3. Logan

Chapter three

Logan

May

“Asher!” I shout, barreling after my two and half year old as he weaves his way through a crowd. “Goddammit! Get back here!”

A devilish laugh floats through the air making my jaw tick. We’re in a busy place, anything could happen. He could fall and get hurt. Or, Christ, someone could snatch his cute ass up and we’d never see him again. Anxiety twists my gut and my quick walk turns to a run.

“Sorry!” I call as my big shoulder collides with some guy’s.

He shifts his kid in his arms and gives me an irritated look. But as I snatch Asher up, barely catching his tiny frame by his plaid jacket, his expression shifts to one of solidarity.

“I hate fairs,” he mutters just as his daughter shoves her cotton-candy-filled fist directly in his mouth. My brows go high and I have to work hard to bite back a laugh, especially when she licks his sticky cheek.

Poor guy.

I flick my gaze to Asher and narrow my eyes.

Poor me.

“You’re in so much trouble,” I rumble, tucking him against my hip as I weave our way back to Shiloh. Ash gives me a big puppy dog pout and I scoff, shaking my head. “Nope. Not gonna work. You’re in time out for running away in a dangerous place like this.”

His little red brows smoosh together. “It’s a fair, Daddy.” He points to a laughing family petting a cow. “It’s super-dooper safe.”

“Super-dooper, hmm?”

My eyes scan the busy field for my wife and other son, finding them perched on a bench under a massive oak. I smile, shoving my way through the masses to get to them.

“So safe!” Ash shouts, bouncing in my arms. His little hands smack my cheeks, pulling my attention toward him. “Daddy, I only wanted to go see the firefuck.”

I stumble mid-step. “See the what ?”

His cheeks turn pink in indignation. “The firefuck!” he cries, pointing somewhere behind me. “The big, red firefuck.”

Pressing my finger to his lips, I scan our surroundings, shooting an apologetic look at a woman with two young kids next to us.

“It’s fire truck , buddy,” I correct, slowly annunciating the word as I continue toward our family.

My lips twitch, though. I can’t help it. My wife and I make damn cute kids. With light, freckled skin, blue eyes, and red hair, the Huxley genes are strong in the twins. But their mouths, their sassy personalities—it’s all Shiloh.

A twinge of longing pulses through me. I hope our some-day daughter looks just like her mama. My heart clenches as I meet my woman’s eyes. Shiloh is stunning, not just physically, but her heart, her mind, and soul. She’s incredible to me in every damn way.

My eyes slide down her body, taking in her outfit. She’s wearing a pink t-shirt that says Mama Bear, a fitted camo jacket and a pair of jeans that makes me want to die in the best way. With her long hair pulled up in a high ponytail and her pink converse, she looks adorable. But as she pushes to her feet and bends to pick Archer up, a low groan escapes me.

A guy taking a phone call nearby notices and his eyes go directly to her ass. He licks his lip, ending his phone call, and moves toward her.

Hell the fuck no!

My groan turns to a growl that has Ash laughing, but I’m too busy charging forward to notice. I slip behind Shiloh, blocking the asshole's view, and not-so discreetly palm her ass. Shiloh shoots upright, tucking Arch into her chest and whirls on me. She blinks rapidly, her tan cheeks turning a lovely shade of red.

“Logan!” she whisper-hisses. “We’re in public!”

I smirk down at her and pull her against my chest. Her thick ass lines up perfectly with my dick and I have to actively tell the fucker to calm down. She’s right. We’re in public, in a family place.

All the more reason for that fucker to keep his goddamned eyes to himself.

I shoot him a glare, mouthing mine and press a kiss to her forehead.

“Sorry,” he grunts, not sounding sorry at all. “Didn’t know she was taken.”

Rolling my eyes, I point to the boys. “They literally look exactly like me.”

“Down to the outfit,” Shiloh mutters, giving me a look. “I didn’t realize you were staking your claim.”

Grinning down at her, I shrug. “Baby doll, I staked my claim on you a long time ago. You’re mine and you will be even long after I’m gone. Get used to it.”

“Caveman.”

She scoffs, pulling from my hold. I reluctantly release her, but when I suddenly see her sway, I quickly grip her hip, steadying her.

“Shiloh?” I murmur, worried. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, her nails digging into my hand. “Baby doll, what’s wrong?”

Ash sniffles and leans forward to get to her, but I hold him back. His brother sits up from where he’d been resting against her shoulder and gives her a nervous look.

“What’s wrong with Mama?” they both ask in their creepy, unison way.

I carefully turn her toward me and brush some loose strands of hair from her cheek. “Yeah. What’s wrong with Mama?”

She smiles reassuringly, but she can’t mask the dark circles under her eyes. “Just got a little dizzy.” Leaning forward, she presses a kiss to both their cheeks, then mine. “Nothing a little food won’t fix, hmm?”

“Corndog!” Ash yells at the same time Archer says, “Chicky nuggies!”

Shiloh chuckles, booping their noses. “I’m not sure they have either of those here, but I did see some yummy looking popcorn and snow cones near the ring toss.”

“Games!” they cry, bouncing around wildly. Shiloh groans and I quickly scoop Arch from her arms so I’m holding them both.

I give her a skeptical look. “You sure you’re okay, baby doll?”

She smiles. “I’m fine, just a little hot.”

“In the shade?” I drawl. “In May? It’s like sixty degrees out here.”

Shiloh tosses her ponytail over her shoulder and turns away. “I’m always hot, Logan. That’s what happens when you’re thick everywhere.”

My eyes slide down to her very thick ass. “Thick indeed,” I murmur huskily. “Thick fucking indeed.”

Ash pokes my eye. “Swear jar, daddy.”

Archer smacks my shoulder and gasps. “That was a big bad word, too, brover. Big bad!”

Ash bobs his head. “Double dollars in the jar, then.”

My wife turns, walking backward, and gives me a massive smile as she takes the three of us in. “Yeah, Daddy. You’re bad.”

The heated look I give her tells her everything she already knows.

“I’ll show you bad, Mrs. Huxley,” I call, before mouthing, “In the bedroom. ”

Her head falls back with a throaty laugh that goes straight to my throbbing cock. “Oh no! Was that a dad joke? Terrible!”

I grin. I don’t give a fuck if the joke was bad. As long as it keeps her smiling and laughing like that, I’ll do it.

And so much more.

“Mama! I want a pony just like this one!” Archer shouts, making the full size horse, not pony, startle with a whinny. “Look! He’s so cute.”

The animal’s handler chuckles and bends to meet our son’s eyes.

“Well, he is in fact a she ,” he gently corrects, petting the appaloosas spotted coat. “And guess what? She’s pregnant.”

“Woah,” Archer says with amazement.

The man smiles. “Wanna know a secret?”

“I do!” Ash shouts, jumping up and down.

I press a hand to his shoulder, keeping him still.

“Calm down, bud,” I murmur, flicking my gaze to the horse. She’s happily munching on hay, not paying us a lick of attention, and I give her a sympathetic look.

Poor thing out here at a petting zoo looking like she’s seconds from popping.

“Tell us,” Archer practically begs, leaning in conspiratorially. “We’re super-dooper good at keeping secrets.”

Super-dooper must be the new word.

“Oh, I’m sure you’re the bestest,” the man agrees. Shiloh giggles, leaning against me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, committing this moment to memory. “See, our sweet mare here is actually pregnant with twins!”

The boys gasp loudly. My wife and I, however, share matching grimaces. Poor girl, indeed.

“No way!” our kids cry. “We’re twins!”

The guy sucks in a breath and puts a hand to his chest. “Seriously? I had no idea! That’s amazing!”

I chuckle, shaking my head.

The boys are not only identical in all things, including haircut and dimples, they’re also wearing the same outfit: light jeans, red flannels, brown boots and their favorite trapper hats from grandma. It’s not quite cold enough for fuzzy beanies, but they refuse to leave the house without them.

There’s no missing the fact they’re twins, but I appreciate his willingness to play into their fun day.

“She gonna have two babies?” Asher shouts, looking a little green around the edges. “Right now?”

He laughs, shaking his head and pushes to his feet. “No, little guys. Not right now. She’s got a couple more months to go.”

“Poor thing,” Shiloh mumbles as she runs her fingers through the horse's mane. “She deserves to be home resting in bed, not out here dealing with sticky kids.”

Truer words have never been spoken. I kiss the top of her head, not missing the longing in her eyes. I just don’t know if it’s for the horse, her bed, or the horse's pregnancy.

“Actually,” the man says gently, rubbing the horse’s back. “She’s a part of our rescue and rehoming program. All the animals here are.”

“What’s that?” I’m surprised to see so many different breeds of animals in the various large corals around us. “All of them?”

He nods sadly. “Yep. All of them came from less than ideal homes before being rescued. We bring them around to events like this all over the state, educating people and introducing them to those available for adoption.”

“What happened to her?” Shiloh asks quietly, her body tense.

He palms the back of his neck. “Uh, I don’t think it’s appropriate, with little ears around.”

“We’ve got them,” a deep, familiar voice rumbles.

I blink up in surprise and grin when I spot the small group of people ambling their way toward us.

“Hey guys,” I call, greeting my brother and his family.

It’s been two years since Stephen entered into a polyamorous relationship with his longtime boyfriend, Dominic, and their now husband, Jackson. Stephen and Jack are also with their wife, Addison, but she and Dom don’t have a sexual relationship.

At first, I thought the pairing was a bit strange. Not that I ever judged my brother; he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. But knowing how possessive I am over my wife, sharing her isn’t something I could ever stomach. For them, though, it works.

My smile widens as I take in Addy’s massive growing belly and the little girl on Jack’s hip. Though they never got a DNA test, with her reddish blonde hair and freckled face, it’s obvious Penny is a Huxley.

Apparently, it’s not just me with strong swimmers. It’s a family trait.

“Holy shit, look how big you’re getting!”

“Swear jar, Daddy!” Ash shouts, pointing a chubby finger at me. “You’re gonna be so broke.”

I huff a laugh. “No doubt it’ll only get worse if you two keep putting grays in my hair.”

“You better be talking about Penny and not my wife,” Stephen barks, kissing Addy’s cheek and then his daughters.

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout?” Archer asks, but his confusion is quickly replaced by excitement as he spots the newcomers. “Penny!”

“Hi guys,” Shiloh calls, waving. “I’m glad you could make it!”

“We wouldn’t miss a chance to hang out with our favorite boys,” Dominic says with a wink. “And my bestie.”

Addison shoves him. “I thought I was your best friend.”

He smacks a loud kiss to her cheek. “You guys are tied for first place.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Jackson grumbles.

“Ash-Ash and Archy!” Penny cries in her sweet little voice. She batters against Jack’s hold. “Down, Papa! Down!”

He gives me a worried look that I don’t blame him for. At almost two, she’s not much younger than our boys, but she’s so much smaller than them and sometimes I worry about how rough they are.

“Wanna play!” she hollers. “ Pwease !”

The boys give us a pleading look and I help them over the fence, handing Archer to Stephen, and Asher to Dom.

“You two better behave yourselves,” I warn sternly. “And be careful with Penny. Remember all your lessons about how to treat women.”

Ash laughs. “She’s not a woman. She’s only a girl.”

“Nuh uh,” Penny cries indignantly. “I big. Tell ‘em, Daddy.” She tugs on Dom’s jeans and rolls her lip out in an adorable pout. “Tell ‘em I’m super-dooper big.”

Shiloh cackles. “Well, now we know where they got it from.”

I nod, watching as Stephen and his family corral the kids toward the goat pen. We spend a lot of time with them since they live just a mile down from our house on the massive Huxley property. The entire Huxley line lives on our shared six hundred acres. My parents are a few miles toward the lake, and Charlie is about a quarter mile past Stephen’s place.

My smile slips as worry churns through me. I miss our youngest brother. When he’s not out on construction sites, Charlie’s been spending all his free time over at the High School coaching varsity football. He’s barely made it to any Sunday night dinners in the last few months. Stephen and I will need to sit him down soon and check in on him.

“Oh my gosh,” Shiloh cries, pulling my attention back to the present. “She’s been through so much!”

“What?” I ask, noticing her tear-filled eyes. “What the hell did I miss?”

She sniffles and pulls away from me to get closer to the horse. “He was just saying the horse was used as a breeding mare for years. She was forced to get pregnant, and then her babies were taken the second they could be weaned from her. She’s never gotten to experience true motherhood.”

Well, shit.

Shiloh presses her nose to the horses and I tense, prepared to step in if anything goes wrong. Surprisingly, the horse seems to settle, her eyes drifting shut as she nuzzles into my wife.

My heart damn near splits open.

“What will happen to her babies this time?” I ask, already far more invested than I need to be.

The guy shrugs helplessly. “We’ll take care of them until she or they can be adopted, but…”

Shiloh pulls away, wiping away tears. I rub her back, already having an idea of where this is headed. “But what? You’ll take them from her?”

He holds his hands up placatingly at her tone. “Not intentionally!” he rushes out. “But we’re a non-profit. If someone only wants to adopt one of her babies, we can’t stop them. We want all our rescues to go to a good home. Sometimes that means splitting families up.”

Shi crosses her arms, pressing her full tits against her thin shirt. My eyes widen. Do they look bigger, or am I that fucking desperate for her right now?

Hell, when am I not desperate?

“And if someone wants to adopt her right now, pregnant with twins and all?”

Shit, shit, shit!

He gapes for a second before recovering. “Well, that would be a fucking blessing, to be quite honest.” I shoot him a look and he clears his throat, blushing. “Sorry, ma’am. I meant no disrespect.”

She waves him off and turns to me. “I want her.”

“Wh-what?” I stutter, shocked as shit. “You want a horse?” I shake my head. “Correction. You want three horses?”

Nodding sharply, she looks back to the handler. “I want…wait, what’s her name?”

He runs a hand across her back. “This here is Lilah.”

Aww, fuck.

A choked sob slips free from Shiloh at the same time my heart skips a beat. The poor guy gives us a confused, slightly concerned look. Without a word, I bundle her up in my arms, murmuring words of love that no one around us can hear.

“It’s a sign,” she whimpers, wiping her tear-stained cheeks on my flannel.

I nod, already committing to life as an equine owner. How much space does a horse need? No. Three horses, probably more, knowing Shiloh’s bleeding heart.

Maybe a goat or two would be nice. The boys would definitely love some sheep.

My gaze slides around the corals surrounding us. My jaw pulses. So many abused animals who have never known what a safe family is supposed to feel like. And here my family is, happier than shit, living on six hundred natural acres with nothing but trees, lakes and mountains surrounding us.

We’re blessed as fuck.

They deserve some of what we have.

“We’ll take them all,” I declare, mentally calculating how long it’ll take me to get a whole farm operating. If I enlist all the construction crews I employ, maybe two or three weeks, at most. And Mr. Tobias down the street has a big ass farm. Surely he can give me some pointers.

How hard can it be?

Shiloh gasps and grips my shirt. Pulling away, she looks up at me with an expression filled with so much damn hope and longing I know there’s no turning back.

“Are you…are you serious?” the guy asks, looking slightly pale.

“Yep.” I cock a brow at Shiloh. “You want that, baby doll?”

Her responding smile makes my heart flutter and my head woozy. She’s stunning.

“So much yes! But are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Chuckling, I peck her nose. “Anything for you, wife.”

“I love—”

Her words trail off as she suddenly goes limp in my arms. I watch in horror as Shiloh’s eyes roll back in her head and she collapses lifelessly, taking my heart with her.

“Logan, I’m fine,” Shiloh groans, batting my hands away.

I shoot her a glare. “You are not fucking fine, baby doll. You’re in a hospital. The place itself means you are most definitely not—”

“She’s fine,” the doctor reassures, shooting me a wink I don’t appreciate.

I cross my arms, widening my stance as I stare down at the young fucker who can’t be more than an intern. “She collapsed.”

“Fainted,” Shiloh corrects. “I got dizzy and fainted.”

My heart clenches as those terrifying moments where she was completely unresponsive come back to me. I rub a hand across my chest to ease the ache and her face softens. Reaching out, she tangles her fingers with mine.

“I’m okay, baby,” she whispers. “Really, I’m fine.”

I kiss her wedding ring. “Stop saying you’re fine.”

“But I am!” Turning to the doctor who’s checking her vitals, she tries to enlist some backup. “Tell him! It was hot and I haven’t eaten enough today. Fainting is a normal response.”

He flicks his gaze between us, adjusting his glasses. “Actually, it’s not all that normal. Do you faint often?”

“No!” I bark, making him jump. Oh damn well. Maybe he needs to toughen up for this job. “She never faints.”

“That’s not exactly true,” she murmurs, brushing a hand over her belly. “I fainted a few times when I was pregnant with the boys.”

The monitors strapped to her finger and arm shift, and my throat clenches.

I hate seeing her like this.

After she’d collapsed, I’d called Stephen while the horse handler, who I found out was named Henry, called 911. She woke up not even a minute later, but she was out of it. So despite her protests, I insisted on an ambulance. Stephen and his family stayed behind with boys, distracting them with all the activities at the spring fair we hadn’t gotten to yet.

Shiloh fought me the entire way here, demanding we go back to the fair, that she’d be fine after some food.

Yet, here we are, so clearly, I won.

The doctor drops her chart onto a small table and sits in his seat, wheeling to her bedside. “I’m still waiting on your blood tests to come back, but is there any chance you could be pregnant now?”

Shiloh’s eyes gloss over almost instantly and she shrugs. I tighten my hand around hers and brush my thumb over her soft skin.

“I mean, technically…” she starts, biting her lip.

He turns a questioning look toward me.

I clear my throat. “We’ve been having unprotected sex for over three years. Since we conceived our twin boys, who are two and a half. There have been three chemical pregnancies and one thirteen week loss.” I run my fingers through her hair, knowing these words sting. “So, yes, technically she could be pregnant, but—”

“But my cycles are irregular. I have PCOS and was recently diagnosed with endometriosis,” she adds, pushing her shoulders back.

I smile at her. My strong, brave girl.

The doctor nods in understanding. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.”

I can tell he means it, but platitudes are nothing but that at this point. No one can understand what repetitive loss feels like unless they’ve experienced it firsthand. The heartbreak isn’t even nearly as painful for me as it is for Shiloh. It hurts, kills me, to lose our babies, but it’s not my body experiencing what hers does.

What does break me, however, is watching my wife, the woman I love more than the air I breathe, go through heartbreak again and again. It destroys me to not be able to fix this for her.

“Thank you,” she mutters. Her throat bobs. “Did you, uh, run a lab to test my pregnancy hormones?”

“We did,” he says kindly as he reaches for the phone next to her bed. “It’s standard protocol when women are admitted. But the lab is backed up so why don’t we see if we can find out definitively? Settle our nerves, hmm?”

Shiloh’s mouth opens, but before she can say anything, he’s murmuring quietly into the phone. With a nod, he sets it down and pushes to his feet.

“Are you okay with a quick intrauterine exam, Mrs. Huxley?”

She sucks in a sharp breath as a nurse wheels in an ultrasound machine and brings it to the doctor.

“It’s okay if you’d rather wait for the labs,” he gently clarifies. “They’ll be a few hours, but your blood tests will let us know just as well as this will.”

Leaning forward, I grip her chin, turning her to face me. Her lower lip is trembling and I see all her emotions etched across her beautiful face. She’s terrified. Nervous. But beneath all that is excitement.

“Whatever you want, baby doll,” I vow, kissing her sweet lips. “I’m here no matter what. If you aren’t pregnant this time, we keep trying.”

But, God, something tells me this is right. The dark circles under her eyes, her mood swings and exhaustion. Her complaints of being hot and nauseous. The fucking fainting.

It all fits.

And the only time Shi had those symptoms was when she was pregnant with the boys. Even her pregnancy with Lilah was different. She felt some symptoms, but not nearly to the extent as she did with Ash and Arch.

My stomach clenches and my heart races.

Fuck.

Please. Please, whoever is listening, let this work out for my girl.

She nods slowly. “Okay, let’s do it.” Flicking her gaze to the doctor, she gives him her consent. “Let’s do the ultrasound.”

It doesn’t take long for him and the nurse to have her in position. He slips a pair of gloves on as he goes down a line of memorized questions.

“And when was your last menstrual cycle?”

She tenses as his hands disappear beneath the sheet. My jaw ticks. I despise that another man is between my woman's thighs right now. If it weren’t for the fact that he probably sees a hundred vaginas a week, I’d snap his scrawny little intern neck.

My eyes narrow.

“Are you an intern?” I bark.

Shiloh shoots me a shocked look, but I ignore her, staring the twerp down.

He chuckles. “No, I’m not.” The camera wand disappears next and Shiloh groans. The doctor shoots her a big smile. “I graduated last week.”

“Fuck,” she moans in discomfort, or maybe she’s anticipating my move. Her hand slaps my gut just as I step forward. “Logan. It hurts.”

Only those words could pull me from my rage.

“He’s only kidding,” the nurse says. “Doctor Forest has been practicing medicine for a long time. He’s wonderful, I assure you.”

“See, he’s great.” Shiloh whimpers and turns her gaze toward the monitor before quickly looking away.

Unable to take the distance or distress running through her, I scoot my big body onto her bed and bundle her into my arms.

“I love you,” I whisper, brushing a kiss against her cheek. “No matter what. We’re happy. Our family is beautiful. The boys are healthy.” She looks up at me with teary eyes. “We have enough, baby doll.”

She bobs her head, and when she speaks, her voice cracks. “We have enough.”

My lip twitches. “Besides, you adopted over forty animals today. You won’t have time for a baby. You have to learn how to be a farmer.”

“Well,” the doctor drawls. “You better make some time because you’re adding another Huxley to your farm.”

Shiloh’s head snaps up so fast, she bashes into my chin. “What?” she cries. “I’m pregnant?”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

At first, I think it’s my racing heart whooshing in my ears, but then the doctor turns the monitor toward us and my world stops.

A baby.

A baby.

Holy shit, we’re having a baby.

“Yes, you are,” he says, rotating the wand. Fuck. I didn’t realize I’d said that out loud. “Shiloh, you look to be about sixteen weeks.”

My mouth drops open as Shiloh gasps.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“I don’t understand,” she says, her voice sounding just as shocked as I feel. “How? How can that be possible?”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“With irregular periods, sometimes it’s hard to know. Especially with the conditions you have. They both give off symptoms of pregnancy almost all the time, so you’ve likely become accustomed to living your life with extreme fluctuations in your hormones.”

In my arms, Shiloh shakes as the first sob hits her, and it forces me into action. My eyes never leave the monitor or the little bundle of baby that’s twisting and turning.

“Is it okay? Is the baby healthy?”

I guide her head to my chest, doing all I can to comfort her, reassure her that we’ll get through this, no matter the outcome.

Sometimes I’m jealous of people. People who have never gone through what we have. How incredible it must be to see a baby on a screen and be filled with immediate elation instead of terror of how things might end unexpectedly. I know Shi is happy. I know she’s fucking thrilled. We both are. This is a shock and a blessing. But, under all that is a thick, painful thread filled with caution and warning signs.

Don’t get too excited, it says. Don’t make any plans yet.

But, fuck. It’s a horrible way to live, and right now, my woman deserves some happiness.

“The baby seems perfectly fine,” the doctor assures as he notes down measurements. “We’ll do a full panel and examination, but as of right now, I’m happy with what I see.” He gives Shiloh a soft smile. “Would you like to know the gender?”

“You can see it?” she asks, wiping her tears away. “You can tell if it’s a boy or a girl?”

He nods. “Definitely.”

I draw her face to mine. “What do you say, Mama? Wanna know if we’re adding another boy to Huxley Farms, or finally getting that baby girl you’ve been preparing for?”

I know she’d be happy with either, but deep down, Shiloh wants a daughter desperately. And after losing Lilah…

I swallow hard. “Whatever you want, I’m fine with. We can wait, or—”

“Tell us!” she all but cries. Biting her lip, she gives me a bashful look. “I mean, if you want to know.”

Chuckling, I turn my attention to the doctor and arch a brow. “We’re ready to know now, it seems.”

A series of photos falls into the nurse’s waiting palm as the doctor slips his gloves off.

“Congrats, Mom and Dad.” Standing, he hands us the pictures with a grin. “Meet your daughter.”