Chapter 25

Jack

Getting to my feet, I ran a hand through my hair and walked to the nearest window, as much for something to do as a way of exiting the current conversation. The band and I were waiting for the jet to be ready to leave and were talking about the new songs. Right now, the last thing I wanted to do was think about Juno and if she'd be involved.

A moment later, Kai appeared at my side, a can of diet soda in his hand.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked. "Or just brood until one of us decides for you?"

"Is the latter an option?" I replied, smiling at the bluntness of it. He grinned back.

"If you leave it to me, I'll get her in anyway and see if you can solve whatever it was that upset things."

"She wasn't who I thought she was," I said, watching someone load luggage onto a conveyor into the cargo hold of the large plane.

"You'd only just met her. Of course you didn't have everything right about her. But the big question is, was this new piece of information a deal-breaker?"

"She…" I sighed, not wanting to tell him what she was clearly keeping a secret. "There's more to the breakup with her ex-husband than she's telling people."

"Of course there is. No one leaves a fifteen-year marriage without a good reason. The more important thing is, why didn't she tell the truth?"

"To protect him. And I think a misguided feeling of shame on her part. The usual reasons for something like that."

Kai nodded and took another gulp, also staring at the luggage handlers. They'd almost finished, but they weren't in any kind of hurry. Again, I considered telling Kai what had actually happened but found I couldn't. It wasn't my place to tell someone what she clearly didn't want people to know.

"You know, that's a pretty good reason not to tell someone something. Or at least an incredibly understandable one. It doesn't make her a monster. If anything, it makes her a lot like you. I think I remember you telling a fib or two to hide someone else's flaws out of loyalty. Misplaced or not, it shows she cares about people as much as you do."

I sighed. Why did Kai have to be so right?

"It's too late for anything now. She'll hate me for walking out on this one."

Kai shrugged. "You never know. You said you'd already blown it with her, and then you seemed to fix it. Maybe reach out?"

I shook my head. Not this time. I wasn't going to pursue anything. We'd had some fun, and I liked her, but I wasn't ready for another relationship. I didn't trust myself, and I wasn't ready to trust anyone else, either.

Somehow, I would have to find a way to put her from my head and think about work or something else instead. It was time I stopped thinking about her and what had gone wrong. I never should have read her book.

With any luck, I'd never see her again. It wasn't like writers and musicians moved in similar circles. She'd stay in England, and I'd continue traveling around, and within days, I'd forget about her entirely.

This resolution made me feel better, despite my mind's nagging reminder that I had tried the same thing the last time I'd met up with her and only found I thought of her more. This time needed to be different.

Thankfully, our plane was finally ready, and the band was taken through the last section of the airport and onto the jet. It didn't take us long to get comfortable, all of us used to this part of the process.

I sat near the back and pulled out my sketchbook, trying to think of something, anything, to draw to take my mind off life. We were heading back to New York, so it wouldn't be the longest flight, but I hated being bored.

Most of the band settled down to get some sleep, but Kai pulled a notebook out, too, making notes and jotting down lyric ideas. I drew several different sketches, none of them seeming quite right. An elephant, a dog, and then I decided to tackle a person.

Only when Kai got up and came to sit beside me did I realize time had even passed.

"You're just going to forget her, are you?" he asked, looking at what I'd sketched.

I frowned as I realized I'd drawn someone very similar to her. Putting down my pen, I ran a hand across my chin and sighed. Kai chuckled and put down the pad of paper he'd been holding.

"Is it going to make things awkward if I tell you I think we really need her involved in these lyrics if we're going to use the music?" Kai asked a moment later.

"We could just not use it."

"Yeah, that's possible. But it's the best thing you've put together."

I frowned again. This wasn't an ideal situation or set of choices. On one hand, would it be so awful to see if she wanted to keep going with the lyrics? I could always excuse myself from that part of the process. But then she might think I was deliberately avoiding her, and I didn't think I could be that disrespectful.

"Think about it," Kai said. "But if the rest of the band wants to get the lyrics done for this song, I'll probably arrange something with her. She's got an agent, right?"

"Yeah. Probably having a field day over the media attention she's getting."

Kai let out a quiet laugh again, and I found myself smiling as well. It made me worry, though. It wouldn't be the first time someone had tried to worm their way into the affections of one of the band members to gain fame for themselves.

By the time we arrived in New York, I had more than one sketch of Juno, and I'd given up trying to fight the desire to do so. Maybe I could sketch her out of my head.

Maybe even writing the lyrics and finishing the song would help close that chapter of my life. It would give her a way to gain a bit of fame without needing to date one of us if that was truly something she wanted, and it would allow me to feel like something was done.

It was worth a shot. Anything to get her out of my head and get my concentration back. I couldn't afford to be distracted. I didn't want to be distracted. I'd had enough of women and being committed to anyone. They weren't worth it. Love wasn't worth it.