Chapter Nine

R ed looked down at the woman in his arms, huddled against his chest. She still reminded him of a kitten, but this time it was because of the way she was trying to tuck herself into him as though she could not get close enough or small enough.

He held her in his arms, gently stroking her hair and murmuring soothing words in Norwegian to her. His mother used to do the same for her brother when the terrors seized him, and his eyes glazed with the fear of something only he could see. A blow to his head from a heavy beam while building a barn had left Red's uncle childlike, sometimes happy, and sometimes so fearful it wrenched the hearts straight out of his mother's chest and his own.

Galiena was doing the same to him now.

She wasn't childlike, but she was definitely overwhelmed by something. Whether it was fear or devastation, or both, he couldn't be sure—at least not yet. He would find out soon enough, but for now, he gave her what he thought she needed most at this moment: comfort and patience.

After a short while, he felt her body start to relax and unfold. He loosened his hold but still kept his arms around her as she stretched out her legs and lifted her head.

"Are you back?" He rested his chin lightly on the top of her head.

She was quiet for several breaths, then said, "Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," was her immediate and expected reply. She needed time to trust him, and he would be patient. He'd give her until the morrow, the next day at the most, and he would know what made her fearful so he could make sure it never happened again.

She pushed away from him, and he reluctantly released her as she stood, looking around with confusion.

"We are in Hawk's solar," he said in response to her unspoken question.

"I have made such a fool of myself," she said, burying her face in her hands.

Red put his hands on her waist and pulled her to stand between his knees so she would look at him. He was still seated in a chair by the fire, but she did not have to drop her gaze very far to look him in the eye. For a moment, he just stared at her face in the warm glow of the hearth, then he lifted a hand to glide his thumb over her cheek. "No, you did not make a fool of yourself."

It was meant to be reassuring, but she gave him a withering look in response. "I have, and more than once, starting with falling through the door and into your commander while his wife looked on."

Red quirked a smile at her. "It was a fine entrance and one they are not likely to forget."

"I could have lived with that mortification if it had stopped there. But then I went on to embarrass myself in front of everyone in the hall."

"If any of them say a word about it, I will have their heads on a platter." It wasn't much of an exaggeration. Red had already decided when Galiena rushed into his arms in the lane in Oswestry with the frantic look of fear on her face that he would kill anyone who tried to hurt her. That hurt included her feelings.

"I ruined supper." She huffed out a long breath. "And worst of all, I made Lord Hawk and Lady Alyce uncomfortable when they have been so generous and kind to me."

"You did ruin my supper," Red agreed, trying to lighten the mood. "But I can say with certainty that it will take more than a fainting woman to unsettle the lord and lady of Hawkspur. Hawk may be a seasoned warrior, but Lady Alyce is a force of her own." He'd watched Lady Alyce take command of the castle when her brother disappeared, then endured the sight of Hawk being flogged by the king, and later withstood the devastation of watching her treasonous brother be killed by her husband's sword.

"I did not faint," Galiena said indignantly. He didn't like it when she stepped back out of his reach but did not stop her.

She perched on the edge of the chair opposite him and focused on the fire. She appeared to be deep in contemplation, so he remained silent and waited for her to speak.

"Please do not let what happened in the hall taint your perception of my ability to complete this mission," she said, not looking away from the flames.

He was most definitely concerned about her, but he wasn't going to tell her that. And he didn't trust anyone else to protect her as he would. He almost sighed at his own foolhardiness, but he did not want her to think he was sighing his disapproval of her.

The truth was, he knew if he asked, Hawk would use his army and his castle to ensure Galiena's safety, and she was probably better off secured within the walls of Hawkspur than on the road with him. But he was not willing to leave her behind, despite his own selfish motives for wanting her near him.

She was a bundle of contradictions, and he was enthralled by her. She was bold, feisty, brave, outspoken, demanding at times. Then she was vulnerable, shy, contemplative, and even unsure at other times. When she pressed her lips together to concentrate, like she was doing now, he wanted to take her face in his hands and kiss away the worry he saw there. And when she challenged him, blissfully oblivious to her diminutive stature, unafraid to show him her irritation, he wanted to pick her up in his arms and spin her around in delight.

His breath caught in his throat when she turned to face him again, the pools of those wide silver-gray eyes of hers glittering in the soft light of the fire. He knew there was a well of thoughts and emotions behind her gaze and he wanted to know all of them.

"I am not afraid of the journey, or this man you call ‘The Executioner'." She gave him a fixed look and her voice remained steady as she spoke. "For a long time, I prayed not to wake from my sleep each night; I thought it would be less painful than being left behind to live on without those I loved. Still love."

She did not seem to expect a response to her confession, and Red did not give one. He wanted to reach for her again, to pull her into his embrace and reassure her, but he did not do that either. She may not have liked being called kitten , but as with a timid cat, he knew the best way to gain her confidence was to stay still and let her come to him. In time, he would know exactly who she referred to and what had happened. Right now, he would be satisfied with the little she'd shared.

"I no longer feel that way, but now and again something reminds me of my loss, and it takes the breath from my lungs and makes me feel like my insides are being twisted in an iron grip." She looked down at her hands on her lap, her fingers rubbing nervously together, then took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to meet his again. "I'm not ready to say more about that, but you should know that I spent most of my childhood traveling with my father, sleeping on the ground under our cart more often than not. I can build a campfire as well as any soldier and make a meal out of what I can snare in a trap or catch in a stream. I'm not afraid of discomfort, and I will get used to riding a horse instead of driving one. Put me in a cart and I can guide a horse over even the most treacherous of roads." She smiled ruefully. "I've just never had the opportunity to sit on the horse's back over said roads."

Red leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "You're not frightened of them, then."

She shook her head. "I understand horses. I can sense when they are afraid, when they need encouragement, and when they need a strong hand to hold them back. I'm merely challenged when it comes to staying on their backs. Even so, I will endure what I must to make the journey." Her gaze was unwavering, the unspoken challenge visible in her eyes to defy her desire, her need, to see this through.

He adopted a stern look and addressed her as he would an eager squire. "The distance is not so far, but the journey will take two or three difficult days. If the gods are with us, we will get to the mountain pass and clear it on the second day. We will be cold, wet, muddy, and miserable at best." He thought of everything that could go wrong on the route to Llanbadarn. "We'll risk our horses slipping on icy trails. Or encountering thieves and bandits. Or catching a fever from the bone-chilling rain, sleet, and snow." Or The Executioner finding them before Red found him.

He'd hoped she'd change her mind after hearing the details of the journey, but she just nodded her head earnestly. "I've been cold and wet before. 'Tis a small sacrifice to save the infant prince."

"Your sacrifice may be much greater than a little discomfort." Red gritted his teeth to hold down the unfamiliar swell of panic filling his chest as he looked at her, so fragile despite her determination. "You are safer here. You've already shown more bravery than most: you risked your life to recover the missive, escaped when The Executioner returned for it, and found me to get the news and missive delivered to the king."

Her jaw clenched and her lips pressed into a thin line, but it was the disbelief and betrayal that flashed in her eyes that felt like a blade to the heart. He pushed away from the chair and closed the distance between them, dropping to one knee on the floor in front of her, burying his fingers in her hair to tilt her face up to his, and forcing her to see the torment she was putting him through.

"I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. Stay here," he pleaded, despite the ache to keep her near, no matter where he was going. "Hawk can protect you until I return for you."

"And then what?" she asked in a strained whisper.

He pressed his forehead to hers. "Whatever you want of me for as long as you want me."

"None of this makes sense, Red. Your desire that I wait for you doesn't make sense. You don't know enough about me." Her hands were trembling when she touched them to his face to trace her fingers slowly over his lips and then his cheeks. They were cold against his skin, as were her lips when she pressed them to his in a brief kiss. His body tingled and in spite of the seriousness of her words, his heart sang. His she-wolf was warming to him. She held his face in her hands and said, "And my need to go to the queen, to see the child safe, doesn't make sense to you. But it does to me. I'm begging you to try to understand."

He pulled her into another kiss, stroking her lips with his tongue to warm her, to show her that it did all make sense. When she opened for him, he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. She was stroking her tongue against his, letting him in without hesitation, but there was a desperation in her response to him.

When he broke the kiss, she was taking quick, shallow breaths and her hands were clinging to his tunic, her fists twisting tightly into the material. She did not open her eyes to look at him. Instead, she rested her forehead against his as he smoothed his hands over her hair and down her back.

After her breathing slowed, she said, "I have been a shadow of the woman I once was for far too long. If I don't go on this journey, I fear I will never emerge from the darkness. If I stayed here, there would be nothing worthwhile left of me for you to come back to, Red." She kept her eyes squeezed shut, refusing to look at him as she spoke. "If we fail, my life is a small price to pay when I am hardly living as it is."

Red wanted to grab her by the shoulders, shake sense into her, and tell her she was wrong, but her hands twisting tighter into his tunic as though he was her only hope for survival stayed his actions. Indeed, when she looked at him, there was no trace of fear. "If we succeed, I might be able to find the strength to forgive myself. To believe that there is a reason for my life to continue without…" she gave an audible swallow, "them."

She was ripping his heart from his chest and tearing it into fodder for the crows. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, that she didn't need to do this to be worthy of living. That she had him no matter what happened. But maybe it was more than that. She was broken and couldn't love him until she'd made herself whole again. Somehow, this task would achieve that for her. She touched his face again. "I must do this, Red."

He thought of how he'd been after The Executioner had taken all he had from him. Then he trapped his protest in his throat and nodded once because he knew that some healing had to be done alone, on one's own terms.

When she dropped her head onto his shoulder in relief and wrapped her arms around his chest, he lifted her as he stood and settled her into his lap again. He leaned back in the chair with his arms encircling her and clasped his hands together on her hip. "I have conditions."

She picked her head up to look at him, but she did not try to move out of his hold. "Name them."

"One: you must never be out of my sight."

She arched an eyebrow at him, and he knew she was already going to disagree with him. "I will need privacy to relieve myself; I still have my dignity."

He reluctantly relented. "Fair point. When you are not in my sight, you must be no farther than five strides away from me."

"Yours or mine?" she asked with an impish grin.

"Condition two," he said, refusing to reward her cheekiness with a response. "You will not make any rash actions or take any foolish chances. I will not watch you get yourself hurt. Or worse."

He tipped his head slightly and raised a warning eyebrow when she opened her mouth to argue, cutting her off before she could speak. "Three—"

"How many of these are there?" She wrinkled her nose at him as she asked the question. To his chagrin, he found the action very alluring. And distracting. He took a deep breath. "Three: you may have the skills to survive the physical demands of the journey, but you will remember I am the one trained to fight, and even kill, if necessary. If we encounter anyone, you are to do everything I say without hesitation." She kept her lips pressed together, but he could see it took all of her restraint to do so. "Four: You will not argue with me every time I give a command."

The little vixen was staring at him as though he were giving her instructions on how to properly launder his tunics. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, Red," she replied demurely, though she did not look the least bit obedient.

"You will do as I say if in danger, right?" He was used to ordering men about. Tiny women with large attitudes, not so much. He hoped he'd impressed upon her the importance of his commands, but he was almost certain he'd failed.

"Yes, I will." She laid her hand against his chest and looked up at him with a very serious expression on her face.

"Five—" Her fingers brushed against his neck as she picked at the neckline of his tunic, sending a jolt of heat straight to his groin. He trapped her hand in his own to get her to stop touching him so he could continue. "Five."

"Do you mean to be growling?" she asked smugly with a tip of her head.

He groaned with frustration. Not because of her interruptions but because all he could think about now was capturing her mouth in another kiss. He growled intentionally this time. "Five: you will not kiss me again the way you just did."

Her mouth dropped open, then closed again. She pursed her lips together as she studied him, then said, "You kissed me. If you do not want it to happen again, then you mustn't kiss me ."

"I did not say it would not happen again, kitten." He wrapped his arm tighter around her back to pull her closer, then leaned his face close to hers until their lips were almost touching.

"What did you say, then?" Her lips barely brushed his as she spoke.

"It isn't to be like the last kiss. It will be like this…"

He wrapped his hand around her nape, his thumb rubbing gently across the smooth column of her neck. He growled with satisfaction when her head tipped back, exposing the curve of her throat to him. Her skin felt like silk against his lips as he brushed his mouth along the line of her jaw. When he got to her ear, he sucked the lobe into his mouth to scrape his teeth over the sensitive spot. To his immense satisfaction, she shuddered at his touch. He wanted to discover every possible way to make her tremble and shiver with pleasure. He scattered kisses down her neck to the hollow at the base of her throat, relishing the little panting noises she made. He swirled his tongue in the indent between her collarbones, just above the thin material of her chemise, resisting the urge to tug both the chemise and her tunic over her head and bare her beauty to him. Instead, he licked a slow trail up the length of her neck.

God, but she tasted sweet.

When she dropped her chin to look at him, her eyes were glazed, and her lips were parted. He couldn't resist biting her bottom lip and giving it a gentle tug. Her sharply indrawn breath was another victory, another discovery, another secret uncovered.

A knock sounded on the solar door, and Galiena went rigid in his arms before scrambling off his lap. She scurried to stand at the fire with her back to the room as Red went to the door to open it.

As much as he resented the interruption, he was pleased to see the amount of effort it appeared to take for her to regain her composure.