17

“How’s your head feeling?” Ella asked.

The brunette was sitting in her blue armchair, already in pajamas in preparation for their Bridgerton binge, and Olivia was lying on Ella’s sofa with Archie happily lying on her chest.

Noah had left only minutes earlier, and Olivia’s eyes still hurt from how hard she’d rolled them at her brother’s reluctance to leave and then at the excessively long goodbye hug Ella had given him.

Olivia shrugged. “It’s fine. Still a bit tender.”

She still had a nasty bruise on her temple, and the cut had healed into a scab that apparently wouldn’t scar. She just felt lucky she hadn’t reinjured her leg or done worse damage to her head.

It had all happened so fast, and Olivia didn’t remember much after she’d hit her head, but she did remember the pain. It had taken her back to waking up in Drew’s car after the accident.

The only thing that had kept her from spiraling was seeing Chris when she’d opened her eyes.

“I’m surprised you didn’t want to cancel,” Ella replied. “Are you sure you’re up for the game tomorrow?”

Olivia nodded. “Yeah, I still want to go.”

Archie started licking her chin, and she chuckled before sitting up and settling the Yorkie on her lap instead.

“Okay,” Ella replied with a smile. “But if you start to feel sick or anything, just let me know.”

“I will,” Olivia promised, stroking the top of Archie’s head.

Ella moved to sit next to her and grabbed her phone from the coffee table. “Are you happy with Chinese? I had pizza a few days ago.”

“Sounds good. I’ll have sweet and sour chicken.”

Ella nodded and ordered through a delivery app. When she was done, she put her phone aside and turned on the TV.

“I’ve got some cash in my purse,” Olivia said. “Just let me know how much I owe you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll get the next one,” Olivia insisted.

Ella selected the right show but paused the episode before it could start. She turned to Olivia and licked her lips like she was nervous.

“What’s up?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Ella asked.

Olivia frowned. “Yeah, I know.”

“It’s just…” Ella winced. “You haven’t really talked to me about losing Drew or what happened that night.”

Olivia stiffened.

“Which is totally fine,” Ella rushed to add. “I just want you to know that if you need to talk to someone about it, I’m here.”

Olivia swallowed past her tight throat, and her gaze dropped. “I appreciate that, but I don’t think I’m ready to speak about it.”

“That’s okay,” Ella said. “I’m sorry I asked.”

Olivia’s lips curved up, but the smile felt tight. “It’s really okay.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed.”

She shook her head. “Please don’t feel bad. I’d like to talk to you about it—about Drew—but I don’t think I’m ready quite yet.”

Ella had opened up to Olivia about Brett and the hell he’d put her through, and Olivia wished she was ready to do the same about Drew and the accident. If anyone could understand the difficulty of moving past something traumatic, it would be her.

Ella smiled sadly. “I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you.”

Olivia’s eyes started to burn with the threat of tears. Besides her therapist, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about the accident because she couldn’t face the thought of telling them everything. Not her parents. Not Noah. Not Amy. She’d been too afraid, but she was starting to feel like she needed to share what had happened, and Olivia knew that Ella would be the first person she told the truth to. She only hoped that Ella wouldn’t judge her too harshly for the mistake she’d made that night.

“Be honest,” Olivia said with a forced chuckle. “Did Noah put you up to this?”

Ella grinned. “Your brother is worried about you—he always is—but no, this was all me.”

Olivia’s chest warmed. “Thank you,” she said, grateful to have found a friend who cared enough to check in.

Ella nodded, but she bit her bottom lip, looking guilty. “Riley worries about you too, you know.”

Olivia’s jaw tightened. “If this is your way of telling me she really wants to speak to me, I already know.”

“Sorry,” Ella replied. “But yeah, she does.”

“I’ll make plans to chat with her next weekend,” Olivia gave in with a sigh. “But if she wanted to speak to me so badly, she should have just stuck around the other day in the library.”

Her half-sister also could have come to the house at any point if she truly needed to speak with Olivia. Whatever it was she needed to say clearly wasn’t that vital.

“I know,” Ella agreed. “She’s just been a bit distracted lately.”

“Whatever. She can talk to me next week if it’s so important.”

“It is,” Ella assured her.

Olivia shrugged and turned her head to look at the TV screen. “Enough chit-chat. Let’s watch.”

Ella chuckled and hit play. “As you wish.”

Olivia tried to enjoy the show, but her thoughts kept drifting to the accident and to her fall. It wasn’t even that Ella had brought it up. She’d been having trouble sleeping the last two nights, her dreams having become a confusing mixture of the two events.

She hadn’t gone a single night since she’d fallen down the stairs without seeing Drew in her sleep. He was either beside her in the car or standing with her on the stairs, but every night, he’d asked her the same question. He’d asked her how she could have moved on so quickly.

Chris had appeared in some of the dreams, too. Every time he had, he’d only looked at Olivia with disgust before turning his back on her and walking away.

She wished she could have brushed her dreams off as meaningless nonsense, but she knew exactly what they meant. She knew what her subconscious was trying to tell her, which is why she barely took in anything that happened on Ella’s television screen.

They were about to start the next episode after their food had arrived when Ella decided that the time for chit-chat had returned.

“You and Chris seem to be getting friendly again,” she noted, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

Olivia’s eyes widened before she could mask her reaction. “What?” She shook her head vigorously. “No.”

Ella rolled her eyes. “Don’t play dumb. I could see the sparks flying between you two from a mile away.”

Olivia felt oddly pleased by the brunette’s words, but fear struck her as well. “Noah doesn’t suspect anything, does he?”

“No,” Ella assured her before tilting her head to the side. “Well, maybe. I’m not actually sure.”

Olivia gulped. “What do you mean you’re not sure?”

“We haven’t exactly spoken about it. He just mentioned that he didn’t like you two spending time together after how Chris treated you,” she explained. “But I think he’s changed his tune a bit after Chris stayed with you at the hospital.”

“What did he say about that?” Olivia pressed.

Ella shrugged. “Just that he was grateful Chris was there.”

It wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, but it was something at least.

“So, what exactly is going on between you and Chris?” Ella asked.

“We’re…” Olivia sighed. “I don’t know. We’re still figuring things out. Taking it slow.”

Ella’s forehead creased. “I didn’t realize Chris was capable of taking things slow.”

Olivia let out a humorless chuckle. “I didn’t either. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was all some messed up game or trick.”

“Just be careful,” Ella warned. “Chris is a great guy, but…”

“But he has a track record of moving on quickly,” Olivia finished for her.

Ella nodded with a grimace. “He hasn’t ever been a relationship kind of guy.”

“I know.”

Olivia really did know all too well. She’d watched him flirt with dozens of their peers in high school and later disappear with women at countless football parties.

Olivia wished she could say she hadn’t been jealous, but she had been. There was a point where she’d realized Chris would never look at her that way, and she’d given up hope that she’d ever get his attention. But that didn’t mean she’d liked seeing him kiss other women and knowing what he’d be doing with them once they found a room to lock themselves inside of.

“Then you know you shouldn’t get your hopes up too high,” Ella said, her words brutally honest but her tone gentle.

“Yeah,” Olivia said, forcing the word past her tight throat. “I know.”

Only, it was already too late. She was trying to keep a level head and not expect more from him, but she knew she was failing. Hope was a bitch, and Olivia was scared she would be let down like she’d been so many times before.

“You won’t tell Noah, will you?” she asked Ella. “I don’t even know if there’s anything to tell yet, and Chris and I want to see where it goes without everyone telling us how bad of an idea it is.”

“I won’t tell him,” Ella replied. “But,” she added. “As soon as it becomes something more, I’d rather not lie to him.”

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek. “That’s fair,” she said, but she knew if things progressed with Chris and they still weren’t ready for others to know, she would keep it from Ella if need be.

She already disliked keeping it a secret, but she’d rather have Chris in secret than spend the rest of her life questioning what if. It probably made her stupidly na?ve, but Olivia knew she couldn’t give up the chance at being with him.

And if she could have been honest with Ella, she would have told her that Chris was the one who was at a greater risk of getting hurt. Because when Olivia finally told him the full truth— and she knew she’d have to sooner or later—he would be the one left hurt and betrayed.

“Ready for the next episode?” Ella asked.

“Yeah,” Olivia replied, guilt gnawing at her stomach.

It was her , not Chris, who people needed to be warned away from. None of them knew it yet, but they would soon, and Olivia wasn’t sure if she’d have anyone left when the truth came out. It was what her subconscious and the voice in her head kept trying to tell her: they’d all turn their backs on her, and Chris would be the first.