to find out about her like that."

I bark a laugh.

"So you're apologizing not because you slept with her, but because you chose to do it in the room adjacent to mine?"

"I'm apologizing because I'm sorry . For all of it." He lays an earnest hand on his chest.

"Why apologize to me? I'm not your mate." My tone reeks of condescension. He looks stunned for a moment, as if I'd struck him.

"Yet you were upset when you saw her earlier."

"I wasn't upset. I had just set a room on fire by total accident. There was a lot going on." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Serena." He levels a look on me. "I know you. Your face says it all. You all but threw us out of the room." He glances at Jace, who stands by the door, watching intently, before giving me a pleading look. I know Zadyn won't say much else in front of him, and I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

I sigh and turn back."Can you give us a minute?"

A hard expression clouds Jace's face, but he promptly exits, leaving me to face Zadyn. The door clicks shut, and a stretch of silence ensues, where we stare at each other, unmoving. Zadyn breaks the silence first.

"You don't have to pretend it didn't bother you."

"It didn't, though. And I'm not sure why you would even think it would."

"Can you drop the act?"

"Can you ?"

"Serena." He shakes his head. I toss my arms up in exasperation.

"You're allowed to do what you want, Zadyn. You can see who you want, fuck who you want?—"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't ?" he interrupts, taking a step closer. His chocolate eyes are wide and vulnerable in a way I've never seen. "I'm asking you now. Tell me if there is because I wouldn't—I won't…is there a reason?"

I've never seen him struggle for words. Usually, he is calm, cool, and collected. Smooth and polished. The perfect courtier. But for the first time, I wonder if Jace might have been right all those times he's implied that Zadyn wants me.

But that would be ridiculous. He's my familiar. He wants to protect me. He doesn't want me , want me. He probably sees me as a sister. A really annoying sister.

Still, I hesitate for a moment before saying, "No. You're free to do as you wish. You don't have to run it by me." I turn away from him, studying the new room.

"If it's the fact that it was Cece that bothers you?—"

It was.

"It wasn't. I told you it didn't bother me. "

"I can tell you're not particularly fond of her."

"If you care so much about what I think, then why did you fuck her, of all people?" My worlds lash out viciously.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "It was one night. I know it's a terrible excuse, but we had been drinking for hours, and she was persistent." His cheeks flood with color. "But you have to know, I never thought that by bringing her to my room it would expose you. I had no idea Jace was going to pull a stunt like that."

"It was an unfortunate set of circumstances, but Jace meant well."

"Did he really?" Zadyn's features twist with rancor. "He threw you through a door."

"He did not. I fell."

"You always defend him. Even when he's hurting you. I'm telling you this because I care about you." Zadyn takes my hands and forces me to look at him. "Don't let your heart blind you to his faults. He's not perfect."

"I know that."

"You look at him like he's?—"

"What?"

"Like he's a god."

I laugh. "No, I don't."

He sighs. "There are so many things you are running from. You need to start facing them."

His eyes are wary as they gloss over me.

"Come here."

He pulls me into his arms and I want to fight him. I want to tell him he's wrong and that he's an idiot but instead I settle into his warmth and breathe him in.

* ? Cue: Little Chaos by Orla Gartland