13. Yesterday and Forever Ago

Yesterday and Forever Ago

When Hadley approached the fence, she noticed multiple cattle haulers set on the gravel drive attached to Dorothy's farm. Picking up her pace, she ducked between the fence posts, and pivoted toward the house instead of following her normal path toward the barn. She knew this day was coming, but her stomach still churned with sadness for Dorothy, knowing how big a change it will be to have the cows leave. Hadley also selfishly worried that the horses would be next. Ever since Dorothy sat her down, she had been trying, and failing, to imagine what life without Snow White might look like.

She walked into the house, slipping her shoes off by the front mat, and moved toward the kitchen. "Dorothy?" Her voice bounced around the narrow room. She continued looking around the small rancher's main rooms until she determined Dorothy was not there.

"Oh, duh," she mumbled to herself, realizing Dorothy was probably out with the cows. She quickly slid her feet back into her shoes, securing the door behind her as she walked out.

Walking toward the cow enclosure, Hadley felt lousy with guilt. She spent the walk searching her memories for changes in Dorothy. Had she slowed down? Yes. Was the arch in her back more pronounced? Yes. Had her positivity and uplifting demeanor changed? Definitely not. She worried that Dorothy was hiding the effects of aging from her. She was so preoccupied with her own home life struggles that she hadn't paid close enough attention to her friend and how she was doing. Hadley heard voices as she approached the west side of the farm where the cows reside.

"These are some of the best dairy cows on the whole east coast so don't go gettin' any ideas, Daniel," Dorothy jokingly chastised.

"No ma'am, no ideas. I promise I will treat these cows as my own. My current herd will be plenty welcoming, I'm sure. Ranger, my blue heeler, will be the most excited, I imagine." The response came from a deep but gentle voice. He sounded younger than Hadley expected since she had envisioned someone as prematurely aged and curmudgeonly as her father. When she rounded the corner she saw the total opposite. He easily could be around her father's age but he was healthy and bright where her father was beaten down and dull. Wearing well-fitted jeans with a thick leather belt and brass buckle, dark brown boots, and a tucked in plain white t-shirt, Daniel leaned against an old wooden support beam showcasing an easy smile.

"Ma'am is my mama," Dorothy retorted right as Hadley came into view. She winked at Hadley who was looking between them with a nervous smile.

"Right." Daniel said through a chuckle as he followed Dorothy's line of sight over to Hadley. "This must be the amazing Hadley I heard so much about." Hadley's eyes went wide. He knows me?

"Well yes, of course," Dorothy confirmed. "This ray of sunshine is who saved my horses."

"Wait… I, what?" Hadley stammered.

"Come on in here, dear. This here is Daniel. He's bringing the cows to their new home today."

Hadley walked up next to Dorothy, suddenly overly aware of her sweaty palms and responded in a quiet tone. "Hi, Daniel. It's, um, nice to meet you."

"And yes, dear," Dorothy interjected. "You saved my horses. I just can't handle this farm on my own and I can't afford to bring in Jeremy to help more. You are the lifeline I needed with keepin' those horse stalls spic ‘n span." There was a mist to Dorothy's eyes that her big smile could not hide.

"Oh, I mean I don't do much. I probably could be helping a lot more if I wasn't always off riding the horses," Hadley's eyes focused on a stray piece of straw on the floor as she rambled on. "I'm surprised you haven't told him I've been taking advantage of the whole situation…"

Dorothy smiled at Daniel before saying, "see, I told you she was a whirlwind." She shifted her gaze to Hadley, placing a wrinkled hand on her shoulder. "You sell yourself short. I thought we were workin' on that. You do a stellar job in the stables and them horses need to be ridden for the exercise, so that's just as helpful." Hadley looked up and nodded at Dorothy, wanting to believe her. "If you weren't here to help, Daniel would've been getting an even better deal today."

Hadley smiled and looked over to Daniel. "Um, do you need help moving the cows toward the haulers? I saw them out front."

"I should be just fine, Miss Hadley. I'll let you get to the horses, but I know where to find'ya if I need any help. How does that sound?"

"Okay, sounds good. It was nice to meet you." She shifted toward Dorothy, lowering her voice, before continuing. "I'll stop by the house after I'm done with the stables, okay?"

"Yes, dear. If Snow White allows it, that sounds quite nice."

***

Hadley took extra care today with cleaning the horse stables. While she always did a thorough job, she felt doubly responsible today. She never realized she was the sole reason the horses weren't also sold. After making sure the stables were clean and the horses were peacefully wandering the open fields, she redirected toward the house. By now the haulers would be full, the cow barn empty, and Daniel long gone.

Hadley walked through the front door in the same manner she had earlier in the day. She slipped her shoes off by the mat and walked into the kitchen as she called Dorothy's name. Unlike earlier, this time she heard a response. "I'll be right out, dear. Have a seat." Was that a sniffle Hadley heard? She wasn't sure how Dorothy would be doing after the cows left, which is why she wanted to stop in to visit. Dorothy appeared moments later with a forced smile on her face and an apron around her waist.

Hadley took a seat at the table while she watched as Dorothy busied herself rolling cookie dough and arranging the balls of batter on an old cooking sheet. She reached down to pet one of the cats that had approached her even though she never knew who was who with the barn cats. Dorothy's nervous energy filled the room and it made Hadley's stomach sink. Dorothy put the tray of cookies in the oven before wiping her hands on her apron and turning to face Hadley. "Let me get us some tea and then we can catch up, dear."

Silence filled the air for a moment before Hadley gained the confidence to speak. "Thank you. The cookies smell so good already." She did her best to sound positive. Dorothy smiled at her as she set two glasses of iced sweet tea onto the table. She settled into the chair opposite of Hadley and let out a slow exhale before placing her hands on the table.

"Well now, that's that, I guess," Dorothy decided.

"How are you?"

"Oh well, I'm just fine, dear. Just fine."

"Really?" Hadley pressed, knowing there had to be more to Dorothy's feelings than she was sharing. She had cows before Hadley was even born, so selling them must've been hard.

"Shoo, dear. When did you get so perceptive?"

"I'm definitely not that, I don't think so. I'm not sure if I know what that means but I know this has to be hard. I get caught up with my stuff and with Snow White… and well, I forget that other people can be going through things, too." Hadley's eyes searched the room.

"It's okay to be focused on your own stuff, dear."

"I know… but I want to focus on your stuff today. So, are you okay?" Hadley watched as Dorothy took a long sip of her tea. She wasn't used to speaking up and was afraid Dorothy was annoyed. She pressed her fingertips together nervously and was about to apologize for overstepping, when she saw Dorothy's shoulders drop.

"I'm about as good as you can imagine, dear." Hadley nodded for her to continue while anxiously wiping at the water droplets forming on the outside of her tea glass. "It's hard to explain. Life is weird. One day I'm married to the love of my life and we're closing on this farmland. Young an'in love. Livin' our dreams out. We never could have kids so we poured our love into them animals and into eachother. Days go by and suddenly I'm a widower. A few more days and somehow my bones are all crickety and slow and it's all too much to keep up with."

Hadley nodded. "Time is weird. I feel like one day my mom was here and then suddenly she wasn't, and I can't even believe it's been a year and a half already. It feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time."

"That's a keen observation on life, dear. That's exactly right… yesterday and forever ago." Dorothy and Hadley sat quietly at the table for a few moments, each drinking their tea and letting the time pass. When Hadley sat mutely with her father it felt tense and stressful, but here with Dorothy it felt comfortable. The oven timer eventually broke the silence. Dorothy pushed herself up from the table, grabbed an oven mitt off the counter and pulled out the baking sheet. The rich smell of melted chocolate chips filled the room. Dorothy set the tray aside allowing the cookies to cool down but first lifted two onto a plate. She brought the warm cookies to the table and sat back down. Hadley was entranced by the sweet, nutty smell of the cookies before her. "Oh wow, Dorothy, these look incredible."

"Normally I'd let them cool down first, but I say today calls for some ooey gooey." She put one of the cookies on a napkin before pushing the plate in front of Hadley. They both broke off a piece of their cookies and began to enjoy the treat. Sighs of comfort washed over both of them as they looked across the table and laughed.

"These taste even better than they smell." Hadley covered her mouth once she realized she should've swallowed before she spoke.

"There are no manners when it comes to fresh cookies, dear." They laughed again. Once they finished eating they rotated between enjoying the silence and sharing bits and pieces of their lives. Dorothy admitted to Hadley how comforting it's been to have her around. "It gets quiet ‘round here without my Harold and without any grand nieces or nephews to dote on. The cows kept me busy when it got too quiet. "

"I don't mind the quiet." It's better than dad's yelling. "There's no other kids in my family, either. At least none that I know about. I think both of my parents were only children, just like me."

"Harold and I, too. What're the odds?" Dorothy smiled.

"Did you ever wish you had a sibling growing up?"

"I'm quite sure at some point I did. Though it does no good to wish about things outta your control."

Hadley nodded, not wanting to admit just how many wishes she'd been making about things she had no control over.

"It's been a true delight to have you ‘round." Dorothy said, interrupting Hadley's thoughts. "There's kids here on the weekends when me or Kimberly are teachin', but they're usually a bit younger and aren't much for conversation."

"How many kids do you teach?"

"A lot more now that I have Kim helpin' out." Dorothy slid Hadley another cookie before continuing. "As soon as Jeremy let it slip that his wife was a former equestrian turned elementary school teacher, I knew I had to meet her. She's been great. The back-to-back lessons were really harrowing, but with Kim steppin' up, it's helped us both. They're a young couple tryin' to save up for their own family, and I'm an old maid just tryna get by." Dorothy chucked out a sigh.

She continued to explain how working with Kimberly helped Dorothy slow down without having to turn away interested kids. She didn't have the funds to build an indoor ring or create a dirt ring on the farm, so they generally taught only the fundamentals. It was limiting financially, since inevitably the children would transfer to a more professional equestrian center but was better than nothing.

The whole time Dorothy talked, Hadley soaked up the information. She was overwhelmed knowing that Dorothy loved having her around as much as she loved to be around. Eventually they started talking about the horses. Hadley told Dorothy how she recently learned her mom grew up around horses and how she feels a connection to her mom now whenever she's out with Snow White. Dorothy told her that with Hadley's help she was confident the horses would be able to live a happy life here for years to come.

The back and forth felt so natural to Hadley. When the sun started to set, Hadley asked if she could stop in more often for tea time. She was relieved to see the smile on Dorothy's face grow. "Of course, dear."