Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

I didn't go back into the other room and doubted Buddie or Rastin minded my absence. I might have been rocked to my core, but they were no less rattled. I shifted from the edge of the bed to curl into a ball in the center, my mind racing. Fear was like a little monster, eating away at me from the inside out. I couldn't fathom what had happened. Every scenario that played out in my mind ended in disaster. Did I leave here? Pull Charlie from another place? The thought of taking him with me but never giving him a hug again tore at my heart. Could I leave? It might not be an option. They might be discussing my death right now. I felt leaden, unable to move even as my future, maybe my very life, wavered.

There were noises in the living room, and then the door opened. Kicks stood there. I quickly sat up as he walked in, panic overcoming me.

"I sent Buddie and Rastin home. Magnum is still playing with Charlie. I don't think he saw much of what happened."

I nodded, feeling like a coward for not wanting to face the now six-year-old, afraid he'd be terrified of me. What if he ran from me? Stared up at me with fear? He'd seen me kill before, but after I was threatened. Not like this. Nothing like what had happened tonight.

"She's definitely dead?" She'd been dead before I left the building. I couldn't maintain eye contact and my gaze dropped to the floor. I already knew the unbearable truth. Still, I had to hear it. I had to know beyond any doubt.

"She's dead," he confirmed, his words so heavy they felt like a blow. I hadn't even touched her, but the doubt was plaguing me. Could I have brushed her fingers by accident and something within me had flared? I thought I'd seen a flicker of dislike. Could that have been enough to trigger whatever horrible thing lay within me?

"Do you have any idea what happened? Did you feel anything? Anything at all?" He walked closer.

As he neared the bed, I jumped up and moved toward the other side. "I don't know what happened. I didn't touch her." I stared down at my hands and then looked at him. "At least, I don't think I touched her."

His eyes narrowed as he watched me inch toward the other wall. He took another step toward me, and I backed away another foot.

"You don't need to be afraid. I won't let anyone touch you," he said. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

I tried to stop moving, stop my hands from trembling. Something about his declaration that he would still protect me, even after what had just happened, somehow made it harder to appear calm.

"I know it looks bad, but I didn't want to kill her," I said, wringing my hands in front of me.

His brow creased. "I know you wouldn't have done it intentionally." He paused a moment before adding, "But if something happened, an accident, I need you to tell me."

Even he thought I was a killer. The doubt in his eyes felt like yet another blow, even though I didn't blame him. Had I grazed her? I was so aware of touching anyone now, so how could I have not realized? Was my power growing so strong it could pass without touch now? The thought sent a wave of nausea through me.

"I don't think I did." I stared at my trembling fingers, wondering what kind of deadly curse might be flowing through me.

I took another step back, but he wouldn't stop coming.

"No." I put my hands out and then immediately down again, afraid he'd walk right into them. "Don't touch me. Just to be safe. Until we know for sure. Please."

He nodded.

"I have to leave. This isn't going to be something that just blows over."

"No. I'll manage the situation here."

"If everyone, including you, thinks I did it, how is it manageable?"

"I'll manage it. It might take me a little while to calm everyone down, but it'll be okay."

My belief in Kicks' abilities was high—sometimes it seemed as if he could do anything he set his mind to—but this? An older woman bearing me gifts dropped dead with no provocation, and in a way I was known to cause. No. It was a bridge too far, even for him.

"You can't force the pack to accept this, or get mad at them for hating me," I said. "It was horrible, and the way it looks? I'd hate me. You should hate me."

"There's some explanation. We don't know it, but something will make sense of it."

The only explanation I could come up with was that I'd seen her deep dislike of me flash, and my powers had killed her. As distasteful as it was, nothing else fit. But I wasn't brave enough to voice that aloud.

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by Evangeline asking, "It's me. Can I come in?"

I was going to have to see all these people sooner or later anyway. It would be easier to start with her, and it didn't sound like she was hostile.

Kicks walked over, opening the door for her. "How's it going out there?"

"I'm trying to calm them down, but I'm not going to lie—it's not great," Evangeline said.

"Stay with her," he said, then glanced back at me, pausing before he left.

I nodded. Getting out there and managing the pack was more important, considering how ugly things could get and how fast they could devolve.

Evangeline walked in, trying a halfhearted smile before giving up the effort. It didn't go unnoticed that she had her arms crossed in front of her and stopped with a healthy buffer of distance between us.

I didn't know what to say. Everyone thought I was the killer, and even I was wavering on it.

Given what I'd done, the word "sorry" felt like trying to fix a gunshot wound with a Band-Aid. How could it do anything but make her angrier than she probably was?

"I'm so sorry," I said, not knowing what else to do or say.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt her. I could see the shock on your face, as if you hadn't expected it." She nodded as she spoke, as if she were actively trying to reassure herself she wasn't in the room with a monster.

"I don't know what happened. I didn't touch her, but I know how bad it looks. I understand if you hate me." My voice cracked, knowing how pathetic my words were and how short they fell of exonerating me in any way.

She shook her head. "I don't hate you. Of course I'm upset over the loss of Zetti, but you're not a bad person. You wouldn't have done this on purpose. Something had to have happened. Did she scare you somehow?" She was doing mental gymnastics trying to make sense of a situation that had no answer.

"No. Not even a little."

She just nodded. It was beyond obvious she was convinced I'd killed Zetti. The only thing I had going for me was she thought it was an accident.

"It'll be okay. We'll figure out what happened and go from there," she said, her words a thin veneer of reassurance.

I believed that as much as she did. Deep down, a part of me was terrified that nothing would ever be okay again.