Chapter 15

GRIZZ

Idon't bother to find Cali. My hard-on disappeared the second Luna made that threat. After everything I've done for her, she repays me with threats. Fucking bitch. I snatch the bottle of whiskey from behind the bar.

"I just had Luna sitting here doing the exact same thing," says Coop. "You're both so angry, you think the bottle will solve it."

I slam it down. "Makes sense she's drunk," I snap, "seeing as she just threatened me."

"Oh, yeah, with what?"

"My past, like that'll get her Ivy. Doesn't she realise a judge will end up putting the kid in care permanently?"

"The way I see it," he says, taking the bottle from me, "she's fighting for her daughter."

I narrow my eyes. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her the truth, that she's a good mum and she should fight for what she wants."

"So, you're the reason she's up there coming up with crazy ideas about food vans?"

"Don't you think that little girl needs her mum?"

"I think she needs someone who won't let her down," I snap.

"When I look at Luna, yah know what I see? A product of her environment. She loves Ivy, and up until recently, she was a good mum, working hard to provide as a single parent."

"She didn't have to do that. I was right fucking here," I argue.

"No, but she chose to do that. Have you even asked her why she'd bring a baby into this world and choose to do it alone rather than tell you? And have you thought about what happened in her life to have her go from being a good mum to having her child taken into care?"

Her hurt expression at seeing me with Danii filters into my mind and I shut it down. "Her kid should always come first, no matter what. You took Lexi from Widow for the same reason."

"I loved Widow," he tells me. "I didn't care about her past. I only left when it was clear she was so hard into drugs and drink that she couldn't give them up for us. I thought leaving would make her see what she'd lost. All it did was put Lex at risk. And when I took her, it was the hardest thing I ever did. I prayed Widow would get her shit together and come back for our baby, cos Lex needed her mother in her life, but when she didn't, it about broke me all over again.

"I didn't take Lexi to spite her or to teach her a lesson. I wanted them to have a relationship, but Widow didn't feel the same way. Luna is different. Up until you came into her life again, she was doing good. And all I see right now is a heartbroken, vulnerable woman who messed up. I told her she's a queen. I told her she's a damn fine mother. I told her the things you should've told her when she came to you for help. You have the chance to help her so that you can both be good parents to that little girl. Don't blow it."

It's almosteleven in the morning when the social worker finally brings Ivy home. Luna sweeps her into her arms and takes her over to the couch, where she buries her face into our daughter's soft body, whispering how much she's missed her.

Becki gives me a reassuring arm rub as I watch them together. "It's good she's got you to support her," she tells me.

Once she's gone, I take a seat beside Luna, who eyes me cautiously, probably waiting for my next blow. Instead, I smile. "It's good to have her back."

"She doesn't smell right," Luna mutters, unfastening the baby grow. "She needs a bath and some fresh clothes."

"Would you mind if I did it?" I ask.

"What, now you don't trust me to bathe my own daughter?" she snaps.

"Actually, I'd like to spend some time with her now I know the truth."

She rolls her eyes and hands Ivy over without a fuss. She follows me upstairs and hovers in the doorway while I set up the baby bath. When I go to undress her, she steps farther into the room and closes the door before popping her elbow into the warm water to check the temperature. "It's safer to check with your elbow," she tells me. "Your hands aren't sensitive to hot water."

I give a nod. "Okay."

"And this one smells nicer," she says, grabbing one of the three bottles of wash I'd bought especially for children. "It's got lavender and it settles her." She then places the towel on the radiator. "I always wrap her in a warm towel after her bath," she mutters, shrugging.

"Do you remember your mum ever doing any of this sort of stuff for you?" I ask, slowly lowering Ivy into the water, holding her exactly how Luna taught me to just a few weeks ago. "Not when you were a baby, obviously, but as you got a little older?"

Luna sits on the closed toilet. "No. Never. Do you?"

I shake my head. "I don't really remember my parents."

"Mum wasn't always so bad. There were times when she did things like make us sandwiches or even cook a hot meal. But they were few and far between. When I think about growing up, I remember shouting and doors slamming. I remember her crying a lot."

"Ivy deserves better, right?"

"And I'll give that to her."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "You turned down my job. So, how?"

"I've got a plan. I'm going to make it work."

"You have a plan with no money, no home. Ivy will have a large family here at the club, and she'll never be short of people who will look out for her."

"I know what you're doing," she mutters, "and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. But I am, Grizz."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Why did you choose her?"

I glance back at her. "Who?"

"Danii."

I groan. "Don't start."

"I'm not," she says, "I swear. It's a genuine question. Why did you choose her over me?"

I lift Ivy from the bath, and Luna rushes to grab the towel, helping as I wrap Ivy and hold her to me, inhaling her lavender baby smell. Luna was right, it smells good. "Because . . . because you remind me of my mum."

"Right, and the minute you saw I had Ivy, you said a similar thing. You had no faith in me from the start. You knew I'd fail and you were just waiting."

"That's not true," I snap, heading into the bedroom. I lay Ivy on the bed and begin to dry her.

"If I had a good job, if I was never a club whore, and you met me, would you choose me or her?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Because you know I'm right. I was never going to be good enough for you. You were always going to fight against me. That's why I couldn't tell you about Ivy."

LUNA

I haveno intention of arguing on Ivy's first day home, but I can't help feeling angry at Grizz for comparing me to his mum.

He lets me feed Ivy and then I leave him to put her down for her nap. I have a plan to put into action if I'm ever going to prove him wrong.

I grab a cab over to the bar where I know I'll find Reaper. It's been a while since I've been near the Kings, and as I enter, it doesn't bring back any good memories. Reaper stands when he spots me, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "You're looking good, mama," he comments, pulling a seat out for me to sit.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me."

"How could I not? You know I have a soft spot for you."

I blush. "I'll get straight to the point. I'd like to borrow money."

He frowns. "What for? Cos if it's for your brother, no. I've washed my hands of him and I told your old man he was welcome to him now his debt's been paid."

It's my turn to look confused. "Nate paid off his debt?"

Reaper leans back in his seat, smirking. "You should talk to your old man, Luna."

"I don't have an old man," I say firmly. "Did Grizz pay off the debt?"

He moves to stand, like he's going to leave, and I rush to grab his hand. He stares down at where my tiny hand touches his and lowers back into his seat. "I don't need no trouble with the Demons, baby girl. Grizz came in here to tell me he was saving you from your brother, and honestly, it's about time someone did. If I'd have known how bad things were, I'd have done it."

I release him and place my hands in my lap. "The money isn't for Nate. It's for me."

"Does Grizz know you're here?"

I shake my head. "No. We're not a thing. He hasn't claimed me. I need a better life for me and Ivy."

"How much are we talking?"

"Twenty-five grand."

His eyebrows arch in surprise. "Fuck, that's quite a sum."

"I'll pay every penny back."

"How? Luna, that's a lot of money, and as far as I know, your only source of income was Zen, which apparently you're no longer working at."

"I'm buying a pizza van."

He rests his arms on the table and fixes me with a serious look. "You want to borrow twenty-five grand to purchase a pizza van . . . why?"

"So I can make bread."

He throws his head back, laughing loudly. "Just when I think I can't be surprised," he says, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Jesus, Luna, that's a sentence I never thought I'd hear you say."

"Can you help me or not?" I ask, my tone brisk. I am so over men doubting me.

He gives a shake of his head and my heart sinks. "Look, I'd love to come along on the crazy bread van idea, but my money is tied up. And I'll be honest, I don't need Grizz on my back."

"He doesn't need to know."

"Oh, he does, Lu, he really does. Have you thought about applying for a government scheme or going to ask the bank?"

I shrug. "A bank won't lend me a penny. Forget it, I'll come up with something."

"If you need a job, I can sort that," he says.

I stand. "No offence, but those days are behind me."

He smiles. "I meant in the bar pulling pints."

I lean down to kiss him on the cheek, and his hand slips in mine. "I would've saved you, yah know. You and Ivy. You just had to ask."

"I know," I whisper, gently running my free hand over his cheek. "But it wouldn't have been fair to you."

"I take it Grizz is the father." I give a nod. "I always wondered why you wouldn't stay away from that club."

I decideto pop over to Mum's seeing as I'm in the area. I've only been gone half an hour, so I'm sure Grizz hasn't noticed I've left the clubhouse yet. I need her to know how angry I am for everything she's done to me, and then I'm walking away. For good.

When I step inside, the first thing I notice is how clean everything looks. The hall carpet has been hoovered and is no longer littered with cigarette ash, crumbs, and other debris. I frown, glancing into the kitchen as I pass and seeing it's spotless.

I find Mum sitting in the living room, staring into space. "Mum?" She jumps in fright, but when she sees it's me, she dives up and throws her arms around me. I'm so shocked, I don't respond. "I've been so worried," she cries. "I had no idea how to get in contact with you. How's Ivy?"

I bristle at her words, stepping from her arms. "That's why I'm here."

"Oh shit, don't tell me they've taken her into care, Lu." I shake my head, and she sags in relief.

"She came home today."

"Oh my god, I've been so stressed."

"You have no idea what the last few days have been like for me," I say, rolling my eyes. "In fact, you have no idea how you've fucked my life up."

She lowers into her seat and buries her face in her hands. "I do. I know I've messed up over and over."

"Messed up?" I repeat, scoffing. "You ruined my life, Mum. Thanks to you, I've lost my daughter."

She looks up. "But you said?—"

"Grizz is making my life very difficult. He's treating me like I'm a risk to my own kid, and I don't know if he'll fight me for permanent custody. All I wanted to do was be a good mum to her, and you fucked it up for me."

"If I could change it, I would. Nate said he was doing it because he cared."

"So, he did call social services on me?" I ask, even though I'd guessed as much.

"I sent him away, Luna. I told him not to come back." Nate has always been the favourite child, but I could never work out if it was because she was terrified of him or she just preferred him over me. "I realised if I didn't get him out of our lives, he'd make sure you ended up exactly like me."

I groan, rubbing my hands over my face. "I already am, Mum, don't you see it? I've been living your life since I was eleven years old." When I look at her, I notice silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Why did you make me do that stuff?"

"We needed the money," she whispers.

"Bullshit. I need money, but it doesn't mean I'd ever sell my daughter to strangers."

"I haven't always made the right decisions," she admits.

I laugh, and it's cold and empty. "Tell me one good decision you made."

"Having you," she says, swiping her tears away.

"No," I yell, "that was the worst decision you ever made. You brought me into this world and made my life hell. You were supposed to protect me."

"Nate said the same," she mutters, staring at the ground. "He was so angry."

"You weren't fit to have kids. I would've been better off in care than with you."

"You see, Nate wouldn't leave," she continues as if I haven't spoken. "He just kept yelling at me and then . . . and then he . . . he was going to hurt me," she says, finally raising her gaze to me. "And I saw it in his eyes, that same look men get when they're too lost. He was high and drunk, and I think he would have . . . maybe he didn't know it was me. Maybe he was so lost, he didn't see I was his mother." I'm frozen to the spot, listening to her rambling. "And I didn't know what to do. He was so close, and I was terrified. It was one hit . . . maybe two. And he just went down." She begins to cry.

"What are you talking about?"

She glances past me towards the bedroom door. "I didn't know what to do and I couldn't find you."

"Did you call an ambulance? Is he in hospital?"

She shakes her head, her eyes still fixed past me. My heart slams hard in my chest as I turn towards the bedroom door. I move towards it, then rest my hand on the doorknob, too terrified to turn it in case Nate comes charging out in anger. I take a deep breath and turn the knob until it clicks. I glance back at Mum, who is staring wide-eyed at me.

The second I push the door, a smell hits me like nothing I've ever smelt before and I instantly gag. Covering my nose and mouth with my jumper sleeve, I push the door until Nate's feet come into view. I wince, stepping in. Nate's still body is on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. His eyes are open and there's blood soaking the sheets around his head.

I quickly close the door and rush out of the flat, gasping in fresh air to replace the scent of rotting flesh. I'm shaking so hard, my legs feel like they'll give way. Mum steps out and whispers, "What shall I do?"

I stare at her blankly. "Why didn't you call an ambulance?"

"He was already dead."

"So fucking what?" I hiss, glancing around to make sure no one's listening. "It was self-defence, right?"

She nods. "But I panicked. What if they didn't believe me?"

"They're not going to believe you now. How long has he been here?"

"The same night they took Ivy." I take a few steps back away from her, and she frowns. "You can't leave me," she hisses.

"Are you mad? I can't sort this, Mum. I've got Ivy to think of."

That cruel look returns and I brace myself for the blow. "If you don't help me, I'll tell them it was you."

"They wouldn't believe you. I've got an alibi."

She smirks. "You don't think Grizz would use it to get you out the way? I'll tell the police you came back and attacked us, and then you locked me in the flat with no way to call for help."

"You're fucking deluded," I mutter.

"Are you willing to risk it? Grizz will get Ivy, and you'll go to prison."

I run at her, slapping her before she can escape back into the flat. "You fucking evil witch," I scream, shoving her to the floor.

The neighbour pops his head out the window to see what all the commotion is. "Help me," Mum yells. "She's lost her mind."

Panic takes over and I release her. "It's nothing, a family argument," I tell him, holding out my hand for Mum to take. She does, smirking as I pull her to her feet. "Nothing to worry about."

He looks at Mum for confirmation, and she nods. "I'll be fine."

We go back into the flat. "I fucking hate you," I hiss, pulling out my mobile.

Axel answers on the second ring. "Luna, where the fuck are you? Grizz is losing his mind."

"What are the chances of me getting your help without you telling Grizz?"

He laughs. "Zero, baby. What have you done now?"