Chapter Twenty-Three

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Rylan

I ’ve tried, really fucking hard, to ignore this frustrating crush I have on Hayes, but it’s not working. I knew it would be harder after our conversation the other night, when we talked but didn’t take the time to have sex, but today it’s too much to bear.

Sometimes the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me makes me feel like he wants more than friends with benefits too, but then he goes and talks about all the sex he’s going to have with other guys when this is done. He’s got my head all twisted up, and despite the fact that this could fuck everything up when it comes to how I’ve been playing, despite the mental upheaval of possibly working my way through my very first real relationship this close to the end of the season, I don’t have it in me not to go for what I want. That’s just not who I am.

“I’ll, um…get my things.” He turns for the door, and I’m totally confused.

“Where are you going?”

“You just told me you’re done with me!” He throws up his hands. “Sorry if I don’t want to stick around and listen to your annoyingly contagious laugh and see your stupid, cute smile that makes my pulse beat too fast while you tell me all the reasons I didn’t measure up. I realize I don’t have the right to be mad at you for that. At least you’re not pulling a Malcolm and you’re telling me, but—”

“I have a crush on you,” I interrupt him, sounding like a twelve-year-old. I have no idea why I keep using that word— crush —but it’s true.

Hayes frowns, wrinkling up his nose in that cute, confused way that makes me feel melty inside. “I don’t understand,” he finally says.

I walk over to him, Hayes also naked except for the towel around his hips. “I like you.”

“You said you can’t do this anymore.”

“Without strings.”

“Strings?” he asks, like he has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Yes. The things we said we wouldn’t have. I don’t want to just be friends with benefits with you. I want to be your guy.”

Hayes swallows. “My guy?”

I chuckle, hook my finger beneath his chin, and tilt his head up. “Yes. Are you going to just repeat the words I say?”

“Repeat?” he asks, and I grin at his joke, then see when what’s happening washes over him again. His breathing picks up, the pulse in his throat visibly beating against his skin. “I’m so confused.” He tries to pull away, but I take his hand.

“Shh. It’s okay. Let’s go inside and talk.”

Hayes nods, his eyes filled with insecurity, and again, I want to kill The Prick for what he did to Hayes. The truth is, what Malcolm did to him was terrible, but what makes it the worst is that he was the first person Hayes thought ever liked him, the first person he trusted in that way, the first relationship he had, so I understand why it did such a number on him.

We sit down on the couch, and surprisingly, Hayes speaks first. “What about hockey?”

I shrug. “What about it?”

“Aren’t you very specific about your routine?”

“Yeah, but really, what’s going to change except the label we give each other? We’re still going to hang out and text and video chat. Plus, we’ll still be having all the sex…like, so much sex ,” I emphasize, making him smile. “I just wanna be able to call you mine, want to be able to introduce you to my parents—whom we have to thank for me realizing my feelings in the first place.”

“What?” He scrambles to face me. “Your parents know about us?”

“Before us, from what I can tell. Mom said I talk about you all the time and sorta helped things click into place.”

He stares at me, shakes his head. “I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t want a relationship.”

My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. Is that his way of telling me he doesn’t want one with me? “I didn’t…until now…until you.”

He looks down, and I hold my breath, waiting to hear what he’ll say next. “But why me? Not to out myself, but you can do much better.”

My chest aches. “Hey.” I cup his face. “Do you know me? I’m an idiot. I’m the liability in this relationship,” I say, hoping a joke will lighten the mood, but Hayes doesn’t take the bait. “You’re incredible, baby. I knew it that first night. You hooked me then, and you weren’t even trying. I have fun with you. I feel good when I’m around you. You make me smile and turn me on. I feel… different when I’m with you. Better. The biggest question right now is if you feel the same. Everything else, we’ll figure out.”

“I’m scared,” he admits softly, not looking at me.

“I know. I am too. This is new for me as well. I don’t have all the answers, but what I can tell you is that I’m not like him. You can trust me. I won’t hurt you like that.”

I wait what feels like an eternity for Hayes to look up, for his watery gaze to meet mine. It breaks my heart and builds it up at the same time.

“I like you too…but you have to promise me that if I become too much, if things change for you and you don’t want me anymore, you have to tell me, Rylan. I can’t go through that again. It would hurt me even worse if it came from you.”

“Shh. I won’t. Come here.” I pull him to me, and Hayes comes easily, straddles me, his ass on my thighs and his arms around me as we look at each other.

“How are we going to do this? What’s going to change? We can’t be public because—”

I silence him with my mouth. We can worry about that later. Right now I don’t want to concentrate on anything except the slide of his tongue against mine, the feel of his weight against me, and feel the warmth of his skin.

“Want you. Need you,” I tell him, moving my mouth down his throat.

“Fuck me,” he begs. “Please, Rylan. Want to feel you.”

My whole body zings with a ravenous desire that makes my heart feel like it might explode. I shove to my feet, arms still wrapped around Hayes.

“Oof,” he says, encircling my waist with his legs. I head straight for the stairs. “Wait. I can walk. You’re going to drop me.”

“Baby, I’m a big, strong, professional hockey player.”

“Oh my God. Something is big on you all right.”

I head up, and yeah, my body hurts, but I ignore it. “Always giving me compliments about my cock.”

“I meant your confidence!” He fidgets, and I chuckle.

“Sure you did.” As soon as I hit the landing, I go straight for my bedroom.

“I feel like I was somehow trapped into that.”

“Because I control what you say?”

“I’m not sure I control what I say most of the time,” he replies, and I swear, as ridiculous as it sounds, I feel like I can float away, filled with a lightness and joy only Hayes brings into my life.

“God, you’re fun.” I lay him down on the bed, falling immediately on top of him. I say a quiet thank-you that we were only wearing towels and lost those downstairs, so I can rut against his naked body while I take his mouth, feel his warm skin and the hair on his legs, the softness of him in some places and the rougher edges in others.

It’s only been a couple of months, but he already tastes so familiar, my favorite flavor that I would go back to over and over again.

Hayes tangles his hands in my hair as I kiss my way down his body.

“Where…are you…going?” he says breathlessly, like just being with me is so overwhelming, he can hardly function.

“Just to play before I fuck you.” I keep going, stick my tongue in his belly button, then twist it around the head of his erection, before licking from tip to base.

I kneel between his legs, Hayes’s ass right on the corner of the mattress. I nuzzle his balls, feel the light dusting of hair on them tickle my cheek before I lick and suck on the full globes.

“Oh fuck. Oh God. Please.”

I snicker against his nuts. “You forgot the oh before please .” Hands on his hips, I tug him over the side of the bed just a little, then bury my face in that perfect ass of his, Hayes’s legs over my shoulders as I use my hand to spread his cheeks and lick at the tight ring of muscle between them.

I fucking love eating his ass. Love the way he writhes and rambles a litany of words that are so jumbled and confused, I can barely make them out. I feel like I could live off his hole, draw strength from his reactions, so basically all I need to survive is Hayes’s ass.

Works for me.

My scalp burns when he tugs my hair, jerks me closer like it’s not enough. I flick my tongue back and forth over his ring, softening him, then spearing my tongue and pushing it inside.

“Rylan!” he calls out in this urgent way that gives me another boost of energy—not that I need it—to give him the most potent pleasure. I make him come apart, then put him back together again, only to repeat the process over and over again.

My hand finds a home around his shaft, stroking him while I eat his ass. Hayes can’t stay still, wiggling and begging, pulling my hair and saying my name, interspersed with yes and holy fuck and why is this so good?

Because it’s us. I don’t understand it either, but for whatever reason, we’re really good together. I’ve never been so thankful for a sleepless night before a game in my life. If not for that, I never would have ended up in that bar in Seattle.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” I lick his crack, his balls.

“No one’s ever done that to me except you.”

Okay, so I must admit, part of me loves being the only one who’s had his ass this way, but it also reminds me how little experience Hayes has—two men and Malcolm, the most selfish motherfucker on this earth. How did he not see how amazing Hayes is? How could he hurt him the way he did?

“Well, now I’m here, and I’ll eat your ass every damn day if you’ll let me. What do you want for dinner, Rylan? Oh, Hayes’s ass will be fine. ”

He laughs a deep belly laugh, and I love that I can give him that, love being the one to make him do it.

Reaching over, I grab the lube from the nightstand. “As much as I love having my tongue in you, I really need to fuck you.”

“Yes. Please. That. I need that.” His words echo through my heart.

I slick myself and lie over him again, looking into his eyes. “Hi,” I say, circling his rim with my finger.

“Hi.”

“You’re my boyfriend now.”

He grins. “Really?”

“Weren’t you just there for the conversation we had? You know, the one where I spilled my guts to you?”

“You said crush, you like me, and want to be my guy, but I didn’t know…”

“Hayes Rockwell, do you want to be my boyfriend?” I push the tip of my finger inside him, and he arches toward me.

“Oh fuck. Cheater.” His blunt nails dig into my skin, likely leaving a trail as he runs his hands up my back. I push my digit farther in, then pull back again. “Yes, Rylan. I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Good. I want to be your boyfriend too.” I kiss the tip of his nose.

We make out, rutting together as I work one, then two fingers inside him. Hayes makes greedy sounds into my mouth, and I swallow every one. His legs wrap around me, heels digging into my ass, hands tangled in my hair, like he just can’t get close enough.

The thing is, I can’t either.

“I’m dying here. My dick is aching so bad. I need you, baby.”

“Take me.”

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I pull myself away from him just long enough to grab a condom. Hayes still lies on the side of the bed, looking up at me as I stroke myself and use my teeth to rip the wrapper open. I roll it down my erection, then use the lube to slick myself up, the hungry fire in his gaze never dimming. He looks at me like…like I’m more than I am. Like he’s so damn thankful to be with me, and I just don’t get it because that’s the way I feel about being with him.

“Crawl up to the pillows. Hands and knees. I want to start by taking you from behind.”

“Start?”

“We’ll see if I can make it last that long. I might end up busting my nut the second I’m inside you.”

“Let’s not do that.”

“I’ll try my best,” I play along while Hayes does as I asked, getting in position. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.”

“No one has told me that before you either.”

Fucking Malcolm. What the hell was wrong with that guy?

I kiss my way down his back, settling my mouth on each knot of his spine. “Sexy, sexy, sexy,” I say each time. After pressing my lips to his ass, I sit up on my knees, hold the base of my cock, and push it against his hole.

“Rylan…God…you’re so big,” he says as I push in slowly, inch by inch.

“That’s it. You’re doing so well. You’re so good at taking my cock…and one day, when you’re ready, I want to take yours too, baby. Want to know what it feels like to have you inside me.”

For whatever reason, Hayes is nervous about topping. And really, it’s okay if he never wants to. I love how things are between us, but I do think he wants to, that he wants that experience. Still, it’s another way of letting himself open up to me, one that he’s not yet ready for. It’s as if he’s afraid he’ll do it wrong and I won’t want him. Truthfully, I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life when I won’t want Hayes.

The lube is still beside us on the mattress, so I squirt some into my hand, reaching around his body to stroke him while I keep working my way inside.

“That feels so good… Never knew it could be like this.”

“Me neither,” I admit. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had a whole lot more sex than Hayes. I’ve never had sex the way we do.

His breath hitches, whether from my words or the fact that I’m completely inside him, but then he says, “Fuck me hard, Ry. I need it.”

Ry. He’s never called me Ry before.

I pull back and slam my hips forward, feel the tight muscles in his ass stretch to accommodate my girth. I feel him loosen, the tightness inside him slacking as I thrust into his hungry body. His back bows for me perfectly, his pert ass high and his body moving back to meet my thrusts.

Hand still around his body, I jerk him off as I thrust into him. “You’re so good for me. I love fucking you, love taking you, the way your hole tightens around my dick when you come. You’re so fucking perfect.”

“Ry…God. You’re gonna make me come. Wait. I want…”

“What? Tell me what you want,” I urge him on.

“To ride you. I want to see you. I haven’t…”

“Fuck yes.” Another first that will belong to me. I pull out and collapse to the bed beside him, hold his waist as Hayes straddles me.

“I hope I’m good at this,” he says, and I see it for what it is, one more step toward Hayes trusting me, for him to take control a little more. He was so commanding that first night we were together in Seattle, I didn’t realize how hard it was for him. It was easier for him to test the waters when he thought he would never see me again, but now I have the ability to hurt him the way Malcolm did. To make him feel like he’s bad at sex or that if anything goes wrong, it’s his fault.

“You will be because it’s you. Everything you do to me is the best I’ve ever had.”

I see a spark go off in his gaze, and I’m proud to be the match that lit it.

“That’s it,” I say, holding the base of my cock while Hayes begins to slide down on it. “You wanna show me what you can do, don’t you? Want to show me how good you can be for me. I’m going to turn you into my little show-off.”

The heat of his body feels so good, the way his ass hugs my cock. It’s all too much and not enough.

“Oh my God. The angle like this. It’s so different. I…fuck. I love it,” Hayes says just before his ass meets my groin.

“Ride me, baby.”

Hayes presses his hands to my pecs, holding tight on my muscles as he raises, then lowers himself, bouncing on my dick, gaze holding mine, brown hair wet and messy. He looks like this adorable mixture of concentration and bliss, like he’s trying so hard to be good, to make sure he gets this right, but also losing himself to the pleasure of it.

“That’s it. Just let go. You’re so fucking hot like this, taking my cock the way you are.”

“God yes. I love your cock,” he says, moving faster, taking his pleasure from me, nails sharp into my skin. Hayes drops his head back, stretching out his body while enjoying mine. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

My balls are so damn full and achy, cock throbbing with need. It’s killing me not to come, but I need him to come first, so I wrap my hand around his shaft, stroke him as he fucks himself on my dick. He’s so hard in my hand, pulsing with energy. His breathing picks up, his movements sharper, and he drops his head down, looking at me with large pupils and pink cheeks.

“Ry…I’m gonna come. Oh fuck!” His dick twitches in my hand, his cum spurting on my chest in thick ribbons. I jerk him through his orgasm, my body tingling and climbing higher and higher until it’s my turn to cry out. I thrust up into him, cock spasming as I fill the condom with my release.

Hayes falls down on top of me, the two of us torso to torso, his load between us. I rub my hand up and down his sweaty back as he tries to get his breathing under control.

“Was it good?” he asks.

“It was fucking perfect.”