63. Arik

We strutted into that church dressed to the nines and looking as queer as possible. We turned a lot of heads.

I sat in the first row with Vallen, Nova, and Lindsay. We all wore bright colors. Nova even sported pink cowboy boots. This was a country music funeral, after all. Dressing brightly had been Varian's idea. He didn't want to act like he was publicly mourning at any point, even if he was privately.

Vallen got onboard. He didn't want to speak, but he felt better dressing up like we were, knowing what Varian was going to say.

I fully supported it, and we'd put his stylist on it.

Varian adjusted the mic, clearing his throat. "My dad, being the person he was, planned this whole event. He even sent me a whole list of things he wanted Vallen and I to say about him." He paused for dramatic effect. "I won't be doing that."

The entire church snapped to attention.

"I'm not going to stand up here and lie. I'm going to tell you who my father really was. My father never lit up a room; in fact, he cleared most of them. He didn't treat his crews well, and he wasn't a nice person.

"I was a child, and my grandparents kept what he did to me out of the media for my protection, but my dad's career was saved because of those decisions. I love my grandparents, but they never should have protected him, and I'm not going to keep protecting him in death. I don't want his legacy to be a legend. I want his legacy to be about who he really was. He was a substance abuser until he died. He was a child abuser. And he was a domestic abuser."

A gasp moved through the observers.

Varian went on, ignoring all the muttering. "I wear this scar on my face and my mother is dead because of his actions while abusing alcohol. But his actions also lead to the death of his best friend, Ace Carrick." Varian had checked with Ace's kid before adding that part. He wanted the full truth out. "I'm lucky to be alive and standing here after the accident that took Ace's life. Anyone else would have been in jail for child endangerment, but my father walked away because he's a ‘legend,' and it's not right. We need to stop protecting abusers because they are rich."

Varian turned the page. "I've had to take a hard look at my relationship with alcohol since my daughter was born so I never become my father." He'd stopped drinking on the road after we'd made up and I knew it was for the best."Vallen and I don't want any of his money. We will be giving all the liquid cash he had to people who used to work on his crew, his assistants, and everyone who had to keep their mouths shut for fear of getting fired. We'll be going back through records to find anyone who's ever been employed by him to compensate them for his abuse."

Varian met my eyes. "My father hated that I'm in love with a man. The first message he sent me when he saw rumors was asking me if I was ‘a queer.' So we have decided to use the proceeds from his masters to create a charity to help women and children in domestic abuse situations with a focus on queer kids because they are far more likely to be abused by their parents. Now, maybe his legacy can go to repairing some of the damage he's done to this world."

The entire last part was new to me.

I smiled, holding his gaze, mouthing, "I love you."

* * *

The speech heard around the world went off like a bomb.

Lots of old people who were probably worried about their children doing the same condemned it, saying he shouldn't be speaking ill of the dead and that Victor couldn't defend himself. Many others praised it for breaking the cycle of abuse. After his speech, lots of people came forward to either confirm they'd witnessed the domestic and child abuse or to reveal abuse they'd suffered at Victor St. Jame's hands themselves. That shut the critics up really fast.

We'd postponed the rest of the tour to give both Varian and Vallen time to deal with the death, deciding it was easier to announce our plans for a foreign tour and attach those rebooked dates to the front of it. It gave people plenty of time to make it work.

"I don't want this in our new house…" Vallen carried the urn at arms' length like it would infect him.

"I don't want it either." Varian wrinkled his nose.

"What are we doing with him, then?" Vallen set the ashes on the table and made a face at the urn.

"Shouldn't we, like, send the ashes to the country music hall of fame?" Varian mused. "Make it their problem."

"Maybe we should have them made into shitty diamonds and sell them to pay for all my therapy." Vallen looked better than he did last week. He'd agreed to go back into a daily part-time treatment program.

"Throw them away," I said, getting an idea.

They both looked at me.

"Can we even do that?" Varian asked.

"Why not?" I couldn't think of a reason.

"Improperly disposing of a body or some shit? I don't know." Varian laughed. "I'm not a lawyer."

"People spread ashes all over. That's only when it's a whole body and it's going to poison the water system or some shit." What a fucking conversation to be having.

"What do you think?" Varian asked Vallen.

"So, like, just toss the whole thing into the trash?" Vallen gestured at the urn. "Just like this?"

"No, you have to make it count. Pour them in a dumpster," I said, feeling a little evil, but the motherfucker deserved it.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side." Vallen got to his feet, laughing. "Let's go."

"Now?" Varian asked.

"No time like the present. And I don't want his spirit escaping or something." Vallen picked up the urn this time, holding it under his arm like a football. "Don't worry, Dad. We're going to go find a really special resting place for you."

Varian kissed my hand. "Thank you."

We found a Dumpster behind his favorite fast-food joint.

"I've seen unhoused people piss in this dumpster. It's the perfect place." Vallen popped the lid off. He pulled out a bag and tossed the urn in. "Help me open this so I don't spill him all over me." He gagged a little.

Carefully, they untwisted the bag. Then Vallen offered it to Varian.

"It's okay," Varian said.

"I insist. He scarred your face. Bitch deserves it." Vallen held it out.

Varian accepted. "We'll go halfsies." He poured about half the bag into the trash.

Vallen finished it off. "Should we say some words?"

Varian lifted a brow. "What?"

"Fuck you. I hope you enjoy hell," Vallen said with a grin, then spit in the dumpster.

Varian spit, and then I followed because why not.

We made it a thing by getting smoothies after.