Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

When Alana Catherine’s freeze spell wore off, the Higher Power flew into a rage. It destroyed the entire soundstage with a flick of Its finger, then shrieked so loudly the rest of the building fell around us. I covered my daughter and Gram to protect them from a large beam crashing toward us, but in a poof, it disappeared. The wreckage of the game show set began to morph and transform until it turned into a stunningly gorgeous field in a valley of wildflowers. It was surreal.

The beauty of the surroundings clashed with the fury of the being who resided on this plane.

“You shall pay,” It snarled. “None of you will leave this place. Ever. You fucked around and you’re about to find out.”

“No,” Alana Catherine said. “You’re wrong.”

The Higher Power was taken aback at her words. It was crazy, but I thought I saw fear for a brief moment in Its eyes. That had to be wrong. Why would It be afraid of us?

“I. Am. Never. Wrong,” It snapped. “My word is the law. They’ve been written in stone, and a little half-breed girl can’t subvert her way around them.” It laughed menacingly. The sound shook the entire plane. “I made the laws, and I’m the only one allowed to break them.”

“I call bullshit,” she said. Alana Catherine clapped her hands. An ancient book appeared. It floated in the air in front of her. The Higher Power gasped. Its eyes narrowed to slits, and It punched a hole in the ground that created a huge crater.

Crap. The divide was vast, and getting over it was going to be a challenge.

Gram grabbed my hand. “Daisy girl,” she whispered. “I know that there book. I seen Heather use it.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I’m thinkin’ it’s the Immortal Book of Law,” she said, sounding a little frantic.

That was nothing. My stomach was one big painful cramp. “Why does Alana Catherine have it?” I asked under my breath.

“Goin’ out on a limb here, but I’m gonna say our little gal might be the future Arbitrator Between the Darkness and the Light.”

I looked at her askance. How was that even possible?

When the skunks flew out of my daughter one by one, the Higher Power backed up a bit. Even though the crater was a barrier, he wasn’t pleased that the skunks had shown up. I recalled Alana Catherine’s words—Spiritually, skunks symbolize fearlessness, protection and balance. The black and white of their fur embodies the balance between the dark and the light… Was the Higher Power afraid that Its careless disregard of balance was going to bite It in the ass? Did the skunks come out of my child to remind It of that?

The adorable little stinkers were armed to the butt. They surrounded my daughter in protection. I wish I could say that it gave me a sense of peace, but it didn’t calm me at all. Not one little bit. I’d watched them get decimated by a machine gun-wielding Fake Vanna White less than an hour ago. What could they do against a being that created life as we knew it?

Again, I felt like I was in the middle of a fever dream. This didn’t look like it was going to end well. Mentally, I gauged the distance that It was standing from me. Alana Catherine’s safety was my biggest concern. She was powerful, but how could someone who was a freaking baby this morning, fight the Higher Power with a book and a bunch of cute mammals? She couldn’t. However, I could kill the bastard and get us out of here. Jumping the crater was a little iffy, but I was fast. If I got up enough speed, I could make it.

“Gram, when I say go, I want you to cuss like you’ve never cussed before.”

“You want it worse than the string of words I strung together a little while ago?”

I glanced over at her. “You can be nastier than that tirade I lived through?”

“Way,” she assured me with a thumbs up. “You should hear Candy Vargo in her sleep. It’s a hot mess of poop words. I might be old, but I got a memory like a steel trap. I can singe the hair right out of your ears.”

That news was frightening and fabulous at the same time. “You’re going to distract It. I’m going to kill It. Then we’re leaving.”

“We takin’ the skunks home?” she asked. “I think Alana Catherine will be real dang disappointed if we don’t.”

“Umm… I wasn’t planning on it, but I suppose I could make it work.”

“One more quickie,” Gram said. “How we gettin’ out of here?”

“I’m gonna click my heels three times and say there’s no place like home,” I told her.

“Works for me,” she said.

I sure as hell hoped it worked for all of us.

Seconds before I gave Gram the go-ahead to set the world on fire with her filthy mouth, Alana Catherine spoke. Her voice was loud and clear. Her words were damning. She knew it. Gram knew it. I knew it, and the Higher Power knew it. It trembled with so much outrage, I wondered if It was about to obliterate the entire plane.

“You have broken the laws you created,” my child said, pointing at the book. She glowed brightly in every color of the rainbow.

“Well, I’ll be,” Gram muttered. “I’d put up with all kinds of rain to see a rainbow like that.”

“You,” Alana Catherine continued, her voice booming through the valley. “You have removed souls from the Light who did no wrong. You pulled them out for your own selfish reasons.”

“So what?” the Higher Power snarled. “What do you think you can do about it?”

Alana Catherine was calm, cool and collected. Her skunk army hung on her every word. Their asses were directly aimed at the Higher Power. It was certain a group butt blast wouldn’t kill It, but it wouldn’t be what anyone would call fun. “It’s not what I will do about it. It’s what you will do about it. The punishment for your crime is death. You wrote the law. You wrote the punishment. The question that hangs in the balance is what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” It snarled.

“That’s stupid,” Gram yelled. “What in tarnation have you been smokin’, Fake Monty Hall? Laws are laws. You heard my great-grandbaby. Ain’t no one above the dang law. Not even the real Bob Barker. I’m thinkin’ it might be time for an Immortal election. Y’all need to get you a new leader that ain’t batshit crazy.”

“Fine,” It bellowed, causing a harsh wind to whip through the field. “You win this round. Leave my plane.”

“And what about the punishment for your crime?” Alana Catherine demanded, not backing down. “If it hadn’t been for Gram, my mom and me, the dead would have been reduced to dust. That’s in the law book as well. You would have been looking at a double death sentence.”

“You,” he hissed, looking at my daughter. “You should not exist.”

“Why?” I demanded. “Why should my child not exist?”

It refused to answer, but It still had something to say. Assholes loved to hear themselves talk. It was the OG of assholes. “Unnatural things should be destroyed. Abominations should not exist. EVER.”

Are you fucking kidding me?” I shouted back, infuriated that the disgusting waste of space had just called my daughter an abomination. “None of us are natural. We’re Immortal. That’s not natural. My daughter is a miracle. She will be anything she wants to be and I will support her.”

“Put that in your pipe and smoke it, turdknocker!” Gram yelled. “Along with all the crack you’ve obviously been chewing on.”

“Umm… I think people smoke crack,” I told her.

“Whatever,” Gram said. “That loser got the meanin’.”

And apparently Alana Catherine did as well…

“Oh my gosh,” she cried out. “I know. I know why you want me so badly. You want?—”

“NO,” It shrieked, completely losing Its shit. “Whatever you think is wrong. LEAVE MY PLANE!”

The explosions were violent. They rocked the plane and set the field aflame. I grabbed Gram and sprinted for my daughter. Without missing a beat, Alana Catherine extended her arms to the furry creatures and they dove back into her. That solved the problem of how to get them home. The next issue on the list was if clicking my heels together three times was going to work. The flames were searing hot and coming at us fast. Wrapping my arms around Gram and Alana Catherine, I clicked my heels together three times.

“There’s no place like home,” I shouted.

Nothing. We were still in the middle of the inferno.

“There’s no place like home,” I shouted again.

Nothing.

Alana Catherine looked at me like I’d lost my mind. She wasn’t far off.

“I’ve got this, mom,” she said with a smile. “Hang on. We’re going home.”

The great room in my home looked exactly the same as when we left it. What wasn’t the same was me. I would never be the same again after that trip. I was so grateful to be back home surrounded by the people I loved and who loved me back. It felt as if we’d been gone for years.

It had only been a day.

Gram was a ghost again, and my beautiful daughter was a baby. Explaining what had happened was going to take a hot minute, and I was exhausted. Alana Catherine slept soundly in my arms. Part of me would miss the badass version of my daughter. But she’d get there again in twenty years. I was going to enjoy every second of her precious life until then.

Gideon looked as if he’d aged a few centuries, but since he was older than dirt, he was still beautiful to me, even with his bloodshot eyes and drained expression.

“Here’s the fuckin’ deal,” Candy Vargo said, taking over.

I’d really missed her. I couldn’t wait until she heard about Gram’s new and horrifying vocabulary. They both were going to need some bathroom and soap time together.

“Daisy needs to sleep,” Candy went on. “None of us are goin’ nowhere. Mail boy, get the rest of the fuckers back here. We’ll debrief everybody at the same time.”

“On it,” Tim said, pulling out his cellphone.

“You’re okay? Really okay?” Gideon questioned. He hadn’t stopped touching Alana Catherine and me since we’d arrived home.

The shocker was that our bodies left the earthly plane when we went to the Higher Power’s plane. No one was used to that. When I dove into the minds of the dead, my body stayed here. Gideon had lost his mind. He’d even put a call into Cecily to suss out if that had happened with her. It had.

“I’m fine,” I promised. It wasn’t a lie. Being with my husband and my child was the only place I wanted to be.

“Umm… Daisy,” Tim said, pointing at my sleeping baby. “You might want to check that.”

I looked down and gasped. Alana Catherine’s eyes were still closed, but there was an angelic smile on her pink lips. She was glowing gold. Her small body grew warm and she giggled in her sleep. One by one, the ghosts left their safe haven in the body of the future Soul Keeper. Sam, Birdie, John, Agnes, Sister Catherine and Steve hovered in the air above my miracle child. If I had a feather, I could have knocked Gideon over. He looked like he’d been hit by a truck. I’d explain later. I wasn’t about to miss the magic of what was about to go down.

Each of the dead kissed my daughter. After, they took turns kissing me. It felt so right. En masse, they floated toward the golden light that had appeared in the doorway. Silently and with smiles on their faces each went into the Light and faded away. Everyone was gone but one lone ghost. Steve. It didn’t surprise me. I secretly wished he’d stick around for a bit, but I knew he had to go. Steve wrapped his ghostly arms around me, Gideon and Alana Catherine.

“Love each other well,” he whispered. “I’ll love all three of you from afar. Thank you, Daisy for saving me in so many ways. Thank you, Gideon for saving Daisy. And you, little one,” he said, caressing Alana Catherine’s cheek. Her smile grew wider as she slept. “You are so special. You will always be loved… from here and from the Light. Be the badass, little girl. We need you.”

With one last smile that warmed my heart, he floated into the Light. It was the second time I watched him leave me. The first time was hard. This time, it was glorious.

My baby slept through the entire scene. I wondered when all the skunks decided to come out how Gideon would react. We’d have to wait and see…

Glancing up, I winced. Jennifer, Mr. Jackson, Lura Belle, Dimple and Jolly Sue were watching the Game Show Channel. I was pretty sure I never wanted to see a freaking game show again for the rest of my years. Even Gram avoided the television. I hated that the High Power had soured her love for Bob Barker. Another reason to hate the petty Bitch with a capital B.

The TV went fuzzy and made a few popping sounds. Candy Vargo was instantly armed to the teeth. Charlie and Tim began glowing and ushered everyone away from the TV. Gideon’s eyes burned red, and he stood protectively in front of Alana Catherine and me.

The picture on the screen slowly came into focus. It took a minute to realize what we were looking at. Gram gasped and spewed out a litany of cuss words that made Candy Vargo almost pass out. It was so unexpected that Jennifer grabbed a bottle of wine and chugged it.

The faces of Bob Barker and Monty Hall filled the screen. It was an extreme close up and you could see every pore on their faces. It was grotesque.

“That ain’t Bob and Monty,” Gram hissed. “It’s Fake Bob and Fake Monty.”

“What the hell did you just say, Gram?” Candy Vargo asked, clearly concerned for Gram’s mental state.

“My fuckin’ bad,” Gram said, smacking herself in the forehead. Candy Vargo’s mouth hung open like a fish out of water. “It’s the Higher Power. Both of ‘em are.”

Everyone in the room thought Gram had gone and lost her mind. She had not.

“She’s correct,” I said flatly. “Turn it up. Let’s hear what the Asshole has to say.”

Tim did, and we waited.

The two talking heads spoke at the same time and in unison. It was eerie and wrong. “The abomination shall be destroyed. Don’t try to fight it. If you do, It will bring on the end.”

The screen faded to black.

“What the actual fuck?” Candy Vargo shouted, glowing bright orange. “Somebody wanna explain that?”

Between Gram and me, it took us two hours to get everyone up to speed. Heather, Missy, my Angel siblings, Zander and Catriona along with our human buddies, June and Amelia arrived about halfway through and got the gist of it.

“And so,” I concluded, “the High Power was ready to do some dastardly crap, but then Alana Catherine said she knew what It wanted, and without warning It tried to burn us alive.”

“Okay,” Candy Vargo said, chewing on ten toothpicks. “The answer to this is to figure out what Alana Catherine was going to say. It sounds like the Higher Fucker wants her… or is afraid of her for some reason. A reason that your daughter, for some reason, knows.”

“Problem is she can’t speak,” I pointed out, as my body filled with dread.

“There might be a way,” Gideon said, but he didn’t look confident.

“I’ll take any suggestions at this point,” I told him.

His jaw clenched. “For too long, the Immortals have ignored the unethical ways of the Higher Power, giving It a wide berth out of fear that It could truly bring the end of us, but I think it’s high time our kind joined forces to stop the creator before It does any more damage.”

“I’m fuckin’ with you,” Candy Vargo said. “Besides, I’ve been around a long time. Getting turned to dust won’t be the worst thing to happen to me.”

“No one’s turning to dust,” I stated, my voice higher than usual. “It won’t come to that.” At least, I hoped it wouldn’t. I just had to believe, right?

The one thing I knew for sure… the Higher Power was after our baby. Even if we wanted to avoid the fight, we couldn’t. We had no choice. Teaming up to face the ultimate being was a means to an end. Possibly the end of the Higher Power. Possibly the end of us and the universe as we knew it. Either way, we were about to find out. If the creator was after my daughter, I would go after It and make It pay.

“We’ll make It pay,” Gideon said, reading my mind. “And if we have to, we’ll create a new world if that’s what it takes to keep our baby safe.”

“May the strongest win,” Gram said.

“The strongest will win,” I assured her.

There was no other option. For my baby girl, I would keep the faith. I would remind myself that anything was possible as long as I believed.

The End… for now

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