24. Ciel

24

CIEL

1 1/15/24, 10:34 AM

here

As I waited for a response from Ryan, or the Librarian, or someone — anyone — I took a moment to study the people he was with. They were clearly the same individuals in the photo he’d shown me, and there was no denying they were his parents. Both, with their jet-black hair and perfectly hewn features, bore an uncanny resemblance to their son.

They stared at me now not with contempt, but merely wonder. I suspected that this was their first time seeing a real, living, breathing angel — fallen though I was.

“Wait, so you’re Ciel?” Ryan’s father asked.

I looked nervously over at Ryan, who gave me the faintest nod of approval. “Yes, I am.”

“I thought–" the man looked at his son, brow furrowed.

“Ciel’s a man,” Ryan said, his voice shaking.

I wanted to rush over to him and hold him, tell him that everything would be all right, but I couldn’t do that now. Even if I tried, he would merely push me away. Thankfully, the Librarian stepped away from the counter and stood behind Ryan, offering a sort of comforting presence in case things turned sour.

“I thought he was a woman,” his father said quietly. “I mean, I thought you were a woman.”

“No, I am a man,” I said, smiling. “Though, that’s not the first time a mixup has occurred because of my name.” I raised an eyebrow at Ryan, who deliberately looked away from me.

“He’s also an angel,” Ryan added, as though that would be the greater shock of the two revelations.

“We can see that,” his mother said. “I guess I didn’t realize that angels really exist.”

“Oh, we exist, though few walk among the mortals on Earth,” I explained. “Only a few select angels receive that privilege, and I was once one of them.”

“Once?” the mother cocked her head.

“I wasted that privilege, and now I am considered a fallen angel — fallen from Heaven, that is. As you can see, to most, I still appear as a normal angel.”

Ryan’s mother’s expression softened, and as she studied me, his father extended his hand. I took it and he gave it a hearty shake.

“I’m Sean, and this is Rebecca. I hope we didn’t get off on the wrong foot today.”

My smile returned, genuinely this time. “Not at all, sir. As you both seem to know already, my name is Ciel.”

They turned their attention back to Ryan, who stood awkwardly beside the Librarian, arms hugging his chest.

“Ryan,” Rebecca said, “why didn’t you correct us about Ciel?”

“I — I didn’t think you would understand,” he stammered, gazing down at the floor with a level of scrutiny it didn’t merit. “It was easier to let you imagine him as a human woman.”

“Did you think we would be upset if we found out that he’s a man?” Sean asked, his tone soft and unaccusing. Still, my heart pounded as I waited for things to turn in the wrong direction.

Ryan shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t know, and I really didn’t want to find out.”

“Well, we know now, and nothing’s changed,” Rebecca said.

She took a step forward and pulled her son into a hug. He finally relaxed in her arms and, when she let him go, he raised his eyes to face the three of us again.

“I’m sorry for lying,” he said, “and Ciel, I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this.” He shook his head. “The truth is, Ciel and I are no longer together. It was a fun experiment, but it just didn’t work out.”

I closed my eyes to shield myself from the pain of those words. My efforts were futile.

“This is not the way I imagined things would go,” he continued, “but I think it’s best if we leave all this in the past. I am sorry for everything, Ciel. Maybe in a different lifetime, things would have worked out differently.”

I shook my head. “Don’t apologize. I only want you to be happy, and if this is your path to happiness, then pursue it.”

A hushed silence fell over the room. I thought I saw Rebecca wipe away a tear, but she hid her face from me. The Librarian put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and cleared his throat.

“We should leave now.”

“Yes,” Sean agreed quickly. “Let’s get back home. I think we’re all pretty tired from the day, and there’s a lot we still need to talk about.”

Judging entirely by his kind expression, I doubted Ryan’s parents were going to go back to the apartment and scold him in any sort of manner. They, like me, wanted what was best for him.

As he walked past me, Ryan reached out his hand and gave my wrist a squeeze. “I’ll miss you,” he whispered hoarsely. “You have no idea.”

“Oh,” I whispered back, “I think I do.”

I didn’t bother to watch them leave. It would have hurt too much, so instead, I busied myself by browsing books I had no interest in reading.

“Are you all right?” the Librarian asked softly, coming up behind me.

“Yes,” I lied. “Perfectly well. Thank you for asking.”

“Losing someone you love hurts more than anything else,” they said. “I’m afraid I know all too well.”

I set the book I was holding back on the shelf and turned to look down at them. “You’re right, I’m afraid. And you were right when you matched us together — we were meant for each other, weren’t we?”

They nodded. “I believe so.”

“Then there’s no use in trying for another match?”

“There is always the possibility of someone else being out there for you, but no, they will never quite live up to Ryan.”

“Then I suppose it’s time for me to take my leave. There’s nothing more for me here. I’ll see you around, Librarian.”

“Yes,” they said somberly. “And I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

I shook my head. “How can I? He just left — for good.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. But it’s not my place to meddle, so that’s all I shall say. Goodbye, Ciel.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Goodbye, Librarian. And thank you for the rather…illuminating chat.”

They smiled. “I’m always happy to be of help.”

They certainly were, and they’d given me a great deal to think about after such a short chat. But there was nothing I could do now except wait, and if the waiting didn’t kill me, I might just emerge on the other side of this happier than ever.