24. Colton

The last time Colton had seen Lucia outside of work had been that night he’d held her on her couch until they both fell asleep. The closest he’d gotten to her since then, besides sitting in the chair next to her in her office, were their two pre-game kisses in the end zone, both of which felt different, more real than before. They’d both been so busy with the season that most of December had flown by, and while they still talked a lot during their sessions, she was hyper-focused on his game. Thankfully, they hadn’t had any more losses and had gotten through their Christmas Eve game with flying colors, leaving them with twelve wins.

He wished he had more time with her, knowing their deadline was imminent. Even if they could find a way to be friends after everything, he’d be left in pieces. He just hoped it wouldn’t affect his game. Otherwise, he’d never forgive himself. And he would never hear the end of it from his father.

Speaking of the man, Colton stood outside the door of his father’s Charleston house, dread once again filling his body. And once again, just like during the dinner with his father and Maya, he didn’t have Lucia by his side to serve as a buffer. He couldn’t be sure what awaited him, but he knew that the holiday meant nothing to the cold-hearted man who had shaped him.

He took a breath and rang the doorbell before he could convince himself not to. Liliana, his father’s housekeeper and chef, opened the door with a smile, beckoning him in. Colton noticed the shoes in the foyer, and he toed his own off, glad Maya was back in town. He’d let her know she could stay with him again rather than deal with their father and his coldness, but she hadn’t wanted to bother him after the game the night before. Not that he would’ve been bothered. The only other person he would’ve cared to have at his house had been on a plane to Philadelphia right after the game.

Maya came into view, jumping into Colton’s outstretched arms. “Colt! Thank god you’re here. Landon is driving me insane.”

Colton smiled, thankful that his father wasn’t the first person he had to deal with. When he walked into the living room with Maya, he saw Landon sitting on the couch, eyes focused on the TV, which Colton realized was playing Home Alone.

“Wow, really taking it back, aren’t we?”

Landon turned to look at Colton, an impish grin on his face. “What’s wrong with Home Alone? It’s a classic.”

“I wanted to watch The Grinch,” Maya said, pouting.

“Maya, please. If you don’t even know the full name of the movie you can’t pick it. It’s called How The Grinch Stole Christmas, not The Grinch.”

Maya waved her hand at him while she looked at Colton, as if to say, “See?” Colton was too tired to play TV politics with his siblings, so he threw himself onto the couch beside his brother.

“Sorry, Mai. We can watch it after Home Alone.”

She looked at him, faux-betrayal on her face. “You? My greatest ally? You’re dead to me,” she said as she walked out of the room.

Colton sank into the couch as he asked, “Where’s Dad?”

Landon shrugged, tension immediately seeping into his posture. “Who knows? He left as soon as I got here.”

“And here I was thinking I played well.”

Landon laughed. “Well, we can’t all be as perfect as Dad thinks he would have been.”

Colton remembered what Lucia had said about him overshadowing his brother. His relationship with Landon had been strained for as long as he could remember. Maybe when they’d been little, they’d been able to get along, but the minute Landon had been old enough to start learning football, their father had pitted them against each other. Their relationship had never stood a chance. Now he wondered if Lucia had been right, and maybe the reason it’d always been difficult between them was because Landon resented him for their childhood.

“You’ve been doing really well this season. I know it’s impossible to get Dad to say anything nice. But if there’s a team I’d want to end up in the Super Bowl other than us, I’d want it to be you guys.” An olive branch. Something about this season made him want to remedy the relationships in his life. At least the ones that could be remedied. He was tired of feeling tense around most of his family members.

Landon’s eyebrows shot up. “Thanks, man. And Dad’s a dick if he says anything to you about yesterday, you’ve been playing better every game since preseason.” He gave Colton a genuine smile. “Lucia certainly deserves a raise and a permanent position with the Sabers.”

That sentiment was absolutely true, and Colton wanted to shout it from the rooftops of King Street for anybody who would listen. Instead, he smiled back and said, “Yeah, she really does.”

Colton watched the movie for a while, his mind swirling with thoughts of Lucia. As the kitchen scene began, Colton stood, going in search of Maya.

“Mai?” he called up the stairs as he climbed them. “I’m sorry I let Landon win this time. I promise we’ll watch The Grinch as soon as it’s over.”

He found her sitting on the bed of her guest bedroom. The house was so large that they each had their own guest room, in addition to a couple of extra rooms that were never used because nobody but them visited. When he walked closer, he saw her eyes rimmed with red.

“Mai? What’s wrong? If I’d known you were this upset about it, I would’ve put my foot down with Landon about the movie.”

She sniffled, a half-hearted laugh falling from her. She shook her head, wiping at her eyes angrily. Colton sat beside her, pulling her into him. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“What’s going on? You haven’t been yourself since Thanksgiving. Even Lucia’s been worried.”

Maya heaved a sigh. She didn’t respond for a moment, as if collecting her thoughts, and Colton sat in quiet support of her.

“I was sort of seeing someone. He’s on the pro circuit with me. Might even say he’s a part of my friend group. We’d sort of been…” She pulled away, a torn expression on her face. “It feels weird talking to you about my…endeavors.”

Colton coughed. After the initial shock, he said softly, “I can’t promise I won’t kill him, but I promise I’ll try not to if you don’t want me to.”

That got a real laugh. “I wasn’t even worried about that! No killing. Can’t have my favorite oldest brother in prison. Anyway, he’s not worth it, and he really didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What happened?”

She raised her shoulder in a half-shrug. “We’d been hooking up for a few months. And since we were always at the same tournaments, always hanging with the same people, it felt longer. We’ve been friends for a few years, you know?”

He nodded.

“We decided to do Friendsgiving together since some of us chose not to go home and a few of my friends aren’t even American. We were all hanging out, and he pulled me aside and said that he’d been developing feelings for me. Great, right? Because as he said that, I realized I’d developed feelings for him, too. Or, honestly, that I’d had feelings for him since the beginning.”

Again, Colton nodded, though this time, it was more strained as he guessed where her story was headed.

“Except when I told him I was into him too, he told me he isn’t ready to be in a relationship. He said we had to stop hooking up and go back to being friends. And I agreed because I didn’t want to try to fight it. Booked the first flight I could find out of there, and I’ve been avoiding him since.”

“Mai, I’m so sorry.”

She collapsed onto her bed, groaning. “Damn you, Colt. I’d just stopped crying about it when you came up. Tell me something happy now. Tell me about you and Lucia.”

He cleared his throat, wanting so badly to come clean to her about his situation but knowing it wasn’t the time. “What do you want to know?”

“How did you know you wanted to be with her?”

Colton thought for a moment. Maybe it was the text she’d sent him of The Abominable Snowmonster of the North, with just three words: look, it’s you. Maybe it was the way she stood in a room full of men—no, in a profession full of men—confident and self-assured. Maybe it was the fact that she was quite possibly the most intelligent person he’d ever met. Maybe it was those damn pantsuits and heels he loved seeing her in so much, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. Maybe it was the noises that left her beautiful mouth as he fucked her. Maybe it was every little thing about her.

“I don’t know, really. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about her. My whole life—I mean, shit, you know how it was with Dad. My whole life, I thought the only way people would ever love me was if I was the best at something. And with football, I was the best. I was the best, and everyone in high school and college loved me because of it. Everybody in South Carolina has loved me since I came here, especially last year. Because I won. And then I met Lucia, and she showed me that not everything is about winning.”

He shrugged, meeting Maya’s eyes. “She was the first person who made me believe that I could be cared for even if I’m not the best quarterback in the league. Even if I never play again. She makes me think that there are others in the world who might like me for me. She made me feel like I’m enough as I am. And that’s not something I’ve ever believed. So, yeah, I guess I realized how I felt about her when I realized how important and cared for she made me feel.”

It was all true. Every word of it was true. She’d planted roots in his heart, deep and unrelenting, and every beat was a reminder that she was there. That his heart now beat for her. It was a terrifying thought, especially because he knew it was entirely unrequited. But there was nothing he could do except love her completely, utterly, unequivocally, irrevocably.

Maya’s arms wrapped around him, squeezing him tightly. “I love you, football or not, Just so you know. So, there are at least two of us.”

He leaned against her. “Thanks, Mai. I’m not sure Luc loves me.” When he felt her looking at him questioningly, he continued, “Not yet, at least.” And likely not ever. She’d said as much in his house when she’d told him relationships weren’t for her. Not after Clark and her mother ruined love for her.

Turning away the painful thought, he asked, “So what’s his name, where does he live, and what does he love most in the world?”