Chapter 17

"Hey now."Jackson took one of Dell's hands in his, lifting it toward his face, turning Dell's palm to better examine his nails. "These are real nice."

"Jackson." Vik hit their husband on the shoulder. "My man. This one is not for us."

Jackson frowned, still inspecting Dell's fingers. A fierce blush was sweeping rapidly up Dell's neck, and Mae bit her lip, unable to keep her eyes from it.

"I can still look." Jackson's eyes flicked to Dell's. "As long as it's okay with him."

"Um," Dell said.

"Let's start the tour!" Vik clapped their hands, and Jackson finally let Dell's hand drop. "This, as you can see, is the kitchen. And moving through here?—"

"That's a beautiful dog." Dell stopped five seconds into the tour to point to a picture on the wall of Daisy, Jackson and Vik's old pitbull. And, well, if Dell didn't want Jackson's adoration, complimenting Daisy wasn't the way to go about it.

Jackson stopped alongside him in the hall. "She was the best dog."

"I'm gonna show Mae where they'll be sleeping," Vik called, dragging Mae away. "Catch up with y'all in a sec."

"Vik," Mae said as she was hauled into Vik's office, where the loveseat folded out to a bed. "You know I know where I'm sleeping. I've slept here like, a bunch of times, even if it's always an awful decision for my back."

"I know." Vik let go of Mae's arm with a shrug. "But I wanted to give those two a moment. And ask you how the drive was."

"It was…" Mae stared at Vik's desk. "Good."

"That's seriously all you're going to give me."

"Listen, it was! I…talked about Jesus, a little." Mae shifted on her feet. "I got sad."

Vik looked down, shifting on their feet right alongside her. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. But I felt…okay. Being sad with him."

Vik glanced up at her.

"You really have to find out more about this fuck buddy."

Mae sighed. "I know. Anyway, your hike was good?"

"Yeah. It was great."

Mae and Dell had already been to Mae's storage unit, filling up half of Dell's truckbed before she got overwhelmed. She had forgotten, somehow, about half of the things she owned. How much she had missed those things.

And how she had no idea, aside from the things she wanted to use for the shop, where she was going to put them.

She should have thought through this trip so much more. About how it would make her face the fact that she couldn't live in Dell's mother's ADU forever. About how being in Portland again would make her feel, a Portland where she no longer had her own home: a confusing, overwhelming combination of comforted and hollow.

It had simply seemed like a good idea, back in the warmth of Vik's surprise visit to Greyfin Bay. A way to not have to say goodbye to Vik. To not have to deal with the plywood in Bae Books's window.

Dell had taken it in stride when Mae had to stop only a third of the way through the storage unit without being able to fully explain why. "We'll have plenty of time to come back tomorrow, right?" he'd said with a smile that made her want to kiss him, and they'd gotten a late lunch at one of Mae's old favorite sandwich shops, where Mae consumed a sandwich that tasted so good she'd almost cried.

"We're not both supposed to sleep on that, are we?"

Mae turned at Dell's voice. He stood in the doorway, casting a skeptical glance at the foldaway.

"Oh, no," Vik said. "I figured you'd take the couch in the living room."

"The couch is good," Dell said, a second before Jackson appeared behind his shoulder.

"Or," Jackson said with a smile, eyes sparking at Vik, "You could join us in our?—"

"Let's show you that couch next." Vik plowed through both Dell and Jackson at the doorway, giving Jackson a smack on the hip as they passed.

Dell stopped short as they entered Jackson and Vik's light-filled living room.

"There are…a lot of plants in here," Dell observed. Mae held a hand to her heart. She had missed this house.

Jackson laughed.

"It's these two." He tilted his head toward Mae and Vik. "They're like a they/them gardening platoon."

"A platoon?" Vik asked incredulously as they walked toward their army of monsteras. "That's the best word you could come up with?"

"I like it," Mae said. "It sounds like…a cute fat duck or something."

Vik shook their head. "Never tell that to the armed forces."

"Oh, these are looking great." Mae leaned closer to take a look at the African violets, the Christmas cactus, the numerous jades.

"Yeah. The sun's been kind to us this fall."

A vision hit Mae of Dell in his safety goggles, leaning over his work bench on the back porch of the shop, a ray of light slashed across his hair.

"Yeah," she agreed.

And then she turned to look back at Jackson and Dell, standing a few feet away, together in a pool of light from the wide window. And?—

Mae stared at them a moment more, suddenly agog.

Vik snorted. Mae's phone vibrated in the pocket of her hoodie.

Vik: are you really just seeing it?

Mae: they look EXACTLY ALIKE

Mae: okay not exactly

Mae: but close enough

Jackson was thinner, and didn't have The Voice—and Mae felt grateful for that, because their friendship would have been perhaps a touch different, if he did—but still.

Vik was full on laughing now.

Vik: told you I understood falling in love with Dell

Mae: there is something too queer about this

Mae: I just can't put my finger exactly on it

"Hey. Earth to Vik and Mae."

Mae glanced up at the sound of Jackson's voice. And noted his single raise of an eyebrow. Which was…almost exactly mirrored on Dell's face.

She dissolved into giggles.

"You do realize," Jackson continued, "that the two of you are just standing there, right next to each other, texting each other?"

"Yeah," Vik shot back, "as is our right, as friends."

"Well, sorry to break up this weird moment," Jackson said, "but we should get going to dinner soon."

"Dinner?" Dell put a hand on his belly, glanced at Mae. "We sort of just ate…"

"Sorry." Mae stuffed her phone back in her pocket, ran the backs of her thumbs over her eyes to calm herself. "We're meeting everyone for dinner soon. You can stay here and relax"—she returned Dell's glance—"if you want."

But Dell only held her gaze for another beat before he shrugged and said, "Nah, that sounds good. I'd like to meet everyone."

Jackson led Dell back to the kitchen then, chattering on about his sourdough starters. Mae watched Dell's retreating form. She never quite stopped watching Dell, really: as they met the whole gang at their favorite pizza place—minus Dorsa and Camille, as expected, and of course, Steve and Jesus. As he dozed in an armchair back at Jackson and Vik's afterward, his beard nuzzling into his chest. She watched his shoulders move under his T-shirt as he prepared to sleep on the couch. "I'm all right out here, Mae," he finally said to her as she lingered. "I've slept on couches before."

And yet Mae hovered a minute more. Struggling to see, as she had all day, any signs of tension in those shoulders, hiding in the corners of his eyes. Any indications that he was regretting this, being here, in Portland. But he only looked back at her, eyes tired but calm.

"Go to sleep, Mae."

She bit her lip.

"Thank you," she said softly. Vik and Jackson were already in bed. "For coming with me."

Dell's gaze was steady.

"I'm having a good time."

And maybe he was telling the truth. He'd smiled with everyone, laughed a few times at dinner while he nursed a soda. Maybe he only wanted her to go to bed.

"See you in the morning," she finally said.

"See you in the morning."

And as she tucked herself into the foldaway in Vik's office, only a wall away, she thought about how nice it had felt, saying goodnight to Dell.