7. Rowan

CHAPTER SEVEN

rowan

“Who the hell is that?” I look up from the sink where I’m doing dishes from breakfast, and my entire body goes rigid when I see Benny’s truck has pulled into the driveway.

My dad is finishing off is coffee and looks pissed off as he gazes out the window. I was trying to get outside before Benny got here, maybe catch him down the road, but I had to get the dishes done before I left.

“It’s Benny,” I say, trying to keep my voice even and unfeeling. Like it’s no big deal that he’s sitting outside in my driveway.

My dad’s face is stuck in a grimace, clearly annoyed by anyone being here at all, as usual. Our house is not a place for guests. It used to be. When my mom was still alive, she loved having people over, hosting dinner parties and playing cards with their friends until all hours of the night. Super Bowl parties. She loved it.

Now, our house is just as cold and dead as she is.

“Benny who?”

I finish the dishes and rush toward the door to grab my backpack. “Benjamin McBride.”

“What the hell is he doing here?” His nose crinkles, and of course, he’s followed me to the front door.

“He’s giving me a ride to school until I can fix my truck.”

Please don’t say anything. Please , I silently plead, but for all the times my dad has been silent, of course, this is one time he won’t keep his mouth shut. “Why the hell is he giving you a ride? Can’t you ask a girl to come get you? When I was your age, I had them all wrapped around my finger.”

My stomach is in knots, and I knew this is where the conversation would go. I open the front door because hopefully, if Benny sees me, he won’t get out of his truck and come over here. That would be a nightmare. I can’t look at my dad though. I just shrug my shoulders and pray he’s met his word quota for the day. “It’s no big deal. He lives right down the road, and we’re on the same football team, so it’s convenient.”

“You mean he’s bringing you home too?”

How does this conversation just keep getting worse? I walk out onto the porch. “It’s not a big deal. Like I said, it’s just easier.”

“Look at me, son.” He follows me onto the porch, leaving the door to the house open, and I reluctantly lift my chin to look into his eyes, which are cold and angry. “You riding in his truck... just the two of you...” I swallow hard, knowing exactly what he’s thinking. “It ain’t right. It’s not a good look.”

“Dad . . .”

“Don’t,” he snaps, and I shut my mouth instantly. “Find a girl to bring your ass home. It’s been way too long since you’ve been out with a girl, and people are starting to talk.”

I flinch, my body shuddering with the fear he’s instilled in me since I was young. I don’t know why it’s so important to him. Why he cares or if he saw something in me... something he didn’t like, but he’s always made a point to tell me how men are supposed to act.

I want to argue with him and ask him how the hell would he know about anyone talking. But I don’t talk back to my father. Not how I was raised. Not how anyone around here was raised. Respect your elders, no matter how fucked up they may be. That’s the Big Bend motto.

“Yes, sir,” I say in a clipped but respectful tone.

He just nods his head, knowing he’s gotten into mine. That I’ll be a good boy and do exactly what he says. He goes inside without another word, and I climb into Benny’s truck, not looking at him and slamming the door closed.

“Bad morning?”

Bad life . But I don’t say what I’m thinking and just grunt in response. It doesn’t bother Benny though. Because of course it doesn’t. But I can feel his eyes on me as he drives us to school.

Not the whole time, obviously, but he glances over at me often, and I feel this itchiness under my skin. This heat that won’t go away. What the hell is he trying to find inside me? Why does he keep looking at me?

I finally snap, just as he turns onto the main road in town. “What the hell are you looking at?” I ask as I turn to look at him, and he turns his attention back to the street he’s driving on.

His hair looks even brighter blond in the sunlight this morning, and his blue eyes are sparkling, his lips turned up in an amused grin. “Nothing.” He says it so easily, with no effort at all.

“Bullshit. You’ve been looking at me all morning,” I snap, and he just chuckles.

He turns on the school’s road. “Aw, look who brought their ego this morning.” His blue eyes glitter with mirth when he meets my eyes for a moment, then returns his focus to the road. “I wasn’t staring, but I can if you want me to.”

There’s that flirting thing again. He’s always doing that shit. With everyone. “Quit that shit,” I bark, but he just chuckles as he parks his truck.

I don’t waste any time, opening the door and jumping out, then grabbing my bag and slinging one strap over my shoulder, hauling ass toward the school.

Did anyone see me getting out of his truck? Will it look as suspicious as my dad seems to think? Shit, I can’t take this.

My heart rate has kicked up, and I’m sweating as I push open the door to the school, and of course, Benny is right on my heels. “See you at practice then, I guess.” The guy is totally carefree, he’s actually whistling as we make our way toward the locker bay.

I see Bianca Pearson standing by her locker, talking to friends, and I look at Benny, who’s staring at me expectantly, like he needs me to respond to him. “I don’t need a ride tonight.”

“What?” He looks confused, his head cocking to the side now, his smile a little less bright but not gone. “Why not?”

I look over at Bianca, who must feel my eyes on her because she looks over and offers a cute smile my way. I do my best to smile back at her and nod. “I’m getting a ride from someone else.”

Benny looks over his shoulder and must notice who I’m talking about, but before he can say anything, I’m striding over to Bianca before I lose my nerve. My dad’s words from this morning ringing in my ears.

It’s been too long since I’ve gone out with a girl. People are starting to talk.

I try to keep myself calm as I approach Bianca. She’s a cool girl, been here since kindergarten, and we’ve always been fairly friendly. She’s pretty, with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She waits for me to speak, but when I don’t say anything, she smiles bigger. “Good morning, Rowan.”

“Bianca.” I nod in acknowledgment and then nod at her two friends, who are looking at me curiously, but I remain focused on Bianca. “I need a ride after school. You busy?”

Her eyes light up, and I can see the other two girls give each other a look before Bianca answers, “I can absolutely do that, Rowan. I have cheer practice, so it’ll be perfect.”

She’s grinning happily at me, her eyes all lit up like I made her day or some shit, but my stomach is just twisting the entire time. I thank her and walk over to my locker where Benny is still standing.

I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. Why is he looking at me so much? “What?” I bark.

His pretty lips just turn up into a smirk, and man, do I want to kiss that smirk right off his stupid face.

Shit. I open my locker and grip the edge so tight, I’m pretty sure it’s going to leave a mark, but I cannot have those kind of thoughts. I can’t.

“If you just wanted to get laid, you could have said that.” Am I imagining things or did his voice just drop an octave? And does he mean... I chance a glance his way and see him smiling at me, as bright as ever before he punches me playfully in the arm. “Have fun with Bianca.”

I blink at him once and then once again before he takes off down the hall, totally happy and not full of chaos and turmoil like I am. He just meant have fun with Bianca. That’s all he meant by his first statement.

I have to stop thinking the other way. That maybe he meant he would have helped me out with that.

I slam my locker door and do everything I can to regain my composure because I am for sure losing my shit.

“You sure you aren’t going to miss me too much today?” Benny asks as he pulls his shirt on over his head. I try like hell to ignore the way his stomach muscles flex before they’re covered in the green fabric.

“What?” I ask dumbly, pulling on my own shirt after my shower.

He grabs his gym bag and backpack. “You know you love when I give you rides, Kincaid.”

Motherfucker. I glare at him, my face going red as Vaughn cackles next to us. “That does not sound good, guys.”

I will kill him. Benny, of course, just grins wider and looks over at Vaughn. “Oh, don’t you worry, Montgomery, I’ll give you a ride anytime too.” He winks at him. Actually winks at him. And Vaughn doesn’t look like he’s about to climb out of his skin, like I’m sure I do. My fists clench at my side, thinking about Vaughn riding Benny. I have to get the hell out of here.

Montgomery just shoves Benny, who laughs manically and recovers fast, blowing him a kiss. To everyone else, I’m sure it looked perfectly normal, just guys messing around, but I can’t take it. My chest feels like it’s about to explode, and I get the hell out of there as fast as I can.

I almost run over Bianca, who’s waiting for me outside the gym with a great big smile on her face and wearing short little shorts and a tank top, which leave nothing at all to the imagination. A vision I’m sure many of the guys in the locker room would go home and beat off to. But I just want to get the hell out of here and home, to crawl into my bed and think about nothing at all. Just escape from this world for a little bit where I have to keep up an image that was decided for me a long time ago.

I take her hand and lead her out to the parking lot. She seems all too happy to go along, taking me to her car. She unlocks it and climbs into the passenger seat. I try to even out my breathing. It’s fine. You’re fine.

“How about we go and grab something to eat?” She asks it casually, hopping behind the wheel and starting the car.

I know that’s what I should want to do. Go out on a date with this girl. It’s what my dad would want me to do. I just give a clipped nod, and she grins happily, driving out of the school and toward one of the cafés downtown, where a lot of high schoolers go after school.

I know we’ll run into people we know. That people will assume we are out on a date, and it should ease some of the tension in my chest, but for some reason, it just makes me feel worse. Like my skin is too tight, too hot, and too cold. All at once.

I just want to get the hell out of here, but I do my best to listen as she talks about cheer and her friends. How happy she was that I finally decided to ask her out and how she didn’t see that coming.

I barely make it through my burger and fries before I pay for us both, and we head out finally, blissfully, toward my house.

She parks in my drive, but before I can try to leave, she grabs my hand. “Thank you for dinner.”

“No problem.” I have the urge to jerk away from her touch, but I force myself to stay still.

She licks her full lips and looks at me expectantly. I know she wants me to kiss her. I should kiss her. My dad is likely watching us from one of the windows of the house. “I was really surprised today when you asked me out.”

Is that what I did?

I want to ask the question, but I don’t. “Why?”

She just smiles prettily and shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s been a long time since you’ve dated anyone, you know?”

Heat creeps up the back of my neck, and my heart kicks up again. “Not that long,” I try to defend.

She just laughs at that and waves me off. “Since sophomore year. That’s like forever in high school years.”

I try to smile, to play it off, but I know I fail at it. “It’s not that long.”

She just smiles, her hand dragging over mine. Her fingers running over the back of my hand and then flipping it over to finger the lines in my palm. “It is, and I have to admit I was getting a little jealous of Claudia talking about being the only one that could get Rowan Kincaid to date her.”

I wince, thinking about my sophomore girlfriend. If that’s even what you could call her. “Not sure that’s a prize to be bragging about.”

She just laughs at that, still touching me. It should feel good, but I just want to find a way out of this car. “Well, you know Claudia. She never stops talking.”

That makes every single part of me go stiff with nerves as I look over at Bianca. “What does that mean?”

She looks a little startled by my harsh tone, and I know I need to chill, but I can’t think straight right now, going over every second of the two months I dated Claudia. There was nothing to talk about. “Um...” She shrugs and tries to just laugh it off. “Nothing really. She just always talks about what a gentleman you always were and how she was used to aggressive guys, but that wasn’t you.”

My mouth is dry. So dry, it hurts to swallow. “Who would want an aggressive guy?”

She laughs. “Apparently, Claudia.” She’s trying to joke, but I think there might be truth to that too. “I mean, she just says how you all barely got past kissing. She would leave hints she wanted more, but you were too nice of a guy.”

I really am afraid I’m going to pass out and quickly open the door to get a deep breath of fresh air, despite the AC being on in her car.

“Are you okay?”

I nod my head and turn to look at her, leaving the door open. “I’m just kind of old-fashioned.”

She smiles. “I know.” I realize now that I’d jerked my hand away from hers when I opened the door, but she places her hand on my chest now, resting it over my heart. “I like that about you.” She leans in, and I get a whiff of her floral perfume. It’s light and pretty. I should love it. I don’t. “She always talks about what a good kisser you are.”

Her free hand drags over my lips, and I feel like I might puke. That would be just great. Just vomit all over the poor girl.

“They’re as soft as she said,” she says quietly, just before leaning in and pressing her lips to mine. I know I need to kiss her back.

This is normal.

I should want this.

She kisses me softly and sweetly, not aggressive at all. It should turn me the hell on and make me want more. Her hand remains over my heart, and I know if I don’t kiss her back, she’s going to get suspicious.

Kiss. Her.

Suddenly, a pair of bright blue eyes, taunting and full of mirth pop into my head, accompanied by firm, red lips that are turned up in a smirk, just daring me to kiss them. And that’s when my hand goes through her hair, and I pull her into me.

I kiss her hard and sure, ravaging her mouth, and when I hear her moan into my mouth, it’s too high-pitched. Too feminine. Too... not who I want it to be.

Damn it. I tear my mouth away from hers, and her eyes are wide and glassy. Her lips swollen and puffy as she places a finger over her bottom one. “Wow. Claudia was right. You’re a really good kisser.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and force a smile. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Anytime.”

She waves at me as I get out, and she pulls out of the driveway. And when I look up at the house, I see my dad is standing on the front porch, his face morphed into something that looks a lot like pride.

And all I want to do is crawl up in a ball.

What the hell is wrong with me?