Chapter 37

Chapter

Thirty-Seven

M yrria held herself upright as the door closed, her rigid spine keeping her from collapsing into a heap. Once the door clicked shut and Rixx was gone, she staggered to the table and sank onto one of the stools.

Her chest ached, and she pressed a hand to it as if to shield it from the pain. She had no idea it would hurt so much to see him go. She'd said goodbye to others before, but even when Tobert had left, she hadn't felt as bereft as she did now. Somehow, she'd grown more attached to the Dothvek in a matter of weeks than she had to her husband in all the time she'd been married to him.

Not your husband, she reminded herself.

She'd heard every word that Rixx had said to him and everything he'd admitted. She had never been his actual wife, despite there ceremony they'd had and the papers they'd signed. His promises had been all lies, stained by the secrets he'd kept.

Not that she was surprised. Not really. Myrria had always held suspicions deep within herself that she never allowed daylight. Dark doubts that she forced down when she should have listened to them. Every warning bell that had sounded in the back of her brain, every flicker of doubt, every nagging sense of dread had been correct.

Tobert had been nothing but a liar and a crook, and he had threatened to turn Rixx over to the Zevrians. That had been the unforgivable thing Myrria could not look past. She'd known the moment he'd drawn the blaster that she could not let him hurt Rixx. Even before she knew the lies, and even before she knew she was not his wife she had decided to stop him from turning in Rixx for the bounty.

She stole a glance toward the inert form of the man she'd believed herself to be married to for so many years. He still hadn't moved. Maybe he was dead. That would simplify matters, although a part of her enjoyed the thought of him in the fighting rings he'd gone to for entertainment. He'd cheered without remorse as men had torn each other apart. She wondered how he'd feel being on the other side of the cheering. Or maybe he'd be sold to a slaver and sent to hard labor on a distant outpost.

No matter his fate, it was no longer meshed with hers.

But her fate was also no longer connected to the Dothvek she'd saved. Since the day she'd dragged him into her house half-dead, she and Zala had been consumed with the daily rituals of nursing Rixx back to life and keeping his presence secret from everyone. They'd made it their mission to protect him from the Zevrians and help him heal so he could return to his ship.

She should be happy that they'd been successful. He was going to be reunited with his crew, which was the plan all along. But that had been before Myrria had gotten to know him, before Zala had befriended him, and before Rixx had given them a glimpse of what a happy home looked like.

Even if he hadn't been the best lover she'd ever had, Myrria would have missed his presence. But her memories of their night together paraded through her mind and made it impossible to breathe. Was she supposed to go back to subsisting? Was she expected to forget the only moments of true passion she'd ever experienced? Was it possible to return to survival mode once she'd had a taste of really living?

Heat danced under Myrria's skin as she thought about going after Rixx. She'd wanted to desperately to ask him to take them with him, but how could she? What if he'd said no? What if there was no room for them on the ship? What if their night together had meant more to her than it had to him?

She'd been sure at the time that he'd felt just as passionately, but what if his ardor had cooled in the light of day? It wasn't like they had known each other for long. How could she ask to come with him, to live with him, to merge her life with his after only a matter of weeks? It was crazy when she thought about it rationally.

And was she ready to give up everything to run away on a spaceship? She knew almost nothing about his crew. She knew they were bounty hunters, but were they violent, dangerous, unwelcoming of humans? How could she make such a leap when she also had Zala?

It was not only her heart she would have risked by asking. She did not know if Zala would have survived if Rixx had said no.

Myrria cut her gaze to the ladder. Zala had been upstairs for a while, although her sobs had grown quiet, and Myrria could no longer hear her daughter crying. She needed to make sure the girl was okay, even if she was certain she would get over Rixx leaving.

She drew in a deep breath and stood, walking to the base of the ladder. "Zala, darling. Come down."

There was no response. Myrria wasn't surprised. She knew how much Zala had grown to care for Rixx. In a strange way, he was as close to a father as she'd ever had.

Myrria climbed a few lungs of the ladder. "I'm coming up, Zala. I know you're sad about Rixx, but we're going to be okay."

Silence. Myrria's heart started beating fast as she climbed the last few rungs and reached the top. Her gaze swept across the empty loft, her eyes proving what her gut already knew.

Zala was gone.