17

The world was asleep, but I was wide awake, crippled by unyielding desires. Foolish desires? To some, maybe. The opinion of my closest friends was all that mattered to me now. I heard the familiar clatter of cutlery as the kitchen staff set up for a new day; Groundhog Day for them, but this day was far different from the first for me.

"It's crazy, right? Like, who do I think I am?"

Billie and Sarah helped pack my suitcase.

"What about Lady? And Gaga? And work? And what if we don't get along? What if I get there and then we can't stand each other? Then what? I'm stuck."

The thought had crossed my mind for a split second. The doubt naturally wanted to worm its way back in, but I'd done the unthinkable now. The flight was booked.

"You're not stuck," Sarah said.

"You know that thing in your hand?" Billie nodded towards my phone.

"Yes."

"Well, that magical thing can solve almost any problem these days. You could book a flight home within the hour." Billie was right. My noxious anxiety took comfort in knowing I had options.

Sarah took the softer approach as she so often did.

"We will help your mum look after the animals. You have more holiday days racked up than all the countries in the United Nations combined. You owe it to yourself to explore what the two of you have. "

I knew that. I'd spent the past twelve hours telling myself that, minus the six I spent sleeping. They hadn't been solid sleeping hours. I'd tossed and turned to a point of no return. Billie eventually refused to be in the same bed as me. I knocked on Julia's door at three in the morning which added to the six hours sleep because we spent the next two hours having sex. I wasn't complaining, but my eyelids were in full placard protest mode this morning.

"What would you do?" I aimed the question at Sarah. She was neatly folding my unused underwear into the top pocket of my suitcase. She was the definition of a real best friend.

"I would do it. You need to enjoy your life whilst you're still relatively young," she teased.

"I'm only five months older than you!" It was something she never let me forget.

"Fourteen months older than me." Billie stuck out her tongue. "However, I will give credit where credit is due; you look like you've been getting Botox since the age of thirteen."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Billie separated her liquids from mine and handed me a neatly packed toiletry bag.

"Here, you'll also want these for the trip."

She placed a yellow pack of M bagsy the window seat." Billie stuck out her tongue.

"You don't get to bagsy the seat—" Sarah protested.

Yeah, they were going to be fine. I answered the door in the midst of the chaos. Julia stood in a light grey tracksuit, Converse, her backpack, and she was pulling a giant silver suitcase covered in travel stickers. I liked the one on the front best; right beside the giant Emotional Baggage logo, there was a small sticker in thick black bubble writing that said, E verything is figureoutable.

"You ready?" Julia grinned. She managed to make a lack of sleep look good. Her hair was buried underneath her cap. Her eyes looked youthful, and I heard the faint echo of a Fletcher hit playing through the headphones straddling her neck.

"Almost."

I pulled her towards me by the strings on her sweater and placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"You look so hot," I mumbled.

"Seriously? You should see me when I'm not running off five hours sleep and preflight exhaustion."

"I have, and I like this look better." I winked. Or at least I tried. Winking wasn't my thing, but I was trying a lot of new things lately. I looked like a dog sneezing whilst I scrunched my face in my attempt at winking.

"You're cute as hell. Do you know that?" Julia leaned in for another kiss. My smile was so embarrassing. I couldn't stop it if I wanted to, which resulted in Julia half kissing my exposed teeth; she didn't seem to mind.

"I've been told once or twice."

She peaked around me to observe the ruckus. "What are those two arguing about?

"Who gets to have the window seat on the plane." I rolled my eyes.

Billie was still claiming bagsy rights whilst Sarah lay flat across my case in an attempt to squeeze the zip into its final position. It could be stubborn; I think that's why I liked it.

"I'm going to miss those idiots."

Julia wrapped her arm around my shoulder, pressing her lips to the side of my forehead as if she'd done it a thousand times before. It felt surreal, almost like I was watching my life play out on a movie screen, and I was merely a spectator watching from the stands.

"You'll see them soon," she whispered.

Soon .

It was an indefinite length of time. The idea of soon eased my anxiety, but the idea of leaving Julia only increased it.

One step at a time.

I had to take one step at a time; with Julia by my side it seemed like an achievable feat. There was a lot to figure out, a lot to be excited about, and a lot of feelings to understand, but as Julia squeezed me tightly in the space between her arm I felt at home.

"I really like you; do you know that?" I asked.

"I'm kinda fond of you too." She nuzzled her head into my neck.

Every now and then life had a funny way of waking me up, making me feel alive, making me feel elation and adventure, and an unusual discomposure that had my body screaming out for more. I felt the moment deeper than the depth of the ocean, and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.