29. Zoe

29

ZOE

As I lifted the Best Mom Ever mug AJ got me for Mother's Day last year to my mouth, I inhaled the caramelized, nutty scent of the dark coffee beans I'd ground up earlier this morning and took my first sip of heavenly java. As the hot liquid slid down my throat, I steeled myself for what was in store. Today was not going to be an easy day. It was a day I'd been dreading.

When I set the mug down, I grabbed the pen from beside the fridge and lifted my hand to the calendar. I put an x on the day before as a number popped into my head.

3616

That was how many days it had been since I'd lost Austin. And today, it was going to feel like I was going back to day one because I would be unearthing a lot of memories I'd buried for my own survival.

I'd thought that speaking to Shania and Andy had been hard. They'd interviewed me separately, and then both sent follow-up emails asking about certain events, including how we first met, when I found out I was pregnant, our wedding, when Austin saw AJ for the first time, how I found out he'd been killed, and a lot more. I'd answered all of it, which wasn't fun, but for some reason, talking about those times seemed easier than seeing the photographic evidence of them. I hadn't looked at the photos I was about to go get for almost a decade.

When Kendall asked for pictures of me at her age, I asked Nadia if she had any. She did. But Rachel wanted photos of me and Austin.

I put the pen down and picked up the mug, carrying it to the front room with me. After placing the mug on a coaster, I forced myself to go upstairs, into the attic, and bring down three boxes that I'd stored away nearly ten years ago. My limbs felt heavy as I carried them down the steps and set them next to the couch.

"What is all this?" Walter asked as he walked into the front room and grabbed his hat off the coat rack beside the front door.

I looked down at the boxes. "It's photo albums. The actress who is going to be playing me is coming over, and she asked if I had any pictures she could look at."

He nodded, and then his brow furrowed. "I thought I heard the door early this mornin'. Was that you?"

"Um, yeah, I, uh, couldn't sleep, so I went for a run." I felt like shit lying to Walter. I also felt like a teenager who had stayed out past her curfew. But I wasn't about to tell him that I'd spent the night with Miles Ford.

"Did ya now?" He grinned.

"Where are you headed?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.

He wagged his brows up and down. "I've got a hot date."

"A hot date?" I assumed he must be joking.

"That's right."

"With who?"

A glimmer of mischief sparkled in his baby blue eyes as he winked and gave me a quick nod. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes. I would."

He chuckled as he lifted his hat from his head and waved it in the air as he walked out the front door. "See ya when I see ya. Wouldn't want to be ya."

When the door shut, I stared silently at it for several seconds before curiosity got the better of me. I stood and rushed to look out the front window. I pulled back the curtain and saw Walter climbing into the passenger seat of Anna May Birch's classic ‘63 Oldsmobile Cutlass. The car had been her husband's pride and joy. He passed away over twenty years ago, and she rarely took it out. There was no doubt that it was Anna May in the driver's seat because I couldn't miss her fire engine red hair. She was a natural redhead who had gone gray in her early fifties. She was in her seventies now. About two weeks ago, I saw her coming out of Pretty in Peach with her hair dyed back close to her natural color.

I stood, with my jaw hanging open, in shock as I watched the two of them pull out of the driveway. Was something really going on between the two of them? All of a sudden, it dawned on me that Mrs. Birch called the numbers on bingo night at the VFW.

Had romance sparked over B27 or N11?

Maybe I wasn't the only one having a secret rendezvous, as Nadia put it. However, it didn't seem like Walter and Mrs. Birch were really doing anything to hide whatever was going on between them since she was picking him up in the middle of the day in her vintage car, which always turned heads.

I wondered if anyone might have seen me driving back from the Montgomery estate this morning. Or if anyone had seen me leaving the production offices the night I'd stayed before Miles left to go to New Mexico. That was the thing about Firefly. If one person knew what was going on, the whole town knew. Nadia knew about us, but that was different. She was my very small circle of trust. If anyone outside the circle of trust found out, I knew the information would spread like wildfire in dry brush.

Last night had not been what I'd expected. I'd hoped that I could get Miles out of my system once and for all. But that wasn't the case. I'd actually hoped the sex this time would be…mediocre. That the first time we'd been together had been so good because of the novelty of it all. But, if anything, last night had been better. We'd had sex twice before we went to sleep. Once when he'd woken me up in the middle of the night and once before I left at five a.m. I was sore in places I didn't even know I could be sore.

It wasn't just the sex that had been so good, it was the way he'd held me before we'd gone to sleep. How we'd talked about everything and nothing. It was the silence that we'd shared that was comfortable.

I was lost in thought, remembering the way it felt to be in Miles' arms, to have him hold me and kiss me, when a black SUV pulled up in front of the house. I watched as a young woman with blonde hair stepped out of it.

Right. Okay. I needed to get my mind off of Miles Ford.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for a day of talking about Austin. Of looking at pictures of me and Austin. Of reliving moments with Austin.

The worst part—the part that made me want to throw up—was that today was all about Austin, but all I wanted to do, all I could think about was when Rachel left, I wanted to call Miles. I wanted to see him again. To talk to him. To be with him. That wasn't right. None of this was right. It was all wrong.

Last night backfired on me. I needed to stay away from him. Nadia was wrong. Getting dicked down while Miles is in town was not the answer. I don't care if it rhymed. I needed to stay away, or my heart was going to pay. There, that rhymed too.