Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

It was the next morning when I was watching Charlie, Buddie, and Rastin fish and spotted Kicks in the distance, making his way to the cabin. I'd woken up alone, and though there'd been breakfast in the kitchen, I hadn't seen Kicks.

He met my gaze and tilted his head in the direction of the cabin.

"Go ahead. We're good," Rastin said, following my gaze.

Kicks was by the fireplace, loading wood into it, when I walked into the cabin a few moments later.

"Thanks for bringing breakfast," I said. The whole situation was surreal. I was officially living here, as his mate, with Charlie.

"No problem." He straightened, wiping his hands on his jeans. "How are you settling in?"

"Pretty good. Thanks." I didn't know what I was, but I didn't feel settled. More like a jumbled-up mess trying to find my footing again. I was like the "after" picture on one of those cube towers got knocked over.

"What do you want to do for dinner? I usually just eat whatever Evangeline whips up, but we could figure something else out." He walked across the room toward me, getting closer and closer, looking rugged and fresh and smelling like heaven.

"I'm fine with that as long as Evangeline doesn't mind cooking for us, too." This was my life now? Him? Me? Here together planning dinner? What happened when Charlie made more friends and I lost my buffer completely?

"She doesn't just cook for me. She puts out a spread in the main hall, and people swing by and grab whatever they want. I'll just pick up enough for all of us."

"She doesn't mind?"

"Mind? No. She's got assistants and waitstaff. She gets to spend her days playing with recipes and doing what she loves. We all get to eat well. It's a win-win."

He reached out, touching the collar of the flannel I was wearing. For a second, I thought he was going to cup the back of my head and pull me in for a kiss. The thought alone, and the fear he could sense it, was enough to make my skin turn red. I saw him fighting a smile, and my face grew redder.

"I have to get something out of the bedroom," I said, trying to put some space between us before he sensed anything else.

He followed me in. "I can bring you into one of the nearest towns to grab some new clothes. Feel free to take whatever I have that you can make work."

That would be slim pickings, considering how much larger he was.

"I'm actually more concerned about finding a gift for Charlie." His birthday was fast approaching, and getting presents these days wasn't so easy if you didn't know how to drive a motorcycle.

"One of the pack members is a train enthusiast. If you want, I'll see if he'll trade for one of his trains." He was leaning a hip on the bureau, watching as I pretended to look for something in my bag.

"Really? That's great. What do you think he'd want?" All I had were the few things in my bag.

"I'll handle it. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," I said, sounding as awkward as I probably looked. The whole situation felt alien. I was the one who usually handled things.

He motioned to my bag. "You know, you can put your stuff away."

"Yeah, okay," I said.

He straightened, looking as if he were going to leave.

"I had one thing I wanted to talk to you about," I said, stopping him. "I know I said I want to keep this as a business relationship, but I'd like to keep the status of our situation private." I already knew what it was like to have an entire pack watch me get slighted, and I wasn't looking to be the fool again, publicly kicked to the curb even if I'd never technically been off the curb in the first place.

"I wasn't planning on broadcasting our details," Kicks said softly.

"Thanks. It's just that I'm on unsteady ground as it is. How many women here have you slept with?" The second I said it, I almost choked. I sounded jealous, and I was not. This was purely strategic. "Just so I know how many feathers I might be ruffling, is all."

He was good. He only froze up for a second before he said, "I wouldn't worry about it."

He walked back into the living room, and this time I followed him.

"Am I safe in assuming that number is more than you want to fess up to?" I asked, wondering how many more girlfriends I might be tripping over.

He sighed and then turned around. "I'm not a kid. I've been around for a while, and I enjoy sex. Have I slept with some of the women here? Yes. Of course I have."

"From what I'm seeing, you've had a lot of takers." There was no way that list was short. I didn't know how long it went, and I didn't want to anymore.

"I've had takers."

"You know some of them probably thought they'd win you over, right?" I asked, guessing the names of at least two of them.

"If everyone was a willing party and interested, that's where it ended. Is there a reason you want to discuss this?" he asked, because he was clearly done with the conversation.

"Do you plan on seeing any of them now? Here?"

Kicks shook his head. "I told you, I'm not planning on being celibate for the rest of my life, but I don't want to give the pack a bad impression, either."

There was one question I couldn't purge from my brain, still waiting to be asked. Nothing else to do but spit it out. "Can humans have children with shifters?"

"As far as I know, it's happened a handful of times, but only when the offspring somehow doesn't have the shifting gene and the baby is, for all intents and purposes, a human baby. Shifter gestation times are about twice the length of humans'."

I bit my lower lip, contemplating the implications. He'd wanted a guide badly enough to forgo having kids? Even though this was a business arrangement, I hadn't quite thought out that aspect until Louise.

"Did you want kids?" he asked gently, his eyes searching mine.

"I've already got one. I might not have birthed him, but he's as mine as it gets. I was thinking more about you. Did you want to have kids?"

"I thought I'd be sharing Charlie, unless you're planning on hogging him?" Kicks replied, a faint smile touching his lips.

"I just thought you'd want one who was…you know, more yours?"

"I'm going to protect him, feed him, shelter him. How much more mine could he get?"

"It's just that maybe this situation isn't right for you. I can still stay on as the guide here, but maybe you…" My words trailed off as he stepped closer.

"Oh no, we aren't going there again," he said firmly.

"Is that why you never mated before? You didn't care if you had a child?" I asked, finding that I couldn't seem to shut myself up all of a sudden. It was like I'd broken the seal on uncomfortable questions and now couldn't stop myself.

"I did have a mate. She passed away only a few months after we were mated." The way he spoke, it was as if every word of that sentence hurt to speak.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." The weight of his words hung in the air, and I suddenly found myself silent again. I wasn't sure why, but I'd assumed I was his first. Maybe it was what I'd wanted to believe.

"You're not. You should probably know these things," he said.

"Thanks." For a business partner, I wasn't sure I was entitled to know much of anything about his private life. The way he was staring at me right now, though, didn't feel very businesslike.

Kicks nodded toward the door. "The mill isn't working right, so I have to head over there and help them fix it. I'll be back around sunset with dinner."

"Sounds good," I replied, trying to sound more removed and aloof.

He walked toward the door but then stopped briefly in front of me, leaning down and grazing his lips over mine. It was just a soft touch before he straightened.

"See you in a bit," he said, leaving me gaping as he headed toward the door.

"Wait," I said, finally unknotting my tongue before he managed to get away.

"What?" He looked at me as if he had no idea what I could want.

"What was that?" I asked, my fingers going to my lips.

"A kiss goodbye?" he asked, his brows knitting as if he still didn't see the problem. "It was a peck. It's best to get in the habit of such things so we don't look awkward in public."

Accusing him of trying to seduce me would sound too stupid aloud, so I came at it from a different angle. "Just so the lines are clear, this is all for appearances?"

"Of course. You didn't think a peck on the lips was my trying to seduce you?" He smirked, as if that was the silliest thing he'd ever heard, then took a couple steps back toward me. "I can give you a demonstration of what I'd do if I was trying to get you into bed."

He was less than a foot from me, smiling as if he'd be more than happy to prove his point. I didn't doubt he could. I'd had his kisses before and knew what they could do.

I backed up. "No. I just wanted to make sure we weren't blurring the lines. I'm good. You should head to the mill. They probably need you."

Evangeline walked determinedly toward me as I left the cabin.

"What are you up to?" she asked, stopping right in front of me

"Nothing really. I was just—"

"Good. I need you to come with me." She took a few steps and then waved her hand, as if I weren't following her quick enough.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing is wrong, but now that I'm back, I usually attend this afternoon tea thing we do. I thought you should come, you know, being the alpha's mate and also the new guide. It'll give you a chance to get to know some of the women here before the party."

"Oh. So it's a luncheon kind of thing? I mean, if everything was normal?" I immediately wanted to run. Could I use Charlie as an excuse? He was still fishing and probably would be for hours. Still, maybe he needed me?

"Yes, exactly," Evangeline said. She was looking around as if she wanted to go anywhere but where we were headed, making my steps slow.

"Did they ask for me to come? I don't want to crash the party. Maybe this isn't a good idea?" I stopped walking altogether.

"You're coming," she said, stopping right beside me.

"This is going to be bad, isn't it? Is this the payback for the cake?" The picture was starting to come together.

"Yes and yes. It's horrible. They blather on about the stupidest crap you've ever heard. That's why I need you to come." She pointed in the direction she wanted me to walk.

"So that we're both miserable," I said, forcing myself to continue.

"Yes, but I'll be less miserable if you're there, and you owe me. I'm going to make the most badass cake you've ever tasted, and it's only going to cost you a couple hours of misery."

"Fine. But why do you go if it's so bad?"

She sighed. "Because it gets awkward when I bail. Lousy, who you know I hate, is in charge of growing produce. Brittany handles the winemaking here. Fran does laundry. I blow up any of those relationships and my quality of life nosedives. It's not like it was before Death Day, where I could find a new cleaner or liquor store. This is it . We're all essential and I'm screwed. There's people I talk to now that I would've chopped off my tongue before speaking to a year ago."

"You didn't always live here?" I asked, the details of her past still a little hazy. I'd known she had a restaurant, but not where.

"No. You need to understand, before Death Day things were way different. You had lifestyle options. I lived closer to Little Rock. I had a social life. I dated . Then once a month or so I'd come out here, get in touch with my roots, so to speak, maybe do a couple laps around the territory. But other than that, I was living like a normie in the city."

"Did most of the pack do that?"

"It was all over the map. Kicks was mostly here because he's an alpha, and that's just their bag. If you're an alpha, you have to live with the pack, keep the ties and bounds strong, you know? But the rest of us… I'd say maybe a third? Half of us were scattered about, a third close but not here, and then the rest in the community. That's why all the new construction. We still have more than we can comfortably handle."

She fell silent as we neared our destination. She stared ahead as if preparing to do battle and then blew out a breath.

"Let's do it." She opened the door, and all eyes landed on us, lit up like Evangeline had brought fresh meat to some hungry wolves.

"Piper!" Louise said, patting the chair next to her. "So happy you could join us."

I took the seat like I was climbing into the electric chair. Just because Evangeline thought this was torture didn't mean it truly was that bad. It was all about expectations.

Evangeline made introductions around the room. In addition to the people she'd mentioned, there was also Alexa, who helped with the wine, and Margaret, who was weaving. Then there was Chelsea, the bread maker. That was such a large job it was separated out on its own, apart from the cooking. There was also the butcher, the milker, and the cheesemaker. As the list of products provided from these women grew, the picture was clear: angering any one of them could cause a bit of discomfort. I mean, it wasn't like not having cheese was life ending, but it did start chipping away at the overall picture.

They quickly launched into the recent gossip, about who at what pack had hooked up with who. Who didn't sleep with their mate anymore. They covered every topic having to do with everyone else's love life. I had too many problems of my own to worry about who was with who and when.

I'd zoned out completely when Louise turned to me and said, "You know, I wouldn't worry if it takes you and Kicks some time to settle into mated life. I'm sure you're both very tired after traveling and getting settled in together."

I sat up a little taller. "I'm not sure I know what you mean. We're settling in fine."

"You know, mated life. But it'll work out eventually." She grinned. "It's probably different for humans, is all."

My cheeks were burning red. I took her meaning.

Margaret, who appeared a little older and a lot more motherly, jumped in. "Honey, it's all right. We all have dry patches."

"Well, not all of us," Alexa said, giggling.

"You two are like a pair of bunnies, but it's different," Margaret said. "They were on the road. They need some time to settle in."

"You can't judge her by our standards. That's not fair," Fran said, giving each of them a scolding look and not realizing what she'd said was almost worse.

Did they assume because I was human I was a cold fish or something? Prudish and didn't like sex? My skin grew even hotter, because I had been avoiding sex with him.

Had Kicks said something? Did the pack know we weren't having sex? It didn't seem like something he'd do, but I'd been wrong before.

I wanted to run out of the place but wouldn't. It would just set their tongues to wagging even harder.

Evangeline, who I hadn't noticed had stepped out, walked back in and took a seat beside me. She glanced around, taking in the silence then my bright red cheeks.

"What's going on?" she said, scanning the group.

"Nothing." I shook my head. The only thing that could make this worse was rehashing it.

She narrowed her eyes but let it drop.

I sat through the rest of the night, all guilt of Evangeline making Charlie a cake obliterated. This was, hands down, the worst outing I'd ever had, and that included having to scavenge evenings after Death Day.

I barely made it out of the gathering with any shred of pride intact.

"Sorry about that. I had no idea she'd be that bad," Evangeline said.

"It's okay. It's not your fault, or hers either if she's heard things." I wanted to vomit and then kill Kicks. Maybe kill him and then vomit. I wasn't sure which.

"Piper, not to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but she didn't have to hear anything. There's smells that shifters pick up on—and a commingling of smells, if you catch my drift. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea."

I froze, not sure if this was better or worse. No, Kicks hadn't betrayed me, which was a plus. But the whole pack knew if we were doing it? There went the last shred of dignity I had.