12. Arim

Chapter 12

Arim

I sat in a chair and stared at the wall, seeing nothing as I tried to calm my rage. That blue-eyed, black-haired witch was going to be the death of me. For one small, infinitesimally long second, I'd been tempted to fuck the stubborn out of her.

The thrill I'd felt made me ashamed to take my next breath, and I knew sex had ramped up the Darkness inside me. But not so much that I'd ever forget what she had once meant to me.

Seeing her tremble in fear had been more than I could bear. Excitement I could handle. I'd seen that in her eyes. But fear?

Leaving her side had been difficult when the Darkness inside me demanded I take what was mine by right. A Darkness that shouldn't have been there but was.

I ran a weary hand over my face, humiliated Lexa knew what dwelled within me. I'd never been able to explain how I could be a Light Bringer sorcerer so filled with Light yet have such Dark needs, sexually. Though she was just as bad but would never admit it. For a Dark Lord, she had an amazing tendency to light up in bed, literally.

The women I normally sated myself with liked bondage, a mixture of pain and pleasure that gave me that thrill I lacked. For me, it was as close a substitute to the pure Darkness I had only ever touched with Lexa. Still, the pain never matched the clarity of her blessed Night.

Such a secret to hold. My family could never know. Ravyn would be appalled. My nephews would think me daft, and the Church of Illumination would serve my head on a platter. Their beloved sorcerer, Tanselm's Guardian of Storm and Killer of Shadow, at one with Darkness? Unthinkable.

I flushed, embarrassed at such a vulnerability. But I'd always been this way. Tanselm knew who and what I was. The land accepted me. At first I'd wondered if the problems with my magic resulted from Tanselm's rejection. Then I realized the land itself had a problem.

Lexa yelled my name, her voice gruff with anger. I ignored her. I still didn't understand how she could get to me. After such complete bliss, feeling our shared connection, I thought we might just have begun to heal the hurt between us.

And then she'd compared me to Sin Garu? Referred to the evil as her brother?

Something about her reaction didn't ring true. It was more than just Lexa's avoidance about discussing Jonas. More than her odd reference to her brother, Sin Garu, a man I thought she hated more than anything.

She'd been with me every step of the way, her actions and sensuality in tune with mine. Light's breath, but a woman didn't get that hot for a man she didn't desire. And I knew she hadn't been acting. What, then, was she hiding?

I went over it in my mind, stopping when I remembered that odd sensation during orgasm. Lexa had been missing something. In retrospect, I'd thought it was her magic. What if that bit of her lacking wasn't because of Sava's spell, but from something else? She'd been attacked by demons, after all. The only person who'd survived a demon attack and lived was Sava, an Aellein king much older and more powerful than many knew. And he had always refused to discuss that bleak time in his past.

Then I realized something else. When I'd lain with Lexa, all had been right with the world. She'd let me touch her and hold her against me, our hearts beating as one. Then I'd blown it by asking about Jonas.

I wanted to kick myself. I was almost as bad as Darius, the least charming of my nephews. Needing the word "tact" tattooed to his forehead, Darius often had to be reminded to consider others before he spoke. Yet he'd found a woman to love him.

I only had the dream of a perfect love. Who could love a man with such Dark secrets, with a past as sullied as my family's?

Time passed as I pondered Lexa's strange state, as well as our inability to get along. We still hadn't discussed what had set us apart to begin with. Aggravated, I continued to ignore Lexa and stepped through the bedroom into the bathroom. I took a shower to refresh myself. After finishing, I was pleasantly surprised to find a towel under the sink. I dried myself off and wrapped it around me.

As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, the towel disappeared into Shadow.

The Aellein bastard. Did Sava really think remaining naked with each other would solve all our troubles? Trust that idiot to think sex cures all. But a look at Lexa's naked and bound body had me rethinking the notion. The woman had a small yet curvy frame with breasts that filled my palms and a waist I could nearly span with one hand. That was to say nothing of the moist heat between her legs and that round, firm ass begging to be ridden…

My grumbling belly diverted me. I avoided Lexa's intense stare by stomping back into the kitchen. The refrigerator, fortunately, had plenty of food. Moments later, I stacked two plates of sandwiches, chips — my favorite creation in this mundane world — and carried two cans of cola.

"About time you got back," Lexa grumbled as I approached. I set the food on her dresser. She flushed and continued to complain, but the sulky tone, and the fact she couldn't stop staring at me, buoyed my mood.

"I have to go." She nodded toward the bathroom.

I leaned over and released her. She suffered no burns since the Dark-hide only hurt those with Light magic. I still felt a tingle of painful cold where the burns lingered.

Lexa flipped me off as she scurried out of bed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Since she couldn't see me, I felt free to grin. When I was halfway through my sandwich, Lexa reappeared, looking refreshed and alluring.

Okay, so maybe Sava was on to something about nudity and forgetting the past, because all I could think about was getting inside Lexa again, and the sooner the better.

I cleared my throat and tried to act less intimidating. "You know, I've never seen you look bad." She blinked at me in surprise, and I added, "Well, just once. Taking a shot from those demons turned you a little green." Not to mention seeing her covered in her family's blood. But I thought it best not to mention that time.

Like the girl I'd once known, Lexa blushed, embarrassed at the compliment, and muttered, "Beauty is a simple spell, and one every Dark Lord is born knowing."

I found her contradictions intriguing.

I chased the sandwich with a drink and prodded her with her plate. When she began eating, I decided to ask a few questions nicely . I fairly choked on the thought. "You weren't born knowing spells, though, were you?"

"No. I instinctively knew some things. That I was different than my mother and father — Muri and Esel. That Sercha couldn't harness Dark energy like I could." Her sad, soft voice irritated me because I couldn't help caring. "I had to learn how to cast spells. And to walk in the Light." She took a sip of her drink and paused, as if thinking. "I could always grab hold of blue flame. Its coldness is a part of me."

A part, but not the whole of you. I dug into my chips and asked with a casualness I was far from feeling, "What was it like living on the Isle of Frigia?"

She stared at me in surprise, no more astonished than me at my curiosity.

I'd always wondered but had never had the opportunity to ask. "After it happened, you disappeared. It wasn't until years later that we learned you'd moved to Dark Lord lands — Malern, then to the Isle of Frigia." I added in afterthought, "Where the Malinta Demons live."

She paled, and I knew I needed to follow up with questions about the demons. My instincts told me the truth would be vital to us both at some point.

Lexa took another long sip of her soda. "Malern is nothing like Tanselm. Lots of Dark Lords are concerned only with themselves and what you can do for them. The beasts of the Dark aren't friendly, though they love the taste of wraith." She smiled with cool satisfaction. "I started my ‘new life' in Malern with Ini, my biological mother." Her voice evened, and she continued to talk, much to my surprise. Even more shocking, she maintained eye contact, her gaze both dispassionate and slightly challenging, as if daring me to pity her.

"I know about Ini."

She laughed, a hard grating sound that bothered me. "You know nothing. That woman made Sin Garu look like a saint. Ini found me and beat me to make up for leaving her as a babe. She had it in her warped mind that I'd willfully walked away at three months of age." Lexa snorted. "Most Dark Lords aren't as bad as Sin Garu. They're just selfish creatures out to satisfy their own needs at the expense of everyone around them. Ini…she was a twisted soul. The things she did to Balen and Sin Garu don't bear repeating."

The things she did to Balen and Sin Garu…and you, I added mentally.

"She wasn't anything like Muri," Lexa continued. "No warmth or compassion. Just icy vengeance for anyone who stepped in her way, blood relation or not." She gave me a lopsided smile. "I took her lessons to heart. I used my brothers and turned them against each other. Balen's vanity was his downfall. Sin Garu's single-mindedness will be the death of him."

"Why does he lust after Tanselm so much?" I had always wondered.

"Because you have it."

"Me? What do I have to do with this?"

Lexa pushed aside her half-eaten plate, which I happily helped myself to. "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded.

"Remember when we attended University, in the very first weeks of schooling?"

I recalled it clearly. The first day of classes I'd seen Lexa and fallen instantly in love. "The four of us used to spend a lot of time together. You and me, Sava and Kirsch."

"And Sin Garu."

I stared at her, and then it clicked. "That sullen blonde? He looked like a man fully grown. By the Light, he was an obnoxious fhel. Always taunting me, always trying to get my attention." I saw the cruel male in my mind's eye. "That was Sin Garu?"

"Ini pushed to have him enrolled in University. The scholastic board was all in favor of including as many colors and bands of Light as they could to better educate their students. Apparently, Sin Garu knew who I was, though I hadn't a clue. Male Dark Lords mature much faster than others their own age. He was only a few years younger than me, but he looked like a grown man. Larger. Meaner." She shook her head. "When I chose you over him, he took the rejection to heart and complained to Ini. Like the good Dark Lord she was, she beat him for feeling inferior. Ini festered his competitive nature to destroy and take what he wanted."

"Which was what?" I still didn't understand. But her disgusted expression made things clear. "You don't mean…"

"Sin Garu wanted me. Sexually. Dark Lords have no laws governing sexual liaisons. From what I've seen, it's common for Dark Lords to bed their own before finding ‘cleaner' lines."

"Hell, Blue." I hated that she'd left Tanselm to live in that kind of environment. "You didn't, ah, that is, no one ever forced you to —"

"No." She adamantly shook her head. "Luckily for me, Ini didn't subscribe to incest. She didn't approve of her son lusting after her daughter, and she tore strips off him for thinking it. She turned his lust into anger, using you as his target. It didn't help that every time he saw us together and tried to provoke a fight, you'd best him and rub his nose in it. You were so strong, even then."

"He was a piece of fhel. What could I do?" My heart warmed, unaccountably pleased that she remembered me as such strong and capable. "So you're basically telling me Sin Garu wants Tanselm because I have it? Or rather, because the land chose me to serve her?"

"His obsession started that way, yes. But Tanselm is a force beyond compare, as you well know. With Tanselm in his control, Sin Garu could conceivably launch attacks on any outlying worlds of magic, to include the mundane worlds. He's bent on universal domination. Aided by the speed with which he recreates the Netharat out of dead and decaying parts, it's a wonder you Light Bringers have held out as long as you have. You still play by the rules. Sin Garu doesn't."

"Is that why you've helped us? Because you're afraid if you don't, he'll take you when he conquers everyone else?" I felt sick mentioning such a possibility.

"Partly. Mostly it's because, aside from my family, Tanselm gave me what no one ever has." That said, Lexa seemed to come to her senses and closed herself off.

We finished eating and drinking in silence. When I stood to gather our dishes, I asked the question she'd hinted at answering. "What did Tanselm give you that no one ever has?"

Lexa considered me for a moment, then sighed and turned away. "Something you wouldn't understand. Unconditional, lasting love."