Chapter 3

Gideon

I don't believe this, but I have no choice but to when that little girl looks just like me. I have a daughter. A friggin' daughter. I go back inside the clubhouse, looking for Loki, but when I see him thoroughly enjoying himself with the ladies, I decide to slide out of here without anyone noticing me.

When I step out front, I scan the area for Ivy's car then walk over to the driver's side and tell her to follow me.

I don't start the bike in front of the clubhouse so as not to alert anyone of my sudden departure. I push the bike down the road and when I feel like I'm far enough to start it without causing a ruckus, I hop on and begin the drive to my house.

I have a daughter.

And I have questions – all of which I'm going to get answers to as soon as I get to my place.

We pull up in the yard. I hop off the bike and unlock the front door, then stand there holding it while Ivy takes Lilly out of the car without the car seat. She finally comes up the steps, into the living room and sits on the sofa.

I close the door gently. I want to slam the crap out of it, but I don't want to irritate Lilly who's currently staring at me with her big brown eyes, same color as mine.

I have a freakin' daughter.

I look at Ivy and say through gritted teeth, "Start talking."

"Um…I don't know where to begin."

"How about the part about you being pregnant with my child and not telling me? Start there!" I yell, letting my anger get the best of me.

Lilly's little hands grip and squeeze onto her mother's blouse. I'm scaring her. That's not what I want to do, but my emotions are all over the place. I have a daughter and she's beautiful and perfect. Am I wrong for being pissed at her mom right now?

"You should've told me. The whole time I was sitting in a cell rotting away—"

"Rotting away?" she intercepts. "Stop being dramatic."

"Don't tell me what I'm being when I was the one locked up. I had all kinds of crazy thoughts running through my mind. Knowing I had a daughter waiting for me would've been motivation for me—a push to do better and want to do better."

"I wanted to tell you, Gideon, but I didn't want to go through you denying that she was yours and all of that."

"Denying her? Her ? How on earth can I deny her, Ivy?"

I stand up and pace the room, searching for my own answers because I'm too angry to ask her more questions. I step outside again, take a deep breath, and when I return, I notice she has lowered Lilly to the floor. Lilly's sitting on her tush, staring up at me like the stranger I am to her.

"When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"About a month after you got locked up."

"And when did you start seeing someone else?"

"A few months after Lilly was born."

"That's who you need help from, right? You're running from him?"

"Yes. Look—I know you hate me. I wouldn't have come to you unless it was absolutely necessary. I have nowhere else to go."

"What has he done to you?"

"Um…he yells at me and Lilly. He's hit me. Kicked me. Punched me."

I shake my head, already deciding the best way to handle this. Nobody lays a hand on my ol' lady. It doesn't matter if we're together or not. She's still my property – still has my last name – and it's murder for anyone who lays a hand on my seed.

"So, that's the prince charming you thought was better than me? A man who abuses you? I've never laid a hand on you, Ivy."

"I know. I—"

"And this man has been abusing you to the point that you need to hide from him?"

She sighs. "I can't go to my apartment. He will sit in the parking lot until I get home, and that's after I broke it off with him. He says there's no end to us—that I'm his forever. Besides going to get a restraining order, I don't know what else to do."

I grin to myself. Restraining order…

She won't be needing one of those.

"Are you still working?"

"No, not at the moment. I lost my job behind this since he's been harassing me there, too."

I push all anger aside momentarily to ensure the protection of Lilly. I say, "Here's what we'll do. You and Lilly will stay here for now. I work out of the garage still—just like before, so I'll be here most of the time. What's this guy's name?"

"Cash Brooke."

"Is that his government?"

"Yes but listen, Gideon—I don't want you getting into any trouble behind this. I just needed a place to stay. I'll deal with Cash on my own."

"No. You came to me for help. You're getting help. I'll handle this douchebag in whatever way I see fit."

"I don't want you to end up back in prison."

"Trust me—some things are worth going to prison for. You can crash in the bedroom by the bathroom. You should know where it is."

"Yes, I remember."

"Also, you are to never leave this house without my permission. When I get this situation handled, you're free to do whatever you want, but until then, you do as I say. Understood?"

She sighs heavily.

"Don't act like you didn't hear me, girl."

"I heard you, Gideon. I understand."

Ivy scoops up my twin and goes to the bedroom.

Still in disbelief about this ordeal, I step outside and take a few steps down the street before calling Brandon. As soon as he answers, I say, "You could've told me the baby was mine."

"What the heck are you talking about?"

"The little girl you saw with Ivy—she's my daughter."

"How do you know that?"

"They're both in my friggin' house as we speak."

"Well, dang. That was quick. You didn't waste any time getting your girl back, huh?"

"She's not my girl anymore."

"I can't tell."

"Look—that's not what this is. She came to the clubhouse earlier to find me—said she needed help. Her ex has it out for her since she broke it off with him and she's afraid for her life."

"Oh, now it makes sense seeing her with a black eye. Dang, man. What kind of man does that to a woman?"

"Don't know, but I'm going to find out. You should've seen the look on her face the whole time she was talking to me. She looked terrified."

"I bet. Ay, let me know when you find this dude. I don't mind landing a few blows to his face."

"Thanks for having my back, brother, but I don't want you to get your hands dirty. You got a good thing going on over there. I'll handle it."

"Well, just know I'm here if you need me. Are you going to let Ivy crash there for a while?"

"I don't want to, but what choice do I have? She has my daughter. I can't subject her to danger."

And if I'm being honest, I can't subject Ivy to danger either. We're still married. I haven't signed any divorce papers which tells me she hasn't filed, met with an attorney, or nothing. Does she want this marriage? Clearly, she doesn't if she was so willing to move on after me. But seeing her brings back so many memories of the good times.

"So, you care nothing about Ivy?"

"Man…it's confusing seeing her again. She's still as beautiful as she was, but I'm angry at her for what she did to me. At the same time, I had to fight to take my eyes off of her lips."

"Are you going to get a paternity test to make sure her daughter is yours?"

"Nah. Don't need one. If you saw this girl up close, you'd already know. I just wish Ivy would've told me."

"Well, all I can say is, you know now, brother. If a baby doesn't get you to change your ways, I don't know what else will. After all, that is what Ivy wanted in the first place."

He's right about that. Ivy wanted so much for me, but my problem with that was, she expected me to be who she wanted me to be. I'm no straight-laced businessman and don't want to be. I'm an outlaw. A problem. Granted, I like law and order but only if I'm the law and the order.

And as for the MC…

It's given me a safe place to express myself. To be myself. Ivy never understood that. In fact, after talking to her, she thinks it's something I did with them that landed me in prison when it had nothing to do with the motorcycle. Nothing at all.

Brandon says, "Ay, while you're visiting Mom, you may want to let her know that you have the first St. James grandchild."

"The first? Are you sure about that? You and Gage ain't been out here sewing your wild oats all over New Orleans?"

"Maybe Gage has, but I'm too busy building my business to be caught up right with a chick. Anyway, I'll let you go since you're a family man again."

"I wouldn't take it that far."

"I would. You may not say it, but you love Ivy, and I don't give a crap that she didn't come to visit you when you were in the slammer. You still want her. Otherwise, you wouldn't be protecting her."

"Okay, you don't know how this works, Brandon. I'm in the MC. That means, she's somewhat in the MC. She's my girl. My property. It's my job to protect my property. It doesn't matter that she hates my guts, or vice versa."

"Well, who knows? You're seeking a new beginning. She's running from what she thought was a new beginning. This just might be what you're looking for."

"All I want to do is get my business back up and running like it was before. I have a daughter to think about now."

"Yes, you do. I'll let you get to it."

He hangs up. I stuff my phone in my shirt pocket and walk the street. Cars whiz by blaring different varieties of music from Hip Hop to Creole.

Which reminds me…

There's a party going on at the clubhouse in my honor and I'm not even there.

I walk back to my house, hop on my bike and head back over there. I spot Loki outside on the phone – looks like he's handling business. He's the president of the club and rightly so. He has a reputation inside and outside of this establishment. One just doesn't cross Loki and get away with it.

I walk up as he's ending his call. He says, "What the freak, man? This is your party, and you wasn't even here."

"My bad, Loki. I had to take care of some business."

"What kind of business? Anything I can help with?"

I sigh, hesitant to get anyone else involved in my tangled mess.

"This must have something to do with Ivy, eh?" he says.

"How'd you know that?"

He says, "Yeah, I saw her come in earlier with Wraith. You know nothing slips pass me, brother. So, what's the deal? Do we need to crack some skulls or what? I know y'all ain't together or nothing, but she still your property, is she not?"

"She is."

"Then tell me, Hawk—what's going on?"

"I won't know the full extent of it until I have another chat with her."

"Alright. When you find out, let me know. We can discuss it at church. You catch my drift?"

"Got it."

He lays his hand on my shoulder and says, "You're a member of this club—means nothing that you don't have an official rank. You're a member and everybody here is important to the operation of this fine establishment. Got it?"

"Yeah, Prez. Got it."

"Good. Now, get back in there, grab one of them Beauties, take her to the back room and drop your pants. After two years locked up, you deserve it."

I step back inside, still not ready for any of the festivities. I sit at the bar, grab another beer and watch the ladies for a while. After being locked up for years, you'd think that's the first thing I want to do is slide between a pair of thighs, but there's much more pressing matters on my mind – like my daughter.

"Hawk, good to see you, brother. How does it feel to be a free man?" Sheol asks.

He came out of nowhere. I was in such deep thought, I hadn't noticed him. He's the club Chaplin and one of his jobs is to bless the bikes before we head out on a ride. He's a well-respected member of the club and owns a listening bar that plays the best jazz sounds in all of New Orleans.

"It feels good to be out, especially considering I never should've been in there in the first place."

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Your brother is into some weird stuff, man. I mean, so are we, who am I to judge, but at least we know how to keep it discreet. Know what I mean?"

"Absolutely. I think he needs the discipline of an MC to get that through his head."

He chuckles. "Prez would never let him join Sin City. He's too reckless."

"I know. I just don't want him to end up in a street gang or something. He's going to mess around and get himself killed."

Sheol grabs me by the shoulders and shake me up a bit. "It's good to have you back! You have to stop by Speak Easy one day next week."

"You got it, brother. I'll make sure and do that."

The Beauties are really baring it all now, bending and stretching their tight little bodies, performing a show. They have the new members hyped, but us seasoned vets are not all that thrilled. Most of us – not me, but them – have slept with the entertainment. These girls will do anything to get one of these members to make them their property. The new members are excited about having them around, but not necessarily to marry. They're fun. They're carefree and overly sexual. And meanwhile, I sit here at the bar thinking about Ivy and Lilly.

There's something about this lifestyle that rubs me the wrong way sometimes. It's not my brothers – it will never be them. I think it's the drive I have to get my life where it was before I was booked for a crime I didn't commit. I want that back. I want my old life back and it's going to require a level of commitment that'll take me away from this place.

And in addition to wanting my business back, I want Ivy.

Yeah, I said it. I want her, but she doesn't want me.

The only reason she's entertaining me now is for protection. And then there's this man she's running from…

Lion, the club secretary, punches me smack dab in the chest and says, "Long time, no see, fool."

"I know, I know. I'm back."

"For good, I hope. I'm the one that's supposed to be getting locked up. Not you, Hawk."

"Yeah. Wrong place, wrong time. Haven said it was best for me to take the plea deal, so that's what I did."

Haven Richardson is the club lawyer. She's gotten me out of a few jams, but some things you just can't avoid prison time for – like bank robbery .

"I hear ya."

"I appreciate you seeing to it that my motorcycle was repaired while I was away. She still runs like a beauty, even after I crashed it."

"You know I got you, brother. You'd do the same for me."

I nod and cross my arms over my chest. "How have things been going around here?"

"Everything is everything. You know how that goes. Ay, you getting The Garage back up and running?"

"I am."

"Good. I need you to look at my '69 Camaro before you get locked up again." He grins, then says, "I'm just yanking your chain, man."

"Trust me—there ain't going to be no more of that. I'm out for good and I'm not going back. Listen—let me open the garage, figure out where everything is and get it back up and running. I'll let you know when to bring the car by."

"Will do, brother."

For the next hour, I keep a seat at the bar warm and watch these girls dance, but as I sit here, it's like I'm seeing right through to them. Through it all. I'm fulfilling a duty – letting my brothers know I appreciate their gesture to welcome me home and show me a good time, but I'd rather be elsewhere.

"Hey, there," one of the Beauties says walking up to me. She grabs my crotch and says, "I was told to come over here and give you a hard time."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Oh, come on," she says, tugging my arm. "Follow me."

Holding my hand, she pulls me into the back room then asks, "Now, where were we?" as she loosens my belt.

"Ay," I say taking her by the wrists. "I'm good."

She glances at the front of my pants and says, "It doesn't appear that you're good, but I can solve all that big boy."

I say, "Solve somebody else's problem," then I leave out the back. It was time. This party's over.

Heading home, I take the time to appreciate my bike. I even go for a longer ride, enjoying the thick, humid air that used to be a pain in my rear. Now, I'm embracing every part of it because it spells freedom in ways that people who haven't had two years of their life taken away won't appreciate. I appreciate the little things now. I hate to say this officially, but prison has indeed changed me.

When I get home, I step inside. It's dark and quiet. I walk to the bedroom where Ivy and Lilly are crashing. When I open the door, I see Ivy stretched out on the bed wearing the same clothes she had on when I left. Lilly is beside her. They both look like this is the best sleep they've had in a very long time. I close the door quietly to let them be, then head down the hallway to my bedroom. I immediately get out of my clothes and step in the shower to wash the day off of me. It feels good to shower in privacy. It's a luxury that shouldn't be taken for granted. Which has me thinking…why do we take so many things for granted, especially people and places we're familiar with? I'm guilty of taking Ivy for granted just like she's guilty of doing that to me. But does that mean we give up trying?

I dry off quickly then fall across the bed in the nude. It's been a day. I have a lot to deal with in the morning, but for now, I need to rest my mind to prepare myself to handle it.