Chapter Twenty-Five The Way to Be Free

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

THE WAY TO BE FREE

For the first time in weeks, I sleep alone in the giant round bed in my residence. No Qieluo, Wan’er, or Qin Zheng in the same room. I couldn’t bear to lie down next to him for another training session after filming the fake crowning. I had to get misted with antiseptic and injected with some kind of anti-microbe serum before stepping inside his quarantine chamber to kneel to him. There’s a limit to how much I can tolerate of him in one day.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, too many thoughts warring in my head. As I toss and turn in the red sheets, a soothing glow comes to my side.

“Tian-Tian…” Big Sister, luminous as the moon, sits on the edge of the bed beneath its translucent silk drapes. She brushes my hair away from my face.

I don’t know if I’m dreaming.

I don’t care.

“ Jiějiě —” I grasp her hand, my voice breaking. “Take me with you.”

She gives a slow shake of head. “You can’t come yet, Tian-Tian. There’s so much you need to fix. Why are you letting them send girls to the battlefield without a choice?”

Something twists in my chest. My grip on her hand goes slack. “Because boys don’t get a choice, so we’ll never be as respected as them if we don’t play by the same rules.”

“Since when did rules matter to you?”

“They matter to the public, and that’s who needs convincing! It’s not like I can get them to magically see girls in a new light without shoving a big change in front of them!” I clutch my face, dragging a breath in and out of my lungs. Then I say, more calmly, “Girls getting to command Chrysalises again is at least a huge step forward. Being held to the same standard of conscription as boys means being recognized as just as capable. Really, the draft exempting us was another way of saying we’re weak. Which we aren’t.”

“Is strength all that matters, Tian-Tian? Only three percent of people have Chrysalis-capable spirit pressures. How does this help the ninety-seven percent of women and girls who don’t?”

My mind goes blank for a few seconds. “They’ll be…inspired. It’s always better to see more women with power.”

Her eyes turn sad. “Is this really what you want? To take more choices away from girls instead of letting them live by their own wishes?”

“They’re not living by their own wishes to begin with! Now, at least these girls won’t be stuck in a house somewhere, pumping out babies over and over!”

“Tian-Tian, not every girl wants to make the same decisions as you. There are those who would like nothing more than to be a mother and care for a family. Me, for example. You know I would’ve been happy with a simple life. Would you make it wrong for women to want that?”

“You’re dead because you cared too much about our family!”

“No, Tian-Tian. I’m dead because I was murdered by a young man who got away with too much. I was not the one in the wrong for sacrificing for those I love. Won’t you make a world where I wouldn’t have been punished for who I was? Or will you only free the women who think and act the exact way you do?”

“Maybe that’s all I can do! And it’s hard enough as it is! I’m not some all-powerful savior; leave me alone!” I turn over and curl up under my covers.

Big Sister puts her hand over my shoulder, then presses a kiss to my head. “The way to free women isn’t by demanding they adapt to the traits men are praised for. Please remember that, Tian-Tian.”

It’s a long while before I dare to look back. By then, she’s gone.