Chapter Twenty-Six

Post-Cruise Tour: Denali National Park

"Not bad, Coach," I said when he'd rejoined me and the family was on their way.

"Kids love me, what can I say?"

We rambled slowly along the trail.

He chewed his lip. "I was thinking about last night. The job stuff. Or major, I mean. Physical education."

Right. Of course that was what he meant. Not…the other part of last night. Which I simultaneously wanted to repeat and also never think about again. "What about it?"

"I want to do it," he said, his face intense.

"Tanner, that's fantastic." I grabbed his hand and then immediately tried to let go but he wouldn't let me.

"I don't know what my parents will say."

"It's a great career, making a difference in lives, like the mentoring you do. Besides, wasn't that why you asked me to help? Tell them it was my idea. Or I can be there when you talk to them, if you need backup. They saw what you did today, and they were impressed."

He studied me. "Will you keep helping me?"

"Of course. What do you need?" I didn't even have to think about my answer.

"How do I do it? Pick a school and…I don't know."

"You said you're hoping for a football scholarship?" I paused atop a low hill, and he stopped beside me.

"Yeah, but I'm not good enough for a big school."

"How does that work? Do you apply or do they recruit you?"

"Both. Either."

"So find schools you like and reach out to them, then also see who approaches you. Research programs and what classes they require. Maybe talk to the colleges about coaching, too. Like if you play, would there also be opportunities to learn about coaching. Ooh, or volunteer this fall, coach a kids' team. You'd be great at it."

When I stopped, he had a slight smile. His face felt close, his gaze warm.

"What?"

"Your planning skills are impressive."

"Oh. Thanks." A tingle skittered across my skin.

"I'm gonna need that plan in writing," he said.

"I can do that."

"You didn't do it for yourself, did you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Research programs and classes."

I studied the mountains. "I decided where I want to be."

"Close to home."

"Yeah. Why, do you think that's bad?" I couldn't read his face.

"All that matters is what you think. If you like LA and you find a college you like and a good program that helps you on the path to where you want to be, that's what matters."

"But you think I should look other places."

"Do you think you should look other places?"

I pointed at him. "Jordan uses that Jedi mind trick on me. I'm immune to it."

He smirked. "If you decide to look more, I can be your research buddy. Helping each other is working well."

It was. Maybe too well.

We seemed to realize at the same time how close we were standing. We jumped apart and walked to the bus in silence.

As we boarded, they handed out snack boxes. The box contained jerky, an apple, trail mix, crackers, and a cookie. We spread the items across our laps.

"Yes, I'm eating the cookie," I said before Tanner could ask.

"What about the elk jerky?"

"You can have that if I get your apple, since you don't like them." I plucked it from his box.

"Gross, take it." He unwrapped his jerky and extended it. "Try a bite."

I ate from his hand. The meat had a smoky flavor different from regular jerky. I must have wrinkled my nose because he took it back and grabbed mine, too. When we reached the trail mix, he shook out both bags into the box lid, plucked out the almonds and half the chocolate chips for himself, and left me the peanuts, raisins, and the other half of the chocolate.

"Perfect," he said, and it was.

Our next stop was along the rocky bank of a broad river. A small building contained a gift shop and displays about animals. Outside, a bench held a variety of real antlers, like some kind of disturbing animal graveyard.

Tanner held them to his head and had me take pictures of him pretending to be a caribou then a Dall sheep, making noises he thought the animals would make, which sounded a lot like an injured Chewbacca.

People were laughing. And…when had I started finding him charming and funny instead of supremely annoying? Before or after the desire to kiss him?

Which I was definitely not thinking about.

"Come on, S'more. You know you want to be a moose." He waved a giant moose antler at me, and it could've been a weapon. I wouldn't want an animal charging at me with those suckers.

I took it from him, and it was heavier than I'd expected. We each held one up, then he slipped an arm around my waist and we posed while someone snapped a photo of us as a two-headed moose.

His fingers were slow to leave my back. When he took the antler, his fingers lingered on mine. I avoided looking at him. Was he messing with me? He'd been the one to apologize for the kiss. Maybe this was all in my head and he meant nothing by any of it.

We wandered away, along the riverbank.

Tanner stared at the sky. "I bet the stars are great out here."

"Too bad it doesn't get dark enough to see them until later in the year. And that it's cold and bear-infested in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to camp out here."

"S'more…"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking."

"That's dangerous."

"About Astronomy Club." His voice was soft, and he was staring at the view, not me.

"About how I was right, and I should have won?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, what?" I stopped.

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "It's always been your thing. You should do it."

I blinked. At him. At the hillside he was staring at, in case the words were written across the mountain and that would somehow make them make sense. "But you were right. Everyone voted."

"You came in second, though. If I step down, it's yours."

"Why would you…?" I didn't know what to say.

"Did I ever tell you why I joined?"

"I've been wondering for three years, honestly. I figured it was to mess with me." Considering the first day he'd walked in, he'd asked if Astronomy Club was about zodiac signs.

"It might have started that way. Freshman year, my parents wanted me to do something other than sports. Again, there was that whole thing of them liking you, so I figured if I did a club you did, they were sure to approve."

"That's partly why I joined the service club sophomore year. That, and Jordan begged me to."

His lips twitched. "Well, I found I actually liked Astronomy Club. Although I don't appreciate the hard science parts as much as you."

"Your pathetic attempt at a rocket was evidence of that."

"Fair point. But I like the stars. Imagining what's out there."

Huh. "Yeah. Me too."

"So," he said, finally turning to me, and there were galaxies of unspoken words in his eyes. "You should lead. It means more to you. I'll say I'm too busy."

"Are you going to leave the club?" I found I didn't want to imagine it without him.

"Aw, would you miss me? Nah, I plan to stay. Just under new leadership." He gave me a mock salute.

A sensation like warm honey poured down my spine. "Tanner, I don't know what to say."

"Thanks is a good start. And that you'll get me an appreciation milkshake."

"I'll buy all your milkshakes from this point forward." The words were out before I realized I liked the picture they painted, of milkshakes being something we'd do together for a long time to come.

"I'll email Mr. Lin when we get home," he said. "So you'd better start planning."

"Thank you. And…we can talk about the camping trip. Since everyone else liked the idea. You'll have to help."

"Deal."

He folded my hand in his and left it there as our eyes met.

It might have been the most seen I'd ever felt.

Back on the bus, we didn't try to avoid bumping each other. Our sides pressed as if on purpose. It didn't have to mean anything. The ride was easier this way, so I didn't startle every time we touched, that was all.

We drove to a final lookout point, and the skies had cleared enough to let us see the enormous Denali in the distance. In the foreground were more green hills, but above them, the peak loomed, brilliant white and towering.

Even from far away, it stole my breath, made me pause in wonder.

The bus turned around to drive back. We saw more grizzlies up in the hills and a fox along the road.

Then the vehicle stopped and the guide told us to look out the left-hand side. A grizzly and two cubs were playing on the hill above us, scampering toward the road. When they reached it, the cubs continued on, but the mom stopped to meander along the gravel shoulder.

It was right outside the window. It seemed to be ignoring us,but I could see its bristly fur, its giant paws. I couldn't look away, like if I did, if I blinked, it would appear right in front of me, mouth opened, teeth bared, claws raised, Weeping Angel style.

Did the bear see this bus like a person saw a can of olives? All she had to do was find a way to rip it open, and inside were lots of plump, juicy morsels waiting to be devoured.

Olives were gross—too squishy and slimy—but whatever.

The point was, how secure was this vehicle?

Tanner's hand landed on my knee. "Breathe. It's fine. Look, it isn't even paying attention to us."

His voice was quiet, reassuring. The hand was meant to be but instead made every nerve in my body fire at once, radiating outward from the contact.

The cubs were playing on the hillside. And maybe they were cute, in a man-eating way. The mom eventually rambled after them and they moved out of sight.

I exhaled slowly. Everyone else lowered their cameras and settled into their seats.

I had survived my first grizzly encounter. Okay, it didn't fully count as an encounter because of the bus. But I was choosing to see it that way.

Tanner's hand remained on my knee as the bus moved on. I wanted to take it, lace my fingers through his. But after his reaction last night, I was afraid that would make him pull away, soI sat very still and hoped he might forget it was there, not that I could.

When we passed the visitors center and rejoined the highway, heading into the town, small as it was, I was relieved.

I was feeling tiny and insignificant. Awed. I couldn't deny Denali was beautiful and wild and impressive. But the familiarity of civilization felt safer, more comfortable.

"Maybe it's good to be challenged like that sometimes," Tanner said. "To remember how big the world is."

"I can remember that by looking at pictures or watching a nature show."

He laughed, though I hadn't been joking "Do you watch nature shows? I thought the science shows you liked were about buildings and bridges and spaceships."

"I didn't say I did, just that I could. "

He laughed again. "Come on, wasn't that impressive today? We should go hiking tomorrow. See it on foot. There are trails from the visitors center, not all the way into the park like today. A few miles, enough to experience it."

He expected me to say no. I wanted to. Today had demonstrated how much wildlife existed in the park and how small we were in comparison. But I didn't want to let him down, see his disappointment if I said no. He'd gone out of his way to help me this trip. I could take a risk and do this for him.

"Maybe a short hike," I said.

He pumped his fist. "Yes. It will be awesome. You'll see."

I wasn't sure I believed him.

At the lodge, Wi-Fi revealed messages I'd missed while being in the wilderness all day. I had several from Jordan.

And another from Caleb. He'd said we should talk, and once again I hadn't replied. I expected a thrill, a quickened heartbeat when I saw his name, but…nothing. I must have been tired, that was all.

I read Jordan's texts first, without opening Caleb's. She'd sent updates on her job, the conversation she'd had with the cute brother, and her sister's attempts to learn volleyball. While I was responding, I got an alert and clicked over to find Tanner had tagged me again.

It was a picture I hadn't known he'd taken, of me standing on top of a hill with all of Denali spread before me. The wind had blown my hair back to reveal the blue stripes.

I hadn't been posting as many photos lately. Because I had properly proved I was fun? Or because I'd decided I didn't need to? Caleb was writing, so obviously something was working.

When I opened his message, I dropped my phone. I caught it just before it hit the ground.

I made a mistake. I don't want to throw away what we had. Please respond, Savannah. I miss you.