Chapter 18

GRIZZ

She looks so happy, and it makes my heart swell. I want so badly to kiss her, I've felt the need more than once and had to restrain myself. She's not ready, and I have to respect that, especially after the way I've treated her.

By the time we get back to the clubhouse, Duchess has laid out a few sandwiches and cakes, and everyone is gathered in the bar for the wake. I know Luna didn't want a fuss—her mum certainly didn't deserve one—but this is about Lu and making sure she knows we're all here for her. The second we walk in, she's enveloped in hugs from the women. I step away, allowing them space, and head over to where Axel sits with Coop.

"She good?" Axel asks.

I give a nod, unable to keep my eyes off her. "She's agreed to stay at The Bar."

"Thank fuck," he says, slapping me on the back. "Business is booming."

"So, why do you look so fucking cut-up?" Coop asks.

I shrug. "I'm happy she'll be around longer."

"But you want her to wear your kutte and stick around for you rather than The Bar?" he guesses.

I sit on the stool between them, still watching Luna as she speaks with London and Lexi. "I fucked up so much, she's never gonna forgive me."

"She will," Coop reassures me. "Just keep showing her your support and it'll flow naturally."

"I don't deserve it, Coop. I'll never be good enough for her."

"You're damn right there," he agrees, smirking. "But you'll get her anyway cos pricks like you always come out on top." He nudges his shoulder against mine in jest. "Seriously, VP, she's gonna come around. Just give her time."

I seethe wary look on Luna's face and I know she's exhausted. So, I head over and rescue her from Lexi, grabbing her hand and hauling her to her feet. "Bed," I order.

"Yours or hers?" teases Lexi.

"Oh, we're not . . . it's not like that," says Luna, blushing.

"But Grizz wishes it was," adds London, winking.

"We're friends," says Luna, glancing at me for backup.

I don't bother to reply. Her friend-zoning me in front of the women only cements what I thought—she's still not ready.

I lead her upstairs, but instead of going up to her room, I head towards the room I've been sleeping in with Ivy. The room she used to occupy before I was a complete prick. "What's going on?" she asks as I push the door open and gently guide her inside. I linger in the doorway, still holding onto her hand.

"You should be in here with her," I whisper so as not to wake Ivy. "This is your room, yours and Ivy's."

She frowns. "I thought I wasn't allow?—"

"I've been a dickhead, Lu. I've been so consumed with anger." I sigh, dropping her hand. "You're a good mum, and you've always been a good mum. I was letting my past control my head. You're nothing like my mum."

She stares down at the ground. "Now I'm earning a living the way you think I should," she mutters. She raises her head and her eyes are full of hurt. "Being a good mum is providing for your child. I was always doing that, just not in a way you accepted."

I give a nod. "I was out of order."

"And I know I messed up. I hold my hands up. But it wasn't because I was a bad mum. It was because I was trying too hard to be good. Sometimes we get it wrong, and I got it wrong, but I always tried, and in my opinion, parenting is fifty percent practise and fifty percent failure. She didn't come with a handbook, and I totally wing it every day, but so do other parents, not just the ones who work in unconventional jobs. I want to forgive you, Grizz, but I'm not sure I can. And I don't know how I feel about this sudden turnaround because you're finally not ashamed to be seen with me."

"I was never ashamed," I argue.

"You didn't look at me then the way you look at me now. I still had sex with all those people," she says, and I look away. "That will never change. And the words you said to Axel, about you not being able to get past that, is what's holding us back. I can't change my past. I will always be that club whore, and worst of all, I'll never forget what you said about me."

"How do I make it right again?" I ask, my tone pleading. "Because I can't imagine not making this better so we can be together." There's a look of finality on her face and it scares the shit outta me. A lump forms in my throat. It's never happened before, and I swallow it down in a desperate attempt to not show my emotion. "Please, Lu. Don't tell me this is it, that we're not going to make it."

Ivy stirs, and she turns to look in that direction. "I missed out weeks of her life," she whispers, "because you said I wasn't good enough. What changed?" She stares at me for a long minute, and when I don't respond, she closes the door gently.

I lean my forehead against it and squeeze my eyes closed. I don't remember the last time I cried, probably not since I was a little kid, but right now, the urge is strong.

I head to my own room and grab my gym bag. It's the next best thing to necking a bottle of whiskey.

LUNA

"You said what?"gasps Lexi, staring at me in disbelief while I knead some dough. Having filled her in on last night's exchange between me and Grizz, I expected to feel better, but with the way she's looking at me, I'm not so sure.

"I did the right thing, right?" She raises her brows and nods, even though she doesn't look convinced. "Lex, come on," I say with a groan. "You were the one who said I needed to be honest about how I felt."

She nods again. "You're right, I know. And you needed to be honest, but damn, girl, that must have cut him deep."

"He looked tortured, Lexi. Absolutely broken. And I haven't seen him at all this morning. He didn't even come in to kiss Ivy."

"He was in the office with Axel when I left to come here," she tells me. "The conversation looked deep."

"Have I made a mistake?" I ask, putting the dough in the proofing tin.

"No . . . no." She sighs. "But this isn't the end . . . is it?" I glare at her, and she holds her hands up. "Okay, sorry. It's just, yah know, he's done a lot of good things too."

"And I'm grateful."

"He covered up a murder," she whispers, "and got rid of that awful woman from your life."

"You're not helping here," I snap.

"And when he bought Ivy all that stuff for her room," she says, smiling and clutching her hands to her heart, "it was so sweet. And he didn't even know he was her dad at that point."

I brace myself against the worktop and hang my head. "I fucked up, didn't I?"

"Maybe you could've left a little wiggle room for forgiveness," she says, shrugging. "He seems to realise how much he messed up."

"I should talk to him," I mutter, my heart squeezing in my chest. I can't get that gutted look he had on his face from my mind. It tortured me the entire night.

"Perhaps just tell him you're still open to exploring a relationship."

The bar door rings out, and I glance through the kitchen to see Grizz. "You have to go," I whisper to Lexi, and she grabs her things.

"Good luck," she whispers, air-kissing me and rushing out.

Grizz looks up in surprise as she passes him. "Where's the fire?" he asks, dumping his books on the bar.

"She remembered she had things to do," I say, leaning in the doorway. "You okay?"

He nods. "Yeah, great. You?"

I shrug. "I guess. Look, about last night?—"

He's already holding his hand up and shaking his head. "Forget it. I have." I clamp my lips closed. "You're right. Let's just concentrate on Ivy. We got this co-parent thing working now and we don't wanna mess things up again."

"We don't? I mean, we don't."

"Great, so we're on the same page?" I give a nod, and he grins. "I'm hiring a bar manager today," he says, changing the subject, "so you won't have to see my face all day." He laughs, but I don't join him. I look forward to spending time here with him, away from the club.

"Oh."

"Did you speak to him?"whispers Lexi when I finally get back to the clubhouse.

I flop down beside her on the couch and shake my head. My feet ache from being on them all day and I feel miserable inside. "He's had time to think and he agreed with me. He wants to concentrate on Ivy and working out co-parenting." I cover my face with my hands and groan. "What if he wants me to move out?"

"He wouldn't. He loves having you and Ivy here."

"He might insist on keeping Ivy here. And what happens when he finds an old lady? She won't want me here."

"You're overthinking."

"I'm being realistic. I've blown it."

"Luna Carter, unless he's got an old lady, it's not over. So, don't give up. Go and tell him you miss him."

"Miss who?" asks Fletch. "Me?" He wiggles his eyebrows, and I smile as he sits beside me.

"God, no," I joke.

"She thinks she's blown things with the VP," Lexi says, and I elbow her. The last thing I need is Fletch running to tell Grizz.

Fletch grins wider and places his arm around my shoulders. "You want me to help?"

"No," I say right as Lexi says yes.

Fletch looks around the room. "He's already zoned in on us," he says with a smirk. "He's got it bad for you."

"I doubt that," I scoff. "We decided to be friends earlier . . . or co-parents, at least." Fletch laughs and moves to the table in front of us, perching on the edge. He slides his hand down my leg slowly, and I frown. "What are you doing?" Then he lifts it so my foot is in his lap.

"Showing you it's not done."

He pulls off my shoe and presses his thumb against the arch of my foot. My head drops back in pleasure. I should tell him to stop, but his hands feel so good right now as he massages the ache away. "Oh, Christ," I murmur. "Where did you learn to do that?"

"Baby, I feel bad if you've never had a foot rub before," says Fletch, working his thumbs along my heel.

"Uh-oh," he mutters, "angry VP incoming." He presses against the arch again, and I cry out in delight.

I feel Grizz's shadow fall over us. "What the fuck's going on?"

"Did you know she's never had a foot rub?" asks Lexi.

"Two seconds," Grizz hisses, "and then I'm breaking your fingers."

Fletch releases my foot, and I groan in protest. "Just trying to help the lady out, VP."

"Make it the last time your hands touch her like that," Grizz warns, and Fletch stands, giving me a wink before sauntering off.

Grizz takes his place and lifts my foot into his lap. "That was harsh," I say, closing my eyes again as he begins to rub my foot.

"Yeah," agrees Lexi. "He offered to rub her back next."

I give her a warning side-glance as Grizz's grip tightens. "You better be fucking joking."

"She is," I say quickly. "Relax."

"You realise she won't be single forever," Lexi continues. "You can't threaten every man who comes near her. You don't own her."

"Pres," yells Grizz, and Axel comes over. "Remove your old lady from my presence."

Axel smirks. "What are you doing now, Mouse?"

"I'm reminding Grizz that he doesn't own Luna."

"She's winding you up," I tell Grizz. "Keep rubbing," I add. He swaps my foot, and I moan in delight.

"Come on, Mouse, let's go practise massaging . . . upstairs."

Lexi jumps at the chance and rushes off to follow Axel. "They're like rabbits," I murmur, suddenly feeling relaxed.

"Duchess is feeding Ivy. You want me to run you a bath?"

I open one eye. "Sure." I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to get a relaxing soak. He places my foot on the floor and holds out a hand for me to take.

Upstairs, he goes to the bathroom to run the bath as I sit awkwardly on the bed. He's never done this sort of thing and it feels weird. "I can . . . erm . . . massage your back."

I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. "Lexi was kidding. Fletch never offered?—"

"I'm offering," he cuts in, pushing his hands in his pockets. "Yah know, in case you need one." He frowns like he's working out his next words. "But if you think it's weird or?—"

"No," I say a little too quickly. "No, I'd like that."

He gives a nod, going back into the bathroom to turn the tap off. When he comes back, he's holding a bottle. "Oil," he mutters in explanation.

"I've never . . . had a back massage," I admit.

"You gotta take that off," he says, pointing in the general direction of my shirt.

I give a nod, standing to lift it over my head. I turn away, keeping my back to him, and then I crawl onto the bed, lying face down.

It's a few seconds before he moves towards me. The bed dips as he throws a leg over me, straddling my thighs. "You mind if I unfasten the bra?"

"Sure," I whisper.

He unclips my bra and slides the straps down my arms. He drips oil onto my back and the coldness breaks me out in goosebumps. "I can't believe no one's ever done this for you," he says, his voice sounding sad.

His hands run up the centre of my back, and I gasp at the contact. He glides them over my skin, sending electrical pulses through my entire body. "Oh wow," I mumble, "that feels so good."

Grizz works his magic for another twenty minutes, easing the muscles in my back until I feel like a new woman. When he climbs from me, there's no hiding his huge erection. He grins, shrugging before going back into the bathroom to finish the bath.

"It's ready," he shouts a few minutes later.

I stand, holding my bra in place and going into the bathroom. I close the door behind me, and he eyes it warily.

"I've never had a bath with anyone before," I tell him as I drop my bra to the floor. "I thought you could be my first for that too."

He inhales sharply, his brows arching in surprise. I push my jeans down my legs, followed by my underwear. I daren't look at him in case I see horror on his face, so I go ahead and get in the bath. Sliding into the water, I immerse my hair and then sit up and move forward. I hear him undress, but I keep my eyes fixed forward until he climbs in behind me and pulls me against him.

I lie on his chest, and he wraps an arm around me. "Thank you," he whispers against my hair. "For asking me to be your first."