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Chapter 20

twenty

T he day after they returned from Kauai, Mick was awake before the sun. He hadn’t slept well, even with Adam beside him. He knew the reason.

As he poured his coffee, he glanced out the window toward Serenity’s house. He had known she was special the first time they'd been together, but she was getting under his skin. After she had told them she wanted to sleep in her own bed, Mick and Adam had returned to their house. Neither of them had been happy about her decision.

She wasn't there and there was something missing.

It had never happened in their relationship. From the time they had moved into a sexual relationship, they enjoyed women, but they could also be together by themselves. Less than a month with Serenity, and they both felt the void.

“You're up early,” Adam said.

He glanced at his lover. Sleepy eyes, bed head, and wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts. It was usually enough to get him going. But now, he wanted to share that with Serenity. She had become a part of their lives and now he was scared he'd made a mistake.

“Uh oh. That's a serious look.”

“What's that mean?” Mick asked.

“It means that you're the pretty one. You don't worry.”

He knew Adam was joking, but he couldn't help but feel irritated.

“And what are you?”

“The smart one.”

When he didn't respond, Adam stopped. “What's up, babe?”

He shrugged and left the kitchen, walking out onto the back lanai. Adam soon followed, his coffee cup in hand.

He came up behind Mick, and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Spit it out.”

“What?”

“We have the day off together and I want to relax. I don't want this issue rearing its head. Whatever it is.”

He sighed. Mick could fight him, then they would argue. In the end, he knew he would end up telling Adam.

“I think I'm getting too hung up.”

“Understandable. I'm hot.”

He rolled his eyes. “Now is not the time for you to get a sense of humor.”

“See. I’m the smart one.”

“Fuck,” he said and sat down in one of the three chairs on the lanai.

Adam said nothing for a long moment, and it was the right thing.

“Sorry. Just...I didn't think she'd become so important so fast.”

“Ah.”

“Ah, what?”

“Listen, I'm worried about that too. But, with our relationship, it happened slowly. We knew each other years before we took that leap--thanks to a bottle of whiskey.”

Adam smiled, thinking of their first night of R & R. They both had known each other were bisexual and after months of dancing around the idea, they had indulged. They had been together ever since.

“So?”

“While you like to pretend you are a free spirit, you're not. The idea of Serenity being a part of our lives scares you shitless.”

“I am a free spirit.”

Adam snorted. “Son, you are the farthest thing from it. You like to keep things light, but that doesn't make you a go with the flow type.”

“And what type am I?”

“Home and hearth and happily ever after. With me, you knew you had it right off. Now, you aren't too sure. You love her, but there are no guarantees even after telling her. That makes you nervous.”

Because he was a little too close to the truth, Mick rose out of the chair and walked to the railing. Yes, he was nervous but there was something under it that he wasn't comfortable with. Fear. His gut coiled. He was afraid that she would walk away. It would be easy for her. They had just been having fun, a little fling. But now, his heart was starting to engage.

Adam sighed behind him. “You've got to snap out of this funk, Mick.”

He turned around to face Adam. From the moment they’d met, they had been fast friends. It had deepened into love. That part hadn't taken so long.

“I can see those wheels turning in your head.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“What?”

“Waiting around, knowing she could just walk away?”

“Yeah, it bothers me, but I think because of my childhood, I handle it better.”

An abusive mother, absent dad, then a string of foster homes had been his entire childhood. No security and no long-lasting relationships.

“So, because I had a good childhood, I can’t understand?”

He chuckled as he leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs.

“In a way. I view life as temporary. This great life we built, it could all disappear.”

“Damn. That's cynical.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But see, you had those parents of yours--”

“Ours.”

He smiled and nodded. “Ours. They were there all the time.”

“Dad was gone a lot.”

His father had been a Green Beret, and he'd been deployed.

“Yeah, but they were there. And even if something happened to him, you knew your mother was going to be there for you. I never had that.”

“And now you are a cynical bastard.”

“Yeah, but there's something else. I've had to learn how to go with the flow more than you.”

“You plan every damned minute of the day.”

“No. I do not. I would not have ended up at Serenity's house last week. Completely unplanned. I plan, because it gives me comfort. Still, there is always a part of me that thinks it could all be blown to smithereens at any moment.”

“You're all right with that?”

“No, but I know how to deal with it. Someone's been pulling the rug out from beneath my feet since birth. You, on the other hand, are a whiney ass titty baby, who had been treated like a prince for most of your life.”

Laughter filled his voice, pulling a smile from Mick.

“Okay, yeah, I was a bit of a Mama's boy.”

“I was thinking that maybe we should play tourist today.”

“Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“Maybe some time at the beach. Get some shaved ice.”

“We haven't been to Waikiki in a while.”

“Oh, yeah. Lalani Coffee house for some pancakes, then beach time?”

Mick nodded. “Wanna ask Serenity?”

He nodded. “I think that's an excellent idea.”

Serenity dug her toes into the sand and sighed. It was just after eleven. Her belly was filled with pineapple pancakes and coconut syrup. There was a gentle trade wind keeping her cool, and the sun felt good on her flesh.

Oh, yeah, and she was with the two hottest guys on the beach.

“I can't remember the last time I came down here for a day of just sitting on the beach,” she said.

“What are you usually doing?” Mick asked.

“Taking pics. I rarely miss an opportunity to work.”

“That's a shame. You live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. You need to make sure to enjoy it,” Adam said.

She knew he was right, and she did have some breathing room. With her online sales doing well, along with her possible book deal, she felt secure with her income. Granted, she still had money from her acting days, but she was careful with it.

“You're right. I tend to worry about missing something, but it is pretty near perfect almost three hundred and sixty-five days a year.”

She picked up her sunscreen, but Mick took it out of her hands.

“Let me.”

Oh, God, not good. He was going to drive her insane by touching her in public.

He settled in behind her and she listened as he squirted some of lotion on her back. He set the bottle down and started to rub it in. Just that simple touch had her nipples hardening. She was right. They had both turned her into some kind of a nympho.

“Adam told me he talked to you about Rough ‘n Ready.”

She nodded, unable to speak. His talented fingers slipped over her skin with all that lotion...well, there was only so much a girl could take. She drew her legs up and rested her head on her knees. She just thanked god she had her glasses on. Closing her eyes, she bit her lip to keep from moaning. Mick kept rattling on about the club and how they would get her a pass for the night, and she just wanted to turn around and jump his bones.

“Aren't you Kayleigh Rose?”

She straightened and looked at the young man. He was probably a decade younger than she was, skinny enough a strong wind would blow him away, and he had the tell-tale sign of a haole with a new tan.

She looked up at him trying to ignore the dangerous man behind her. Both men had straightened up and had their full attention on the newcomer.

“Kayleigh who?”

“You know, the Daughter Knows Best show. You are her.”

“Nope. My name's Serenity Jones. But it happens a lot.”

“Are you sure?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but, apparently, Adam had had enough.

“She said she isn't her.”

The young man took a step back. Smart kid.

“No worries. I get people who think I am her all the time. Now if it came with perks, like free drinks, I might go with it, but I rarely get any offers.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry.”

“No problem,” she said to his retreating back.

“You two should be ashamed of yourselves.”

Adam barely glanced at her, then back to the young man, who was now halfway down the beach. “You need to be more careful. I didn’t know you were that well known.”

She shrugged, knowing she had left that part of her life out of most of their conversations on purpose. Apparently, the guys had decided not to snoop. “Not really. I haven't had an incident in years.”

“An incident?” Mick asked as he started to rub lotion on her again.

“Yeah. When the show was doing really well, I would have to fight to keep my privacy. I had one person follow me into the bathroom and stick their camera under the stall door.”

“Jesus.”

“That really happened?” Adam asked.

She nodded. “It was not fun. It was one of the reasons I walked away from it all.”

“But there were other reasons?”

She hated talking about it. Maybe that was why she rarely had close friends these days. Acquaintances didn't like to ask.

This was different. She was involved with them, and while she had a right to say no, she wanted them to know about that other life. She had kept it to herself for a long time, so it took her a moment or two to gather her courage to talk about it.

“Privacy was one big issue. I also saw the writing on the wall with my career.”

“How so?” Mick asked, finishing off her back then taking his place beside her.

She thought back to the summer before she turned seventeen. She knew the show wasn't doing well, worse, she knew she was part of the reason.

“I was sixteen going on thirty.” She glanced around and found that no one was paying attention so she continued. “I had to take uppers to just get out of bed. I was exhausted all the time. Partying all night and then working all day is never fun, even when you are teenaged.”

“Easier than when you are thirty.”

She chuckled. “True, but it was not a path to happiness. Uppers in the morning, coffee throughout the day, and alcohol at night.”

“You were sixteen,” Mick said.

“Yeah, well, I started drinking when I was thirteen or fourteen, so it was no big deal.”

He made a sound of disgust and Adam laughed. “Forgive Mick. As wild as he can be, he grew up with a very strict father and a doting mother. He had nothing to escape.”

“Don't get me wrong. I wasn't this poor abused child. Part of it was my fault. I knew just how to act out to get attention in the rags. So, there I was, acting on a show I hated, dealing with the life of a teenage actress who doesn't even want to get out of bed, and I snapped. I couldn't do it anymore. Worse, I knew I didn't want to act.”

“So, you didn't want to act. What's wrong with that?”

“I had been brought up in front of the camera. I knew that I had nothing else to offer anyone, and worse, my mother had expectations. I'd been supporting my family since I was five years old.”

“And I take it your mother wanted you to continue on?” Mick asked.

She nodded.

“She was working out deals for all these horrible movies. I started to see my future as a washed-up teen star, who was never that good at acting, being stuck working on movies that were embarrassing. Skin teen flicks. At one time, I had thought I wanted to be a serious actress. As I said, I hated acting by the time I left it.”

“But you had liked it at one time?”

“Yeah. But, then, when you’re five years old, and you have an entire crew to do your hair and dress you up, it’s like play, you know. Especially if you were a girly girl.”

“And I take it you were.”

She smiled. “Yep. Even before my first commercial, I would happily sit for hours at a time to have my hair and nails done. As with everything else, though, it got to be a chore. It was no longer fun for me to go out. I couldn’t just throw on anything and go to the store. There was always someone with a camera everywhere I went.”

They were both looking at her as if she had grown another head. So, she decided to change the subject.

“So, Adam was telling me about this club you two go to.”

Mick glanced between them, then settled his gaze on hers. “You want to go to Rough ‘n Ready?”

She nodded. “I...well. I’ve read BDSM books, mainly romances. But, I’m a girl who has to see things and Adam offered a trip.”

Mick looked between the two of them, then he smiled. “I’ve already talked to Ross and got a pass for you. How about tonight?”

“Sounds like a fantastic plan,” she said.

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