Chapter 17

GRIZZ

Istand in the doorway of the bar and watch Luna as she stares in awe at the brand-new kitchen. I'd had it built at the rear of the bar just in case we decided to do snacks. "It's small, not big enough to knock up a three-course meal, but just?—"

"Right to knock up bread," she finishes the sentence, turning to face me with a huge smile on her face.

I press my mouth to Ivy's chubby cheek. "I think Mummy likes it," I whisper.

"I love it, Grizz, and I swear I won't let you down."

"This is about you and your dreams," I remind her. "You're not letting me down whatever happens."

"But you didn't have to do this," she says, her voice low. "I appreciate it."

I check my watch. "Well, everything you asked for is in the cupboards. Rugby starts in five hours and we've got at least twenty hungry guys coming in expecting beer and bread."

She moves closer, gently leaning in to kiss Ivy, before looking me in the eyes. "Thank you."

I handIvy over to Dutchess and head into church. Axel's already begun without me, filling in the men about Luna's family issues and how we dealt with them. "You don't deserve her," says Coop on a sigh. "Poor girl."

I roll my eyes. "I'm trying to make shit up to her," I argue. "I got her making bread to fulfil her dreams."

Duchess bursts in. "Sorry, Pres, but the police are just pulling up outside."

"Did they say what they wanted at the gate?" asks Axel, standing. She shakes her head, and he glances my way before following her out.

We all file out just as he's letting them into the clubhouse. He calls me over, and I join him. "They're looking for Luna," he tells me, acting surprised.

"She's at work," I say. It's no secret the police aren't welcome in the club, and they look just as uncomfortable as we feel. "I can pass on a message."

The female officer shakes her head. "We really need to talk to her. It's important."

"I'll take you to her. She's just around the corner."

We walk in silence. I haven't told Luna about her mum, and she hasn't asked, not for details at least. It was for this moment, and I'm hoping to God she doesn't blow it.

The second I open the door to the bar, we're hit with the smell of fresh bread. I smile, unable to control it. From the kitchen, her sweet singing fills the air. I stop in the doorway right as she turns to face me mid-song. She stops dead, a blush creeping over her cheeks. "Oh shit, you scared me."

I grin. "Sorry, but you've got visitors." I move towards her and turn as the police enter.

Placing an arm around Luna's waist, I gently pinch her side to snap her out of the terrified expression she's currently hosting. She clears her throat. "Is everything okay?"

"Luna Carter?" the officer asks, and Lu nods. "I'm afraid we have some bad news," begins the female officer. "There was a fire at your mother's property last night."

Luna gasps. "Is she okay?"

The officer gives a slight shake of the head. "There was nothing they could do to save her. We think she may have fallen asleep with a lit cigarette."

Luna slams her hands over her mouth and her eyes fill with tears. "Oh shit. She's dead?"

"We're so sorry for your loss."

"The neighbour told us about your brother, Nathaniel," the other officer says.

Luna's head snaps up, and I pull her into my side a little harder. "What about him?" I ask.

"We were wondering where he is. The neighbour gave us his number, and we were trying to get hold of him last night to tell him the news. He said Nathaniel was next of kin being the oldest?"

"Luna has nothing to do with him," I snap. "He's a twat."

"I can try and get hold of him," says Luna quietly, "but I doubt he'll answer me. I'll probably have to leave a message."

"The neighbour said Nathaniel lived with your mother. We checked the flat and there was no sign of him. The fire was contained to the bedroom."

"He was always in and out of her life. He's into drugs," Luna explains. "He was her pimp."

The officers raise their eyebrows. "So, you can see why Luna has nothing to do with him," I say.

"Again, we're sorry for your loss. If you have any questions, the coroner has the body." The officer hands a card over with a telephone number on it. "They'll contact you when the body is released for the funeral."

I show them out, and when I return, Luna is kneading dough. "You stopped singing," I point out, leaning in the doorway.

"A fire," she whispers, bringing her eyes to mine. "Was she awake?" I give my head a shake. "I want to hate her," she eventually adds, "but it's hard. Harder than I thought it would be."

"She didn't suffer," I say, "and it wasn't a choice, Luna. She was a risk to us all. She would've held that over us and tried to put the blame on either you or the club. We couldn't risk it."

She nods, keeping her eyes fixed on the dough. "I know, just it would've been nice to have a heads up."

I move closer and place my hands over hers, stilling them. "They needed to see an honest reaction, Lu. But you did great back there."

"It's why you smelled of smoke," she murmurs, her eyes filling with tears. "And it's another thing you did for me." A tear escapes down her cheek, and I catch it on the pad of my thumb, brushing it over her soft skin.

"I keep messing shit up, Luna. I was looking at you all wrong. I'd do anything for you and Ivy. Anything at all."

"I'm not ready for anything," she whispers.

"I know," I reassure her. "And even if you were, I don't deserve you. Not until I've made things right between us."

"After everything you've done," she says, a sob catching in her throat, "I owe you so much."

"No," I say firmly. "I didn't do any of this for favours, Lu. You don't owe me. I treated you like crap and then tried to make you feel like you weren't good enough. But you are. You're more than." I place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "We'll take it slow."

LUNA

When Grizz suggestedbeer and bread, I didn't think it would work, but I was so wrong. We're already a month into the trial, and the customers are coming in especially for the bread. The smell drags people in from the street, and we're always packed out on the three nights we offer it.

I place the last loaf to cool and wipe my hands on the towel. "Are you ready?" I glance up to find Grizz in the doorway. He looks handsome in a black suit, even without his kutte.

I give a nod and inhale a deep breath before releasing it slowly. "Ready than I'll ever be."

He holds out a hand, and I take it. Nothing's happened between us apart from a few fleeting moments where he's almost kissed me but never quite executed it. We've even survived shared parenting with Ivy, and although she still sleeps in Grizz's room, he hasn't made me feel pushed out.

We drive in silence to the church. It's only ten minutes up the road, but I'm wearing heels and I didn't fancy the walk. When I met the vicar to discuss my mum's funeral last week, I opted for no fuss and a late cremation.

When I step from the car, it's almost dusk. I fold my arms over my chest and stare up at the beautiful building. "You okay?" asks Grizz, coming to my side and placing an arm around my shoulders. I give a slight nod, and we proceed to the church.

It's cold inside. I chose not to have flowers as this funeral is already costing a fortune, and quite honestly, I don't think she deserved flowers. But now, as I look around the church, it seems empty without them.

The cardboard coffin is placed at the front and the vicar rushes up the aisle to greet me. We shake hands, and he does the same with Grizz. "Shall we start?" he asks.

I take a seat in the front pew, and Grizz slides in beside me. The vicar takes his place at the front and clears his throat, just as the church doors open. I turn, watching as Axel and Lexi step inside, followed by London, Duchess, Verity, and all the other club girls. A smile pulls at my lips when the rest of The Chaos Demons file inside, all filling the pews behind me. Lexi places a hand on my shoulder. "We didn't want you to do this alone," she whispers. "We're your family."

Tears spring to my eyes, and she hands me a tissue. I take it, laughing as a sob slips out, then I turn to Grizz, who's watching me closely. He does that a lot. "Thank you," I whisper, leaning my head against his shoulder, because I know he organised this for me.

The service is over quickly. I chose a short poem and opted not to say any words. What is there left to say? I wait for the coffin to be taken into the furnace before I turn to leave, followed by my new family.

Outside, Smoke is rocking Ivy in the pushchair. I smile, going over to rescue him. "Thank you so much," I tell him, looking in to check she's wrapped up warm.

"I'll take her back to the clubhouse," says Duchess, and I begin to protest but Grizz steps in, nodding and thanking her.

Then he takes my hand. "We'll catch everyone up at the club. I just want to do something first," he says, leading me away from everyone.

We go back to the car and drive in silence for ten minutes. He stops at a restaurant and rushes round to open my car door. I frown as I step out. "What's going on?"

"It's been a tough day. We can't just pretend it didn't happen, so we're having dinner."

My frown deepens. "This place looks fancy," I remark as he closes the car door and grabs my hand.

"It's the best."

I slow as we get to the door, reluctant to go inside. He stops and turns to me. "What's wrong?"

"I've never done this," I say, shrugging. "I don't know how."

He grins. "You don't know how to eat?"

"Of course, I do. I mean, I don't know how to act in a place like this."

His smile softens as he brushes his thumb over my cheek. "Me either, so let's do it together."

Inside, it's posh. The sound of cutlery tapping plates and gentle conversation sends fear through me as a waiter shows us to a table. A few people look up at Grizz, his size making him stand out.

My seat is pulled out and I slide into it, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Grizz sits opposite me. "Guess I stand out even without the kutte."

"They're probably wondering what I'm doing in here," I whisper, taking a menu from the waiter and opening it to hide behind.

Grizz takes it from me and lays it down flat. "You're no different than these people," he says firmly. "In fact, you're better."

I scoff. "I doubt that."

"Luna, you're better than anyone in this damn room, including me."

"You don't have to do this, yah know."

His eyes narrow. "What?"

"This," I hiss, waving my hand around the room. "A fancy dinner."

"I wanted you to see you're special."

"Why?"

"Because I owe you so much. This is just one small thing in a long line of ways I'm going to make it right between us."

"Things are fine," I say. I look around the room, taking in the expensive décor. I feel so out of my depth.

I feel Grizz take my hand in his. "Don't look at them, look at me," he says gently, and I do. "Stop comparing yourself."

"It's hard not to," I mutter.

"You're beautiful," he says, smiling.

I blush, even though he says those words to me every day. "What sort of food do we order in a place like this?" I ask, turning my attention to the menu.

"Steak, obviously," he tells me, signalling for the waiter to return and placing our orders. "Two glasses of water as well," he adds, giving me a knowing smile.

Since Mum died, I haven't touched a drop of alcohol. I'm not sure if knowing she and Nate are both gone makes me feel at ease, or if I just got tired of the same routine, but I looked at Ivy that night and decided from that day on, I was never going to drink again. I have no need too. I'm not hiding anymore.

"You can drink," I tell him.

"I want to keep a clear head," he says, "cos we need to talk."

Dread fills me. He's brought me here to soften the blow he's about to deliver, because whenever anyone sits me down to talk, it's never for anything good.

"Just hit me with it quick," I say, retracting my hand.

He frowns. "Relax."

I take a breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

He smiles, and it confuses me. I've been waiting for him to tell me to leave the clubhouse. The social workers have been happy with Ivy's care and are on the verge of helping us put together a parenting plan so we can share access. The thought of moving out of the clubhouse breaks my heart because it means not having full access to our daughter. "Why do you always assume the worst?"

I fiddle with my napkin, avoiding his eyes. "Because good things never happen to me."

He grabs my hand again. "Look at me, Luna." I don't, and he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Please."

I raise my eyes, and he's smiling. "It's not bad. In fact, it's a business proposition."

"Oh?" It's not what I was expecting.

"I'll be honest, I didn't think the bread thing would work in The Bar, but you know yourself that business is booming and I think that's down to your hard work." I blush under his praise. "I want to make it permanent."

I gasp. "Really?"

"I know you had ideas about setting up on your own, and if that's what you want, I get it. But I like how we work things, and my profits are through the roof right now, so I'd like you to stay."

"Wow," I whisper, a million thoughts racing through my mind. "I mean, it's a great idea. I love working there?—"

"You don't work for me," he reminds me. "You run that kitchen, you keep the profits. This is your business and that should become official."

"What do you mean?"

"Set it up in your name. A business name. Pay your taxes, rent the space, whatever it takes to make your own name because I know that's important to you."

"I don't even know how to do any of that," I mutter.

"Cash will help with your books. He'll help you set up everything."

"My own business?" I repeat, a smile forming.

"You'll be able to support Ivy properly, do all the things you want."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "You've already done so much for me."

"Lu, I'm serious when I say this is a business opportunity for me too. I'm bringing this to you as a businessman, not a friend."

His clear friend-zone makes me sit a little straighter. I love him, there's no denying it, and even though he's hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before, I can't help my heart wanting him. But he's right—I've worked hard to make the bread become a good part of his business, even creating flavours to suit certain beers. I'm good at what I do and I know I can make a business work.

I smile. "I'll be a businesswoman," I say, and he grins.

"Is that a yes?"

I nod, and he leans over the table, kissing me on the cheek. "Amazing." I feel disappointed it's just on the cheek, even though I've been keeping him at arm's length. He's been so kind lately, it's hard to remember why I'm guarding my heart from him.