5. Rayna

CHAPTER 5

Rayna

T he email stares me in the face like a bright neon sign. Ninety-nine percent chance of paternity.

Janta plans to come over after work to discuss the logistics of things. I just sit here hoping that the clinic calls and tells me there's been a mistake, that there was a chance of a false positive or something.

Deep down I know that isn't the case. Ashley named Janta in her letter, and the more time I'm around him, the more I recognize the similarities in him and Lily. She's half-orc, for God's sake.

I put Lily to bed nearly an hour ago. I'm finishing drying up the dishes from tonight's meal when I'm pulled from my housekeeping duties and thoughts by a knock at the door. Knowing who it is, I take a deep breath, trying to ground myself from the chaos that's going on inside my head.

I look through the peephole to find Janta standing on the other side. He's looking down at his feet, his hands running nervously through his dark hair. I can sense his anxiety clear from the other side of the closed door. Well good, that makes two of us then.

I steel myself and quietly open the door. His eyes immediately raise to meet mine and I'm met with a clear view straight into his soul. He looks terrified, unprepared, and like he would rather be anywhere but here.

Some part of me feels sorry for him. It isn't everyday you're told you have a child to raise. I bet didn't factor that into his 10-year plan. Granted, I didn't either. But here I am, and I wouldn't trade Lily for the world.

"Hi, thanks for coming," I say gently as Janta stands with his hands now in his pockets.

He gives a tight smile in return. "Of course."

"Come on in," I say, closing the door behind him. I walk past to lead him to the small kitchen table.

"Have a seat," I beckon to the chair across the table from where I plan to sit. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No thanks, where is Lily?" he asks, eyes scanning the kitchen.

I take a seat across from him. "Well, considering it's past 8 and she's a baby, she's been asleep for sometime now," I reply, trying to leave the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Oh, yeah. Right." He clears his throat.

"Consistency is important for her," I add. Janta nods. After all, if anyone should know that, it would be him.

"What time does she normally go to bed?" he asks.

"Generally, we shoot for a 7 PM bedtime. But sometimes it's a little earlier or later depending on dinner, bath time, and story time. The girl likes her wind down time," I say with a laugh. Thoughts of my time with my sweet little Lily filter through my brain.

An uncomfortable silence falls over us, as neither of us quite knows where to start.

I decide to be the first to break the silence. "I know the timing isn't ideal, but we need to figure things out for Lily's sake."

Janta nods. "True, so where do we start?. I want to be as involved as possible, while also respecting your life with her so far."

I outline my weekly routine with Lily, giving him a rundown of mine and Lily's day to day.

"And this," I say as I wave my hand around the small but quaint kitchen, "is stable housing. Finances are tight, seeing as I've been having to raise Lily alone, but she is cared for, she is fed, and has a roof over her head," I say with a little grit.

I'm proud of the life I have built for Lily, and I won't let some entitled jerk sit around and attempt to judge it.

"I do well enough to get by, but having some additional support for her would help a lot," I add. I tell myself to put my pride aside, that this is all for Lily. If it weren't, I wouldn't be asking this man for a dime.

"I want to help provide for her, in whatever capacity she needs," he assures me.

Well, that was easy enough.

"So, what are your hours like at work?" I probe.

"Well, an ever-changing mix of late nights and early mornings accompanied with business trips. It's going to take some time to adjust scheduling and switch things around.

I nod, turning things over in my head. I'll admit the idea of him leaving on business trips is a little intimidating now that we're going to be a team.

"I just ask for your patience." His tone is gentle, but his presence is commanding, making his plea more of a demand. I nod in return however, understanding his need for my patience. My first few moments with Lily would have gone a lot smoother if I'd had some to show me the very patience he requires.

We agree to start with him visiting periodically, and then one day of the weekend while he adjusts his work hours.

I'm trying real hard to be team ‘Janta is doomed to fail.' But I can't help but internally applaud him for already acknowledging the fact that his devotion to work is going to have to change.

It's good to know that despite our rough start, we seem intent on cooperating 100% as co-parents for Lily.

As the conversation continues to wind down, I excuse myself to the restroom. I need to get away with my thoughts for a moment. I focus on assessing the productive parts of our discussion. Janta seems willing to help financially, which is a relief.

Yet internally, doubts continue gnawing at me. I've always solely depended on myself as Lily's parent. Now I'm expected to rely on Janta, too, but can I trust that his commitment will last?

I fear the disruption it would cause Lily if Janta were to withdraw support entirely once the newness of fatherhood fades.

When I return, I'm still lost in my thoughts. "If there isn't anything else you can think of, I think we've got a good start here," I say passively, hoping he doesn't sense the unease in my tone.

He rises from the table. "Sure. Thank you… for being so open to this," he says, his face showcasing how physically painful it must be for him to offer pleasantries to others.

"Of course. Lily deserves the best," I say with a tight smile.

He pulls a business card from the inside of his jacket. "This is for my accountant. Have them set up a monthly transfer for support."

I hesitate, caught off guard.

As if reading my uncertainty, Janta speaks with a commanding certainty. "I know you've managed alone so far, but it's not just you who has to provide anymore."

I take a deep breath. "Alright, thank you. I appreciate your commitment to ensure she wants for nothing."

Janta nods. I walk with him to the door. "We will figure it out," I say sincerely.

He releases a pent-up breath. "Yeah, we have no choice."