Chapter 2

Ivy

W hen Gideon got locked up, I told myself I was going to do better. I needed to work on myself in order to attract the kind of man I was looking for – one who wouldn't lie to my face. A hard worker. A man who put nothing before his wife and family. A man who wasn't more concerned with hanging out with his motorcycle club buddies while I stayed home eating dinner alone, hoping that one day, he'd appreciate me.

Finding out I was pregnant right after he caught that charge threw a wrench in those plans. I had life growing inside of me – a life we created – so all of my time went to ensuring that I ate healthy and took my vitamins. I wanted to give my baby the best possible entrance into this world. I didn't care about anything else for those long, nine months – just my baby girl.

When Lilly arrived a healthy seven pounds, four ounces, it was only then that I felt like I could breathe. She was healthy. She was perfect. She was a happy baby. She's a year and three months old now, walking and definitely has her father's personality. And eyes. And nose. She looks just like him with that gorgeous creamy brown skin, resulting from our ethnicities.

She's my little angel. I thought I was doing her and myself a favor when I met Cash. I was waitressing—my second job—when he caught my eye. Knowing I wasn't in the market for love, I kept my professionalism intact and provided him with good customer serve. He provided me with a one-hundred-dollar tip on a bill that was only twenty-eight bucks. On the receipt, he wrote his phone number. I called to thank him for his generosity, and what did I do that for? He asked me on a date and we were seeing each other for the better part of eight months.

Things were good with us for a while. He was generous – I never knew what he did for a living because he never told me, but with a name like Cash, I could take several guesses and probably be right. But what did I care? He took me to lavish dinners, bought Lilly clothes and shoes, paid the rent at my apartment and any other bills I asked him to chip in on. He was eager to do anything to help me. Everything was perfect…

Perfect, until he started hitting me. It began with name-calling, pushing and shoving. Then, I was supposedly cheating on him, so he punched me in the face. With that first lick behind him, it was easy all the other times that followed. And I stayed there – a victim – numb to the abuse.

Now, I'm running for my life and my baby's life to get away from him. Cash knows where I live, so I don't stay at my apartment anymore. I refuse to worry my parents about this, so I've been sleeping in my car with Lilly. If Child Protective Services knew this, I'd lose my daughter, so I kept it quiet.

Now, I can't anymore. She's not only my child. She's Gideon's, too. Doesn't he have some obligation to protect her now that he's able?

I start my silver Elantra while Lilly is still asleep and drive to where I know I'll find him – his motorcycle clubhouse. I don't want to go there, but I don't have any other choice at this point. When I pull up in front of the brick building, I see a gang of motorcycles parked out front. I brace myself for the rowdiness of it all. They stay partying – no one sleeps, it seems, and the environment is definitely not suitable for a one-year-old.

Here goes nothing.

I don't want to go inside and subject my baby to cigarette smoke, scantily clad women and men who look like they could crush your skull with their bare hands. I'm currently on the run from one of those, and he's not even in a motorcycle club.

I take a deep breath, turn off the car and look in the backseat at my sleeping beauty – my most prized possession. My Lilly. I can't let her down – not this time.

"Ah'ight, girl. Do what you have to do for Lilly," I coach myself.

I get out of the car and open the back door to unstrap Lilly. She's still sleeping at the moment, and I'm trying to keep it that way. It's tough carrying around a toddler when they're asleep. It feels like she's gained an extra five pounds simply because she's snoozing. I manage to hold her and my ten-pound purse while I walk to the entrance of this brick building I've only ever been to once in my life, and that was when me and Gideon were first dating.

Those were the days.

He was always wild and reckless. I was safe and mature. I wasn't what you would call innocent , but after a while, the charm of Gideon's bad boy ways wore off. I wanted something more in a man. Something that felt more stable and like home. I needed a law-abiding gentleman who wouldn't have me looking over my shoulders, waiting for the po-po's to show up with allegations of wrongdoing.

But getting back to the matter at hand…

I haven't stepped a foot inside and this place it's already intimidating. There's a sign on the door and a banner on the wall of the building that reads, Sin City Motorcycle Club, with a picture of a skull – the same image that's on the backs of their leather motorcycle jackets. And what's even more intimidating than that is, one of the members – I think they call him Wraith – is standing at the entrance with a beer bottle and a cigarette. He's wearing a red and black checkerboard shirt with the sleeves cut off, showcasing his arm tattoos. He has black studs in his ear. His eyes look menacing like he's a trouble starter. His beard is so thick, he could hide contraband in it.

As I walk up to the door, he says, "You look a little lost there, sweetheart. This is a members-only club."

"I know, I just—"

"Then be on your way, darling. This ain't no place for a lady and a child."

"Wraith, is it?"

He looks dead at me, blows a puff of smoke in my face and asks, "How you know my name, gul?"

"Wraith, it's me – Ivy – Gideon's…I mean, Hawks, ex-wife…well wife ."

"That's you, Ivy?"

I grin uncomfortably. Now, he recognizes me.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Well, why didn't you say so! Get your tail on up in here."

He opens the door. I follow him inside. There's a haze of smoke that makes the smoke he blew in my face look like nothing. I don't want to inhale, and I definitely don't want Lilly smelling these toxic fumes. I need to find Gideon and get out of here asap!

The place is packed to the brim. I hear a lot of cheering and hollering.

Wraith turns to me and says, "It's a welcome home party for Hawk. That's why the place is packed."

A welcome home party…

Why welcome him home when he'll be involved in activities that can send him right back? There's really nothing to celebrate if you look at it in that respect.

I'm still following Wraith through the crowd when a woman near me says, "Oh em gee…who has a baby in here?"

She captures the attention of some blondes who giggle like teenagers when they look like they're every bit of thirty – maybe even forty. Fake boobs are everywhere. Apparently, this place can be whatever it wants to be – a dance hall, a nightclub, a pub and a strip joint.

Two women are on the pool table dancing or wrestling. Yeah, maybe they're wrestling. Thongs and implants – that's what has this crowd stirred up. Hawk is still nowhere in sight.

Growing more uneasy but still thankful that Lilly is sleeping, I ask, "Do you know where he is?"

Instead of answering my question, he tosses his empty beer bottle behind the bar and immediately grabs another one. He puts his thumb on the top, shakes it then removes his thumb so it spews up in the air. Some land on me, but most on the ladies with the implants. They lick it off of each other.

What the heck? I have to get up out of here.

I gaze through the rowdiness and see Hawk at the back, standing in the entrance of a back room. Based on what's going on in here, I do not want to know what's going on back there, but I have to talk to him.

I get away from Wraith and head in Hawk's direction. He doesn't yet see me and I use that time to study him. He still looks the same. He has that brown, curly hair that I loved to play in. It's similar to Lilly's. One of his biker friends must be good with razors and clippers because not only is his hair lined up well, but his mustache is impeccable. His dark eyes look menacing. His slender lips – gosh I miss kissing those. The sleeveless shirt he has on reveals that he didn't lose any muscle mass. He's still muscular and strong. And tall.

Dang!

Once upon a time, this was my white chocolate. My man. My everything. But he chose this life over me, so there's that.

A few more steps and now, his eyes connect with mine. He instantly frowns but he doesn't break eye contact with me. He doesn't move either. He just stands there. Time has stood eerily still.

My stomach does backflips. Seeing him again brings back old feelings that have never left and would probably never leave me. My head is spinning. My box is throbbing. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm in it now.

"Hi, Gideon," I say. I refuse to call him Hawk. I don't care where we are. He's Gideon to me and always will be.

He doesn't respond back, just stares – glares – at me.

"You're not going to say anything?" I ask.

He sucks his teeth. "Why would you bring a baby up in this fine establishment?"

"Um…I didn't want to, but I need to talk to you?"

He hisses a grin. "Oh, now you need to talk to me. Ain't that a –"

"Gideon…"

"When I got locked up, you said you had nothing else to say to me. So, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here, Ivy?"

"I'm here because—I—"

"You what? Spit it out, Mrs . Independent."

"I need help."

His dark eyes narrow. "So, now that you need something from me, you seek me out."

"Listen, I know I wasn't there for you when you went to prison, but I told you I didn't want that lifestyle anymore. And you promised me, Gideon. You promised me that you would stay out of trouble."

"I'm not getting into this with you."

He turns away from me and focuses on a group of women.

"Gideon?" I close my eyes briefly, take a breath and ask, "Is there somewhere we can talk that's a little quieter?"

He releases an annoyed, exaggerated sigh and turns to walk without telling me where he's going. I don't know if I'm reading his body language correctly, but I guess I'm about to find out because I follow him to the back of the building and out the back door. He walks to a back door, pushes it open and steps outside in the alley. I move Lilly to my other shoulder to give my arm a rest then look around, scoping out the place. It stinks back here. There are dumpsters, trash everywhere and a stream of something constantly oozing and it doesn't look like water.

"Make it quick," he says. "I have a celebration to get back to. Unlike you, those people in there are actually happy to see me."

"And you're happy about seeing people who have you constantly in and out of jail?"

"You don't know what you're—look…if you don't have nothing to say, I'll be on my way."

He heads back for the door and I blurt out, "I need help, Gideon."

He stops, turns to look at me and says, "Yeah, I heard that part. Help for what?"

"I need a place to stay. Me and Lilly have been sleeping in a car for a few months. I can't have her in a car."

"Lilly, huh?" he says and glances at her. Her face is still nestled into my neck at the moment. "That sounds like a problem you need to take up with her father. You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me and for two years, you stuck to that. Now, that I'm out, all of a sudden you need my help. And why do you need somewhere to stay, Ivy? You let some man put his hands on you."

The look of shock on my face is unmistakable. How did he know?

He says, "Yeah, you've been seen around town with a black eye. Tell you what? Give me the name of the bastard who did this to you, and I'll take care of him."

"No. I don't want to get you into any trouble, Gideon."

"I have my ways of finding out, darling, even if you keep those pretty lips of yours closed."

"You know what—forget it. That's not why I came here," I say, my eyes tearing up.

Lilly rouses and sits up and stretches her little arms in the air and starts whining and carrying on. She's a good sleeper, but when she's awake, she's awake. She's whimpering, rubbing her eyes before she looks at me and then she looks at Gideon.

Grimacing, he looks at me and then looks at her again.

"Ivy?" he questions after he's figured it out. I knew he would without me having to say a word. I gave birth to her, but she looks just like him.

"I wanted to tell you before, but—"

He backs away from me and kicks some trash on the ground out of sheer frustration and anger. Then he looks at me. "She's mine?"

"Ye-yes. She's yours."

He interlocks his fingers at the back of his head and just holds it there for a moment. He asks, "Did you drive here?"

"Yes."

"Walk around the building to the front and wait for me in your car. I don't want you to take her back in there."

"Okay."

I begin walking around the building as he requests.

Lilly is still unsettled and rightly so. She has no idea where we are and for the last few weeks, she hasn't had a stable home due to my mistakes. I think that is what gets to me the most. I'm her mother. I should've never put her in this position. She deserves so much more.

"Shh. It's okay, Lilly. You'll be fine now," I tell her as tears slide down my eyes. "You're going to be okay, baby girl."