Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

A licia Landry was late.

Vivian sat nervously in her chair, there in the back corner of the café, and when the server, a young girl named Julia came over, she offered a strained smile and accepted a refill on her coffee.

It was strong, and she'd probably pay the price later tonight by staring up at the ceiling instead of sleeping, but it was either drink coffee or lose her mind. She didn't have time to lose her mind, so the coffee would have to do.

She fingered the edge of her sweater, eyes on the door each time the bell rang to signal a new customer. And so far, each time, Alicia Landry hadn't materialized.

Vivian checked her phone once again, but other than a quick text message from the woman to let Vivian know she was running late, there was nothing. Her stomach felt off, and she wished she'd stayed away from the heavy foods she'd inhaled at breakfast.

Sweat broke out across her forehead, and she grimaced.

"You okay, sugar?" The petite woman who'd been behind the counter earlier stood at the next table, cloth in hand, her eyes kind as she studied Vivian. She looked to be in her sixties and was dressed colorfully in bright yellow pants, red Crocs, a peach-colored T-shirt, and an apron covered in butterflies of every shape, size, and color. Her hair was the kind of blonde that came from a bottle. Shot through with silver, it was piled on top of her head and secured with a large clip. She wore no makeup other than bright red lipstick.

"I'm fine, thanks," Vivian replied with a nervous smile. "I'm waiting for someone."

"I'm Sara," the woman said with a wink. "If there's anything you need, just let me know."

"Thank you, but coffee is fine for now."

Sara moved away and began to clean another table while Vivian pulled her phone from her cell. There were missed calls from Dallas, as well as several text messages she didn't have the heart to read. At least not yet. She pocketed the cell and grabbed up her coffee mug just as the door opened and the bell tinkled. Heart in mouth, Vivian stared across the room at the person who stood just inside the café.

Alicia Landry was an attractive woman, tall and willowy, with dark auburn hair that fell past her shoulders in windswept waves. She was dressed casually in a blue sweater, jeans, and white sneakers. Over her shoulder was a large charcoal-colored bag.

Sara walked over, and the two women chatted for a few moments. It took everything Vivian had to keep her butt planted in the chair. To not run out the back door and do her best to forget she'd ever come to Belle Adair. It was a cowardly thought, of course, but it was looking mighty attractive at the moment.

Alicia glanced her way, and Vivian's heart just about stopped. The woman's expression was unreadable, but she held Vivian's gaze a few moments before giving Sara a small hug. She pulled away from the woman and made her way over to Vivian's table.

She smelled like sunshine. That was the first thought that scattered across Vivian's mind.

"Hello," Alicia said quietly, taking the chair across from Vivian.

Vivian nodded. Her vocal cords seemed to be frozen. "Hi," she finally managed to say. "I'm Vivian."

Alicia glanced down at her hands, then back up. "I knew who you were the minute I walked through the door." She smiled then, a soft sort of thing that made her eyes somehow larger. Shinier. "She's so like you."

Sara brought over a sweet tea for Alicia and set it down without a word. Then she left the two of them alone again.

"I suppose you were surprised to hear from me." Vivian gripped the coffee mug with her fingers as if it were a lifeline.

"I was." Alicia sipped her sweet tea and sat back in her chair. "After our lawyer told us you didn't wish for any kind of contact three years ago, we all figured that chapter was closed." She sat a bit straighter. "Because of that, I'm wondering what's changed." She chewed her bottom lip, a worried frown crossing her forehead. "I haven't said anything to Summer because I don't want to get her hopes up. I don't want her to be disappointed if you're not here to meet her."

Vivian tried her best to let go of the tension that clung to her like a second skin, but she was strung so damn tight, she could barely breathe.

Alicia leaned forward, obviously concerned. "Are you all right?"

"I just…" Vivian exhaled. "I'm trying to catch my breath. This is a lot." She set down the coffee mug and reached for the glass of water Becky had left earlier. After a few moments, her heart rate slowed, and she sat back while Alicia watched her closely. How to put in words the things that were in her heart?

"When they took Joelle from me fifteen years ago, I thought that I would never see her again. I figured she belonged to someone else, and I could move on and try to start over. I held her once and said goodbye, and that was that. To survive, I put her in this little box, and I never opened it again. I built a life, and I lived. Or at least I thought I was living. I had a career I was proud of, but not much else."

Vivian exhaled and decided the only way forward was the truth. "Last year, my older brother was in an accident. My family was scattered, and he called me for help. At the time, I was annoyed. I had a lot of work coming up, but I went because I felt guilty. I did my duty and left as soon as I could. The thing is, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, going home again, so when my sister got married, I traveled back for the wedding, but this time, I didn't leave." She pushed back the lump that was forming in her throat. "I stayed. Every day, I would wake up and tell myself to leave, but for some reason, I couldn't. It was as if the past had me in a stranglehold and wouldn't let go no matter how hard I tried to shake it off."

She pushed her mug away and lowered her eyes. "There's a man. A man I left behind."

"Summer's father."

Vivian nodded. "Yes. I was seventeen back then. My life was complicated. I wasn't the easiest person to be around for a lot of reasons, and he was the only person in my life who pushed back. We were either fighting or making love. We had this intense connection, and for a small window of time, he was a lifeline for me. But I was young. We both were. And the fighting changed. The fighting started to hurt. Then I found out I was pregnant. My mom had died, and my father wasn't kind. I felt like I had no support, so instead of dealing with things with Dallas, I ran away."

"Does he know about our daughter?"

Vivian's eyes jerked up. Our daughter. How strange to hear the woman say that. "He does now. He didn't back then."

"I'm so sorry," Alicia reached across the table and grasped Vivian's hands. It seemed easy for this woman. To touch and to give. Vivian was beginning to realize just how special Alicia was. "It must have been incredibly hard to go through that alone."

Vivian slowly nodded. "It was. Sometimes I wonder how I got through." She glanced down. "Recently, the two of us have been spending time together, and I realized that my feelings for him haven't changed. They've been there all along, buried beneath a mountain of hurt and pain." She smiled. "He still owns my heart. All of it. And if I have any chance in hell of making things work between us, I need to face my past. Joelle." She blushed and stared at her fingers. "Sorry, Summer is part of that."

"Which is why you're here."

Vivian nodded. "Yes. I need to open this door and face what's behind it. I'm ready to meet my daughter, if that's what she wants. It's up to her."

Alicia picked at the edge of her charcoal bag, then took a sip from her glass. She set it down, her expression very serious. "I'll talk to her when she gets home later this afternoon, and if she still wants to meet you, we'll be in touch. It's her decision." She hesitated, and Vivian sat forward.

"What is it?"

"When Ed and I decided to adopt, we knew it was never going to be a thing that was done in secret. Our children have always known they came to us in a different way than most of their friends. We figured if it was normal and good with us, our children wouldn't have issues later on in life." She drew a circle in the condensation on her glass. "Not giving birth to your child can be hard. There's always this fear of losing them. Of them meeting their birth parents and feeling as if they've missed out on something." She attempted a smile, but it fell flat. "That would break my heart, but it's part of the process, isn't it? I don't want Summer not to know who she came from because I have some insecurity about it. And meeting you in person, I can see you're the kind of woman she might look up to."

Vivian slowly shook her head. "You've given Summer a wonderful life. Please don't doubt that. And as much as I would give anything to go back in time and do things differently, I can't, and quite frankly, I don't know that I would change anything. I wasn't in a good place. I have to trust that she's where she is supposed to be. At least, that's what I tell myself when the doubt and guilt become too much."

"You're not what I expected," Alicia said softly.

Vivian grabbed Alicia's hands and squeezed them. "You're everything I hoped you'd be."

"I'm glad to hear that." The woman nodded and got to her feet. "Okay. I'm so happy we met, and I will be in touch, though, like I said, this is Summer's decision."

"I understand. Of course."

Alicia gave a small wave and left the café, leaving a silent Vivian staring out the window at the workers setting up a stage in the town square. There was a group of teenagers near the fountain, and she watched them, thinking how happy and carefree they appeared to be.

I can't remember ever feeling like that.

"Can I get you anything else?" Sara asked.

"No." Startled, Vivian got to her feet. "Thank you."

She left the café and, at odds with herself, walked the length of the town. The stores she passed were mostly a blur, but she stopped and looked, her unseeing eyes moving over the merchandise in the windows. Putting her body in motion was a way to soothe her anxiety, and by the time she reached her rental, it was nearly four in the afternoon.

There'd been no word from Alicia, but then she hadn't specified a time, and with nothing left to do but return to the B and B, Vivian headed to the other side of town.

The house was quiet. She was able to make it up to her room without running into anyone. She freshened up and then sat on the end of the bed, at a loss as to how to fill up her time. She didn't want to think, because thinking brought with it the kind of anxiety that, in the past, had driven her to bed for days.

It was the kind of head space she didn't have time for.

Restless, she got up and inspected the books lined up on top of the dresser. Someone was a huge Nora Roberts fan. There had to be at least ten of her novels, plus a random biography of a man who lived in the Arctic studying penguins. With nothing else to look at or inspect, she grabbed her purse and made her way downstairs.

There was a painting in the foyer, one she hadn't noticed before. She wandered over to it. It was beautiful. A woman in silhouette with silky dark hair, belly heavy with child, staring at something just beyond the scope of the painting. It was interesting. You couldn't see what she was looking at, but you knew it was someone she loved. It was in the colors, the tilt of her head, the soft smile that curved her lips.

Vivian stepped closer to read the name of the artist. Shane Gallagher.

She'd heard of him, of course. In fact, she'd attended a showing of his work in New York City a few years back with Jack.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Vivian smiled when she spied Miss Callie coming in from the kitchen. "It is."

The woman walked over and stood beside Vivian, staring up at the painting with a look that was pure joy. "He's a friend."

"Is that his wife?"

Miss Callie nodded. "Yes. She was a guest of mine a few years back. Quite the woman." Miss Callie wiped her hands down the apron she wore and turned to Vivian. "Did you find what it was you were looking for?"

"Yes," she replied softly. "And no." She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. "I guess we'll see."

Miss Callie studied her for a few seconds, her eyes soft, her smile open and honest. "You have a good heart. I can see that. I always like to think that folks with good hearts find exactly what they need to keep that heart blooming. You came to Belle Adair for a reason, and whatever that reason is, you'll find it. Or it will find you. That's the way of things in this part of the South." She winked. "Now, how about a spot of sweet tea on the back porch?"

Vivian nodded. "That sounds perfect."

"You go on out back and make yourself comfortable. I have a new customer checking in soon, and once I get him settled, I'll bring you the sweet tea and some sugar cookies."

The yard backyard was a paradise of flowering bushes, oak trees with moss-heavy branches, and colorful gardens filled with flowers and statues and beautiful glasswork. She chose a seat in the corner and closed her eyes as she sank back.

It was quiet out here. She finally felt as if she could breathe. She smelled fresh-cut grass and something sweet. Honeysuckle? In the distance, the drone of an airplane was the only sound to cut through the quiet. It was a sad, melancholy sort of sound, but the world felt somehow lighter as she let her head fall back.

She must have dozed, because she woke suddenly and was disoriented at first. After a few moments, she sat forward and blinked away her exhaustion. She spied a tray on the small table. It held a carafe of sweet tea. There were two glasses poured—one was half empty. Beside it sat a small plate of cookies.

Only then did she become aware that she wasn't alone. And before she turned her head, she knew.

Just like always.

Heart pounding so loud against her chest she was certain he could hear it, Vivian looked up into a pair of eyes that regarded her with such tenderness, she knew she was about to fall apart.

And yet she didn't care.

"Dallas," she whispered.

"Hey," was all he said before the floodgates opened, and all the pain and tears and fear inside her fell out. It was ugly. Animalistic. And she would have hidden her face in shame, but Dallas touched her chin so she could do nothing but look up at him. A sob escaped, and she shuddered against him as his arms wrapped around her.

He kissed the top of her head, his voice rough and strange. "Let it all out. I'm not letting you go."

"You're here," she said, voice broken.

"Yes," he replied thickly. "I'm here."