Chapter 18

As I sat on the edge of the bed watching him sleep, it brought a torrent of memories washing back.

This had been one of the simplest things in life that I enjoyed in a place where neither of us were loved or wanted.

I would spend hours just watching him, pushing his hair out of his face when he would turn over, and fixing his blankets if they managed to come off his body on the nights he grew restless.

I nervously rubbed the palms of my hands against my thighs before I leaned over and gave him a gentle nudge.

A dull pain instantly wracked my body, reminding me of what I had just done to myself, or perhaps it was my own way of being coaxed into leaving this for another day.

“Elijah?”

He grunted slightly as I shook him again, turning to face me and covering his face with a pillow.

I smiled.

Maybe this was a sign that he managed to sleep the demons off, since he was almost always grumpy at having been woken up.

“Wake up,” I whispered softly as I shook him again.

He let out a huff before peeking up at me from under the pillow. He was still groggy but the slight smile on his tired face told me I was doing the right thing.

“How is it morning already?”

“It’s not. Well, not the sunshine kind of morning,” I said as I dropped my hand from his arm.

“Then go to sleep, Aunt Mais,” he grumbled as he reached for me and jerked me toward him.

“Ow!” I yelped at the sudden pain that shot through me.

Elijah instantly sat up, his hair wild on the top of his head and curious apprehension in his eyes.

“Did I hurt you, Mais?”

“No,” I assured him through gritted teeth. I placed a hand on my inner thigh and pressed down, hoping to dull the pain again.

“Are you … are you bleeding?”

“A little bit.”

“Um, okay. I can see if there are any pharmacies around town if you want,” he offered as he scooted toward the edge of the bed and swung his leg over.

“For what?”

“To get you woman stuff,” he replied with a grin as he cast a glance at me over his shoulder. “I won’t get caught, Mais. I’m pretty good at sneaking in and out of places without anyone noticing.”

“It isn’t that, Elijah. I haven’t had one of those since you were a year old,” I confessed softly.

This is the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth.

“I’ll be okay,” I lied as I stood up and walked around the bed. Stopping in front of Elijah, I placed a hand on either side of his shoulders and took a moment to try and gather some of the bravery I had never felt before in my entire life. “I just wanted to give you something.”

“Maisie, you’re bleeding,” he said again, his eyes on my legs. His tone became sterner as he forced himself up onto his foot, then gently sat me down on the bed. Elijah dropped down to one knee, then pried my legs apart, determined to find the source of the blood.

“What the fuck, where are they?” he murmured as he ran his hands up and down my thighs looking for obvious cuts.

I slapped his hands away.

I was becoming frustrated with him thinking that I had gone back to marking my own skin when I had stopped that a couple of years after we started our lives together.

He glanced up at me and arched an eyebrow. “What’s going on, Maisie?”

I turned my face away and shook my head.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

___

I hadn’t expected the sofa to be as comfortable as it was. I also hadn’t expected the waves of nausea that kept crashing over me.

My stomach hurt, my legs were still shaking, but I was finally free.

The feeling of being sick would pass, and if I was lucky enough, maybe I would too.

Elijah Young was no longer the little boy I believed him to be; he could handle this world on his own; I had no concerns about that now.

The only regret I would have is not getting the hug I always wanted, not being able to see Mama and Papa’s face when we knocked on their door, and mostly, not being able to give him what he seemed to always want from me.

Especially now that I had made it possible.

I rolled onto my side, a hand on my aching stomach and my back to the fire.

I heard his voice as soon as I closed my eyes.

“Aunt Mais?”

When I didn’t answer him, I felt part of the sofa dip as he lowered his body down and rested a hand on my arm.

“The kitchen—” His words cut off as his voice cracked, then he cleared his throat and tried again. “What did you do?”

There was nothing I could say to explain myself so I did the only thing I could.

“Scoot over,” I instructed him quietly.

When he took his hand away from my arm and the sofa shifted again, I sat up as best as I could, then reached for his wrist.

If I hesitated, I would never be able to go through with it.

Blowing out my breath, I pushed my blood-stained panties to the side, and moved his finger past my nicked lower lips, as far in as it should have been able to go.

“Holy shit, Maisie,” he breathed.

I looked away and chewed the inside of my mouth nervously. With a nod, I gave his wrist a tug, but he quickly clamped his free hand around mine.

“Why did you do this?” he asked.

In an attempt to wrestle my wrist out of his grip, I ended up moving too hard and hurting myself again.

My core clamped down on the finger still inside of me and I shivered.

“Tell me why, Mais,” he said in a softer tone as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine.

“Because it’s what you wanted,” I whispered.

“I never wanted you to hurt yourself for me,” he replied as he gently began to slide his finger out of me.

“I didn’t know how else—”

“That’s my thing, remember?” he said with a small smile as he pulled his face away from mine and nodded down toward his leg.

“Can you move now?” I asked nervously as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

Elijah grinned as he finally pulled his finger out of me, and I let out a sigh of relief. The pulsating feeling between my legs would cease in a day or two, or at least, that was my hope.

“Come to bed, Maisie.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his outstretched hand and sighed. Was this something I’d be willing to do to make him happy?

I stole a glance up into his eyes and let out a breath as I took his hand. The look in his eyes was almost … normal.

Maybe I could do this last thing for him, and drive out his demons once and for all.