24: ONYX

"You don't have to transfer me to your New York office, Onyx."

"I don't mean to offend you. I just thought that it might be easier—"

"If we didn't have to work so hard to avoid each other. I know. I didn't want to tell you this because I wanted to wait until the project was finalized. But now that the building has begun, I wanted to let you know that I have taken your suggestion."

"What's that?" I ask, frowning as Sharla hands me an envelope.

"Basically, you told me that you saw me as a business owner, and I said that I could never see that. Well, I started doing the research, applying for grants, and putting together a business proposal. I submitted it to a backer and received the funding that I needed. A couple of weeks ago, I signed the lease on a space for my business office."

I open the envelope as I listen to her. A frown etches itself firmly on my forehead as I read the words before me.

"You're resigning?"

"I am. I agree with you that it's in neither of our best interests to work together anymore, at least not in this capacity. If I had seen everything that would have come from this, I never would have accepted the job. I didn't come here to destroy your life, Nyx, no matter what it may look like."

Standing, I place the letter on my desk and shove my hands into my pockets. "I know that you didn't, Shar. I know that it was a fusion of several notions that brought us to this place. So, what is your business?"

"A management consulting company. I'll provide analysts and consultants from various backgrounds to companies looking for short-term resolutions in staffing, project management, and financial spaces."

Smiling, I nod at her and say, "Is that here in Charleston?"

"Actually no, it isn't. I'm going back to the West Coast where I can be closer to Jose. The boy's getting older, and I want to continue being an integral part of his life. So, I'm moving to Los Angeles."

"Wow. That's a lot and fast."

Shrugging, she says, "I'm well acclimated to last-minute adjustments. You'd be surprised at how well I can adjust in a relatively short amount of time."

"Well, congratulations. You gave us a four-week notice."

"I didn't want to leave Neha in a bind. I know that she doesn't want me to leave, but...it's what I need...what we both need."

"Sharla, if you want to stay and serve the four weeks, that's fine. But you can also get a head start on your business and leave whenever you'd like. When I was preparing the proposal to transition you to head up our HR division in New York, I also identified someone who could step into your role with little notice. Byron George on the fourth floor filled part of your role until Neha hired you."

"Oh, I do know Byron! He's a great fit for that role."

I nod. "So again, it's up to you, but feel no pressure to wait that long."

She smiles and looks away. "It would make it easier on you, too, wouldn't it?"

I smile and nod. "You could say that, but the choice is yours."

Inhaling deeply, she replies, "This has been an amazing few months. I've learned so much about business myself and made some great business contacts. I look forward to what my future holds, but I want to thank you for taking a chance on me even when you had reservations at the beginning."

"You're welcome, Sharla. You've brought a lot to my company, and Byron will have some big shoes to fill."

"I'm sorry about Meadow and the part that I played in it."

I nod and reply, "This may sound crazy, but maybe this needed to happen for me to see reality. Losing her was what I needed to see how much of her I took for granted. Now, I only pray that I can find my way to her again and that she won't give up on me."

Sharla takes a step forward, grabs my hands, and squeezes them. "You're a good man, Nyx. Don't be too hard on yourself. You made a not-so-great decision and you're paying the price for that. Next time around, when she comes back, treasure her, but be good to yourself, too."

"Why does this sound like we were already at goodbye when you were prepared to stay four weeks when you first walked through that door?" I ask, squeezing her hands and then dropping them.

Inhaling and then exhaling loudly, she says, "I was hoping that you would release me before the four weeks were up. It's been tense for both of us working together after what happened."

"You've been professional about it all."

"And so have you. But there's only so much a person can take. If I have to work one more late evening with you, I might lose all this professionalism, and you'll take back every word you've said about me."

"Horny much?"

"Damn, sure am."

She laughs and says, "Take care, Nyx. I'm heading out, and although I have some things to tie up before I'm officially gone, I think I'll be working remotely for the next two weeks."

"That works for me. Just stop by IT and make all the arrangements."

"Will do. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"You do the same, Shar."

I watch as she walks out of the door, and this time, I know that I will never see her again. Yet, I'm thankful that she came back into my life to show me what I really had in MJ. I'm thankful that we finally got closure, no matter how twisted it came.

I pick up the phone and dial a number. Waiting for it to ring, I think about how some things have remained the same while others have changed drastically.

"Hello, this is Dr. Ian."

"Ian, it's me, Onyx."

"What's up, my friend?"

"I think I'll take you up on your offer."

"Hey, no better time than now. Meet me at the house. Melanie and the girls just left for a girls' weekend. I was just about to put some steaks on the grill. You can come help, and we can chat about some things."

Leaning down to close out the windows on my computer, I shut it down.

"Sounds good, man. I'll see you in about twenty."

"All right, Onyx."

I end the call and stuff the phone into my pocket.

Dr. Ian Hartwell is an old college buddy of mine and also a psychologist. We see one another about three or four times a year, usually for gatherings he holds at his house.

About a month ago, he invited MJ and me to a cookout he and his wife were hosting. I declined, to his disappointment. When he asked if everything was okay, I found myself telling him that it wasn't.

He invited me to talk about it and asked if either of us needed therapy. I told him that MJ did, but she was averse to the idea. Ian had suggested that maybe I needed therapy, too. I'd laughed and told him that I was just fine and he'd said the offer was on the table if ever I changed my mind.

I head out of my office earlier than normal.

"Hey, are you going for a walk?" Alicia asks.

"No, I'm leaving for the day."

Her eyes widen as she asks, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is going to be just fine, Alicia."

She smiles and says, "Good, I'm glad to hear that."

Deep in my heart, I truly believe that, too.

***

The envelope is pink and yellow. It sits in the middle of a stack of bills with the cable bill and phone bills being on top.

I toss all the other mail onto the table and head into my den. I don't bother to remove my shoes or suit jacket but instantly slide a letter opener under the envelope.

My hands tremble as I remove the paper. It's thick card stock. Her lilac scent wafts up from the paper.

––––––––

O,

I smiled and laughed so hard when I saw that picture. The memories that it brought out. What a beautiful spring day that was. I don't know if you remember, but afterward, we had tacos that night on our back lawn.

You grabbed a sky-blue picnic blanket and spread it out, and we listened to Anita Baker all night long. You said that your cousins would tease you for listening to such a girly playlist, but you sang every song right along with me. I was amazed that you knew the lyrics to them all.

We had so much fun that night.

There were things that I think we both took for granted, O. Like how you would randomly bring me flowers home, and it didn't have to be a special occasion, or how you always brought me a tub of mint praline ice cream home along with chocolate covered cherries at that time of the month for me.

Not only would you bring my favorite snacks, but you would buy me some bubble bath and run me a hot bath. Then you would set it to my favorite playlist. Remember the one? The Sade, Anita, Melba Moore, and Regina Belle.

Oh, my gosh! How I loved that playlist. It would make me fall in love with you all over again.

I think the sweetest thing that you used to do was go to the store to purchase my personal items if I were running short on them. I've never known a man bold enough to do that. Every time I said that to you, you would follow that up with, "Well, hell, everyone knows they're not for me."

I would laugh so hard at that.

You were a sweet man, O.

I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate you being that for me when I was in my darkest hours.

Maybe if I had been able to focus on that, we wouldn't be in the space that we're in now.

I love you, O. That's one thing I know to be true, but I'm still hurting so deeply. You were supposed to be mine. You were supposed to love only me. To know that another woman has held you, kissed you, and had you touch her the way that you touch and hold me breaks me.

Every inch of your body and heart should belong to me. I've never been a woman who liked to share. Even more, I hated how you flirted with other women, making them feel special.

Deep inside, I knew that I was the only one who mattered, but at the same time, it felt like all those women you flirted with knew a secret that I didn't. That they could have you the moment I turned my back.

What happened with you and Sharla only magnified that truth for me.

God, if only you knew how deep my pain runs.

MJ

She was crying as she wrote the letter. I can see the tear stains on some of the words where they have bubbled up underneath the moisture.

Tears fall from my eyes as I read it. No matter how much MJ pushed me away, she didn't deserve what I did to her. I sit down to write another letter, praying that God will bring her home to me, even as I think about some of the things that Ian and I discussed.