Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

D allas held Vivian until the last tear fell.

And then he scooped her into his arms, sat down on the steps, and cradled her in silence. It wasn't an easy silence. It was full of things unsaid, and a past that was chock-full of hurt. It was the kind of silence they shared equally because all the things unsaid belonged to the two of them.

After a while, Vivian stirred. "How did you find me?" she asked quietly.

"Jack."

She nodded and whispered, "Of course."

Dallas didn't know what the right thing to say or do was, but he figured getting to the point sooner rather than later was the best route, and the only way to do that was to jump in.

"Can we talk about today?" He wasn't sure she heard him, but then she sighed and pulled away. She slipped from his arms, got to her feet, and grabbed a glass of sweet tea from the table, which she drank in its entirety before turning back to him. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and her skin was patchy pink. She looked so damn forlorn, he wanted to crush the pain she couldn't hide.

"I met with our daughter's mother."

Our daughter. Christ.

Vivian's voice was strained, and she sniffled, wiping her nose as a fresh batch of tears shimmered into appearance. "She's so lovely, Dallas. Perfect, really. The kind of mom every child wishes for."

Vivian stared down and gave a small shrug. "Her name is Alicia. We had a nice chat. She was going to talk to…" She cleared her throat. "She said she'd get back to me if a meeting is possible." Vivian raised her head. "She calls her Summer, and she's beautiful. She reached out three years ago, but I wasn't ready, and now that I—" Her voice caught, and she gasped, wringing her hands in front of her, Vivian's misery wide open and ugly. "Now that I am, I think I might have screwed up. It's been hours, and I haven't heard back. I don't think she wants anything to do with me."

Dallas got to his feet but kept his distance, knowing Vivian needed some space. "She's a teenager, Viv. She's busy. Maybe her mom hasn't been able to connect with her yet."

Again, Vivian gave a small shrug. "I don't know that I deserve her absolution anyway."

"Is it absolution you're looking for?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Hey," he said, closing the distance between them. He kept his voice gentle. "You deserve the world, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to give it to you fifteen years ago. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't need to do this alone."

"Have you forgiven me?" She looked up, and her expression damn near broke him.

"You don't need my forgiveness."

The shadows that clung to her eyes were heartbreaking. Dallas held her face between his hands, and when she would have looked away, he gave her no option because he wanted her to see his penance. His pain. His regret.

"Jade said something to me a few days ago, and it's something I can't shake."

"What's that?" Vivian's voice was low.

"She thinks I'm alone because I don't want to be in a relationship or because the only woman I wanted didn't want me back. The way I see it, she's got a few things wrong."

"I'd like to be there when you tell that to Jade."

He smiled at that and stepped closer. "I'm not against being in a relationship. I just never chose to expend the energy on one because I knew they weren't going anywhere."

God, had her eyes always been so huge and shiny?

"You ruined any other woman I met because the day you left, I gave up on that kind of thing. At the time, I was pissed off, and I handled things badly. I acted like I didn't care and made no effort to find you. No effort to find out why you'd left. I made a choice to forget about the good things, like swimming naked at the jumping rock. The way you look when you're asleep. Or how you sound when I'm inside you." He took a breath. Had to get this right. "I forgot them because it hurt to remember. I wish that we'd been old enough, mature enough to be truthful with one another."

"Summer," Vivian whispered, leaning into his palm. "I should have told you, but I was afraid."

"I know." Dallas nodded. "I want to think I would have been there for you the way you needed, but I'm not so sure nineteen-year-old me would have been man enough. And for that, I'm sorry. But I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm not afraid to say the things I wanted to say back then but couldn't." He bent his head. "I'm not afraid to say that I love you."

Vivian made a noise, a soft sigh, or something like it, and he couldn't help himself. He lowered his mouth and claimed hers in a kiss that went deep. It was slow and meaningful. It was filled with sorrow for things lost, and hope for a future not yet claimed. He kissed her until she trembled. Until he tasted the salt of her tears. Until he let go of not only his regret and guilt, but of hers.

And when the kiss ended, the two of them stood together in the gathering twilight and said nothing. She clung to him, and he held her as if she were a precious doll that could break at any moment.

But Vivian Bridgestone was not breakable. He knew her strength. And he envied her for it. "What you did would have broken me if our positions were reversed."

Vivian pulled back, and he felt the truth that lived in her eyes. "I've loved you since the summer I was fourteen, when you went to the Founder's Cabin with Melody Lynn Weathers. The way you looked at me. The way you made me feel. I wanted to scratch out her eyes." Her voice dropped. "I don't think I knew it then, just how strong my feelings were." She glanced up at him. "I do now, but I'm scared. We got so much wrong back then."

"We did," he acknowledged. "But I think you get things wrong until you learn enough. Sometimes, that takes months. Sometimes, it takes years. Decades even. I also think we need to take a step back and remember that we were both young and dumb, and what we had together was years ahead of what we could handle."

Vivian attempted a smile. "You must have so many questions about Summer."

Dallas exhaled and stared up at the night sky. This was heavy and real and not something he could ignore any longer. He had a child. A daughter. That thought brought out something in him that was raw and protective and dangerous. He'd never felt that before.

"I never thought about kids," he admitted. "I was busy working the ranch, building our breeding program, working on my house, tending to my animals, and relaxing when I could find the time. A kid, a wife, those didn't factor in my life, but now… Now I can see it." He dropped a kiss on her cheek and murmured, "I can see it with you."

When Vivian wouldn't look up at him, he frowned. "You have to talk to me. We can't have silence and omissions and lies between us anymore. Not if we're going to grab some kind of future and own it."

"I need to go slow," she whispered. "I need to deal with some things. I think we both do." She looked so damn lost. He took a step forward, but she gave a small shake of her head, and he paused, not liking the turn in tone. "We have a chance to get this right, Dallas. We need to be sure, because I don't think I would survive another lost chance at love with you."

Dallas tried to keep his emotions in check, but he was feeling like they'd just made ten steps forward, and there was still something pulling them back.

"I know how I feel. I know what I want." He all but growled the words, frustrated and trying his best not to show it.

"But knowing isn't always enough. I need to face a part of my past that, up until a few weeks ago, I couldn't bear to think of. It hurt too much."

Vivian's cell phone rang, and she inhaled quickly, then took a step back. It was then he realized the thing pulling them backward was the very thing they needed to deal with. A daughter. A child who was part of each of them. One he hadn't had the time to think about or imagine or even grieve the loss of. And now they were out of time, it seemed.

"It's Alicia," Vivian said slowly as she read the message. She took a few moments, and he kept silent, though he was so tense, his muscles ached. He carefully unclenched his fists while watching the play of emotions cross Vivian's face.

"She wants to meet. Oh God." She turned to Dallas. "I'm a mess. I'm…I need to do something with my face, my clothes. I, shit…" She turned toward the deck and took one step up before stopping. "I need to do this on my own, but I don't think I can get there by myself."

His resolve hardened. "I'll take you wherever you need to go. I'll keep my mouth shut and stay in the shadows, if that's what you need."

"Thank you," she whispered before disappearing into the house and leaving him alone in the gathering dusk.

Dallas stared up at the darkening sky, his mood murky, his thoughts scattered. Restless, he walked across the grass until the shadows crept over him.

A daughter.

He had a kid. Chest tight, he blinked hard and shoved his fists into the pockets of his jeans. He wanted to hit something. Destroy something. But he couldn't. He had to stay strong. Stay focused. He had to be a better man.

"Are you done?"

Dallas cleared his throat and turned around. Miss Callie stood by the table, and he walked back to her. "Yes, thank you. Let me." He grabbed up the tray, glasses, and the plate of cookies, then followed the older woman back inside, where he set it all down on the counter.

"My sugar cookies are the best in the South if you don't mind a try."

"They sure look good," he replied, trying to smile.

She watched him for a few seconds and then motioned for a chair. "Trust me. Have one. It helps a soul when you're feeling a bit down."

She poured him another sweet tea, and, mostly trying to be polite, Dallas grabbed a cookie. He took a bite and nodded. "It's good." He took another bite. "Better than good."

"My secret ingredient always does the trick."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I add extra sugar, some cinnamon, and a pinch of love." Miss Callie poured herself a glass. "Love always makes things better. Manageable. You might feel like you're underwater, but love will lift you up. Help you float and tread until you get to a place with sure footing."

"I don't know about that," he replied. "It's been my experience that love isn't always enough."

"That may be," Miss Callie said with a wink. "But you're here, aren't you? Holding her up? Helping her tread those waters until she can stand and breathe?"

A lump formed in his throat, and he cleared it roughly, washing down the cookie with the last of his sweet tea.

"I'm doing what I can," he finally said. "What I should have done sixteen years ago."

"And that's all that matters. We tend to focus on our mistakes. The things we didn't do. The things we should have. But mistakes and learning from them is what makes us into the humans we need to be. Focus on that. I can see how much you care for her." Miss Callie smiled. "And if these old eyes can see that, Vivian can too."

"Vivian can what?"

They both turned as Vivian walked into the kitchen. Her eyes were still a bit red and puffy, but she'd managed to cover most of it up with makeup. Didn't matter, though. She was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Miss Callie left the kitchen, and Dallas got to his feet.

"What do you need me to do?"

Eyes lowered, she licked her bottom lip and pulled on the edge of her sweater. She was nervous, and it showed. "Summer wants to meet at the park. Says she'll be by the big pavilion in thirty minutes."

Dallas walked over to her, aware she was nervous. "Just tell me what you want me to do."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and finally met his gaze. "If you could drive me there? That would mean a lot. I can't think right now. I mean, not beyond what am I going to say to her? How do I make her understand? How do I?—"

"You'll be fine. You're a Bridgestone, and those genes were made for the tough stuff."

"But I—" Her bottom lip trembled, and damn if it didn't pull out the beast in him. He had to work hard not to crush her against his chest. And he would have, but he didn't want to chance cracking her already fragile exterior.

"You did what you did because you loved her." Pain lanced its way across his chest. He inhaled roughly and ran his hands through his hair. "You had no support. You knew if you kept her, life would be tough, not only for you, but for the baby. And you dealt with all of it alone. What you did was brave. Never forget that."

"I don't know if I was brave. I just kept moving." She nodded and whispered, "Always moving."

"Are you sure you want to do this alone?" His throat was tight. He wanted to meet his daughter. To see her. Hear her voice.

"I need to do this on my own. Initially, that is. I don't know why." She gave a small shrug. "I can't explain."

"I want to meet my daughter." His voice was low.

"You'll meet her. I promise I just…I listed her father as unknown on her birth certificate, and I need to explain that to her. I need to make her understand I wasn't trying to be this awful person. That I was so damn young, I didn't know what I was doing."

She'd barely finished her sentence before he had her wrapped up in his arms. He held her for as long as she let him and then dropped a kiss onto her mouth. A light, gentle reminder that she had him in her corner. That he was there, and the hounds of hell wouldn't be able to drag him away.

"Whatever you need." He held out his hand. "Let's go."

She waited a heartbeat, and when she finally put her hand in his, Dallas knew his world had just changed again. It was subtle but powerful. And even though there were things still uncertain, things that had to be worked through and addressed, he had hope. That hope was wrapped up in a five-foot, seven-inch woman who'd been tattooed across his heart since he was a wet-behind-the-ears seventeen-year-old idiot.

"Are you ready?" he asked gently.

"No." A small, sad smile touched her face. "But let's go."