THIRTY-ONE NADIA

T HIRTY -O NE

N ADIA

When Nadia came in from watering the front lawn, she caught Lynnea on her phone. The girl's eyes went wide with horror as she dropped the phone and ran for her room. Nadia picked it up, saw Grayson's name on the screen, and froze. She glanced toward the upstairs and, in a panic, ended the call.

Maybe he didn't answer. Either way, her youngest was going to pay for sneaking her phone. Not only that, but for calling Grayson.

After his surprise visit, which had really caught her off guard and elated her at the same time, the girls confided to her that they really liked Grayson and said he reminded them of their father. Nadia cried for days at the revelation. While she'd been excited to see him after all these years, she never wanted the girls to replace their father. Just as she had no intention of ever bringing someone home or remarrying. But having Grayson there, even for a day, had brought so much joy to Gemma and Lynnea. When he left, he promised to come back very soon and made sure Nadia had his number programmed in her phone. He told the girls they could call him whenever their mom would allow. It seemed Lynnea had taken that invitation to heart and forgot she needed permission.

Nadia climbed the stairs and knocked on Lynnea's door. She heard rustling, but no answer. "Lynnea, may I come in?"

"Lynnea doesn't live here," a mousy little voice said.

"Oh no, she doesn't? She didn't say goodbye. I'm going to miss her so much. Do you know where she went?"

"No." This time the voice had changed to a deeper squeak.

"Oh well, now I'm sad. If you see Lynnea, can you tell her that her mommy loves her so very much?"

There was some movement in the room. The knob twisted, the door swung open, and Lynnea launched herself into her mother's arms. "Oh, you're here," Nadia said as she hugged her. "I thought I'd lost you forever."

"I was just foolin', Mommy."

"That makes me so happy." She carried Lynnea into her room, shut the door, and sat them both down on her bed. Nadia held her youngest on her lap and stroked her hair. "Now, do you want to tell me why you called Grayson without asking me?"

Lynnea shook her head and then buried her face into her mother's shoulder. Nadia continued to hold her, missing the moments when she was smaller and she could carry her everywhere. She'd give anything to go back in time, to experience some of her favorite memories. To see her husband again. To feel his arms around her.

Nadia still hadn't cleaned out his side of the closet or emptied his dresser. She didn't know when she'd be ready to remove him completely from her life. When Kiran had come over, pretending to be in the area but really to check on her, she'd asked him if he wanted anything of Rafe's. He'd declined but asked for the right to change his mind later, and she'd agreed. It all made sense to her. Each morning, she woke up and stared at the empty side of the bed, praying it was all a dream. She knew it wasn't, but she had hope.

"Did Grayson answer when you called?"

She nodded, and Nadia's anxiety skyrocketed. She'd hung up on him and would have to apologize not only for that, but also for whatever Lynnea had said to him.

"What did you and Grayson talk about?" Nadia tried a different tactic.

"The dance."

Her heart hit the floor with a thud. Last year, she'd ignored the father-daughter dance. The event had happened so close to Rafe's passing that there was no way she could've had the energy to get Gemma ready or even suggest she attend. Her grandfather easily would've taken her, or any of her uncles, but Nadia hadn't been in any frame of mind to get the ball rolling. So, Gemma had missed it, which had added more heartache and devastation to an already brokenhearted girl.

"At your school?"

Lynnea nodded. She was old enough to go this year, but Nadia hadn't given it much thought. Reuben had said he would take Gemma, and that was that. She'd never stopped to think that Lynnea would want to go. She supposed that, had Rafe been there, he would've taken both girls. She'd assumed Reuben would do the same.

"I'm sure Uncle Reuben is taking you. We just haven't talked about it."

"I don't want to go wif him and Gemma."

But you would've gone with your dad and Gemma.

What was the difference?

"Do you want to go with Uncle Lars? I can call him. Or Kiran?"

Lynnea shook her head.

"What about Grandpa Otto?"

Another shake.

She could ask her father, but she didn't necessarily want him traveling that far for a two-hour dance. "Honey, is this why you called Grayson?"

Lynnea snuggled impossibly deeper into Nadia's shoulder, almost as if she was embarrassed. Nadia nudged her and worked to pry Lynnea's viselike hands off her neck. "I want to see your pretty face," she told her daughter, who reluctantly let go. "Ah, there's my beautiful girl. Did you call Grayson because of the dance?"

Lynnea nodded.

"I see. You know he lives by where I grew up, by Grandma and Grandpa. He's not in Boston."

"I know," she said as she fiddled with the blankets on her bed.

"He can't just stop his life and come here, Lynnea. Besides, he ..." She trailed off. The last thing he'd said when he left was to call him with whatever the girls needed. Not her, which she'd found odd. It was like he'd singled out the girls for a reason. It could be that he thought they needed their own person for moral support or something. She'd seen how they'd bonded during the tea party, and the girls were incredibly upset when he'd left that night.

"Why do you like Grayson?"

Lynnea shrugged. "He's warm like Daddy, and they smell the same."

Nadia hadn't even noticed if they wore the same cologne, which she found odd, because the cologne Rafe had worn—he'd worn it because she'd bought it for him—was her favorite scent. She'd recognize it anywhere, and yet she couldn't recall smelling it on Grayson.

"I get that you like Grayson. I like him too—"

"Is he going to be my new daddy?"

Nadia gasped. "Wh-what? No. Why would you say that?"

Lynnea shrugged and once again burrowed into her mother. "He's just like Daddy," she mumbled. Lynnea's tears wet Nadia's shirt, and she held her daughter tighter. She was having a hard time grasping the notion that the girls thought Grayson was like Rafe. They were nothing alike. Not in looks, mannerisms, or even attitudes. When she'd dated Grayson, he was noncommittal, aloof, and very much "go with the flow," unless it didn't suit him. This was what had made it so easy to break things off with him when she'd left for college. She'd been right to do so because that was where she'd met Rafe, who was the opposite of Grayson. Rafe was daring and adventurous, and when he put his mind to something, he worked at it until he'd achieved his goals. Not once had she missed Grayson, and even now, if she didn't see or hear from him again, it wouldn't be the end of the world. But something told her that he wasn't going to let that happen, and neither were her children.

"Sweetie." Nadia rubbed Lynnea's back. "No one can ever replace your daddy." As she said the words, it hit her. Lynnea would have very few memories of Rafe—and that gutted Nadia. She inhaled deeply and vowed to always talk about Rafe, even if she ever dated or remarried. Rafe would always be at the forefront. It was the least she could do as his wife and the mother of his children.

Lynnea lifted her head. She had her thumb in her mouth. A habit she'd picked back up after Rafe died but seemed to have stopped on her own. As much as Nadia wanted to tug on her hand, she didn't. She hated seeing it, but it brought Lynnea comfort, and that was important. "Eber?"

"Ever," Nadia said as she tapped the tip of Lynnea's nose with her index finger. "Your daddy is irreplaceable. He will always live on in your heart."

"I miss him."

"I know you do, sweetie. I miss him more than words can even describe."

They sat there hugging until Gemma came upstairs. She was covered in dirt, head to toe, after spending some time in the flower beds. Ever since she'd taken charge of the weeding, it had become her thing. Nadia appreciated the help and loved that they all had a thing to do together.

"Looks like you need a shower," Nadia said to Gemma.

She nodded. "Look, I have dirt under my nails, and I wore gloves. I just don't get it." She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.

Nadia laughed and reached her hand out to her, pulling her into her side. "I love you girls so much." She held them as long as she could, thankful that neither of them squirmed. Somehow, they knew when she needed their love and affection. Their lives easily could've gone south, down a hole of depression, but somehow the three of them were pulling through.

"Come on," Nadia said as she stood. "Gemma, you go hop in the shower while your sister and I go make dinner."

"Uncle Reuben and Kiran are making it."

"Kiran's here?"

Gemma nodded. "Yep, he brought beer and steaks," she said, shrugging. "We can't have his beer, though, so he brought us our own beer."

"I want beer!" Lynnea shouted, while Nadia cringed. There wasn't a doubt in her mind, or Rafe's, for that matter, that Lynnea would end up being their wild child, the one to keep them up all night when she went on her first date or lied about going to a sleepover when she was really going to a party. Nadia knew all the tricks, thanks to Sienna, and she hadn't forgotten a single one of them. The bonus when Nadia and Rafe had bought their house was that all the bedrooms were on the second floor, and while the girls had emergency fire ladders, she hoped they wouldn't use them to sneak out. Because sneaking out was exactly what Nadia had done. Maybe it was a rite of passage.

With Gemma in the shower, Nadia and Lynnea headed down to the kitchen and out to the back deck, where Reuben sat at the table and Kiran grilled. He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled before she could even say hello. Reuben smirked, let out a quick chuckle, picked up his bottle, and took a sip.

"This is a surprise," Nadia said.

"I was in the neighborhood," Kiran told her.

"With dinner?"

Kiran smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

Did Reuben's smirk mean something?

Nah, there's no way. Kiran was Rafe's best friend.

But what if?

Nadia shook her head and rejoiced as her phone rang. She pulled it from her back pocket and then showed the screen to Lynnea, whose eyes widened. "Hi, Grayson."

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm sorry Lynnea pranked you."

"She and Gemma can call whenever they want—you know that."

Nadia did but didn't understand why. How had he bonded so quickly with her children? "I know. She still should've asked for permission."

"It's fine. I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"Yep, we're good. You?"

"Things are good," he told her. "Listen, if it's okay with you, I'm going to come up next weekend. I'll take Lynnea to the father-daughter dance, and I'd like to get a head start on the swing set."

"Grayson, you don't have to."

"I know," he told her. "I want to."

"Reuben can do it," she told him. Or Kiran.

"Anyone can do it, Nadia. Lynnea asked me."

She couldn't fight with that logic, and if it made Lynnea happy, so be it. Grayson said he'd text her with his travel details later, and she was to let him know what color dress Lynnea would wear so he could order a matching corsage.

When she hung up, she looked at her daughter. "Grayson is going to take you to the dance." Lynnea jumped up and down. "However ..." Nadia's voice had a stricter tone to it. "If you are not on your best behavior, I'll hide his number in my phone, and you won't get to talk to him again."

"Okay, I'll be good."

"Thank you."

Lynnea ran off to tell Gemma about Grayson coming back to visit. Nadia sighed and sat down at the table, between her brother and Kiran, who continued to man the grill.

"Who's Grayson?" Kiran asked. At first, his question caught Nadia off guard, but then she remembered he hadn't been around a couple of weeks back, when Grayson had first come over.

"He's an ex from high school," she said. "He'd heard about Rafe and was in town, so he stopped by."

Kiran looked from Nadia to Reuben. "An ex, huh?"

"Yeah. The girls took a liking to him."

"Is that what we call it?" Reuben asked. "He was like a candle, and they were the moths. It was weird."

"What does that mean?" Kiran asked.

Reuben shrugged.

"He reminds the girls of Rafe," Nadia said. "Which makes zero sense because they look nothing alike."

"Zero similarities, and yet they acted like they've known him their entire lives," Reuben added.

"Huh" was all Kiran could say, and he went back to grilling.

As the girls set the table, Nadia made a salad to go with the chips Kiran had brought for dinner. They sat down, made idle chitchat, and laughed together. The days were getting better for Nadia, but the nights were still hard. She hated going to bed alone, and she truly loathed being in her bedroom. She needed to make a change in there, but each time she thought about it, she wanted to break down and cry. The bedroom had been their sanctuary, a place for them to be with each other without interruption. In there, they could be Nadia and Rafe, two people madly in love with each other from the day they'd met. Their love hadn't died when he'd died, and at times, she wished it had. Loving Rafe had been the easiest and hardest thing she'd ever done.

After dinner and after the girls had gone to bed, Nadia sat outside and stared at the darkened sky. Very few stars shone; thanks to being in the city, stargazing wasn't really a thing. They would need to drive out to the Cape or head inland, away from the bright lights.

The sliding glass door opened, and the chair next to her scraped against the decking. "It's a nice night," Kiran said as he sat next to her.

"It is."

They sat in silence for a long while until she said, "Do you think he's up there, watching us?"

"Yes, but I hope not," he told her.

"You hope not? Why?" She looked over at him and found him staring at her.

Kiran reached for her hand. "Because if he was, then he'd see me holding his wife's hand, and he'd hear me tell his wife that I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and when she's ready, I'd really like to take her out for dinner."

Her quick intake of breath couldn't be missed. "Kiran."

"I know, Nadia," he said. "People think it's wrong, the best friend and the widow, but I don't care. Around November, I started having these feelings. I thought they'd stop, but they haven't. I suppose if you tell me you're not interested or we never have a chance, then I'll have to figure something out. I'm willing to wait, Nadia. Until you're ready. That's if you're interested in me."

Nadia absorbed his words. His kindness. She smiled. "I'm interested."