FOUR NADIA

F OUR

N ADIA

Nadia sped through the side streets, getting as close to Harvard Square as she could. They had planned poorly. Rafe should've taken the car, while she and the girls should've taken the T. Parking was hard to find any day of the week, but add in an annual road race and it became nonexistent. Panic grew as she navigated the narrow streets of Cambridge. She shot down one side street and then another, finally choosing to turn in to one of the parking lots at Harvard. If she got a parking ticket, oh well. They weren't going to be there for very long.

After gathering the girls (and against angry protests from both), she all but dragged them to Harvard Square, where the finish line was. Thankfully, her in-laws were already there, holding a spot for them.

"We didn't think you'd make it," Cleo, her mother-in-law, said. Her tone had a bite to it, which Nadia didn't appreciate. Over the past year, Cleo's attitude toward Nadia had iced, for unknown reasons. Nadia had mentioned it a few times to Rafe, who had witnessed a couple of encounters of his own. He, too, didn't understand the change in demeanor. Nor had Otto, Rafe's father.

"We wouldn't miss it," Nadia said as she fought against rolling her eyes. She moved the girls to the front and then stood next to Otto, apologizing to the people behind him.

"How was our boy this morning?" Otto asked. Rafe was their only boy. He was the older brother of Freya. Uncle to Leif and Astrid. Brother-in-law to Lars.

"He was good. Ready to have fun. He said he'd finish in under an hour." Nadia looked at the time on her phone. "Which should be soon." She pressed the button for her video camera and told the girls to start watching for their dad.

Nadia leaned forward but didn't see any runners coming toward her. She wondered if the race had started late, which was possible. Rarely did anything start on time these days.

A medical alert tone sounded. Nadia glanced across the street at the medical tent, which had been set up at the finish line to aid runners if they needed attention. She watched as medical personnel grabbed their bags. Two medics ran up the street, while another few jumped into one of those utility vehicles known as side-by-sides. Her eyes followed them up the middle of the race route, where spectators scrambled.

Then she heard it.

The screaming.

The sirens.

"Something's wrong," she said to Otto, Cleo, to whoever heard her. "Someone's hurt."

Lynnea went to Nadia, with her hands covering her ears. Otto picked her up. "Grandpa will hold you," he said to her.

Very few people moved away from the finish line, and those who stayed watched with rapt attention, waiting for some news. An uncomfortable silence fell over the crowd.

"Where's Rafe?" Cleo asked.

Nadia pulled her phone from her pocket and looked at his location. He was near where the ambulance was blocking the street. Her husband was up there, likely helping whoever needed aid.

"I'll be right back," she told her in-laws. She made her way through the crowd, periodically looking at her phone and where she was going. When she saw an opening into the street, she took it and briskly walked toward the commotion. Halfway there, she pressed Rafe's name and held her phone to her ear.

No answer.

"Hey, babe. It's me. Just checking to see where you are. We know something happened on the course. Call me." She hung up after leaving the voicemail and called him back. Again, no answer.

The closer she came to the commotion, the more anxious she felt. A police officer stopped her from coming any closer to the ambulance. "I'm sorry, but you can't go this way."

"My husband ...," she started to say and then stopped. Nadia tapped her phone and pulled up Rafe's location. "This says he's in there, somewhere. I need to find him."

The officer shook his head. "I'm sorry, but you can't go in there. All the runners have been sent back toward the starting line."

Nadia looked at her phone again. "But he's there."

Instead of repeating himself, he directed her toward the sidewalk, where a horde of people had gathered. She pushed her way through the crowd until she could get to the sidewalk. If Rafe would just answer his damn phone, she could stop worrying about him.

"Rafe." She said his name loudly. "Rafe Karlsson." This time her voice was a little louder. She continued to call his name until she saw the car, which wasn't supposed to be there. The front end was pushed against the street, its front caved in. The windows had been shattered and the driver's side door left open.

Medics and fire personnel gathered around it; some chatted, while others picked up pieces of the mangled car. "Oh God," she said aloud.

"I know. It's so sad. I don't think he'll survive," a lady next to Nadia said.

Nadia looked at the woman and asked, "The driver?"

She shook her head. "No, the runner. He saved that woman's life." She pointed to another runner, who sat on the road, visibly shaken. She cried while talking to the police and pointing.

The ambulance doors slammed, and the siren roared to life, causing Nadia to shudder. The piercing sound grated her nerves and sent chills down her spine. Tapping the screen on her phone, she tracked Rafe's location. He was on the move. She looked in the direction he was heading and didn't see him but could tell he was moving with some speed. Was he running toward her?

No, there was no way. Not when he turned down the side street nearest her. Rafe moved in the wrong direction to get to her. She rose on her tiptoes, but all she could see was the ambulance. No one was there.

"The runner, the one the ambulance just took away, you said it was a man?"

The woman nodded and tried to leave, but Nadia placed her hands on her shoulders and held her there.

"What was he wearing?"

"Oh, I don't know. There was so much blood it was hard to tell. If I had to guess, something dark."

"Like navy blue?"

The woman shrugged and stepped out of Nadia's grasp. Nadia looked back at her phone, and her heart sank as she watched Rafe's photo move farther and farther away from her.

Nadia spun around, looking in every direction she could for help. She stepped off the curb and made her way toward the woman, the one who sat on the road speaking to the officer.

"Excuse me, but is this the man who helped you?" she asked as she showed a photo of Rafe to her.

"Ma'am, please step back." Two hands forcibly kept Nadia in place while she held her phone out.

"Look at this, please," she said to the woman as she fought back the anger and tears threatening to take over. "Please, is this the man?"

"Ma'am, please." The officer stepped in front of her. "You need to step back."

She held her phone up. "I'm looking for him, and according to his location, he's moving faster than he runs. Does he look familiar?" The officer glanced at her phone and frowned. He then motioned for another officer to come over. The two spoke in private.

"Come with me," the other officer said. "What's your name?"

"Nadia Karlsson."

"I'm Officer Luca DeMarco. You can call me Luca."

"Where are you taking me, Luca?"

"We transported a dozen or so runners to the hospital for treatment," he said as he opened the passenger side of his cruiser for her. Before he shut it, he said, "I'm taking you to Mass Gen."

Nadia had never been in a police car. She'd never sped through the streets of Boston with sirens blaring and had never seen cars move so slowly to get out of the way until now. Her phone rang, and without looking, she answered.

"Rafe?"

"No, it's Otto. Isn't he with you?"

Her heart sank as she closed her eyes. "No, I'm having trouble locating him. I'm on my way to the hospital now. There was an accident on the course, and some of the runners had to be transported. Go back to our house, and I'll call you once I find him."

"Okay, we're going to go get some lunch. Just give me a call."

"I will, Otto. Kiss my girls for me."

"Will do." They hung up, and she stared out the window at the passing Charles River. A crew team of eight glided down the river. In six months, the largest three-day regatta in the world would come to town, bringing thousands of people with it. The event was fun, and something she and Rafe looked forward to attending every year, and every year, she'd told her husband she wanted to learn how to row. He'd been a rower in college and often joked that he and his best friend, Kiran, were going to put a team together and compete in the "old man" bracket. Maybe this year they would.

Officer DeMarco pulled into the emergency part of the hospital and turned off his siren, but he left his lights flashing. He helped Nadia from the car and guided her into the hospital, where chaos reigned. The waiting room was wall to wall with people, talking over each other, some crying, others pacing. Everyone wanted or needed help.

DeMarco spoke briefly to a woman in flower-printed scrubs, and then the double doors opened. Behind those doors, the bedlam had peaked. Beeping came from all directions, with staff moving and colliding with others. People barked out orders, while some ran with machines toward rooms.

He directed Nadia to the nurses' lounge. Luca poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her, but she shook her head.

"Where's my husband?"

"The nurse I spoke with when we came in, she's locating him."

Nadia paced in front of the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rafe. She looked at his location and noticed he was, in fact, in the hospital. She tried calling him, but his phone went to voicemail again. A doctor walked in, and Nadia froze. Officer DeMarco stood and introduced himself and Nadia.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Costa. May I see a picture of your husband?"

Nadia switched screens on her phone and showed him the most recent photo of Rafe. Dr. Costa looked quickly. Far too quickly for Nadia's liking.

"Please, come with me."

She followed him out of the room and looked over her shoulder at Luca. For some odd reason, she wanted him with her. He took up the rear, almost as if he knew he'd have to catch her.

"How's Rafe?"

"Rafe," Dr. Costa muttered. "Do you have family in the waiting room?" She shook her head as he led her down the hall and into a small room that fit no more than three or four people.

Before he had a chance to say anything, she knew.

"He's hurt badly, isn't he?"

There wasn't a nod or a shake of his head, but the answer was in his eyes.

"How badly?"

Dr. Costa closed the door behind them and motioned for her to take a seat. She refused.

"I don't know everything that happened earlier; what I do know is Rafe suffered severe trauma to his head and neck. Despite the quick efforts of bystanders and the paramedics, we were unable to save him."

Nadia didn't hear him correctly.

Surely, he hadn't . . .

But he had.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm very sorry to tell you, but your husband is brain dead."

Nadia shook her head. "No. No. He was running and ..." She paced the small room. "He's healthy and he's running." Tears streamed down her cheeks, wetting her shirt. "He's not ..." She couldn't bring herself to say the word. She refused.

He saved that woman's life.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." Dr. Costa reached out and touched her elbow.

"But how?"

"We won't know until the crash report comes in. Someone will be by to talk to you about this shortly. Without the details, I can only assume from the damage to Rafe's body ... his legs are shattered, which is where he took the brunt of the impact. According to the paramedics who brought him in, Rafe flew a distance and landed on his head. Right now, he's on life support," he told her. "The machines are breathing for him until we could find his next of kin. Would you like me to take you to your husband?"

The finality of his words sank into her mind. Her husband, her best friend, her lover, her partner, was gone.

Nadia fell to her knees, caught by Luca before she crumpled to the ground. "I've got you, Mrs. Karlsson," he said as he helped her stand. She could barely walk and leaned heavily onto Luca for support. They followed Dr. Costa to Rafe's room. He held the door while Luca guided Nadia to her husband's side.

"Rafe." His name came out of her mouth in a wail. She covered his body with hers and cried at the sound and feel of his heart beating. It didn't matter to her that a machine was keeping him alive; to her, he was there. Sound, mind and body.

His beautiful face, the one she'd loved from the second she'd met him, was marred with road rash. She touched him gently, needing to feel him under the pads of her fingers. "Open your eyes, baby," she said to him, knowing deep down he'd never leave her.

Nothing.

Nadia took him in. He was stock still, with a tube coming from his mouth. His arms—stilled at his side—sat atop the white blanket. She cupped his face, pressing kisses on his dry lips.

"Come back," she whispered. "Come back to me, Rafe. Don't leave me." She had watched enough medical drama shows to know talking to patients always made them miraculously wake up, but deep in her bones, she knew they wouldn't get a miracle. Not today.

"Is there someone we can call for you?"

Nadia shook her head. She'd have to be the one to make the calls. Even though she didn't want to say the words out loud, the news about Rafe needed to come from her.

"What are our options?" she asked Dr. Costa. "Surgery?"

"No, I'm sorry. There isn't anything more we can do for him."

"Nothing at all?"

He shook his head slowly. "Again, I'm sorry for your loss."

None of this made sense. How could her husband, someone who was running with hundreds of other people, get hit by a car?

She looked from Dr. Costa back to her husband. "He'll wake up."

Dr. Costa walked toward one of the machines. "This one is monitoring his heart. It shows rhythm because the machine is keeping him alive. This one here"—he pointed to another one, which had a continuous straight line going across the screen—"this is his brain activity. The brain isn't like the heart, where we can restart it. The trauma he suffered, it's irreparable."

Her husband was gone.

A nurse brought her a chair, along with a pitcher of water and a cup. "There's a bathroom through that door if you need to use the restroom," she told Nadia. "If you need anything, please press this button, and I'll come running. What's your name?"

"Nadia Karlsson," she told her.

"And your husband's?"

Nadia knew the nurse asked because they needed his name for their records. He would become someone to them now, and not just "Patient X" or the standard "John Doe."

"Rafe Karlsson," Nadia said through a haggard breath.

The nurse (Nadia couldn't remember if she'd given her a name or not) laid a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so very sorry for your loss. If you need anything, please press the button."

If she pressed the button, would her husband come back to her?

Nadia said nothing.

The words, while likely genuine, felt empty.

She didn't know how long she sat there, staring at him. In her mind, he was in pain and sharing in her grief. Nadia put off calling his parents because any minute now, her husband was going to wake up. He would open his eyes and attempt a weak smile when he saw her.

Any minute now.

Her phone vibrated. Otto's photo showed on her screen. It was one Nadia had taken weeks ago, with him and the girls. She stared at it for a moment before answering.

"Hi, Otto."

"Did you find him?" The eagerness in Otto's voice was evident.

"Yeah, we're at Mass Gen. You should come now. But, uh ... can you ask Hazel to watch the girls?" Hazel Pittman was Nadia's best friend from college and had bought a house a block away from her and Rafe. Hazel's daughter, Hayden, was Lynnea's best friend.

"Nadia, what's wrong?"

"Just come. You and Cleo."

Nadia hung up and pressed the contact icon for her mom. "Did he win? We've been looking for results, but nothing has been put online. I don't understand why they take forever or why they didn't stream the race. Don't they know people from out of town want to watch?" Lorraine Bolton prattled on without taking a breath.

"Mommy," Nadia said quietly.

"Nadia, what's wrong?"

She choked on a sob.

"Warren, we need to go now," she yelled. "Nadia needs us, something happened. Where are you?" she asked her daughter.

"Mass Gen," she told her mom. "He's dead, Mom." Nadia wailed uncontrollably on the phone to her mom. She'd heard the words from the doctor, but they hadn't registered until she said them to her mother. Strong arms wrapped around her. Without looking, she knew it was the nurse from earlier, the one who'd said she would be there if Nadia needed anything.

She took the phone from Nadia and spoke. "Hello, this is Geri, I'm the nurse assigned to Rafe. I'm sorry to have to tell you over the phone, but he's passed away from injuries sustained in an accident earlier this morning. Yes, ma'am, we'll see you then."

Geri went back to Nadia and held her. "Your parents are on their way. Come on, I've got you."

Nadia cried while Geri held her. She gripped her arms and wailed, asking repeatedly, Why Rafe. Why her? Why her girls. They were good people and didn't deserve this. None of them did. He just wanted to win the race and have nachos with his family later.

Now he was gone.

"The police need to speak with you when you're ready," Geri told her after Nadia had calmed down a bit.

"How much time do I have with him?"

Geri smiled kindly and rested her hand on Nadia's arm. "As long as you want. There's a team that will want to speak with you about organ donation when and if you're ready."

"Oh."

"It's a decision you should make as a family," Geri said. "Rafe was young, fit, and by all accounts healthy. He could help others. But organ donation isn't for everyone, and no one says you have to do it."

"I don't want to decide just yet. I need time."

Geri soothed Nadia. "Then time is what we'll give you." Nadia generally didn't like strangers touching her, but Geri was different. She had a motherly quality about her, which Nadia found relaxing.

Geri stayed in the room with Nadia, asking questions about Rafe and the girls. There was a knock on the door; another nurse pushed it open and let Rafe's parents in. When Cleo screamed and threw herself onto her son's body, Nadia quietly excused herself to give his parents the time they needed with their son.