18. Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen

Felix

I ’d been feeling off all day.

My boss had called me in and told me there was a delay on the position opening up, which sounded a whole like office speak for “this isn’t happening.” And honestly, I went over the events of the weekend, how I wanted to be with Cor so badly and needed to get over myself and tell him how I felt.

So heading to his house for the night would be perfection.

Granted, my weird-as-fuck headspace wasn’t the best for summoning up nerves, but the fact that the only person I wanted to see was Cormac Brannon was telling in and of itself. Normally, when I was in a shitty mood, I holed up by myself, preferring it that way.

Traffic on 95 was horrendous, but at least I wasn’t on the Schuylkill Expressway. I got off the exit, my pulse still thumping hard from a few assholes who decided turn signals were for losers. The rest of the drive slipped into easier territory, just stoplights and suburbia. I’d already been acquainted with the ride to Kennett because Marco and the rents lived there, but now that I was heading to Cor’s multiple times a week, yeah, familiar put it lightly.

My brain had fantasized without permission, of how if things continued between Cor and me, whether I wanted to stay in the city. Truth be told, I liked this area. I liked the folks I knew here too. The main reason I’d stayed away was that I wanted to prove to my family that I could live on my own.

Except Cor built me up so much, made me feel so damn confident, that none of that mattered anymore. Not if he was mine.

A slight headache nagged at me, and the sooner I was off the road, the better. I always got nervous about headaches due to past experiences, and I couldn’t wait to crash on Cor’s couch and watch the documentary we’d both been waiting for. Medieval torture devices were a subject not many would be excited to dive into, but I loved that we shared so many interests.

I pulled up in front of Cor’s house, which was as charming and adorable as he was. While I didn’t have the space for plants in my Philly apartment, apart from a succulent named Norbert, the sight of all the ample land around his house brought the gardening itch back. As a kid, I’d always liked planting things with Mama in the springtime.

Great, now I was mentally moving into his place too, and we still hadn’t even talked about the elephant in the room—about what the fuck this continued fake-lationship meant. I killed the ignition and hopped out of the car, the brisk air only amplifying that subtle, annoying headache.

When I stepped up to the door, it opened.

The sight of Cor in his threadbare gray tee and jeans struck me square in the chest. His eyes crinkled with his genuine smile, and my heart careened all over the place. I’d never met anyone who looked at me like they saw the sunrise, but that was the only way I could describe his expression. And my heart ached with a fierceness that almost brought me to my knees.

“Hey, come on in.” Cor gestured.

I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his. We might be in front of his house in the middle of the street, but I didn’t give a damn. I needed the taste of him on my lips, to bask in the comfort his presence delivered. Plus, Kennett could use a little livening up. His mouth on mine was pure electricity, and I savored the way he lit me up. How I’d gone from sulking over a breakup to this incandescently happy was a mystery. However, one thing was becoming perfectly clear.

I couldn’t let this slip through my fingers.

The bristles of his beard brushed against my chin, and I nipped at his lower lip, then slid my tongue in again for a deeper kiss. As if we could somehow merge and become one.

When I drew back, he watched me with those soft eyes, the ones I’d been catching more often from him that just kicked me straight in the sternum.

“As much as I’m happy to keep kissing you, maybe we shouldn’t give the neighbors a show,” Cor said, stepping away. He tilted his head toward the door.

“Maybe we should.” I waggled my brows, which earned me a grin and flared nostrils. Yeah, the idea appealed to me too. I didn’t know what it was about this man, but the desire to bend him over any available surface rose to the surface constantly. If there was a little risk or an audience, all the better.

“Get your ass in here,” Cor said. “I swear, I never pulled this kind of shit before.”

“So what you’re saying is I make your life endlessly more interesting.” I closed the door behind me.

“Yeah, you do.” He looked back at me, pure tenderness shining in his gaze, and fuck, bad day gone. Butterflies exploded in my chest, and adrenaline coasted through me, excising anything that had been weighing me down. “But I’m not useless. I know you had a rough day, so I picked up dinner and snacks. I figured we could wind down and play some games.”

My heart thudded hard. I sped up a few paces to grab his hand. “Nothing about you is useless, Cormac Brannon. I’m pretty partial to every little thing about you.” My skin felt like it’d been peeled back with how vulnerable those words were, but thank fuck, Cor didn’t respond, simply squeezed my hand as we headed into his living room.

“So, Metroid or Mario?” He let go of my hand and sank into the couch. The coffee table held a grocery bag and a large paper bag that smelled like meat and cheese.

“Metroid, babe,” I said, my curiosity getting the better of me. I popped open the grocery bag, which held unsweetened iced tea and a bag of tostones chips. My eyes watered slightly because fuck allergies, and I swallowed hard. Goddamnit, he was the most thoughtful person I knew. And he supported me in ways that didn’t make me feel weak or like shit. Just lifted me up when I needed it.

Fuck waiting. Fuck questioning the best damn thing to ever land in my lap.

Cor was it for me.

He was the first person I wanted to talk to every day, and we texted until late in the night. And it had been that way from the moment we met.

I wasn’t always the brightest, but I wouldn’t pass up on pure magic when I recognized it. I understood how rare connections like this were.

When I turned to face him, an intense sense of déjà vu struck, along with roiling in my stomach. The sensation grew, freezing me to the spot.

Oh, shit.

“Cor, seizure,” I murmured and followed the steps I’d taken a million times before. I slowly lowered to the ground, moving away from the coffee table, and turned onto my side. The seconds stretched out for ages while at the same time zipped by faster than I could count. Cor dropped to his knees beside me with a thump. Everything slowed to a molasses crawl, my stomach in a full-out riot. My limbs felt frozen, my mind like a static storm was about to descend.

“Fuck, what do I—”

Before I could respond, the seizure overtook me.

My body ached.

“You’re going to be okay.” Cor’s voice soothed with a steadiness I’d heard in brief instances, even though most of whatever amount of time had passed was a big ol’ blank spot. I flexed my fingers. Thank god I had control, even if the muscle movement was weak.

I blinked hard, trying to regain my vision.

I hated this part. Well, I hated all of it, to be honest, but the coming back online after a seizure was the worst. The embarrassment at how helpless I’d been, not knowing what had happened during. Those unknowns made me feel flayed open in the worst possible way, and in that vulnerable state, I had to deal with bystanders—whoever happened to witness it.

My head ached, but no worse than it had in the morning, which should’ve been a tip-off. I’d been feeling off all day, but I’d been so distracted I hadn’t paid attention to the prodromal phase. Bully for me.

Cor loomed over me, his hand heavy on my hip. He stared down at me, those gorgeous blues widened in fear. My chest sank. This…this was where it would change.

“Hey,” I murmured, my voice raspy. I didn’t want to move my limbs, which were trying to sink into the hardwood flooring, but that would get uncomfortable as shit soon.

“Oh, thank fuck.” Cor reached up with his free hand and ran his fingers along my jaw. “You asshole. You never warned me how scary that shit is to watch.”

I tried to crack a grin, but my muscles still fought me. I hadn’t glanced down to see the state of the rest of me because that required a bit more movement than I was ready for. The worst times were when I lost control of my bladder or bowels during seizures, which wasn’t frequent, but fuck. The self-loathing that followed was rough. The idea of Cor seeing me like that? Dread trickled through me, weighing me down even more.

The seizures hit less frequently than when I was a kid, but in a way, that made it worse. Some days, I got it into my head that I was cured, that finding the right meds had fixed me, so when they did descend, my ego took the blow too.

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to lift my arms again. Cor wasn’t moving, just kneeling next to me with that quiet steadiness I loved about him. I’d expected him to be fluttering over me, having a major reaction I’d have to manage too, but instead, he stayed silent, his palm resting on my hip.

“Give me an arm up.” I hated that I needed the assistance but wanted to be upright at a faster pace than I was capable of. Once I could assess the damage, I could start figuring out my situation.

Cor offered his arm and yanked me upright with ease. Thankfully, the postseizure symptoms were gone, just a mild headache and the weakness in my limbs that would fade.

I glanced down at my pants. Thank fuck. “At least I didn’t shit myself.”

“That’d be a crap situation,” Cor said deadpan.

I stared at him, dumbstruck. “Was that a joke?”

He winced and squeezed his nape. “Obviously, not a great one. So—”

Before he could apologize, I leaned forward and brushed my lips to his. Pure joy filtered through my system, even in the wake of the scare. Holy fuck, this man. Over the years, I’d faced every sort of reaction to my seizures, but no one had ever cracked a joke right after one. It made me feel normal in a way I needed, and it only confirmed the truth that had been circling in my brain.

I was in love with Cormac Brannon.

I pulled away from the kiss and tipped my forehead against his, basking in his touch, his presence. “That was the best damn joke I’ve heard. Don’t you dare apologize.”

“Oh, so terrible puns are your style?” Cor cupped my cheek and stroked the side of my cheek with his thumb. “Good to know. I’ve got a storehouse of them from my family.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” The relief flooding my veins right now was so fierce I could barely breathe, but I didn’t pull away. Far too easily, I could imagine forever with this man, something I only let my mind wander to standing on the balcony of my apartment and staring out at the broad expanse of the city. All that vastness, all those people just made me feel like potential swarmed down there, waiting for me to find it.

However, it’d been in the form of one big bear of a man who’d sauntered into the sword fighting class I signed up for.

And he’d stolen my heart ever since.

“What do you say we move this party to the couch?” Cor asked. “My knees have gone numb. And I’m old and weathered.”

“You’re not even thirty,” I shot back, even as I started to test my legs. They were still weaker than normal, but I was able to push myself up.

“Okay, you try working as a contractor and see how ancient and decrepit your limbs become, IT boy.” His eyes sparkled with amusement, not the revulsion or pity I’d feared. Gratitude rushed through me again at how fast he’d switched to normalcy. How he teased me rather than hovering.

“Nah, I’d rather watch you get sweaty instead.” I batted my lashes for effect.

He shook his head and let out a groan. “You can’t tease me like that.”

“About what? Spreading your sexy cheeks and tasting you until you scream? Or taking your cock down my throat until you unload?” We’d frotted a hell of a lot, and he’d ridden my cock plenty, but a lot of times, the timing and locations didn’t lend themselves to taking him apart piece by piece with my mouth, and I was desperate to.

“You’re a monster.” Cor sank back onto his couch. He patted beside him. “Get over here and explain if there’s anything you need postseizure.”

“Mostly just some cooldown time,” I said, plunking down next to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I cuddled against him, basking in the sharp vetiver scent. The man was pure sex, and mentally I wanted to fuck his brains out, but physically, I needed a few hours to just chill after what had happened. “You handled everything well. Do you have questions?”

My shoulders tensed as if bracing for an onslaught. Yet if I wanted anything more with him, I had to give him a chance. I had to let him in.

“You’ve mentioned the basics,” he said, the rumble of his voice against my ear soothing. “And I researched the rest online. You don’t get them often, right? And you seemed to have an idea it was coming.”

“Sometimes I get prodromal symptoms, and I sensed the aura when the seizure was about to happen.” I ran my fingers through my hair, my skin feeling pasty in the wake of everything. “It can get uglier than that though. Just so you’re aware.”

Cor arched a thick brow. “Is that your attempt at scaring me away?”

“Maybe a little bit,” I murmured. My heart was running off with me, and those three words I’d been gulping back bubbled to the surface, to the point that it physically hurt keeping them from him.

“Yeah, going to have to try harder than that. I’m not going anywhere.”

My heart clenched hard. Those words were everything I needed to hear from a partner and could’ve only hoped for.

Cor stared ahead as if searching for something, and his shoulders tensed. Tucked in the crook of his arms, I felt every micromovement, and I lapsed into silence. My heart beat a million miles a minute, and the urge to blurt out everything I’d restrained was so strong, but I also wanted to give him space to speak.

I was well aware Cor didn’t often carve that space for himself.

“In case it hasn’t been obvious for a while now, I’m in love with you,” Cor said. The words landed stark in the velvet quiet between us.

Wait, full stop. My brain was sluggish with processing, but my heart rioted in my chest. Giddiness burst within me, pure champagne bubbles and Pop Rocks.

“And this might bite me in the ass. This might not even be what you want, and that’s okay. But I’m tired of not speaking up, and I don’t want to let the potential for something amazing pass me by. I don’t want this to be fake anymore. Because it’s never been fake for me.”

My throat tightened as if a golf ball lodged there, and my eyes burned. This man. I didn’t believe life had much in store for me other than a lonely road, but Cor made me believe in more. He made me hope, made me dream.

I surged up and pressed my lips to his.

My eyes grew watery as I kissed him hard, gripping his nape. We twisted on the couch, and I forced my limbs into motion to climb onto his lap, straddling him. His hands settled around my waist, and my heart jumped against my ribs. Part of me had known, deep down, even if I’d tried to convince myself opposite. That Cor had always been mine. My chest filled with a swell of emotions unparalleled to anything I’d experienced before.

This was the elation of a home game win at the rink, the high of swords clashing in the middle of a match. It was every soft look Cor gave me, every time he melted around me. I drank in the euphoria coursing through my veins with this kiss, which was an answer, a promise, a benediction.

I pulled back, his lips a breath away from mine. “It wasn’t fake for me either.”

“Really?” Cor said. The hushed wonder in his tone just about broke me.

“I fucking love you, Cormac Brannon.” I wrapped my hands around his nape. “I think I’ve been falling since I met you, even if I didn’t realize it.”

“But you were with Aria,” he said, those blue eyes shining.

Fuck, my feelings were so intense they bordered on painful. Like I’d torn my heart out of my chest and handed it to him. “Apparently, that was one of the reasons we broke up. She realized I was obsessed with you before I did.”

“No shit.” Cor’s lips curled the slightest bit as if the same giddiness rushing through me also threatened to drag him in. “I thought it was just a hopeless crush on the straight guy.”

I ran my thumb across his lower lip. “Not sure how straight this is, gorgeous.”

“Not very.” His voice was husky, his pupils blown out, and a need to bury myself inside him gripped me. Except my legs were still jelly, and the lingering ache in my head was not going to love that route.

“Stupid seizure. I want to fuck you so badly.”

He slid his palms underneath my shirt, his bare hands on my skin, and I shivered. My cock tried to wake up, but I was tapped as fuck after that episode.

“How long do you usually need to recover from a seizure?” he asked. Cor was nothing but surprises. Rather than complain or treat me like I needed to be wrapped in plastic, he just asked me my limits.

“Depends on the severity and what aftereffects I’m dealing with. A nap should take care of it.”

Cor shrugged. “Okay, so we put on a crappy movie and pass out on the couch for a little while. It’s been an intense day, but I’m with you. That’s all I need.”

I swallowed hard, my eyes burning again. Fucking hell. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too,” he said quietly. Then his eyes got a wicked glint to them. “But after the nap, if you’re up for fucking me senseless, I’ve got an idea.”

My heart soared.

“As long as you’re with me, I’m up for anything.”