25. Arik

He broke us apart, and I thought he'd tell me no. I almost apologized before he awkwardly stripped it from his body.

I drove my teeth into my lower lip, fighting a grin. I'd seen him shirtless, of course, but this was different. His face glistened in the flicker of the screen, blues and greens illuminating the lines of his body. He was lankier than I was. Long limbs and lean muscle cut and shaped around bone with the most beautiful skin I'd ever seen.

I couldn't hold myself back, I stroked a finger across the lines of his ribcage. His body convulsed in an involuntary shudder. "Are you ticklish?"

"Not usually, but I guess for you, I am." He settled back onto the pillow, propping his head on his hand. "Are you going to take your shirt off too?"

"That must mean you trust me." I continued the path into his armpit, eliciting another shiver and squirm.

"Why do you say that?" He chuffed out a breath.

"Because only people you trust can tickle you." I traced round his nipple, raising goosebumps on his chest.

His breathing hitched, and I loved the effect I had on him. "You didn't answer me." His words came labored, eyes rolling.

I felt powerful.

"What question?"

"Are you going to take your shirt off?" he hissed through his teeth, eyes closed in bliss.

"Do you want me to?" I asked, wanting him to say it.

"Of course I do." His voice hitched as I barely brushed over his nipple.

"You take it off me."

He was on me before I fully got the words out, dragging my shirt up. I half sat, letting him remove it, but he didn't lie back on his side. He hovered over me, staring into my eyes.

"I'm going to kiss you again."

I tipped my chin in a slight nod before our mouths joined.

His chest pressed into mine, and I realized it was nothing like kissing a woman. He was hard in all the places they were soft. Pecs heaving into mine with each breath. Harsh fingers gripping and pulling. I ached in my chest and stomach, arousal pooling like the births of stars everywhere his hands touched.

Everything in me wanted to take it further, and at the same time, I hesitated. Could I get off with a man? We'd cuddled and touched, and now we'd made out—what did it matter if I took it one step further?

We broke apart after a long time, lying in each other's arms. Falling into the familiar. But this was far from our normal cuddling. His fingers stroked, caressed, touched every inch of exposed skin. I slipped into a relaxation like I'd never known, sleep pulling me.

I awoke sometime later with Varian's arm draped over my back and my face pressed into his chest.

"You slept," he whispered.

"You're awake," I said, my voice thick with sleep.

"I felt you stir." His normally deep baritone rasped raw, and I'd like to think it was because of how I'd had my tongue down his throat.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" I asked, sensing something in him.

"No, but I was enjoying myself, so you can't shame me."

"Enjoying yourself?" I asked. I had to know what he meant.

"I liked that you slept. You don't sleep enough."

"I could sleep forever like this." There was no lie. "The way you rubbed my back…"

"I noticed. You were out quick." The smile came through his words. Smug. It felt good.

"I was. Thank you. That's the best I've slept since we've been on the road."

His touch skirted around the edge of my sweats. "I feel like I have a superpower."

"You do. Magic fucking hands,"I murmured.

"The man who can put the stars to sleep."

"Tell me what your tattoos mean." I'd always envied them. My skin felt so bare, laid out next to his. I traced the sweeping flowers across his stomach.

"Those are for my mother." There was no sorrow to his tone, but his eyes closed and a softness took his form, making him look fragile.

I'd never wanted to protect someone so much in my life, but I didn't shy away from the subject. "And these?" I traced the words under his collarbones. One said, Eyes Up and the other Rise Up in mirror writing.

"Hamilton, but I liked the meaning."

"What do they mean?" I asked.

"To him or me?"

"You, of course." I had the sudden urge to brush my lips over his collarbones. Was this just being a horny guy? I'd never been attracted to a man before. It had to be the closeness I felt to him and not having gotten laid in so long.

"To keep going. To never stop. To keep my eyes on the stars and go to them." The last felt like he added for me, but I couldn't prove it.

"I want my first tattoo to have as much meaning."

"Are you going to get one?" he asked, opening one eye.

"I've always wanted to."

"What's stopped you?"

"Not very lawyer-like. My parents would freak out." My fingers crept up to the crow on his throat. When he lifted his chin, it raised his head, and my touch brushed up and around his cleft. "This one?"

"It's my animal embodiment."

"Why?" I lifted up like he'd been hours before, on my elbow to look down at him.

"Because they are tenacious. They don't give up. They find treasure in hidden places. I respect them." He kept his eyes closed, but his breathing shuddered as my fingers traveled.

"I love how much thought you put into them before you got them."

He laughed with his whole body. "I never said it was before."

"Did you just make all that up?" I playfully slapped his chest.

"No, I did think about them, but you happened to ask about ones I did put a lot of thought into. I have plenty I got on a whim."

"What's the difference?"

"I tend to save bigger spaces for thought and let the in between be whatever calls to me." His fingers drifted to my cheek, and he looked into my eyes like he was going to kiss me again. "I want to go with you to get your first."

"Let's go tonight." My chest fluttered with every caress, and my lips parted.

"Slightly impulsive, but I'll bite. Do you think we'll have time before call?"

I closed one eye, trying to remember our schedule. "We should have a few hours."

"Then let's do it. I'll get another too."

My chest swelled with happiness. "What are you going to get?"

"I don't know yet." He grinned and winked. "I told you, some are impulsive."

My attention dropped to his lips. Part of me thought last night was a passing fancy. A thing I needed to feel less lonely. A closeness born of the deep connection we'd found. But in my chest and my gut, I knew it was more. I wanted to kiss him just then.

I still didn't know what it meant. Or how to figure that out.

"What's in your head?" Varian rasped, a tone to his voice I couldn't quite place.

"You." For better or worse.

"What about me?" He always knew the questions to pry me wide open.

How could I possibly answer when I didn't know myself?

"We have sound check in thirty minutes. All of you need to be up," Kiernan called.

I groaned, locking eyes with Varian. "I don't want to get up."

"We have to." He grinned wider. "What can I do to motivate you?"

I lifted a brow, suddenly feeling the closeness of his body and the heat between us. Arousal stirred inside me, and I didn't understand it. "I don't know." My voice caught.

He leaned in, skimming his nose along my jaw and the curve of my ear. "I'll let you write on me, but you must hurry so we have time."

"Are you offering your flesh?" I rubbed my cheek against his mouth, stubble catching on his lips.

"I am," he hissed. "Will that be enough?"

"Anything I want?"

"When have I ever denied you?" His words strung me up. Wrapped around me and tied me to him.

"There is always a first time for everything, my dear." It came out before I could stop it.

"My dear?"

"Do you not like it?" I chewed my lip, all but pulling back to examine his face for reassurance.

"Say it again." He pulled back but only to press his forehead to mine.

"My dear." The words were out before I could overthink them.

"I love it."

I could breathe, and I wanted to kiss him, but I stopped myself because I had to figure out what all this meant first. "We should get up so I don't miss the chance to write on you."

His jaw flexed with words he held back, but he finally said, "Do not think for a second I will forget to ask again later."

I knew what he referred to, which meant I had to find an answer not only for him, but for myself.