Chapter 12

Ivy

T he one-eighty in the restaurant has me baffled. I thought we were making progress, but apparently we weren't because me and Lilly are in the back of an Uber, on the way home to my apartment. She's sleeping when I arrive so I lower her to the crib and close the door to her room. I haven't been here in some time so I take the time to spruce up the place. I vacuum the carpets, mop the kitchen and bathroom floors, then dust the furniture. Now that I don't have to worry about Cash coming after me, at least I can relax.

After cleaning, I grab my Instacart grocery delivery from the front door – all five bags stuffed to the brim – and take them straight to the kitchen to put them away. I don't have it in me to do much else but sit on the sofa. That's when a memory of Cash hitting me and chasing me around the coffee table all comes back to the forefront of my mind. He really did a number on me, and I held it all in – kept the details from my family – and now, sitting here reflecting on that, I fall apart and cry. I never thought I'd be a victim of domestic violence. All I wanted was to live a good life – one I didn't think I had with Gideon, but I was so busy trying to change him that I didn't see him for the man he was. He didn't have to do any of this stuff for me and Lilly, but he did. And now, he's right back out of my life again. He'll be there for Lilly, but he made it clear that we were pretty much over for good.

After much debating, I decide to call my mother. During all the chaos that was going on in my life, I've shut her and my father out. I couldn't imagine telling them what was happening to me, but now that I can start rebuilding my life, I'm no longer afraid.

When she answers the phone, she says, "Ivy, where have you been? Me and your father have been worried sick. Are you okay? Is Lilly okay?"

"We're fine, Ma. At least now we are. I have some things to tell you and I just want you to listen. Can you do that?"

"Yes. I can do that."

"Whew," I say breathing through it while trying to release the tension in my throat. "I was in an abusive relationship."

"Oh, no…"

"Ma, you said you would listen."

"Okay, right. I'm sorry. It's just so jarring to hear this."

"I know, but just try because I wasn't going to tell you at all. I didn't want you and Dad to know any of this, but yes, I was being abused. I tried to stick it out, but I couldn't, especially for Lilly's sake."

"When you say abuse—?"

"He was hitting me and threatening my life. He was yelling at me and Lilly constantly. I couldn't live in fear anymore, thinking he would harm Lilly. So, I left and was living in my car before Gideon took me in."

"Gideon? I thought he was locked up?"

"He was, but he got out recently."

"And you ran right back to him—the man you left."

I sigh heavily and respond, "It wasn't necessarily like that, but, yes, I did."

She's silent but I can hear her judgments loud and clear.

"I'm assuming you told Gideon about Lilly."

"I did. He knows he's the father. Look—I'm sorry I shut y'all out, but I just thought that was the best thing for me at the time."

"But you're safe now?"

"Yes."

"And where is Cash?"

"I don't know. Gideon and his friends took care of it and I didn't ask any questions, so I'm not sure what they did. All I know is, he's not bothering me anymore."

"Are you back with Gideon now? You told me you were done with that situation. I thought you were ready to file for divorce, but what do you do? You go running right back into his arms the moment you get into some trouble instead of running to your family."

"Ma, don't start this."

"I mean, really, Ivy? Why wipe your hands clean only to dirty them up again? Look at the life he leads. He ain't right for you. I don't think you know what's right for you. You may as well pack up and move back home with my grandbaby."

"I'm not doing that. It's my life. I'll figure it out. I was calling to let you know what was going on—not for you to sit there and judge me. I can't do anything to change the past. All I can do is continue to move forward."

She sighs. "You're right. I just—I don't know why you choose to be with men like that."

"Ma, Gideon has never laid a hand on me."

"Then why were you divorcing him?"

"Because, I—"

That's a good question – one that I'm apparently not prepared to answer.

ding dong

The doorbell saves me from not having to. I say, "Ma, somebody's at the door. I'll have to call you back, okay."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

I shake my head and sigh. When I end the call, I proceed to the door, wishing at times like this that my door actually had a peephole. The most I can do is leave the chain lock on and open the door to a crack.

Before I do that, I ask, "Who is it?" feeling my pulse increase. What if Cash came back? Maybe Gideon didn't take care of the situation as well as he thought.

I wait but get no response. I ask again, "Who is it?"

"It's me, Ivy."

The sound of Gideon's voice immediately puts me at ease, even though he was pissed at me earlier. I take the chain off the hook, unlock the deadbolt and open the door to find him standing there in his motorcycle jacket with a white shirt beneath. He has on a pair of rugged, faded black jeans and his signature silver wallet chain hanging from a belt loop. I realize something at this moment – this is the man I fell in love with. The man I married. He didn't change. I'm the one who switched up on him and expected him to fall in line with the way I wanted him to be – the way I envisioned my life when, honestly, our lives were just fine the way it was.

I suppose it's too late to confess that to him now. Besides, I know he's here to see Lilly – not me. Not after the way he left us earlier.

"How did you know where I lived?"

"I can find out anything I want about my own wife," he answers arrogantly. "Are you not going to invite me in?"

I step aside and say, "Come in."

He strolls inside, looks around, and says, "So, this is your new home."

"Gideon, I don't want to fight with you, okay? I've been through enough."

"And I haven't?"

He sets those brown eyes upon me heavily and asks, "What did I do that was so bad, you had to leave me? I've always been there for you, Ivy, but the moment I needed you the most, you turned your back on me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I began, "But that's because I felt like you turned your back on me. The most important thing to you was the motorcycle club and all of the illegal activities going on there."

"You don't know what goes on there because you never took the time to look into anything that I was a part of. Everything was about you."

"No—it was about us . I didn't want you being a part of the club because I didn't want you to wind up in jail."

"And that's what happened, but in a twist of fate, look who you ended up with—a man who did the crime that I got locked up for. A criminal."

"Wait—what?"

"Yeah…Cash was one of the accomplices in the bank robbery. I suppose that's the money he used to wine and dine you with—to make it appear he has a successful life when the reality was, he had nothing. I'm no saint, but I don't run around here robbing banks and I definitely don't abuse women."

I hold my head, sick of the back and forth between us. I've been through too much to keep up this constant fighting. All I want now is peace.

I say, "Lilly's in her room. She was sleeping—not sure if she still is. You can see her before you leave. Just lock the door on your way out."

I walk away from him, go to my bedroom and shut the door for a reprieve that I desperately need. He's upset – we're at odds – I get that, but if there's no forgiveness with us and no fixing this marriage, at least he can have a relationship with Lilly. That's what I want the most. Her welfare has always been more important than mine and always will be.

I sit on the bed and drop my face into my hands. I hate this. I hate the feeling of being the cause of this dissension between us and sharing a pretty little girl who has to be stuck in the middle of our problems.

I look up when I hear the door open. Gideon comes inside like he's ready for another round of arguing, but I'm not. I told him to leave but apparently, he has more to say.

He walks over to the bed where I'm sitting, kneels in front of me and reaches for the waistband of my leggings. He slowly pulls them down my legs and I let him because, honestly, since we made love at his house, I've been fiending for this kind of attention from him again. I just never thought I'd get it. But apparently, I'm getting it now.

"Gideon…" I whimper.

My cries go unheard. My heart rams in my chest when he reaches for my panties, pulls them down my legs and pulls them off. He settles his face between my legs and devours me. His tongue plays me like a stringed instrument. He's relentless, too, causing my body to jerk off the bed. He puts his hands on my butt and summons me closer, encapsulating me inside of his mouth, moaning.

"Oh," I gasp. The feeling is so overwhelming, my hips buck off the bed again, giving him even more clearance to my pearl.

"Gideon…"

He's focused on delivering maximum pleasure, not on me calling his name. It turns him on apparently because he locks his mouth tightly on me, sucking and piercing me with his tongue. The pressure is so great, I don't know how I can handle it. The pleasure, the aggression, the knowing that it's him – the man I still love – yeah, I'm going to die a delightful death right here on this bed.

"Mmm, Gideon. Oh! Gideon. Ooooooh. Gideeeeeeon!"

My screams piece the air, making me afraid that I will wake Lilly. All I could hope for is that Gideon locked the door when he came in here for this premeditated assault on my body. Gosh, I didn't know how this would go when he first walked into the room, but when he kneeled in front of me, I knew what I was about to get.

"Mmm," he says, slurping. "I can never get enough of your taste, baby."

He won't take his mouth off of me. He's taking all he can get and when he's quenched his thirst, he stands up, removes his shirt and unzips his jeans. When he slides out of his boxers, I notice his tool is ready for me. I miss it just as much – miss the way he wrecks and stretches my walls as I try to handle his girth.

When he crawls up on the bed, says, "Open your legs wide, Ivy. You know how I like it."

I lay back on the bed, open my legs wide and he positions his manhood directly for my center. I gasp when I feel my walls stretch for his rod while my heart blooms like a summer flower. I brace myself. I know Gideon – he doesn't like it slow. In one smooth thrust, he rams me with and rides me hard, sending stroke after stroke after stroke, rocking the bed while rocking my world at the same time.

I inch up to relieve the pressure but he pulls me back down, and says, "No. Don't run. You're a big girl, aren't you?"

He rams me.

"Aren't you?"

"Ye-yes, Gideon."

"Then take it like one."

I close my eyes and hold on to him, feeling the first coils of an orgasm building inside of me. Just when I think I'm going to explode, he pulls his hardness out of me and flips me over. He pulls me up to my knees and enters me from behind. With his large hands securing my waist, he pulls me backward and pushes forward, making me ride and feel the full length of his manhood. I feel the thickness, every vein and even the huge round tip as it plays at the entrance of my hole.

Gideon has always been a phenomenal lover, but tonight, he's taking it to a new level. He grabs one of my breasts and squeezes it as he's losing control. And I'm losing it, too. I feel the orgasm rising in me, spurring me on to throw it back and handle it, listening as our colliding bodies.

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

He's relentless. And I was coming.

"Gideon!" I scream, shudder and cream all over him as the waves flood me. I rode the orgasm and something about it spurred me on to move faster, the same way Gideon was moving at whiplash speed to find his.

He manually arched my back, giving him better access to my mound and he hit every wall. If he didn't come soon, I just might die for real.

"Ivy!" he belts out as he lets loose inside of me.

I feel it all the way to my womb this time and he's still riding me like he didn't just empty a load inside of me. He can't get enough.

"Gideon, what are you doing to me?"

"I'm making you regret that you ever walked out on me," he responds boldly as he finds my pearl and massages it with his finger.

"Ah," I gasp, feeling the makings of yet another eruption coming. I didn't think my body could handle another one after the last one, but here he is, making me come yet again.

"Gideon!" I scream, hoping he will have mercy on me and finally let me go, but I feel his arousal harden again.

He pulls it out and flips me over again and dives right back inside of me. This time, he stares into my eyes and says, "It's mine. You're mine. No one else's. Is that understood?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to make sure you understand," he says and starts moving, giving me deep strokes. He throws his head back like he's relieved to be inside of me again and with only the skill he possesses, he begins riding me hard, right into another orgasm that leaves me spineless.

And then he groans and screams my name as he drowns my insides yet again.

He pulls out, then lays beside me breathless and wordless.

I'm beside him, the same.