Chapter Sixteen

He loves the meatballs. His eyes light up with pleasure in each bite. Also, he's so hungry he helps himself with two other servings. I'm so pleased to watch him enjoy what I cooked that even I eat more than I normally do.

‘Olivia, I—' Luc begins after swallowing his pasta.

‘Sorry about this morning,' I cut him off.

‘Why are you sorry?' he asks.

‘I know it seemed weird,' I say.

‘I just noticed something was off. Didn't want to make you talk about it. I figured if you wanted to tell me, you would,' he says. And I like him even more because of it.

‘I know. You did everything right. It was exactly what I needed,' I say.

He stops for a moment, and leans his head on his fist, propped on his elbow and watches me. An invitation for me to talk. If I want to.

‘Yesterday on the way to work I felt like I was being followed. It felt like déjà vu, but I didn't know where the weird feeling in my chest was coming from. Then today in the morning as we were walking back home from the café I felt it again, and the memories started flowing in my head.'

Then I tell him about one of the worst days of my life—sparing him from details that make me cringe—and my mind once again revisits my darkest moment.

‘As soon as I got into Josh's car that day, my phone rang. I didn't even get to see who it was, because he took my phone from my hand as fast as he could,' I begin.

Luc stops chewing and turns to face me, giving me his full attention, because he knows where this is going.

‘For the first time that day, I looked him in the eyes. All I could see were the million reasons why I shouldn't have him in my life, and how sick he was making me. I felt disgusted. The fury in his eyes, the rough way he moved his arms and hands, the tone of his voice, already changing from overly sweet to aggressive, possessive. I already knew that pretty well,' I say.

‘I tried to get my phone back. He didn't give it to me. I tried to open the door. It was too late, he had locked them. I shouted at him, asking him to open the door. He said, "SHUT UP and listen to me, Olivia." The way he said my name shouldn't be allowed. How could I have gotten myself into such a sick relationship? Why it took me so long to realise it? In that moment I could finally see it clearly. It was a co-dependency, he manipulated me into depending on him and into believing that nothing out there could be better for me than him.'

Luc takes my hand and his thumb finds the centre of my palm.

‘I was shaking and doing my best not to cry. He hated when I cried. He used to hit me harder when I cried. I didn't want to aggravate things so I swallowed hard, as if by doing so I was making the tears go back to where they belonged.'

I close my eyes and can hear so clear Josh's voice that day.

‘I love you. I cannot live without you. Do you understand what I'm saying?' Josh said.

I kept my mouth shut.

‘Tell me that you love me, Olivia,' he said through gritted teeth.

I heard it so many times, him begging me to tell him those words. I never did.

‘TALK TO ME.' Though his scream was so loud, I kept my hands under my thighs, I didn't dare look vulnerable in front of him—not anymore—by lifting them to my ears to muffle the terrifying sounds he was making.

I looked away, at the passers-by on the sidewalk leading their normal lives while I was trapped with the worst thing that ever happened to me, in a car.

‘LOOK AT ME.'

More shouting. I flinched with every shout, my heart racing, protesting inside my chest. I kept waiting for him to hit me, but he didn't.

I continued staring outside, as if by doing so someone would eventually notice how much I needed help in that moment. No help came. Londoners were too busy trying to get to work, to run their errands, to fully wake up, to accept that the weekend was over and it was time to begin a new week. How would they ever think that some girl inside an Aston Martin with a handsome bachelor wearing a suit would be begging for help in plain daylight on a busy street?'

‘Olivia?' says Luc, after I don't say anything for a long while—taking a moment to deal with the memories.

‘He turned the engine on and started driving. I dug my nails deep onto the leather seat, the same seat where he bruised me so many times, where we had so many discussions, where only he could ever win an argument. I felt as if I were trapped in a terrifying rollercoaster against my will,' I continue.

Please, God, let me out of here, I remember thinking.

‘He drove us to a quiet street. There was no one around, so it was only him and I,' I say.

Luc squeezes my hand, letting me know he's right there with me.

‘He had this way of changing his voice from one second to the other. Using his soft tone he said, "Look at me, love bug." I didn't obey. If I did, I wasn't going to be able to hold the tears trying to escape. I was beyond terrified of him. "Why are you ignoring me? Why haven't you been answering my calls?" he continued to press. That's when I said it was over. But instead of just accepting it, he asked if I had met someone else. I said I hadn't, and he called me a liar,' I say, then take a deep breath before continuing. Luc's eyes meet mine for a brief moment, then I go back to talking and staring at his hand on mine.

‘Then I felt brave enough to say that there was nothing he could ever do to make me go back to him again. I said he was sick, and before I said anything else there was blood coming out of my nose. He hit me with his elbow. Hard. My eyes wouldn't stop watering because of the pain, and I hated myself because of it. Suck it up, Olivia, I told myself.'

Right now Luc winces, and his reaction is the same one Nate had when he learned the truth. Like he could kill someone.

‘I remember the tiny drops of blood on my white blouse, but that was the least of my problems. I tried to open the door again, probably on instinct, because I knew it wouldn't work. He laughed his sarcastic laugh I hated so much. My stomach twisted into a million painful knots. I kept my eyes shut and tried to take my mind to a place where I could be free, where this man wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

‘Then he asked me if I thought someone was ever going to love me the way he did. Again, I felt brave enough to say what I really thought. I said it wouldn't be the hardest thing. That was the last thing I told him. The next memory I have is of waking up in a hospital bed. My Mum crying by my side. My family only managed to find me the next day. My phone had disappeared. Someone anonymously brought me to the hospital and I had no ID with me. The hospital staff said the guy who brought me in left before identifying himself.'

‘Fuck, what a bastard,' says Luc, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.

‘We never told Dad. Nate went after Josh when he found out, but he was nowhere to be found, the coward. That's when I moved. It worked out perfectly that Lexi was already planning on moving in with Thomas. I got a new phone, new address. That's when Nate banned him from their group of friends. That's when I said goodbye to social media; even fake profiles. I wanted to give him as little chance as possible to find me again. Lucky for me, I also got promoted at Secretive and my office was in a new location too.'

‘And you never pressed charges against him?' asks Luc.

‘No, despite the insistence of my friends and family. I just wanted to put it all behind me as fast as I could. Pressing charges would prolong my torture,' I say.

‘Do you ever regret not doing it?'

‘Sometimes. But then, I remember how painful it was at the time. I couldn't see anything beyond what I was going through, you know? I couldn't think clearly,' I say.

He exhales sharply, taking in what I just told him. Then he holds me, tightly, and supportive, burying his face in my neck.

‘I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could do something to make it go away,' he says.

‘It's ok. It was a long time ago,' I say, both reassuring him and myself, but glad for the words he just said.

‘Is that the reason for your nightmares?' he asks as his warm hand takes the side of my face as his eyes lock on mine.

What?

I'm stunned, my eyes focused on his. I didn't know someone could tell I had those dreadful nightmares. No one has ever told me that. It might be because I almost never sleep with anyone, other than the girls.

‘Yes. I didn't know you could tell. Is it bad?'

‘I wouldn't say it would stop me from sleeping with you again,' he says grinning, immediately brightening up my face with a smile once again. My shoulders relax a little, and I feel like I can breathe again.

‘You have tomato sauce right here,' I wipe the corner of his mouth with my thumb.

‘All this time you were watching me with tomato sauce on the corner of my mouth and didn't say anything?' He holds back a smirk arching up one eyebrow. ‘You're evil, Olivia,' he says, then crashes his mouth against mine.

‘So you keep saying,' I tease.

‘I like your kind of evil,' he says into my mouth, then kisses me again. He tastes of tomato sauce and Luc, and he feels warm and soft in my mouth.

He helps me clean up the kitchen and once we're done he holds me from behind, his hands firm and warm around my waist. His mouth brushes my neck and stops in my ear, sending tickles through my bloodstream.

‘I've gotta go. I have a very important day at work tomorrow,' he whispers.

Though that sounds a bit disappointing, it doesn't feel like it when he's touching me like this and speaking with his French accent in my ear.