Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Nathanial

She's beside me, and her body is perfect.

And young, too young.

And she's a reason to stay, and I don't do reasons to stay.

I've never been with a human woman who knew I was a bear. I never had a relationship long enough to build enough trust to reveal that to a woman. I suppose also it's fair to say that I didn't give a damn about having a serious relationship with a woman in the first place. I'm a fireman, which is another way of saying that I have sex whenever I want to. There are firefighter groupies. Anyone who fights fires gets laid.

I saw a television show once. It was about corrupt cops but the plot is irrelevant to what I'm trying to say. There was a rookie who was taken to a cop bar on his first day. A girl was there and it was her turn on the rotation to suck off the rookies. His female supervisor told him that it was expected for him to do it. There's more to that scene but, again, it's irrelevant. The important part is simple. There's another movie about groupies for a rock band and a reporter sat down to talk to them and the next thing he knew, a girl had her mouth on his cock. He was at a restaurant, but the band had their groupies with them to suck them off and their guests.

The point is, I don't have to have a reason to stay to get laid. Just like cops and rock stars, there are firefighter groupies. I could go to a fire bar and have one in bed inside of a half hour. Regardless of that, I could go to any bar and I'm very likely to leave with a woman because of my profession. A man has to work very hard to be a celibate fireman. I've never asked any of the female firefighters if it's equally easy for them.

But it's easy for me.

The point is, I don't need a relationship in order to have sex. I don't need that at all. So, there's no reason to look over the curves of this lovely girl's body and imagine the next time or the tenth time after that. There's no damned reason for that at all. Everything in my mind is telling me to get up off the bed and walk away. It's telling me that now is the time to cut ties when it won't actually hurt her or, at least, will only sting slightly.

But her body against mine feels very nice. Her lower leg draped over my thigh feels very nice. The way her arm rests over my rib cage and her hand very slightly clenches and then unclenches so her fingertips slide over me just enough for me to notice feels very nice. The way her head rests on my shoulder feels very nice and the way her breath flows over my chest feels very nice.

I suppose I ought to add to my rationale that if I cut ties now it won't actually hurt me, not just her. It will only sting slightly, and I'm a bear for fuck's sake. I'm used to stings. People think bears don't get stung by bees when they feed at a hive but that's a myth. People believe bears are after honey but they're actually after larvae, pupae, and eggs. The honey is just a bonus. The bees have a tough time penetrating fur but they sting all over a bear's face, eyes, and ears. Granted, a shifter bear has a thicker hide than a natural bear but there are still occasional…

Well, damn it all to hell. I'm off on a tangent about bees and honey because the longer I think about things, the longer she's against me and I'm with her. The longer I lose myself in these thoughts, the longer I just let this happen.

This isn't a complicated situation. I most definitely need to roll out of bed and make my way home. Certainly, I can leave a note or something. I can even send flowers. I don't have to be a dick about things. I shouldn't just remain here, though. I most definitely shouldn't get used to feeling this girl next to me. I shouldn't behave as though I have an interest in more.

Damn it all.

I'm fighting with myself about this because I've made the decision. I've already determined what I'm going to do and I'm right in the middle of doing it. I can pretend it's something else. I can do that all I want but it's not. I'm fighting with myself because I'm pissing myself off. Because I won't keep things casual with her. I know I won't, and that makes all of this a pretty damned big load of emotional crap to deal with.

Damn it all, I have friends who would make fun of me for this. That's because I've made fun of a great many of them. You fall for a human woman and then you walk around like you're in a stupid high school movie. If I tell you how many times that I've told a shifter to stop moaning like some kind of romcom pussy hound…

Damn it all. I hate this silliness. I have a beautiful girl next to me in bed and I can't enjoy it because I'm too busy thinking about how much I enjoy it. It's a damned stupid thing when you think about it. What I need to do is get up, get out, go wild for a while, and get my head screwed back on straight. It's really not all that complicated a proposition, damn it.

But instead, I lay next to her and looked at her lovely body. I do that instead of clearing my head. It's a damned foolish thing for me to do, damn it. I do it anyway.