Chapter Twenty-Two

It's Josh. The same Josh that hurt me from the inside out, not in that order. It's the cause of my nightmares, of my control freakiness, of the walls built around me and my heart, the one who hit me until I blacked out, the one I've been running from for three years.

Right now, as I hold the door and my eyes quickly take in the tall male dressed in a million-dollar suit, my first reaction after the brief shock, is to close the door on his face. But it's too late—he's faster than me and his foot is already blocking the door.

‘Livvy,' he says with the voice that has been haunting me all these years. The voice that puts me down when I'm cheerful, that wakes me up at night when I think he's sleeping beside me. I flinch at the sound of it.

What do you do when you have to face your worst fear, alone?

I don't run. I knew this encounter was a possibility, and trust me, I've been preparing for this moment for way too long. I'm not running, but I'm not stupid.

‘How did you find me, Josh?' It's the first question that comes to my mind. Because the most obvious one would be what are you doing here, but I already know the answer to that one.

I take a few steps back.

He lets out a sarcastic smirk, the one he used to give me that said do you think I'm stupid?

I turn around slowly and walk toward the kitchen. I grab my phone from my jeans pocket as imperceptibly as I can. I go behind my kitchen island, as if this was enough to make him stay away from me. It's enough for me to gain time and send the letter H to Naomi and Lexi, on our group chat. I hope they remember the code. It was Lexi's idea after what happened the last time I saw Josh. H is for help, and it's an easy letter to find and press on the keyboard, being right in the centre.

‘You're all over the press, love bug.'

Hearing him call me by the nickname he gave me years ago makes my blood heat up through my veins and burn my insides. The smug smile on his face makes it even worse.

‘How you've been? I haven't heard from you in a long while,' he says, making himself comfortable on one of the stools.

My body is trying to find a way to cope with his presence, but I'm panicking—I can feel my heartbeats in my throat, my voice trying to find its way out. My legs are trembling, trying hard to keep me standing.

‘I've missed you,' he says.

I close my eyes and wish very very hard that this isn't real. I still don't run. I also don't cry.

Breathe, don't forget to breathe.

‘What do you want?' I say, finally.

‘Just wanted to stop by and say hello, see how you're doing. It seems as though everyone that knows you disappeared or don't know anything about you all of a sudden.'

All of a sudden? It's been three fucking years.

‘Well, you've seen me now. You can leave,' I say, my voice trembling.

‘So you've got a new boyfriend,' he says, completely ignoring what I just said. Typical Josh.

‘Please, leave,' I beg.

I've played different scenarios in my head over and over again of what I'd say if I ever saw him again, but now everything seems to have disappeared from my mind.

‘Do you have a beer, or something?'

I sigh. How long is it going to take until he leaves?

‘I don't,' I say, crossing my arms over my chest, as if creating a shield against him. But today, there is no right lingerie or strong enough armour to wear against him.

Josh is manipulative, he knows what to say and how, he knows how to make something complex turn into water and sugar. Everyone who meets him falls for it. I did, my family and friends too. Not anymore.

Now he sits across from me, his red hair darker than I remember. His blue eyes trying to meet mine, but I avoid the contact as much as possible.

‘Do you think your tennis player will love you like I do?'

I don't answer him. I know where this is going. He wants me to answer, but no matter what I say, it will be the wrong answer. He will use it against me.

‘He won't, love bug. No one will ever love you like I do.'

Now I let out my sarcastic laugh. He used to hate it, too.

‘I'm also pretty sure he won't fuck you like I did,' he says, now standing up.

I clench my hands, digging my nails deep into the skin of my palms.

‘That, I'm pretty sure too. No one will ever fuck up my life like you did,' I say, anger taking over me. Courage is showing up.

He laughs hard. His sarcasm drives me crazy.

‘I'm not that girl anymore.'

‘Oh, I know. You're a woman now, successful, and apparently famous too,' he mocks.

‘Does it bother you?'

He smirks.

‘Looking at you now, looking like a loser, unable to get over me after three years, I don't know why I didn't press charges against you,' I say, now with clenched teeth.

‘Maybe you should have, but I always knew you didn't have the courage to do it. It was never something I worried about,' he says, his eyes darkening like a thunderstorm about to begin as he walks toward me.

‘Get the fuck out, Josh,' I shout at him as he gets closer to me. I try to walk away, but he grabs my arm, his grip strong and tight. He shakes me hard. My instinct is to close my eyes and wait for the punch.

‘Shut up, Olivia,' he raises his voice, squeezing my arm even harder. Veins are popping across his forehead, his face has reddened with rage.

‘Why is it so hard for you to accept defeat? You lost me, get over it and leave me alone.'

‘Get out.'

When I hear the familiar voice coming from behind me, I know everything will be fine, no matter what.

‘You must be the boyfriend,' says Josh, letting go of my arm, yanking it in a way I almost fall backwards.

‘And you must be the jerk ex,' says Luc firmly. The door must have been open, and I'm so glad.

Luc's wearing an expression I've never seen before. It's as if he transformed himself, now prepared for a cold war. He gets to me and wraps an arm around my waist, holding me in place. Then he takes my hand and uses his thumb to apply pressure to my palm, just like he did when I had my déjà vu on the street.

Josh's sarcastic smile doesn't work with Luc.

‘Get the hell out,' Luc's voice is calm, but firm. His eyes are focused on Josh's every movement, as if he's ready to act if it comes to it. Josh doesn't feel intimidated, he takes one more step towards the two of us.

Luc's reaction is to shift me behind him as he acts as a shield against my ex. His hands still clasped through mine.

‘GET OUT,' this time Luc shouts and I flinch in surprise. I'm shaking all over and my heart rate is through the roof.

‘Do you think she will want anything to do with someone who exposes her life like you do?' Josh is furious, his face all shades of red. It brings back even more memories. He takes a few steps towards us and for a moment I fear he will attack Luc.

‘You'll die waiting for her to tell you she loves you,' says Josh.

‘I'm not going to say it again. Get out or I'm calling the police,' Luc's voice lowers again, but the way he speaks has much more weight than when he shouts. He chooses to ignore Josh's comment, but I know he will eventually wonder what he meant by that.

‘Fine,' says Josh, holding his arms up in the air in defeat, but still with his smug smile.

He starts to walk toward the door, around the kitchen island, opposite to where I'm standing with Luc, who's still keeping me behind him, protecting me from the threat across the room.

‘Nice match, by the way,' says Josh to Luc. It sounds more mocking than praising.

‘Get out,' says Luc once again.

‘You know, love bug, relationships with stars never last too long. Soon enough I'll be reading the news about your breakup.'

I feel every strong and fast beat of my heart in my extremities. My entire body is alert and aware from the fear of having to face Josh again. Luc and I watch him leave the flat in silence.