Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Addison

He always seems a little bit guilty when he's here. It's been that way for almost eight months now. It's actually pretty endearing because I'm pretty sure the guilt is all about me. Wow. That made me seem like some silly self-centered jerk, didn't it? Well, I'm a bit distracted at the moment trying to get all of this man's enormous cock into my mouth, so you'll have to forgive me.

But more than just a man. Damn, I still haven't fully wrapped my head around that!

I've certainly managed to wrap my lips around Nathanial's cock. Don't get me wrong. I can't get nearly enough of it into my mouth. Even now, I can't get much in even though it's completely flaccid as he sleeps soundly on my bed. These are my favorite times. I don't mean the blowjobs. Sure, I love the blowjobs. But I mean just this…

Man, I just don't know how to tell a story!

So, let me start over. Nathanial and I are together. It was more than a one-night stand. We've been seeing each other for almost eight months now. He always seems a little guilty when he drops by. At first, I worried maybe he was married or something but he's not. He's just naturally grumpy and he's grumpy with himself at the moment. Right now, his grumpiness is about being with me, and I think it's very cute and sexy.

He thinks I'm too good for him!

He thinks I shouldn't be with an older man like him.

He thinks I deserve someone who isn't a grumpy bear.

He thinks I'm too attractive to be stuck with him and too smart to be stuck with him.

Do you have any idea what it's like to be with someone who thinks that I'm the one out of his league? I'm a plus-sized girl. I'm big. I'm not one of those waifish girls everyone adores. I'm not the latest teenage star transitioning to an adult star sex symbol. I'm not jerk-off material. I'm just a big girl. Meanwhile, Nathanial is a giant of a man in all the best ways. He's the kind of a man who plays the hero in an action movie or a bodybuilding movie or a movie about a barbarian or a cop who goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher or perhaps is just the last action hero there is. Guess you can tell what kind of body he has, right?

And he's handsome and just… I mean, he's like some sort of a force of nature and not just a man. You'll have to forgive me but it's really difficult to comprehend someone like that feeling guilty because they think it's unfair that I'm stuck with them. I mean, that's a really, really hard thing to wrap my head around, you know.

But let's get back to me having my lips wrapped around his cock. Even though he's not hard yet, he fills my mouth only about a third of the way down. When he's hard, a third of the way will have the head already in my throat. He's a deep sleeper but once I get started, I never have much time before he wakes up. I want him well on his way toward orgasm when that happens. I don't know. I just feel kind of powerful when I do this.

His cock is responding, I can tell you that! He's growing and it's really thrilling as he does. I always try to keep the same depth even though his cock is growing. Of course, that's not possible. It's still fun to try, though. I don't know why I love this so much.

Oh wait. I mean, I certainly know why I love sex with him, and I know why I love the time I get to spend with him. I even know why I love blowjobs. I just don't know for sure why it is that I particularly love starting a blowjob while he's still asleep. I can't tell you why that thrills me so much but it does. I love to know that he's feeling it even if he can't consciously register it.

I love to think of him in the middle of a dream. I love to imagine him walking along as a bear and then coming across me standing naked there in the forest. He shifts and makes love to me, and it's the most incredible thing he's ever experienced, and then, boom! He's awake, and he's not dreaming about being with me but is actually there with me. That's so sexy to me. The truth is, I don't even really care about him dreaming about me. If he dreams about another girl and wakes up to me with my mouth on him, that's perfectly fine.

Yeah, I'm so full of shit. That wouldn't be perfectly fine.

But I don't stress about that, really. The man spends all of his time with me or with his firemen brothers. He never has time to be with other women. He also doesn't in any way suggest that he wants that. Against all odds, this man loves my body even though I'm a big girl and not a skinny waif.

And right now, I love that his subconscious mind loves my mouth.

He's not out of it for much longer, though. I feel him growing harder and now I truly begin to gag as he begins moving his hips, lifting upward and pressing deeper into my throat. I match his ferocious pace, looking up at him the best I can to see that he is, indeed, awake.

My body begins to react to his urgency. My mouth tightens and I suck as hard as I can, letting my tongue play around his cock. The teasing excites us both and I grip his thighs with my hands. My bear is a hell of a lot to handle but damn I'm up for the challenge.

He roars out, and then I'm choking on an absolute flood as he cums in my throat. My body is rigid, but his relaxes and I feel my pent-up energy begging to be released. I pull my mouth off him and smile. My turn!

Nathanial rolls over and gets out of bed in a swift movement that doesn't give me time to react. He goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. A second later I heard water running.

I'm stunned to say the least. What the hell just happened? I've done this before and he's been all over me after the blowjob. My body's urgency drives me out of bed to follow him.

I see his outline in the shower and now my need is at its peak. I want to scream at him, plead with him, shake him by the scruff. I march over to the shower and slide the door open. He turns and I don't have a single syllable leave my mouth before he grabs me and pulls me to him. His mouth is hotter than the water jetting against our bodies. He's devouring me and I can only hold on as he turns me and presses me against the tiled wall of the shower. I briefly have a flashing thought about how much I really don't like the pattern of the tile because it feels like it's from five or six decades ago, and then sane thought flies away. He is inside me, fully, in one hard thrust. My body feels electrified. I am aware of each stinging water drop along the length of my body as he proceeds to fuck me. I don't use that word lightly. There is an animal intensity to it all that makes my groans become shrieks. It is sumptuous and overwhelming and I feel my own orgasm racing to engulf me.

It crashes through me and my legs shake so hard I begin to fall to the shower's floor. I say begin to fall because he grabs me in mid-fall. Nathanial grips me hard and holds me up, turning me to face him. His mouth covers mine again and his hot breath mixes with mine as we pant together. He takes one hand and moves it between my legs and thrusts fingers inside me, ramping up my orgasm once more until I feel the need to pull away from him. I manage to weakly extricate myself. I shudder against the tiled wall and feel his hands steady me until I can regain some semblance of balance.

"My god, Nathanial!" I can't put any further thought into words.

He chuckles and reaches behind me to the valve and shuts the water off. Then he turns and steps out, leaving me dripping and shaking.

The rest of the day and the next few days are beautiful. The shower moment definitely gets repeated. There is, though, a strange sense of being adrift from him at times and it leaves me unsettled. Conversation lags, his eyes wander away as if he's forgetting I'm standing right in front of him. He tilts his head as if hearing something more important calling to him. Then, he begins to simply call things off. The firehouse needs cleaning or there's special training. It's all nothing, I know but, so often for me, nothing always leads to something.

What something is driving Nathanial away from me? Anything? Anyone?