Chapter 19

nineteen

S erenity found herself alone on Monday morning. The guys had a job that would keep them off the island overnight. They had tried to talk her into going with them, but she had refrained. It wasn't as though she didn't want to go. In fact, it had taken all of her control not to jump at the chance.

She knew they had both been disappointed with her decision. Hell, so had she, but there were so many reasons for not going. First, they were going to be working the entire time. While a lot of people would prefer to spend time in a big comfy bed and maybe go to the spa, it wasn't her thing. Second, she thought she needed a little separation from Mick and Adam.

She sat on her small lanai, a coffee cup in her hand, and drew in a deep breath. She needed this time to think about them…and about being with them. Never in her life would she have thought she would be in a relationship with two men. One had always been a little too much for her, and now she had two men occupying her time.

What was it about them that drew her in? She couldn't put her finger on it. She had thought maybe it had to do with the fact that their personalities were so different. Mick was open and always looking for a good time. Adam liked to take his time and savor. Two sides to the same coin.

Before she could come up with a definitive answer, her phone rang. She saw her friend Nicola's face and wondered why she was calling her so early in the morning.

“Hey, what are you doing calling me?”

“Well, how nice. Did you get those manners at finishing school?” she asked, laughter filling her voice.

“Sorry. I, never mind. Kind of early for you.”

“I'm not in the states. We’re in Japan.”

“Such a jet setter.”

Nicola snorted. “Right. Anyway, I was calling because it looks like we are going to spend some time in Hawaii.”

Happiness unfurled within her. It had been a long time since they had spent time in person together. “You are? And does this mean the very delicious Jensen Wulf will be accompanying you?”

“You can ask him yourself since you’re on the speaker.”

For a couple of seconds, Serenity said nothing. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Good God, had she really said that and had he heard? Then Nicola burst out laughing.

“Nicola Marie McCann.”

“Sorry. Oh, God, I would have loved to see your face. It must have been priceless.”

“Ha ha.”

It took her another minute or two to calm down. “Yes, Jensen will be with me, so it should be a load of fun.” A healthy dose of sarcasm filled her voice. “But, it looks like we'll be there for at least a month.”

“That sounds great. When?”

“In a few weeks. We haven't secured the entire schedule, and I need to find a rental for us. We should get to spend a lot of time together.”

“Great.”

Serenity didn't have a lot of friends, but she counted Nicola as her best friend. They rarely got to spend any time together. A day here or there, but if Nicola was going to be there for a few weeks, they could really plan some girl days together.

“So, tell me what you've been up to? How's the picture book coming along?” Nicola asked.

“Going well. We had a big storm that I got some great shots of.”

“And the neighbors?”

“What?”

“Last time we talked the new neighbors were moving in. Are they nice?”

“Hmm, yeah. Two men.”

“Oh. Two men as in together or they are hetero?”

“Sort of both.”

There was a long beat of silence.

“You talking in riddles makes me think you are trying to keep things from me.”

Dammit.

Serenity hadn't contemplated having to explain the situation to friends and family. She had no family to speak of, but most of her friends were online. Nicola was different. She hadn't seen her in three years, but it almost seemed poetic that her former sober companion was planning a trip to Hawaii. Nothing had ever been easy with Nicola.

“They’re bisexual.”

“Ah.”

“They've been together for a long time.”

“Names.”

Serenity rolled her eyes. She had always said Nicola could have been a drill sergeant.

“Adam and Mick.”

“Hmm. Tell me.”

“What?”

“There is something else you are holding back.”

“How do you know that?”

Nicola sighed. “Because your voice changed when you said their names.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It deepened.”

Had it? “It did not.”

She tsked. “You’re just trying to stall.”

She was. Serenity was sure at some point Jensen would call on Nicola for some reason or other. If she stretched the conversation out, she might be able to get out of an explanation.

“I have all the time in the world. Jensen's at a club, and you know what that means.”

“Ah, and you didn't go?”

“Please. That man has no idea I live the lifestyle and I'm keeping it that way.”

Both Nicola and her boss practiced bondage and submission, but he had no idea she did.

“Why?”

“It's my private life.”

“And it gives you some kind of sick thrill that he doesn’t know.”

“And you’re again trying to avoid the subject.”

She sighed. “Okay, I'm sort of involved with them.”

“Them? As in both of them?”

“Yes.”

She whistled and Serenity had to hold the phone away from her ear. “Good lord, you know how to go all out. No dates for months, then you take on both men?”

She chuckled. “Believe me, I've had the same thought more than once, but...there is just something about them.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's like, with them, I kind of feel complete.”

“Wait. Are you playing with both of them at the same time? In bed together?”

“Yes.”

“Look at you getting kinky.”

“It’s more than just being kinky. I know it sounds kind of corny, but together we seem to make sense.”

Another beat of silence.

“Nicola?”

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking.”

“That’s usually a bad sign.”

“Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I was just thinking that I understand the situation.”

“You understand the situation? You haven't even met them.”

“Believe me, I will meet them in a few weeks. And I will get their last names from you so I can run a background check.”

“You will not.”

Another snort. “Try and stop me, little girl.”

“Nicola.”

“You know I am going to do it, but I will only look for criminal behavior.”

Serenity rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

“I was thinking about you though.”

“Something about me screams ménage?”

“Don't be an idiot. Now, I don't want you to get irritated with me, but I always thought you were starving for love.”

“Starving for love?”

“We talked about this before.”

Nicola had been a sober companion and it spilled over into her personal life at times. “I had love from a lot of my fans.”

“But not from the people who should have offered it up unconditionally.”

Her parents. Her father had disappeared and her mother had used Serenity to make herself rich. In fact, she couldn't remember ever hearing her mother tell her she loved her.

“Serenity?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Go on.”

“You need a man who is going to love you to pieces, and getting involved with two men makes sense to me.”

She rubbed her neck. “I don't know.”

“What's wrong?”

“They overwhelm me at times. They've been together for over five years. Sometimes I feel like an interloper.”

“Has either of them said anything to you about that?”

“No. It all happened so fast.”

“Tell me about them.”

“Mick is sweet. Well, as sweet as a former special forces guy who now works security can be.”

“Jesus, you know how to pick them. And Adam?”

“Not as sweet, but there is this thick layer he uses to hide his vulnerability from the world.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time and that was a bad sign.

“Nicola?”

“Hmm, sorry. I was thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“How long have you known these guys?”

“Over a month. Why?”

“You're in love with them.”

Panic reached up and clawed at her throat. “I am not.” Was she?

“Yes, you are. You know them better than that one dude you dated for six months.”

“Huh. I hadn't even realized.”

“That's because you're spending so much time falling in love.”

“I don't like that.”

“What?”

“Falling in love.”

“In general, or with these two men?”

“General, or both. Dammit, I don't know.”

“Seri, don't panic.” Her calm voice sent another wave of anxiety rushing through her.

“I'm not.” Not really. Her heart was just beating a million beats per minute and she felt slightly ill.

“You're in love with two men who apparently like you.”

“Yeah.” She started to bite on her thumbnail as her mind began contemplating all the problems with being in love with two men.

“Serenity Jones,” Nicola said in her drill sergeant voice.

“What?”

“Don't overthink this and don't freak out.”

“I am not freaking out.”

But she was. What if she was in love with them and they weren't in love with her? What would happen then? She would have her heart broken while they still had each other.

She sighed. “You are, but I know there is nothing I can do about that. At least not all the way over here. Just don't make any rash decisions. This isn't orthodox, but then, you never have been. As I said, these men might give you just what you need.”

“I'll try.” She sighed. “They like to play a bit too.”

“Lord, two men, former special forces, and Doms? You definitely know how to take the leap, woman.”

She chuckled. “True.”

“Have you engaged?”

“No, not yet. They want to take me to some place called Rough ‘n Ready.”

“Yeah, good club. Micah Ross, the owner, is great. Jensen is a member too.”

“Too? That means you’re a member?”

“I was thinking about it. I mainly get a day pass most of the time. But, you’re interested?”

“Yes. I’ve been reading a lot.”

“Good. It’s good for you to try new things, and it sounds like you trust these men.”

Before she could work through the bombshell Nicola had just lobbed at her, Nicola said, “Okay, I have to go.”

“I told you Jensen would come back.”

“Ha, no. I have a friend who lives here. We're going to play a bit since I have the night off.” Knowing Nicola, she had men all over the world just waiting for their favorite sub to return. “I'll call you with our itinerary when I get it. And Seri, call if you need to talk. Any time of the day or night. You know I'm here for you.”

“I do. Thank you.”

“Love you.”

“Love you back.”

They hung up and Serenity picked up her coffee again, only to find it cold. She went into the house to pour another cup, the conversation playing over in her mind. Nicola was right. She had always been starving for attention and love. It was what had led to her drinking and out of control behavior. More than one person had used her to get things they wanted, whether it was her connections in Hollywood, money, or just free crap. She had been so damned desperate to be accepted, she would have done anything at that point.

Since then, she'd been very careful not to let people know how much she needed that in her life. If she fell in with those people, she might lose control of her life again. This time she might not be able to come back from it whole.

Still, she didn't want to panic. They were having fun, and she was enjoying two interesting men who apparently found her interesting. She'd worry about the future later.

Nicola was right. She did trust them. From the very first, she had never felt threatened or used in any way. It’s why she had been drawn to them to begin with. There was a solid core of good in them. She could depend on both men, no matter what.

And she wanted to find out what submission with these two men would be like.

With that thought, she sat down at her desk and started working on the pictures she had taken the week before. They wouldn’t be back until tomorrow and she would tell them then.