Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Philip was well aware that, eventually, Lady Jacqueline would ask to see his face.

He had not once, however, expected it to be so soon. It had not even been an entire day since her arrival, and already she had requested it. It had not been particularly demanding, but that did not matter. What mattered was that she had asked, and even though he wanted her to see him with time, he was not ready.

“N-no,” he stammered, taking yet another step away from her. “I cannot let you, not just yet.”

He wondered if any facade she was holding might slip, and she would turn into some demanding and petulant child, but of course it did not. Even from his distance, he could see that her features remained soft. Any worry that she saw him as some creature left him for the moment, something that rarely happened around others.

“Very well,” she replied gently. “I shall not press the matter further. Instead, I shall ask you how you came to be near me a second time.”

Somehow, that questioning was even worse.

“I have been thinking about your behavior,” he explained. “Not that it has been anything untoward, of course, but it was a surprise to me. You see, we had been led to believe that you were aware of the plans, and that you were happy with them. I had no idea that the truth was kept from you.”

“I cannot say that I am surprised by that,” she smirked. “It is quite like my father to do something like this, though I never thought that he would go to such extremes.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, not that she could see it, but she seemed to know he did not fully believe regardless.

“Well,” she laughed sadly. “It is not as though I am surprised, as he had been acting quite bizarrely of late, as well as my sister. I am yet to forgive her for her part in it.”

“Her part?”

“She knew. For the first time in our lives, she has kept something from me, and all because she fancies herself in love— love I tell you.”

“Yes, with Lord Greene. She was quite enraptured by him last night.”

“I shall have to meet him myself at some point, seeing as I was not at dinner last night. Surely, I cannot be blamed for holding this all against this gentleman, at least a little?”

“Would you rather honesty or support?”

“Honesty. Always.”

“I believe this poor gentleman is none the wiser about all of this, and so it is unfair to place any blame upon his shoulders.”

She seemed to think for a moment.

“I suppose so,” she sighed. “It is only that, well, I knew that my sister would fall in love eventually. She is a lovely lady, and a pretty one too, and so it is no surprise that she has made a match, but I feel so betrayed. I should have had a part in it all, surely? Instead, she has fallen in love to the extent that she has been willing to marry me off to a stranger and I have been none the wiser.”

“You did say that she had been acting strangely.”

“I thought she might have been tempting scandal, not all of this!”

“Ah. In any case, you are here now, and under no obligation to even like me if you do not wish.”

“Yes, which makes this even more difficult,” she confessed.

“Should it not make it easier?”

“No. If I had no choice, then I could call it a noble sacrifice that had been out of my hands. Being given the choice, however, means that I must still do the right thing and still have to shoulder the responsibility for it.”

“I had not thought of it in that way. In that sense, I suppose that I haven't truly given you a choice at all. It is either your family, or your freedom, and I can tell already which you would choose.”

“Every single time, without hesitation,” she affirmed.

“Which is admirable, though I must admit that I pity you. You did not deserve any of this.”

“On the contrary, I have needed exactly this. It will enable my family to return to prosperity, and my sister can marry the man she loves. I have dreamed of being able to help them, and now I can. I can only thank you for it.”

She truly was good . He had not expected someone like her to come into his life, and yet now that she was here, he did not want her to leave. In another sense, a larger one at that, he simply wanted her to be happy, and it was impossible for her to feel that way as his wife. He could not do that to her.

“What if there was another way?” He asked suddenly.

“There is not, Your Grace.”

Philip turned away completely, in thought.

“But there is,” he continued. “What if I were to put an end to the arrangement, but I will still help your father pay his debts and give your sister a dowry. I do not know the figure your father had in mind, as we are yet to discuss the finer details, but I am sure I can afford such a measure even without the wife to balance that.”

“That is too much to ask, Your Grace.”

“You are not asking, I am giving it to you. Consider it an apology for…”

They had not yet discussed their very first meeting. He did not know how to talk to her about it, for he was ashamed of it and did not know how to tell her that without seeming pathetic.

“For inviting you here without telling you personally what it was for,” he finished. “It would be no small feat, if it is what you want.”

He felt her brush his arm, and he jolted, taking several steps back.

Having had his back toward her, speaking, he had not sensed her approaching him until she was touching the scars on his arm. He had not been touched for a very long time, not even by his mother, as he had made a point of telling people not to do so. It no longer hurt to touch his scars, but he hated the reminder that they were there.

“My apologies, Your Grace,” she explained quickly. “I tend to find it easier to talk to people when I am closer to them. I understand that you do not wish to remove your mask, and I shall not look too closely at you, but I cannot spend my life several feet from you.”

“Well, I shall admit that I am quite embarrassed to have jumped at a touch, but it is not out of anything other than surprise. I assure you, you have done nothing wrong.”

“Good, because, well… I do not want to put an end to this arrangement as yet.”

Her words did not seem to settle in his mind. He had thought that she would take the easy out that he was offering and run out of there faster than any carriage could take her, yet here she was offering to stay.

“Are you quite sure?”

“Certainly. I do not deal in charity. Whether I knew it or not, I have given my word to try and see this through, and so that is what I intend to do. I want to at least enter into a courtship, and come to know you more, and if we then decide that it is not right, then we can discuss other options. For now, however, I am happy to spend some time with you.”

She was incredibly sweet. He knew the truth; that she was only saying it for her family’s sake, as it would be far harder for him to refuse if they were married. but she seemed so sincere that he wished it was not so. For a fleeting moment, he thought of how it would feel to have a lady truly feel like that for him, like he was worth knowing, but he soon came to his senses.

He was reminded, as he often was, of the night she helped him. He never really thanked her for it, instead accusing her of being untoward, yet all that time ago she had shown him genuine kindness without asking for anything in return. For days after that night, he had expected to hear word that she had accused him of being inappropriate so he would be forced into marriage, claiming the title of duchess, but that never happened.

She helped him—not wanting anything in return, and he was rude to her. She likely had not even known who he was, even if he was so well-known and recognizable.

“I ought to apologize to you,” he said at last, and when he dared to look her in the eyes, he saw that she looked quite inquisitive.

“You have done nothing wrong, Your Grace.”

“Yes, I have. I have been acting in a most peculiar fashion, and I assure you that it will not be forever. I simply have not been a sociable character for a good while now, and I do not know what it is to be around strangers.”

“Then it is just as well that we are no longer strangers. We are acquaintances, which is another thing entirely.”

“Acquaintances,” he echoed. “I must admit, that is quite pleasing to the ear.”

“And then friends,” she continued. “And then, should it go any further, we shall find the name for it.”

It was precisely what he needed to hear, and he wanted to believe Lady Jacqueline when she said it. There was, of course, the risk of being a fool all over again, but it was a risk that he was willing to take.

“I must go,” he said suddenly, taking his leave. “Please come to dinner tonight, at least?”

“Of course, Your Grace. For now, however, I simply must retire to my bedchambers and rest. I have yet to do so.”

Philip left her there, going immediately to his valet. If he was to court Lady Jacqueline, then he would be doing it correctly. He could not do it in any other way, for it was not proper.

“I require a favor,” he said firmly.

“Certainly, Your Grace, anything.”

“I shall need flowers to be arranged. I want a different arrangement given to Lady Jacqueline each day for the duration of her stay.”

“Of course. She is quite lovely, is she not?”

“Most certainly, and I am pleased that others are seeing that. It makes me feel less foolish for trying.”

“You should never feel foolish,” the valet nodded. “She is a good lady. Believe me, I know how people are. I have quite the knack for it.”

“In which case, what do you think of her father?”

At this, the valet seemed a little more apprehensive.

“Sadly, Your Grace, I do not think it wise to speak ill of the father of the lady you are courting, and so I shall hold my tongue.”

The two gentlemen laughed, but Philip made a note of it in his mind. He was not the only one not to trust the coward of a father that Lady Jacqueline had been stuck with.

He would have to keep an eye on that.